Chapter 2: Curious Betrayal

I’m humming along to the radio while washing-up in the kitchen and can hear them both playing boisterously together behind me...

Jez is squealing with delight as Dan romps with her on the floor which is so reminiscent of my own childhood with him. Now Jez is the apple of his eye but I must always guard against any jealousy.

Staring out at the darkness through the window I recalled romping with him just the same; his laugh, his sensuous fondle, his biceps and his physical warmth; he had enraptured me.

But I also recalled how that carefree sensuality had been crippled by my mother’s malice.

One evening as they’d romped around, mother had entered the room and had spoken with such sudden icy spite... ‘Stop it! Get off him Valerie! You should be past this sort of thing now my girl!’

In that instance I knew what was implied; our activity was not decent.

Something precious had been replaced by a guilt complex. It had also induced a deep sense of shame into my sexuality.

Much later in married life, I discovered that only a guilt-ridden fantasy of Dan allowed me to climax fully.

For me sex was a cocktail which included a shot of Dan and a shot of Shame.

But since my husbands death, all that had been forgotten: until Dan had came to stay with us.

While I stare into the darkness of the window I become aware of the reflection that’ s before me; of the two of them on the floor behind me. I smile at the quirk of it, like watching a hidden camera. Jez is squirming on the floor underneath Dan.

Kneeling over her, he’s tickling her first on the neck then the waist. She’s in convulsions, legs kicking out against the delightful torture, her white thighs flashing, her school dress skewed up past her knickers.

The tickling fingers work from her waist down into her thighs and suddenly I’m transfixed; my heartbeat is the only sound I’m aware of.

I watch his finger stroking slowly over her thighs and into the crouch of her knickers.

Now she’s ceased squirming; she’s motionless.

As her thighs begin parting, her brown eyes, shaded with uncertainty yet knowing, lift to meet Dan’s lustful gaze. His fingers are sliding inside her gusset!!

Flicking off the radio I snap the moment back to reality; calling at them over my shoulder, ‘OK Jez, lets start getting ready for bedtime!’ Normality returns.

Coming into the kitchen and pulling strait her dress Jez complains; ‘Oh Mom! I’m thirteen! It’s early yet!’

‘I’m afraid so Jez’, I say, ‘its school in the morning.’

Dan follows in behind her boyishly, ‘Can I give you a hand with anything Val?’

Turning my head, I take a look at Jez;; her dark brown shoulder-length hair; her vibrant expression; her new breast declaring that her dress is to small; she was nearly beautiful and she should now be wearing a bra!

I gaze back through the window to hide my emotions;That fleeting image of her responding to his touch had so aroused me!

I answered Dan, “It would help if you could read her bedtime story for me Dad.”

‘Yea, that’ll be good!’ cries Jez; and she turns and heads upstairs with Dan in her wake.

My mind is in turmoil. What made me suggest he read her a story in her bedroom for heavens sake?

I fill the kettle and busy myself clearing away, with silly questions nagging me; Am I fantasising over my own early yearnings?

Now I felt ashamed at my thoughts!

Just what did I expect them to be doing together?

“Easy; simply creep upstairs and see for yourself Val”, my mind replied.

As I place down her school blazer I see my hands are trebling at that very prospect.

Silently, I make my to the landing by Jez’s bedroom;

I can hear his deep soft voice reading from the storybook.

The door is ajar and I peek through the crack.

I clearly see him sat by her bedside holding the book on his lap.

Jez is in bed and appears to be nearly asleep.

Again self-revulsion begins creeping up: but then everything somersaults at what I really see.

While Dan methodically reads from the book on his lap, his other hand is busy under the blanket; quietly exploring Jez’s parted thighs.

Her eyes are closed and her pink tongue runs pensively over her top lip!