Public Enemy

by D.T. Iverson

Copyright© 2017 by D.T. Iverson

Humor Story: This story has all the classic elements, a bet on the wife's fidelity, the predator's pursuit, which is described in graphic detail for the husband, the denouement and the final resolution.So why is this in humor? Read on and you'll find out.

Caution: This Humor Story contains strong sexual content, including Consensual   .

It’s a fact ... Guy society stratifies somewhere in the fifth grade. And nothing changes for the next seventy years. You see it at any social gathering. There are jocks, lady’s men, nerds and the nameless, faceless herd all milling around in little clumps. But, you never see the guys from one group mixing with the other.

Sure, some of the jocks are lady’s men. And some of the nerds are faceless. But in general they all hang in the stratum that they occupied when they were nine years old.

I was never a lady’s man. But I WAS a jock; so-to-speak. I was a swimmer in college, which most of the jocks don’t consider a sport. But my varsity letter looked just like everyone else’s. So, when class reunions rolled around I always ended up with the jock group.

The only thing that I hate more than mixing with people I didn’t know, and reminiscing about things that I don’t care about, is having my nuts roasted over a slow fire. Nonetheless, I was standing there because my wife Janet demanded my presence. I believe her exact words were, “Come to the reunion or no pussy for you, buckaroo.” And since my wife is still one smoking hot lady, I wasn’t going to leave her unattended, while her former classmates leered at her cheerleader body.

That was why I was standing next to Mike Harper at my fifteenth year class reunion. Mike was a very average football player. But he was a lady’s man par-excellence. I was neither. Nevertheless, because I was standing next to him in the university’s official Varsity Club tent, he just assumed I must be worth talking to. And he was definitely leering at Janet.

He turned to me, one manly-man to another, and said, “Will you check out that chick over there.”

Seriously!!! He’s 36-years-old and he just called a mother of two a CHICK???!!!

I looked idly in Janet’s direction. She was standing with her back to us. Her long beautiful legs with their overdeveloped calf muscles and her stunning round butt were covered by by a relatively modest little black dress. Her thick, beautiful auburn hair hung down her back in lusterous waves, ending just above her tight, womanly buns.

To say that she retains a hard little body is an understatement. She was a gymnast and cheerleader in college and ahe is still a dancer. But it was her intelligence, her humanity, her cheerful outlook on life and her fundamentally rock solid sense of values that I fell in love with.

Why she fell in love with ME is a puzzle. But the gods work in mysterious ways and I had no desire to look a proverbial gift horse in the mouth. So I just went with my good fortune and married her. Between Janet and our ten-year-old boy and eight-year-old girl I am a very happy man.

Harper’s voice brought my reminiscing back to the present day. He was saying, “I remember her from my playing days. She was the hottest cheerleader on the sideline. I used to watch her when I wasn’t on the field. I heard from some of the other guys that she was the world’s wildest fuck. But I never had the pleasure.”

That was a little disturbing. I had to take what he was saying at face value. Because I didn’t know Janet in college. We went to the same school but it was a big place and we never crossed paths. Swim meets don’t feature cheerleaders. In fact, we were happy if 100 people showed up. I met her in grad school. Both of us are MBAs.

If she was a great fuck back then, it wasn’t on my watch. So all Harper’s comments did was set off a wave of nostalgia for those wild frat parties. I was not exactly celibate myself. A lot of women like sleek swimmer’s bodies instead of the musclebound football player types. So, I had my fill of hot women.

Nevertheless, I COULD attest that the title “World’s Wildest Fuck” still applied to Janet - even after twelve years of marriage. In fact, she spent several hours lovingly proving that to me last night. I forgot how uninhibited – and loud – she can get when our kids aren’t around.

Harper said conspiratorially, “Do you know anything about her? Is she married? What’s her story?” I said just as conspiratorially, “She’s married for sure dude. Don’t you see the size of the rock on her finger. And she seems like a really classy chick.”

