Chapter 118

An accused bank robber was tried for his crime and was found guilty.

Just prior to being taken away, he looked the judge in the eye and asked, “Would it be okay if I call you a son of a b ... ch?”

The judge’s face reddened as he bellowed, “It most certainly would not! I would add more time to your sentence.”

Nodding, the defendant said, “What if I THOUGHT it?, Would that be okay?”

Although annoyed, the judge restrained himself and calmly replied, “Yes, I suppose that would be okay. Obviously, I have no control over your thoughts.”

Smirking, the defendant said, “In that case, Judge, I think you’re a son of a b ... ch!”

There is a truck driver who whenever he sees a lawyer walking down the street, he always swerves to hit him. One day he sees a priest on the side of the road looking for a ride and so the truck driver picks him up.

While they were driving, the driver sees a lawyer, and swerves to hit him. But then he remembered he had a priest in the truck, so he swerved back on the road, but he heard a loud “thump” anyway.

So the driver turns to the priest and says “Please forgive me,” and the priest said, “You didn’t hit the lawyer, but that’s OK, I got him with the door.”

he General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.

“Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I’m here.”

The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late.

“Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I’m here.”

The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily.

“Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but...”

“Let me guess,” the General interrupted, “it broke down.”

“No,” said the G.I., “there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them.”

Jon and Matt have been promoted from privates to sergeants.

Not long after, they’re out for a walk and Jon says, “Hey, Matt, there’s the Officers Club. Let’s you and me stop in.”

“But were privates,” protests Matt.