Chapter 105

These are compliments of dorsetmike‎

A couple from a circus go to an adoption agency, but social workers are doubtful about their accommodation.

So they produce photos of their 15 metre long caravan, the back half of which is a beautifully equipped nursery.

The social workers then are doubtful about the education that would be provided.

“We’ve employed an Oxford don who’ll teach the child all the subjects along with Mandarin and ICT skills”.

There are then doubts expressed about the child’s healthy upbringing.

“Our full time nanny is an expert in paediatric welfare and diet”, they reply.

So the social workers are finally satisfied, and ask what age of child they were looking for.

“It doesn’t really matter”, they say, “so long as they fit in the cannon.”

A guy calls the company and orders their 5 day - 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there’s a knock on the door and standing before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe from dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

The sign reads, ‘If you can catch me, you can have me.’

Without a second thought, he takes off after her.

A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kgs as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5day - 10kg program.

The next day there’s a knock at the door and standing before him is the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.

She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, ‘If you catch me, you can have me’.

Well, he’s out the door after her like a shot.

This girl is in excellent shape and despite his best efforts, no such luck.

So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10kgs, as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order their 7 day - 25kg program.

‘Are you sure?’ asks the representative on the phone... ‘This is our most rigorous program.’

‘Absolutely,’ he replies, ‘I haven’t felt this good in years.’

The next day there’s a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,

‘If I catch you, you’re mine.’

He lost 31kgs that week...

Bobby was visiting his father at the nursing home and noticed pop kept leaning over the side of his chair. As they are talking, a nurse kept coming over to sit his father upright. This happens repeatedly throughout the conversation. Bobby is becoming concerned about his Dad’s mental state.

“So, Dad, how do you like it here?”

His dad replies, “It’s okay, but they never let me fart!”