Jokes and Giggles Part Two
Copyright© 2017 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 123
Thank Gary H for this one:
On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on.
She went to her husband, a retired Army Sergeant Major, and asked, “Honey, do you remember this?”
He looked up from his newspaper and said; “Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married”
She said, “Yes, that’s right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?”
He nodded and said “Yes dear, I said; ‘Oh baby, I’m going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out.”
She giggled and said; “That’s exactly what you said. So now it’s fifty years later, and I’m in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?”
He looked her up and down and said, “Mission Accomplished.”
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. ‘Oh, please excuse me!’ said the bunny. ‘I didn’t me an to trip over you, but I’m blind and can’t see.’
‘That’s perfectly all right,’ replied the snake. ‘To be sure, it was my fault. I didn’t me an to trip you, but I’m blind too, and I didn’t see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?’
‘Well, I really don’t know,’ said the bunny. ‘I’m blind, and
I’ve never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.’
So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, ‘Well, you’re soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose ... You must be a bunny rabbit!’
Then he said, ‘I can’t thank you enough. But by the way, what kind of animal are you?’
The snake replied that he didn’t know, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake said, ‘Well, what kind of an animal am I?’
So the bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied,
‘You’re hard, you’re cold, you’re slimy, and you haven’t got any balls ... You must be a politician.’
Haircut
(Blessed are those who can give without remembering ... and take without forgetting.)
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you; I’m doing community service this week. The florist was pleased and left the shop.
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