Chapter 29

Bill’s turn:

“Dave Johnson. Can I help you?” the disembodied voice on the phone said.

“Maybe. This is Bill Simon.”

“Hey, Bill! How’s it going? I’m sorry. I didn’t program you as a contact...”

“That’s okay. You probably got tired of me trying to recruit you.”

“It’s flattering. What’s up?”

“Uh ... Dave, guys don’t usually do this, but I have some relationship questions...”

“Haley?”

“Yeah...”

“Oh gosh, Bill ... Sorry to hear...”

“No, no ... It’s just, well, different...”

“Wanna get a beer after four and talk about it?”

“Yeah ... And don’t think I’m a big pussy about this, okay?”

“I don’t play that game, bud.”

I just told the girls - heaven help me, now it’s TWO of them – that I’d be a little late today. I know they could make a phone call to Maddie – she’s in the ‘friend’ circle now – and get more information, and I DID feel a bit like I was sneaking something, but I had to talk to somebody and the list of ‘I know you have TWO girls in your bed’ guys is surprisingly short.

I showed up at the restaurant – bars are smoky – and ordered an appetizer just as Dave showed up. We each ordered a beer.

“So what’s up, buddy? If you wanna talk...”

“I have a couple of problems, and I’m hoping you have answers.”

“OK, Bill, I’ll try. But what’s on your mind?”

“Dave, it’s actually a single problem, in two parts. The parts at issue are Haley and Deena. And I think it has evolved into a situation similar to yours with Lita and Brindy. What should I do? How should I handle it?

“Uh, gee, dude! Isn’t Deena your daughter? Don’t you think that’s a little weird?”

“Long story with a twist at the end. Let’s just condense it to say that when Deena was conceived, her mom and I were having a rough time and I didn’t get to participate in the conception.”

“You knew this?”

“I suspected. But Laney and I, well, when she found out she was pregnant, it could’ve been me, and she levelled off for a while. When the baby was born, I never searched for a paternity finding. Just raised Deena like she was mine.”

“So how’d you find out for sure? Uh, still weird, though...”

“Tell me about it. People roast in hell for this shit...”

“It’s a good thing we believe in grace,” Dave said. “I need a lot of it ... So...”

“The little scamps pulled a fast one on me, involving DNA testing. Because, their story, and I believe it, they were studying DNA in one of the biology courses, so they wanted to see OUR profiles. I couldn’t protest because that would mean that I already suspected.”

“I heard those tests are pretty crappy...” Dave said. “People send in their samples twice, get two different results...”

“That’s for the cheap ones – the mass market crap you see in the ads on TV,” I said. “We popped for a better lab.”

“So you have confidence in the findings? One test?”

“Oh, no ... When we got the first one, the girls sort of freaked, especially Deena. We did a second one. Different lab. Even MORE expensive.”

“Engineer. Gonna get the facts, even when they hurt,” Dave said. “So...”

“As it turns out, Dave, Deena isn’t actually related to me. What’s worse, she actually is Haley’s half-sister.”

“That’s ‘lottery ticket’ random chance,” he said.

“Got two reports. After a while you have to accept...”

“So she’s not your biological daughter...”

“No. And she’s Haley’s half-sister, and they have evidently decided that “sharing their toys” somehow makes sense to them. And it’s scaring me to death, nearly.”

He stared at me.

“I know,” I said. “My daughter, for all intents and purposes. Except SHE loves my wife ... and she says that she was jealous and that finding out that she’s not my flesh and blood is one thing, and that me being father to her, even when I suspected she might not be my real daughter, that’s just wrapping on the package. Good man. Married her best friend. And she’s tired of not sharing ALL the toys...”

“Bill, the only thing I can recommend to you is that you should avoid this mess if you can. And whatever you do, don’t let Deena get into your bed.”

“Uhhh,” I sighed. “Dave, I’m afraid the toothpaste is already out of the tube on that one. Now what?”

“Oh, Lord. Welcome to my world, I guess. Take your vitamins -- you’re going to need them. And I’ll observe that you have two sets of problems -- one in public and the other in private. The private one is easy: Treat them and love them as equally as possible.”

