Chapter 5

Fiona promised him, “Oh, yes, Reg my darling. You can depend on me. I want my baby to be a Robertson.”

“On that point, Fiona, I should tell you, if the girls haven’t mentioned it, that up to now they have had birth control implants so that they could finish their degree courses before starting a baby. Now, with the impending arrival of a cook and housekeeper, and willing babysitters, they are going to take them out and start trying to get pregnant. You may still be the first to start the next generation, if you are lucky.”

“No, they didn’t say. Probably too much information, they thought. So I may be the guinea-pig as far as having your children goes?”

“That is a distinct possibility, Fiona. In some ways, it is an honour; in other ways, I apologise for making you go through this trial of pregnancy.”

“Reg, you are not a typical man, but I am a typical woman. I will enjoy being pregnant, if I am, so don’t fret about putting me through it. Why do you think your wives are wanting to get pregnant? To go through morning sickness, and become vastly overweight with a big belly? No, it is a lot more. To them, it is indeed an honour, so leave it at that, you lovely man.”

Reg drew himself up, and offered a hand to Fiona. “Shall we go downstairs and join the party?”

“Certainly, sir. I shall be delighted to accompany you to the ball!”

Reg sniggered at this pantomime allusion, setting Fiona off in turn. They walked down the stairs, Reg holding out his had as if stepping on to the ballroom, and Fiona laid her hand on his, pulling out her party dress to the side as if it were a ballgown she was lifting to avoid tripping on the stairs.

Someone heard the giggles, and looked out of the dining room. It was Prudence, and she gaped at the pair prancing down the stairs.

“Reg, what are you and Fiona doing?”

Her voice brought others out of the sitting room, and they watched as Reg and Fiona completed their parade down the stairs.

Frances frowned at the picture, and shook her head. “Reg, have you been drinking alcohol?”

He replied light-heartedly, “Not yet, my love. Fiona and I were simply play-acting on the stairs.”

“Well, if she can act as daft as you, then she’ll fit into this family quite well.”

Fiona stared at Frances. “Does that mean you will approve me, Frances?”

“I am afraid so, Fiona. If you are daft enough to want to spend your life with us, we are daft enough to let you.”

Fiona let go of Reg’s hand, and rushed down the last few steps to reach Frances and throw her arms round the chief wife. “You are truly speaking for all, Frances?”

“Yes, Fiona. Your tryst with Reg was the final test, and it seems you passed it.”

“Thank you, Frances.” Tears came to her eyes, and she turned back towards Reg. “Thank you, Reg; thank you all. This is going to be the best New Year, ever.”

Reg told her, “Welcome, Fiona. Join us in celebrating the arrival of the New Year.”

Frances put her hand to her mouth. “I forgot to tell you, Reg. You are going to be our First Footer.”

Reg’s eyebrows went up in surprise. “I don’t know the routine, Frances.”

“It is easy, Reg. We put you outside the front door before midnight, and once midnight has chimed, you knock on the door and we let you in. You hand over your gifts and say something like, “May this New Year be a blessing on your house.”

“Gifts? What gifts, Frances?”

“A pound coin, for the blessing of wealth; a piece of coal, to keep your hearth warm; a piece of Black Bun and a piece of shortbread, to represent the blessing of food; and a small bottle of liquor, usually whisky, to represent celebrations. They are all in a small bag, sitting by the door, for you to take with you. It may seem contrived, Reg, but most traditions are formalised like that.”

“Okay, I am up for that. It is a Scottish tradition, isn’t it, though?”

“Originally, but the Scots took it all over the world, so it is now celebrated everywhere, same as Diwali, the Hindu festival of light, has become international in its own way. Firework displays are a modern addition, to make a public celebration of the New Year event.”

Reg accepted his appointment as First Foot for the family, and eventually readied himself for going out, for it was already dark and getting quite cold. He shrugged into the warm coat that Frances had bought him last month, and stood near the door, watching the time for going out. He didn’t want to be outside for too long, yet did not want to be late, and just rush out and rush in. There needed to be some decorum about this ritual.

As he stood there, Fiona appeared, also with her coat on. “Ready, Reg?” she asked.

