Chapter 112

Thanks John

JOKE OR ANTI-JOKE?

• A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

• What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

• There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

• I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.

• The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.

• What is Bruce Lee’s favourite drink? Wataaaaah!

• The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

• You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.

• If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.

• So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.

• A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.

• Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.

• Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.

• How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet.

• Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.

• What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.

• Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.

• Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines everywhere!

• Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well-known six offender.

• What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.

• My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

• What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyoncé.

• Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana.

• How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? Let’s go play on our bikes.

• What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror.

• Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks “How do you drive this thing?”

• Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s two tired.

• Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man!

• Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people!

• What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowntain.

• Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

• I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.

• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

• How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

• PMS should just be called ovary-acting.

• Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells.

• Pampered cows produce spoiled milk.

• Learn sign language, it’s very handy.

• I started a band called 999 Megabytes - we haven’t gotten a gig yet.

• You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it’s pretty cheesy.

• What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.

• Dry erase boards are remarkable.

• Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

• How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

• What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow? I have no idea but I wouldn’t try milking it.

• How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? The blind try to read your face.