Chapter 128

Australian Telephone Operator : “ G’day mate. Helpline here. What’s the problem?”

Customer: “I’m in the Outback with the girlfriend and she’s been stung high on her thigh by a hornet and now her vagina has completely closed up!”

Australian Telephone Operator : “Bummer!”

Customer: “Will do. Great advice! Thanks mate.”

From a friend of J & G.

A French monk wrote a manifesto stating that every woman would agree to sell her body for money. The manifesto was read by the Queen of France and she invited the monk for a chat.

- So, you’re stating that every women would agree to sell herself?
- Yes.
- Me too?
- Of course.
- And how much do you think I would cost?
- 500 francs.
- What?! Only 500 francs?!
- Here you go - you’ve already started to negotiate.

I wonder what Facebook employees do to waste their time at work?

Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant a lot has changed ... My name, mobile phone number, living address, etc.

If a man speaks his mind in a forest, but no woman hears him, is he still wrong?

A woman comes to a psychologist and asks:
- I have recently found out that my husband has a mistress. Should I tell that to him?
- No need to do that, - tells the psychologist. - I bet he knows it.

An elderly man remembers the good old days: “when I was young, my mom could send me to a shop with a single $, and I would bring back 5 pounds of potatoes, 2 breads, a bottle of milk, a piece of cheese and 10 eggs.

Nowadays that’s impossible – there are simply to many security cameras.

Compliments of dorsetmike‎

When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife. But after several weeks his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches. Ralph became quite concerned, so he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist. After an initial examination, the physician explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph’s condition could be cured through corrective surgery. “How long will Ralph be on crutches?” the wife asked anxiously. “Crutches? Why would he need crutches?” responded the surprised doctor. “Well,” said the wife, “you are planning to lengthen Ralph’s legs, aren’t you?

Compliments of dorsetmike‎

Bill was a bit embarrassed and told the doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife and she was getting frustrated.

The doc checked the man’s blood pressure and other vitals. Then after a thorough examination the doctor said he wanted to check with Bill’s wife.

He took her to another cubicle and asked her to disrobe. Then he told her to turn all the way around slowly.

She did as instructed. He then told her to raise her arms above her head, then bend over, touch her toes and cough. Finally he said, “Ok, good. You can get dressed now, and I will go talk to your husband”.

The doctor went back to the other cubicle and said to the husband, “Well Bill, you can relax, there is nothing wrong with you. I couldn’t get an erection either.”

Say thanks to DougW1‎ for the following:

WORST FOURSOME IN GOLF HISTORY
1. STORMY DANIELS
2. O. J. SIMPSON
3. TED KENNEDY
4. BILL CLINTON

WHY? YOU ASK
1. STORMY IS A HOOKER.
2. O. J. IS A SLICER.
3. TED CAN’T DRIVE OVER WATER, and
4. BILL CAN’T REMEMBER WHICH HOLE HE PLAYED LAST.