He looked askance at this, and enquired, “What’s the idea, Fiona? It is me who is the First Foot.”

“Yes, Reg, but you don’t have to be alone. I am just going out to keep you company.”

He raised his eyebrows at this confident statement, but said nothing. Fiona come closer, and whispered, “Secondly, I want to arrive just after you, as a sign of my arrival into your family. I think it is a good sign to show. Please take my hand in welcome, as I arrive, to show that you accept me.”

“Now that makes sense,” Reg agreed. “Let’s do it, and get outside now.”

He opened the front door and stepped out, holding the door open for Fiona. She joined him outside, and closed the door behind her. She checked her phone for the time. It was four minutes to twelve. Reg suddenly remembered he didn’t have a mobile phone yet, and asked Fiona, “Would you keep an eye on the time, Fiona, so we know when to knock?”

She showed him the time on her phone, and said, “We’ll have to stay close to be able to see the time, Reg, but I entered midnight on the alarm setting anyway.” She came right up to him and put an arm round his waist. “We even have time for a quick kiss and cuddle, my husband.”

“We have, but I am not your husband until we do a new Commitment to publicly show that change of status.” He stopped her replying, by kissing her enthusiastically on the mouth. She responded in kind, until her phone alarm went off.

She giggled at this, and parted from him.

“Now, HUSBAND, do your first footing!”

Reg forced her to wait a moment or two, to be sure that the celebration had begun inside, then rapped with the door knocker. Someone must have been waiting for that, as the door swung open immediately.

Frances was standing there, and the other girls were in a line behind her.

Reg went into his spiel, and handed over his gifts, one after the other, saying his piece about each. Frances calmly and sedately accepted them, then opened her arms, saying “Welcome to our home.”

She gave him a good kissing, then released him to do the same with each of his wives. Behind him, Fiona entered, Reg ostentatiously took her hand, and Frances proceeded to welcome her and gave her a sisterly kiss. Each of the other girls did the same, making Fiona feel very welcome.

When that was complete, Frances was about to ask Reg to make a toast when Fiona interrupted, “Girls, can I be viewed as a wife for the time being? I know I can’t be an official wife until I take part in a Commitment Ceremony, but it will make me happy, even if only seen as a wife inside this house.”

Frances swung her head around to get a quick consensus, and got it.

“Very well, Fiona. For now, we will treat you as another wife, and barring accidents, we will make if official before long. I should point out that as well as the benefits of bedding Reg and gaining his love, that means sharing the household responsibilities as well: work duties.

Now, can we get on with THIS ceremony without any other interruptions?”

Everyone shut up, and Frances gestured with her hands filled with gifts for Reg to continue into the dining room where all the drinks and glasses were laid out. Once she had, as chief wife, relieved herself of the burden she carried, she handed him his filled whisky glass, and made sure the others each had a drink in their hand, she indicated for Reg to speak.

He intoned in a more formal and serious voice, “This new year marks many changes in our lives. A year ago, I was a man on my own, and, I admit, happy to be so. Today, I am a much-married man, living with my wives in our own home, and the future looks optimistic for us all. I am happier than I ever was before.

I thank God for all that has happened, and I thank all my wives for their love and attention. I never knew that life could be so wonderful: I love you all dearly. I speak to Frances as our Chief Wife, but I speak to all of you through her. Frances, you have turned my life upside down, and I thank you for that turbulence. I needed it. I also thank you for the calmness you have subsequently brought to my life through your welcoming love in bringing all of us together, including our new recruit, Fiona. You are the foundation stone of the edifice that is our group marriage.

I would also like to recognise your parents, all of whom have seen something in me that I didn’t realise was there: A love for people other than myself and my wives. Almost all the family members I have met have welcomed me – as part of you – into their homes and into their lives.

I say again: I could not be happier, and I thank you all for it.

I give you a toast: to our family!”

The girls all responded: “To our family”, and Reg noticed with pleasure that Fiona was as voluble as the others in following the toast.

Frances made the reply.

“Reg, thank you for that toast, and the heartfelt sentiments that went with it. As your wives of a few short months, we have begun to appreciate what time will do to our family. I for one will be interested to see what sort of father you will make. If it is anything like you are as a husband, I shall not be disappointed.