If he could revert to adolescence, then so could I.

I added, “A woman like her probably has kids and she would never fuck around on her family.” I said that with conviction because I knew it and believed it. He gave me a condescending laugh and said, “Want to bet? Those are the ones who are the easiest.”

That seriously pissed me off. I said with some heat, “Why in the world would I bet on the fidelity of some poor woman - with a person I don’t even know.” He grabbed my hand, pumped it, and said, “Mike Harper, pleased to meet you. Now how much do you want to bet?”

What is it with these simple minded assholes? Life is just a game with them. Every guy in the treehouse is a friend. And every woman is a conquest. I should have told him right away that I was Janet’s husband. Anything other than that was morally reprehensible.

But, Janet was the one who had inflicted this douchebag on me. I hate reunions and she had dragged me there screaming-and-kicking. So now I just went with the flow. I know ... I’m stupid.

If I thought this dickhead had the slightest chance of making progress with Janet, I would have just walked away. I loved my wife far too much to use her as a betting chip. But this guy’s attitude toward her was so disrespectfully arrogant that I acted out in anger.

And I do really idiotic things when I get mad.

I said with loathing in my voice, “You could hit on that woman for the next month and you would STILL never find out whether she was the world’s wildest fuck. I can recognize the faithful ones. And I’ll bet you that she reserves all of her passion for her lucky husband!!!”

Dickbreath could tell that I was getting pissed so he decided to wind me up some more. He said, “Afraid to put your money where your mouth is? And why do you give a shit about somebody else’s wife?” I said, “Because if I make a bet with you I am encouraging you to do something that I think is despicable.”

He laughed uproariously and said, “I take what I want wimp. It’s the way of all of us alpha-males. If you’re not enough of a man to make a man’s bet, I’ll just keep you informed. But one way or the other, I am going to get into that sweet little pussy between now and next month.”

That was the point where I was sure that he was going to try, no matter what I said. And I wanted to stay on top of the situation. So I chuckled and said, “What’s your email address pal? I’ll ping you and you can brag about it. That is, if YOU are man enough. But if you want me to believe you I want the play-by-play.” He said sneeringly, “I’ll enjoy giving it to you.”

I said, “Remember, one month and then you’re a loser.” He said with his voice dripping contempt, “It won’t take me five days.” Then he handed me a business card and walked away chuckling.

Hmmm – Real Estate ... How appropriate...

That evening I pinged him from a Gmail account. I had just set it up under the name “hotcarguy69.” I figured that would be close to what Dickhead would expect from another member of the boy’s club. And that address was as far from my actual identity as you could get.

In the meantime, Janet was really disappointed with the reunion. I was happy about that. She told me that the women were either divorcees looking to line up their next husband. Or, they were girls who had never grown past their sorority days.

I wanted to tell her that I had met a glorified frat-boy who would make all of her friends look downright mature. In fact, I should have done that. But the gist of the whole challenge thing just seemed so juvenile that I didn’t want to admit to getting suckered in. It was embarrassing. And I had a feeling Janet would not be pleased to find out who the target was - and how easily I had been duped.

She then proceeded to kill me with sex. I think the realization that we had grown past college had finally hit her. And it made her insatiable. It was like she was trying to get in touch with her new reality as a mom and high achieving professional by fucking my brains out.

She does it on pure horsepower, not tricks. So that night she rode me vigorously, in every way a woman can ride a man, including sideways and she must have come seven or eight times. I wasn’t complaining but I hoped that she would get in touch with her new persona soon; before my circulatory system collapsed.

A couple of days passed and I forgot about my conversation with Dickhead. That was when my smartwatch told me that I had mail. Since the only thing my watch was synched to was that particular Gmail account I knew I had to surreptitiously look at it after Janet went to bed.

“Studboy1980” was just checking in. “Found out where she worked. Don’t know why a hot chick like her isn’t home taking care of her kids and her husband like a woman ought to. Makes it easier for me tho.”

