Chapter 36

It was about eight in the evening when Cal pulled into Roxie’s driveway. A gloomy afternoon had turned into a light evening rain.

“There’s my beautiful car,” Roxie said. “I haven’t seen her in so long.”

“You might want to start it and let her run a while before you drive it,” Cal said. “I can take a look at it if you want.”

He shut off the motor of the Mustang and was about to jump out of the car to do just that. Roxie caught him by the arm before he had a chance to get all the way out.

“That’s okay, Cal. It’s raining. I’ll be sure to let it run for a little while tomorrow.”

She could see he was disappointed. When they’d driven in she had noticed that the grass needed mowing, too. She was glad that she hadn’t made a comment about it or it would have been an almost sure thing that Cal would have been out there getting the lawn mower started at that moment, rain or not.

“It was so nice to spend the day with you,” she said. “Will I see you again soon?”

“Well, I was thinking...” he began to answer, but she placed a gentle finger over his lips.

“As I remember, the place is a mess,” she told him. “I’ll invite you in sometime when I can fix it up so I don’t have to be ashamed of it.

Roxie had fixed them eggs and fried potatoes for lunch in Cal’s kitchen that afternoon. They spent some time talking—about nothing in particular, but Roxie thought it was relaxed and nice. Later, they took a walk around Cal’s neighborhood.

Roxie knew that was Cal’s way of putting his money where his mouth was after the promises he made about not being ashamed of her, and all. Roxie believed him when he said it. The walk wasn’t really necessary, but she knew Cal’s heart was in the right place and that’s what mattered.

When it was time to start thinking about dinner they drove to Ithaca to eat at a spaghetti house that Cal knew. All-in-all, it was the nicest day that she could have hoped for, she knew. But, although she had been in Appleton for quite a few hours, she hadn’t been back to her own home yet. Cal didn’t quite understand that part of her return home, a fact which she also knew.

“I don’t mind,” Cal pleaded. “I’ll just...”

“Cal, I’d just like to get myself settled in. You understand. It’s nothing personal.”

Cal looked at her. For a moment, she thought he might try and voice a new reason to stay. But in the end he nodded ‘okay’.

“Wow,” she thought, “this guy is really intense.”

She reasoned that intensity was probably what got him where he was, what got the Annex project done and his own law office in the middle of town. He could be intense if he wanted to be. She would just learn to handle it.

She reached into the back seat to gather up her things. The rain was pelting down a bit harder.

“Now, don’t forget to run the engine a while before you take it out on the road,” he said.

She hadn’t quite heard him. She was busy trying to wedge her suitcase over the bucket seat so she wouldn’t have to stand in the rain while she retrieved it from the back seat.

“Huh, what was that?” she asked.

“Your car—run the engine,” Cal repeated.

“Oh, that’s right,” she said. “Really, I don’t know how I’m even going to catch up with the payments. I’ve got no job—only this $106 dollars that I brought back with me.”

She saw Cal take a deep breath, like he always did as he was preparing to say something important. She knew that she had just made a mistake.

“I know just what you’re thinking,” she spoke before he could utter a word, “and I want you to forget it right now. It’s my responsibility and I’ll figure it out myself.”

“You don’t even know what I was about to say,” Cal protested.

“You were going to offer to give me some money,” she answered.

“We could call it a loan, if you like,” he countered.

She shook her head.

“Please, Cal; don’t do that to me.”

“Do what to you? I only...”

He didn’t understand. How could he? But she knew it was important that he did understand. She thought for a few seconds and then began to speak.

“Cal, this past weekend you’ve given me one thing that I thought I would never have. It means so much to me. Please don’t take it away.”

“I don’t understand,” he said.

“It’s hard to put into words, Cal, but it’s real enough for me. Maybe the feeling won’t last much longer but I’m liking it more and more.”

“But you brought it up,” he protested. “It would mean a lot for me to know.”

“You’ll think I’m being silly,” she answered.

“It will drive me crazy if you don’t tell me, Roxie.”

Roxie looked away for a few seconds. She was about to tell him that ‘she would explain it all some other time’. It wouldn’t have been fair. She took a deep breath and let out a sigh.

“It’s just the way I feel about myself,” she began. “I can be just who I am and know that I can be with someone who wants to be with me just because he wants to—no strings attached.

And I can do something special for him just because I want to and not expect anything back; that I have something worthwhile to give and someone will be glad that I gave it. I can choose to not give if I don’t want to, and that’s okay, too. I don’t think I ever knew that feeling until now.”

Cal began to speak, but she went on before he got the words out.

“I’ve always sold myself short just to match up to what everyone else thinks of me. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I think I can overcome it now.”

“But Roxie,” Cal began to say, “you don’t have to...”

She touched his face and he stopped speaking.

“Cal, if I take that money from you it would be like a payment for all we did together this weekend. It would be something given for something gained. That’s not how I want it to be. I would lose this nice feeling. I don’t think I would ever find it again.”

She stopped speaking and Cal didn’t say anything back. He was just staring at her.

“I never even knew enough to want to feel like I do right now. You gave this to me, Cal, and I’ll never forget it. Maybe I don’t deserve it, but now that you’ve given to me, I don’t want to lose it. I want it real bad. So please...”

“Roxie,” he said, “I guess I’ve got a lot to learn. I really didn’t understand, but now I think that I do.”

It had been easier than she thought it was going to be And she was sure that she’d said it just the right way. She was finished saying what she had to say, she’d turned down the money and it all seemed to fit in place.

