Chapter 114

Thank Al:

A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE OF THE KIND OF REPRESENTATION WE HAVE IN THE U.S.A. CONGRESS, TRUE STORY: A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

‘Would you mind telling me, Doctor,’ she asked, ‘how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?’ ‘Nothing is easier,’ he replied. ‘You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the right track.’

‘What sort of question?’ asked Pelosi.

Well, you might ask, ‘Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?’’

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, ‘You wouldn’t happen to have another example, would you? I must confess I don’t know much about history.’

Compliments of J & B

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, “Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.”

They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, “Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.”

At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. “Look”, she said, “I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen.”

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.

The first Bull said, “Boys, we all know I’ve been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don’t know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain’t givin’ him any of mine.”

The second Bull added, “That pretty much says it for me, too. I’ve been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we’ve agreed are mine. I’ll fight him till I run him off or kill him, but I’M KEEPIN’ ALL MY COWS.”

The third Bull added, “I’ve only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to “take care of.” I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows.”

They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulled up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.

The first Bull said, “Ahem ... You know, it’s actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend.”

The second Bull added, “I’ll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I’m certainly not looking for an argument.”

They looked over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and found him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting. The first Bull said,”Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.”

The third Bull answered, “Hell, he can have ALL my cows. I’m just making sure he knows I’M a bull...”