Janet was an MBA senior economist at a local brokerage firm. This guy sold houses.

I sent back a terse, “Three and a half weeks left loser...”

The Friday afternoon of the first week studboy1980 sent, “Caught her at lunch. Always eats in the same place. She fell for the ‘knew you in school’ gambit. Going to be fucking her in a week.”

By that, I assumed that Janet had let him approach her over lunch. So as soon as she got in the door I said, “How was your day?” I figured that running into an old school chum was unusual enough that she’d mention it to me. That is, if she was functioning above suspicion.

Right off the bat she said, “The strangest thing happened. I was eating lunch with Lydia and Chantel and I ran into Mike Harper. You probably don’t know him but he played football and he was friends with some of the guys I used to date in college.”

I didn’t mention what those guys had said about her wild sexual history. She continued happily, “We reminisced for a while. He seems like a very interesting guy.”

That shot a thunderbolt of jealousy through me. But I said, “I know the guy you’re talking about and he was an AKC pedigreed cockhound back in the day. You had better stay away from him. I don’t think that leopard would EVER change his spots”

She laughed gaily and said, “Well he must have changed a lot in the succeeding fifteen years because he is a really nice guy now. Happily married with four children. And he loves his wife. He wanted to know all about my family and the kids and you of course.”

I thought to myself, “Yeah!! Right!!! The fucker’s just laying the groundwork for your seduction.” There was nothing in the ground rules that said I couldn’t turn this into a teachable moment. So I said, “Look at me Janet.” She turned a very guileless pair of eyes on me.

I said, “That is the standard approach that every predator uses. If he can get you to believe that he is only interested in your kids and your husband, then he is setting up the idea that he respects your marriage and you.” I added, “That lets him creep closer without getting your defenses up.”

Janet laughed merrily and said, “I don’t need any stinkin’ defenses. I love you and I love my children and I would never betray either of you. Besides, why would anybody want a 35-year-old mother of two.”

I wish she had taken what I said more seriously. But on the other hand Janet is a very willful woman. She is gorgeous of course. She was not the college gymnast she used to be. But she still has a lithe, well-muscled body and having two kids had raised her frontage two cup sizes. So she looked like sex on a stick.

We met in Business School. She was an economics major and I was in information systems. Since then, she had rapidly progressed up the ladder at the brokerage s. And I am the Chief Information Officer at Landmark Systems. Together we lead a very productive and comfortable life. A life I might add that is centered on our two children.

That was why Harper’s little game was particularly contemptible. His quest to prove once again who the top-dog was threatened the happiness of four innocent people. And if his wife wasn’t the tolerant type, perhaps five more on top of that.

Once again, I was tempted to tell Janet about the challenge, which Harper THOUGHT he’d thrown down. But, I was pretty sure that she would kill me and feed me to her cubs before I could get any justification for that double-crossing act out. And of course it was just so humiliating to admit. So I said nothing.

Janet and I had a long and loving episode that night. It was almost like she was trying to reassure me that her talking to Harper didn’t affect us. And of course it didn’t. That was because the stupid bastard was telling me everything that he was doing. So I would never let it get that far.

We took the kids to the zoo that weekend and on Sunday we visited the grandparents. Janet’s mother and dad live in the area. And we eat over at their place every opportunity we get. Her parents dote on the two kids. And of course Harper’s plans would also fuck up that relationship. So I added two more counts to his indictment.

He contacted me the following Tuesday. He said, “Got her alone this time. Spent the whole lunch hour catching up. Mentioned some of her wilder moments at Alpha Rho and she didn’t deny it. The chick wants me. I can tell it.” I shot back, “In your dreams. All talk and no action.”

The following Thursday I got, “Picked her up and took her to lunch. She thinks I work in the building next door. Talking about sex with her now. Starting to loosen her up.” I shot back, “Two weeks left loser.”