Ladies, I give you our First Foot: Reg.”

There was a chorus of “Reg!”, and they all downed the rest of their drink.

This allowed the party to start, and after a few minutes of celebration, they started playing whatever party games they could recall; some were from childhood, and had remained in the memory as fun times worthy of repetition.

It was just as well that they had no appointments next day, for it was past 2 o’clock before tiredness won and they elected to go to bed, and let Reg know how much he was loved.

It was mid-morning before anyone woke. Reg woke first, and discovered he was between Frances and Freda. By now he knew how each of his wives felt and smelled when close to him. He climbed carefully over Freda and padded to the bathroom to relieve his bladder. He noticed in passing that the rest of the family bed was filled by Prudence, Erika and Fiona. He was interested that Fiona had joined their marital bed. He guessed she had been invited. He had probably made love to her as well as his wives; he could not remember all the details. The night was a blur of encouraging girls.

As he peed, he reflected on yesterday. At some point, the girls would have to inform their parents of the new addition to the Robertson clan, but not just now. It could wait.

His mind focussed on two matters that should be sorted. One was his mother, about the circumstances of his father’s death. The other was that unexpected metal detector that was parked somewhere; he had forgotten where he put it. He reckoned he should at least take a stab at using it, or his wives would tease him about being suckered into accepting an unwanted gift.

As to Fiona becoming part of their marriage, he would leave the decisions on that to his wives. He thought they were okay with the proposal. They would decide what would happen, when and where. He judged that it was safer to leave them to it. A good husband learned to defer to his wife at times, and with so many wives, this meant most times for him.

His mother, though; when should he demand the truth? He had best ask Frances.

He showered after closing the bathroom door to keep the water sound down. He was almost finished when the door opened. Prudence stepped in and blinked at the light. She closed the door behind her, and stood for a moment in her naked glory, letting her eyes adjust.

Reg spoke to her as he turned off the shower.

“Morning, Prudence, my beauty. How are you?”

“Muzzy head; too much alcohol last night, I think. This won’t spark off a migraine, will it, Reg?”

“Might do, my love. Alcohol causes dehydration, which can be the trigger. Get yourself some water or fruit juice right away and drink at least a litre. That may bring your fluid levels back into balance. Can I say you look beautiful this morning?”

Prudence became consciously aware that she was naked, and that her husband was admiring her body. She snorted at him. “Reg, you have a distorted view of beautiful! I am still on the skinny side.”

“I agree. You should should put on some weight; only then should you get pregnant, dear.”

She took a sharp look at Reg, to see if he was joking. He wasn’t.

“You want me to be pregnant, Reg?”

“As soon as your body is ready for it, my lovely wife.”

“Well, the situation is different from when the idea was first mooted, so I am willing to oblige. I will do what I can to put on some weight first, as you suggest, darling.”

“What’s going on?” The question came from Fiona, who had just poked her head through the bathroom doorway.

Prudence told her, “We are just arranging for when I should get pregnant, Fiona. Reg wants me to put on some body weight first. He thinks I am too skinny.”

Fiona looked Prudence over, noting her tall slim frame. “He may be right, Prudence. Having a baby takes a fair bit out of your body, so you don’t want to be underweight before you start.”

Prudence glanced at the equally naked Fiona, and said, “So how would you know about that, Fiona, not having had a baby yourself?”

Fiona gave an embarrassed cough, and admitted, “I did some online research before I came here yesterday, just in case I ended up pregnant. I wanted to check that my body was ready for that event.”

Prudence smiled cheekily. “So you had done advance planning before coming here, just in case you happened to get fucked by Reg?”

“If you put it that way, then yes. I have a year or two on you, so I recognised that I was not getting any younger, and if you found me acceptable, I was happy not to waste time in really joining your family. Do you object to the idea, Prudence?”

“Not at all, Fiona. I rather like it, for if you have the first child, we can all get practice at looking after a baby before we have our own.”

Reg announced, “If we are all going to stand around naked, talking, I’d prefer to be hugging you both at the same time, and enjoy the feel of your lovely bodies against me.”