“Thanks, Cal. I didn’t hurt your feelings, did I?”

He shook his head. The rain was slowing down.

“Why don’t you go inside? Take a look around and when you’re sure everything is okay wave to me from the doorway and I’ll know that it’s alright to leave.”

He waited for her to get out of the car. He thought she was ready to go. For some reason she stayed in her seat.

“Cal,” she said, “you’re forgetting something.”

“Huh? Forgetting what?”

She raised up and reached over the bucket seat as well as she could.

“Something so you won’t forget about me,” she said.

She held the side of his face with one hand and steadied herself with the other. She kissed him, once on the mouth and then again on the cheek, and then whispered in his ear.

“Thanks for everything, Cal.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t forget,” he laughed. “Can I call you tomorrow?”

She was on her way out of the car as he said it. She turned and poked her head back in.

“If you don’t,” she said, “I’ll come looking for you.”

It was Monday morning before Cal knew it. He had been thinking about his time with Roxie as he drifted off to sleep and when he reached for her as he woke it took him a few moments to remember that he had dropped her off at her house the night before.

It was only five in the morning, but he didn’t feel drowsy in the first moments of the day. He reckoned he was still a farm boy at heart, used to rising with the sun. He would bounce out of bed in a minute or so, but he indulged himself for a few extra minutes in the sack, thinking about many things.

He had never once believed in fate or predestination. He was becoming less scornful of the concept.

“What if that Bubba-guy hadn’t dumped Roxie in that little town in Maine? What if she hadn’t been arrested? What if George hadn’t asked Sheriff Johnson to relay any news on her? What if Bubba had just brought her back to Appleton and dumped her when he was through with her? What if...”

“None of this would have ever happened,” he answered his silent questions out loud.

It didn’t matter. It worked out as it had and he was happy. He even reconciled himself to Roxie not asking him to stay overnight when he took her home.

“I guess I can be really stifling if I’m not careful. I’ll have to watch myself.”

With that he swung his legs around and his feet hit the floor. In a few minutes more he had brushed his teeth and shaved and was thinking about the day ahead as he showered.

The rain of the prior night had given way to sunshine. It would have been nice to have been able to walk to his office on such a nice day. He decided to drive to the office because the election campaign would be starting in earnest and he couldn’t risk not having his car handy when he needed to get somewhere in a hurry.

It was only seven in the morning, even after eating a quick bowl of cereal in his kitchen. He had a law practice to take care of, too, so he thought he would get some work done by himself in the office. He rounded the corner at Maple, onto Main St. There was a woman standing in front of his building.

He would know those form-fitting, black pants anywhere, and it might have even been the same ruffled blouse she had worn a few days ago. It was Patty Warren and Cal knew that her standing there at such an early hour was a problem. He drove past to the parking lot. She didn’t recognize him in the car.

She must have expected Cal to approach the building from Maple St. on foot, as had the other day. She had her back turned to him as he approached from the parking lot side. The slim outline in those black pants presented a nice sight, Cal shelved the thought.

“Waiting for me?” he asked in a loud and deep voice as he came up from behind her.

She couldn’t have seen or heard him approaching because she shook and gasped at his question. She turned and composed herself.

“Cal, I didn’t hear you. You startled me.”

“Sorry,” he said, “I didn’t mean to.”

He waited for her to state her business, built she said nothing. He presumed that she was waiting for an invitation to his office upstairs.

“It’s only seven o’clock,” he said. “Something must be pretty important for you to be waiting for me at my office at this hour.”

He noticed that her face was turning red, which he would not have expected from her. She took a breath, as if to speak, but didn’t say anything right away.

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

“Why no, there’s nothing wrong,” she answered. “I just came by to ... just to ... just to let you know that George called me with all the changes to the campaign materials that you and he decided on and I sent them to the printer.”

Cal searched through his keychain for the key to the door to the office building.

“Thanks, Patty. Thanks very much. That’s good to know. But you didn’t have to deliver that news in person at seven in the morning. Next time just give me a call.”

He saw her smile fade from her face. He turned and unlocked the door.

“Well, duty calls.”

He stepped inside the door and Patty stepped in behind him before he could close the door. He could feel body her pressing against him as he stood in the doorway.

“There’s more I have to tell you,” she panted. “Can we go upstairs?”

He didn’t know how to say ‘no’. It was a simple word, he knew, but she was one of his chief volunteers.

“Yeah, come on up,” he answered.

He unlocked the door to the reception area and then to the inner office.

“I’ll make us some coffee,” she said right away. “I know where everything is. I saw you make it when I was here last time.”

“That’s okay, Patty,” he said, “Delores will make it when she comes in. She doesn’t like people in her stuff and...”

But she wasn’t paying attention to him. She had a bag of coffee and the carafe out of the cupboard. Before Cal could tell her to stop she was at the sink in the restroom filling the carafe with water.

She got the coffee going and walked into Cal’s inner office. He was already sitting behind his desk. She took a seat in the client chair on the other side of it. Cal leaned back in his chair.

“So what else do you need to tell me?” Cal asked.

Patty’s face brightened.

“I took the job to the printer on Saturday morning,” she said, “so I can pick it up this afternoon. Would you like me to bring them by? It wouldn’t be until the end of the day.”

“I won’t be here,” Cal said, “I have to meet with George Lambe. After that, I’m having dinner with someone.”