This was getting serious. She had mentioned none of this to me. I really didn’t see any reason why she should. Since she is allowed to socialize with other people. But I didn’t like the fact that he had actually worked his way up to one-on-one status with her. And I wanted to get to the bottom of the sex talk.

We were sitting in the living room while the kids did their homework upstairs. I said nonchalantly, “So what ever happened to that guy from college - his name was Mike Harper I believe?”

She said without an ounce of deceit in her voice, “Oh, he ran into me again when I was eating by myself. He works in the next building. He reminded me about some of the embarrassing things that I did at a few college parties. I was really immature back then. I wanted to make sure that he would never mention that stuff to you. So I told him that you already knew.”

Okay, that was plausible and totally up-front. I said with a little misgiving in my voice, “Have you seen him since then?”

She actually blushed and said, “Yes, he just showed up at work today and told me that he was buying me lunch because he had something important to talk about. When we got there he told me that he had a serious problem with his marriage. Apparently his wife has no interest in sex. And he was asking for a woman’s perspective.”

I looked suspicious. So she quickly added, “I would have been a little wary too. But he is so sincere and committed to his wife and his marriage. I tried to give him some pointers about what worked for me.” That shot a thunderbolt of anxiety through me. She had just handed him a roadmap of what turned her on. I said incredulous, “You talked about our sex life with a stranger?”

She laughed and said, “Oh God no!!! I just did a general inventory of what women liked. He was very appreciative. He said that he was going to try what I suggested over the weekend.”

That made me mad. I had gotten her into this situation. And there was no way I could come clean about it now. That is, without sounding as immature as the juvenile asshole I was conspiring with. But I hated the fact that I was now going to have to trust Janet’s good sense to keep both of us out of divorce court. So I lashed out. I said, “You are getting too close to this guy. You should never be discussing this kind of stuff with him.”

She said calmly, “Do you talk about sex with Mary, or Phyllis?” Those were a couple of managers who were my direct reports. They just happened to both be women. Mary was forties and divorced. Phyllis was a hot little nerd girl of approximately thirty. They both had very active sex lives.

I said, “Of course I do. What happens outside affects them at work. I try to give them good advice from a male perspective. There is nothing personal about it.” Janet looked at me like I had just proven her point. I hate it when she’s right.

I spluttered, “This is a different situation. You don’t work with the guy and you have no reason to talk about that kind of stuff with him. I want you to stop going to lunch with him.” I realized how hypocritical THAT sounded.

She looked pissed and said, “When did you regress back to the cave – giving me ultimatums like that?” She was right. But I was desperate. She didn’t see Harper as the predator that he was. I mumbled. “You’re beautiful. And I won’t share you with any other man.”

Her angry demeanor melted. She said lovingly, “You’re jealous. That’s so touching. I have no interest in any other man. Especially Mike Harper. That’s why I am so dismissive of all of this talk. It’s an incredibly long way from my talking about his marriage and my hopping into bed with him.” And she laughed lightheartedly.

It was another wonderful weekend. We went to the local beach and swam with the kids. Her body in a modest bikini was amazing. I couldn’t stop staring at her round ass whenever she turned around. Finally, she said under her breath, “Stop gawking at my butt!! The kids are starting to notice!!” The sex that night was long and satisfying. The dinner with her parents the next day was full of domestic joviality.

And Tuesday evening studboy1980 announced that he was closing in for the kill. Actually what he said was, “Took her out for a two-hour lunch. Told her that my marriage was falling apart and that I was devastated. Actually squeezed out a couple of tears. Fell for it hook-line-and-sinker. Even hugged me when we got back - wonderful tits. A couple more of these sessions and I’ll be sliding it into her.” I sent back, “In your dreams loser.”

Okay, Janet was proceeding as if we had never talked. It was obvious that studboy1980 was playing on her nurturing, maternal side and that blinded her to what he was really up to. And she was just not taking the situation seriously. I had probably shot my last arrow when it came to direct confrontation. So I gritted my teeth and decided to ride it out. As she said it was a long way from a hug to jumping into bed with the fucker.

