Chapter 4

At home I continued writing in my journal. I knew names and faces, and I knew of one boy I would never forget. My wording was bold and blunt. If someone fucked me I wrote that they did. If someone came in my mouth and his deliciousness was swallowed I wrote it as well. It was three pages noted on today alone. I thought I was documenting fact of the corruption of students by those in charge of them but when I read the pages written my words were anything but.

Today I was attacked trying to leave the building. I expected retaliation for not becoming a pawn in this unnatural display of deviancy. I never thought they would resort to such drastic measures. The numbers were many and my resistance was dealt with. I was used for sexual gratifications by all of them, and nothing was to be denied.

Most abused my mouth forcing me to suck their cock and/or balls. Spitting was considered an insult to them so I was sure not to waste a drop of their young cum. I was sexually assaulted as well. boys lined up and fucked me. as soon as one dumped inside me another would take his place. My pussy has never been taken by so many at once, never awakened the way it was today. Even when worn they kept coming and I accepted them all, all except for one. I call what they did to me an assault because no physical damage was done. Yes I felt multiple young cocks and was sure each was satisfied, made sure each reached orgasm and cum inside of me, but one raped me.

I could accept the aftermath of young cum. I could accept the rawness of my throat after getting face fucked multiple times. What I refused to accept was taking me where I was willing to give. When he fucked me in the ass with brute force and no regard to my state it became rape. When he took something never given and never wanted, it became rape. When I seen the first drop of blood drawn, he became my rapist. I hated him but had a different feeling towards the others.

I bathed for hours that night. My body needed to thorough cleansing after being filled beyond capacity. Never have I experienced anything of its kind. Never have I been spotlighted by a group and forced to do for them like a little slave girl. My body was sore, my opinion on myself was low, but not wanting it, I had a strange sensation growing inside that I couldn’t block. Those boys made me give the way a cheap whore would and made me fake my enjoyment. They forced me to fuck them, forced me to lick the heads of their young cocks. That group of unknown numbers cum on me like I was nothing but a rag. I was attacked, I was forced, I couldn’t say no. I wanted to believe that I had to believe that otherwise I would have to admit to myself that I wanted to be that used piece of flesh there for the taking. I had to admit I wanted to be that whore pushed to do what isn’t right, pushed to do what isn’t respectable. I bathed, I thought, and yes, I made myself have an orgasm from recent memory.

The next day I went to school not wanting to think of the day before. Clearing my head of all activities that led to me not knowing what I wanted. I didn’t want to willingly give or take from my students, that would always be wrong to me and that was not going to change. My question asked numerous times in my head was if forced into a situation how would I respond next time? Non-consensual contact was still a version of saying no. Unwanted or not permitted penetration was still me not giving in. if faced with another encounter would I fight, concede, or let it happen without feeling or consciousness? I was struggling because I knew how my body would respond to them.

I sat at my desk and started to write out my lesson plan. I went to my draw for a new pen and inside was a folded sheet of paper, I new one. “Next time, do as told. If not what you felt from one you will feel from all. Girls locker room, 4:00, you better show up of it won’t be students alone that get what they want from you next time”.

Oh fuck!

That one sentence part “won’t be students alone”, it had me more worried than ever. Not that there wasn’t a few teachers I worked with that I would mind having sex with, but I wasn’t aware of any men involved, only women and that was another animal I had not wanted to understand. If I decided not to show up, did it mean I could see the likes of Alexis joining forces and forcing me to have my first same sex encounter? This was not getting easier; it was getting complex and confusing.