That attitude changed when Thursday’s e-mail came in. I read, “Got her for the whole afternoon. Told her at lunch that I was thinking about killing myself. We sat out at Gallup Park while she talked me out of it. Held hands but she wouldn’t let me kiss her. That comes when I take her out next week.” Holy shit!!! Did she agree to go on a date with the fucker? This ends here!!!

Friday morning, I said a little grumpily, “Are you still seeing Harper at lunch. She looked startled and said, “Yes.” I said, “Still talking about his sex life?” She said, “Not exactly. It’s progressed a lot further than that. His situation at home has gotten so bad that he was contemplating suicide. He seems to love his wife to death. He really is a very sensitive soul. I can’t understand what his wife’s problem is.”

I said, “That is all bullshit Janet. He is trying to talk his way into your pants using his wife as the battering ram. Do you know for sure that he is having problems? Or is that just a story the fucker is telling you?” She said, “He cried his heart out yesterday. His problems at home have completely ruined his self-concept.”

I said warily, “Are you going to do anything about THAT?” There was a moment’s hesitation. Then she said, “If you mean do anything sexual with him – of course not.” I had to leave it there. I knew that we were thundering into the home stretch. Six days to go and he really hadn’t even gotten out of the batter’s box – except for the handholding.

The final weekend of my purgatory was as ideal as the other two. We went to both of the kid’s soccer games and then socialized with all the soccer-parents. And there was a neighborhood barbecue on Sunday. Janet was particularly passionate all weekend. I was hoping that wasn’t motivated by guilt.

The call came in at 2:00 on Wednesday. She said that there was an emergency at work and she was going to be a little late coming home. I told her that I would pick up a pizza for the kids. She told me that she wouldn’t be home any later than 9:30 and we did the kissy thing that all married couples do when they sign off.

Then it hit me. She was going out with that fucker!!!

I redialed but her phone immediately went to voicemail. And the people at her work told me that she was in a meeting until 5:30. I dialed back at 5:30 but there was no answer at the Brokerage. I texted her and she didn’t answer. So I fed the kids and kicked a soccer ball around with them in the back yard.

Then I sat down to wait. It would be a monster understatement to say that I was anxious. My happiness depended on what happened next.

She arrived closer to 10:00 PM. Every second after 9:30 was an agony of doubt. I spent that whole half hour visualizing her in Harper’s back seat with her knees drawn up to her chest and her legs waving in the air while he pounded her. She looked very upset and nervous.

Worse, she was not dressed in the outfit that she went to work in. The little black dress that she was wearing showed off an expanse of beautiful toned thighs. Needless to say, the overall appearance was much more sexual than her work attire and she was heavily made up. Her hair was mussed, her lipstick was smeared and she had a slight rip in the neckline of the dress.

But thank God she didn’t have that well-fucked look. Instead, she looked panicked.

She stopped shamefaced in the entrance hall. I offered her a seat on the couch. She walked over tentatively, trying to read my mood. I sat down opposite her in one of the living room chairs. I said calmly, “How was your date?” She burst into tears.

She said, “Oh God, I am so sorry Terry!!!!”

I was in a controlled rage. I said, “Why did you lie to me and why did you betray me like that?” Of course I knew the answer but I wanted to hear it from her.

She said, “I was planning on changing back into my work clothes before I came home and you would never know. But he attacked me in the parking lot. He kissed me and tried to fondle my boobs and it upset me so much that I just fled back here without thinking.”

She looked at me pleadingly and said, “I know that this looks bad but all I did was agree to eat dinner with the man. I didn’t give him permission to maul me.”

I added, you forgot about the part where you lied to me in order to do it.

Between her tears she said, “I knew you wouldn’t approve. But I thought it was doing the right thing. So I went out with him without telling you. He told me that it would help him get his self-confidence back.”

I said, “That is bullshit. You consciously went on a date with the guy. That is betrayal plain and simple and you know it. You were cheating from the minute you stepped into that restaurant.”

I said, getting angrier, “Put yourself in MY place. What would YOU think if I lied to you so I could spend the evening with an old college sweetie?” Her face turned pale. She said, “Don’t say anything more. It would destroy me.”

Then I looked cagey and said, “I wonder what HIS wife would say if I called her up and asked her what she thinks about the situation?” That hit home. She said, “Oh God!!! Don’t do THAT!!! His marriage is in enough trouble already. That will kill it.” I said menacingly, “And what do you think you have just done to ours??!!”

She burst into tears. She said, “I am SO, SO sorry. What can I do to make it up to you?”

I laughed bitterly and said, “It’s done. It already happened. You’ve already lied to me. There’s no making that up to me.” I added, “I’m sleeping in the guest room. And you can leave me alone. I moved all of my stuff over while you were on your date.”

She said sullenly. “It was just a meal. It wasn’t a date.” I said, “Potato – Potat-oh.” In my eyes it was a date. And my eyes are the only ones that matter right now. It’s going to take a long time before I trust you again.” Then I rose and tried to look dignified as I trudged upstairs to my lonely bed.

She knocked and tried to get me to talk. But I was done with talking. I told her that I would think about it and we would talk in the morning. I could hear her sobbing up the hall. I went back up the hall, knocked and entered our bedroom.

She scrambled up eagerly, like I was there to forgive her – maybe indulge in some hot makeup sex. Instead, I said, “Keep it down in here. You are going to upset the kids.” Her face fell and she went back to sobbing. I closed the door and walked back to my room. That was cold. I knew it. But I wanted her to feel as bad as I did.

The only thing I had going for me was the fact that the deadline was tomorrow and Fuckface would go away. I wasn’t done with him but I wanted to stop the bleeding in my marriage before I gave him his just desserts.

Sure enough, studboy1980’s email was in my inbox. He gloated, “Got the bitch out to dinner. She was all dolled up for me. I knew she wanted to fuck me. But she got cold feet when we got back to my car. Gave me a little tongue but when I went for her tits she freaked out. I’m this close to fucking her though. I could smell how turned on she was.”

I sent back, “Too bad loser. This is the deadline and you lost. Find some other poor woman to pester. Because the bet is off as of midnight.”

He sent back, “LMFAO - No bitch gives me blue balls and gets away with it. I am going to make her my personal slut whatever it takes. I just won’t have your wimp ass to entertain while I am doing it.”

I sent back, “A bet’s a bet. I am going to tell everybody you’re a punk-ass deadbeat if you don’t drop this.”

He sent back, “What are you – her husband? I’d believe it from the way you’re acting. But that bitch is too hot for the likes of you. I changed my mind. I’m going to fuck her and I’ll tell you all about how much fun it was. Maybe I’ll send you her soaking wet panties as a souvenir.”

I said, “Remember this conversation when bad things start happening to you Dickless.” I was going to exact a heaping pile of revenge. But I had to fix my marriage before I did.

The fact that the douchebag was still after Janet gave me some serious agony. Because I had just blown up a lot of my bridges with her. So, no matter what it cost me I had to get all of the cards on the table.

I didn’t sleep a wink. Janet looked like she hadn’t either. We got the kids off the school. Then I called in sick. She did too. I said, “We have to get this under control right now. We have always worked together to solve problems in our marriage. And this is a particularly rotten state of affairs.”

She started to cry. She said, “I can’t say I am sorry, enough. I caused this.”

It was truth-time. I needed some absolution too. That is if there was not going to be any more lying. I looked in her beautiful oval face with her long auburn hair framing two big brown bloodshot eyes and said as evenly as possible, “No you didn’t”

She said, “What does that mean?”

I said, “I am as much at fault as you are. Simple as that.”

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