“The public part is a bit more difficult, in some ways. But appearances count for a lot, so if they simply dress and act like ladies, that will solve most of it.”

“Deena’s fourteen...”

“Yeah, okay...” Dave said. “That means you have to be VERY careful. Does your ex know about the tests?”

“No. We decided that telling her would be a huge disaster. She’s okay with Deena living with me ... But if I wasn’t the biological father, well...”

“Nothing good there. Keep that relationship going. Let her be mom to her daughter, within the framework of the law...”

“Got it,” I said. “Haley and I are legally married.”

“So are Carlita and I. Brindy’s forever just a little bit outside that...”

“Deena’s fourteen.”

He looked at me, studying, for a bit, then, “Can you keep a secret?”

“I just told you one that would put me in jail for twenty years...”

“Okay, here’s the deal. Carlita snuck in behind the seat of my truck when I was at a remote site in Texas. She’s one of those illegal aliens you hear about all the time. She traveled from Guatemala disguised as a boy.”

“Wow!” I said. I knew that Carlita had some indescribable presence, but this...

“She was fourteen, Bill. Illegal.”

“How...”

“Paid a five thousand dollar bribe to a guy with the Guatemalan consulate. Got her a fake birth certificate, passport and visa. Those documents says she’s eighteen. When she got those, we got married. So, okay ... fourteen...”

“I had no idea...”

“Not the sort of thing you run around advertising,” he said. “Bill, guys ain’t supposed to say stuff like this, but here goes: I love Carlita. I love Brindy. They love each other. They love me. And that’s in every aspect of the term ‘love’.”

“So it...”

“It’s possible,” he said. “You are in the middle of it. I hope everybody’s committed, and I hope everybody’s mature and intelligent enough to make it work for you.”

“That ‘intelligent’ part...”

“Yeah, the girls tell me. Brindy’s a little jealous. Brindy’s smart, just not quite up to the rest of them. And I love her. Brindy’s ... Oh, I can’t begin to describe how I feel about her that’s different about the way I feel about Carlita, but I love ‘em both ... That’s what y’all need to grow into...”

“I see,” I said. “Thank you...”

“For what?”

“For helping ... Now, if you’d just sign the papers...”

“Can you imagine how that’s gonna look? ‘We have an office down on the Gulf Coast, two engineers, FOUR wives between them...”

“They already know about you and yours...”

“And they can’t know about you and yours. Incest laws ... Statutory rape...”

“Believe me, I looked. I may have to sand-blast the hard drive on my computer...”

“Well, if it’s any consolation, when Deena turns seventeen, she can do anybody ... except ... incest...”

“She knows that. Those two, I’d be afraid of what their search history looks like...”

“So she knows how serious...”

“Yes. And they’re already plotting to legally reveal my non-paternity when she turns seventeen...”

“Holy cow...”

“That’s some of what I said.”

“Take your vitamins. I won’t tell you about exercise. You’re likely to get plenty...”

We paid the tab and parted on that note. Really would like to have him on board with the company.

On the way home I am thinking about all this, and one of the things that shows up is that my balls start tightening in anticipation. Whatever my conscience and my good sense may say, my gonads are very happy with the arrangement.

I hit the hands-free system on my car, dialed Haley. Haley’s still first – official wife and all that.

“Hey, honey,” the voice said brightly. “How’d your meeting go?”

Okay, honesty’s supposed to come into play here, so... “Wasn’t really a meeting. Met Dave...”

“Carlita ‘n’ Brindy’s Dave?”

“Yep.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m a man with two wives and I don’t know how to handle it. What I’m supposed to think ... How I’m supposed to work with TWO of you.”

“You just come home,” she purred. “Everybody here loves you and we’ll help you work it all out.”

“You didn’t ask what he said.”

“Honey, I talk with Brindy and Carlita all the time. I know that Dave’s figured it out. So will we.”

I heard rustling, then “Hi, Dad...” Deena. And that ‘Dad’ thing that gives my conscience so many hurdles, none of which seem to affect the joy that my dick finds.

“Hi, baby...”

“You talked with Dave?”

“Yeah.”

Giggle. “I told Haley you would.”

“Well...”

“It’s okay, Dad. I know it’s because you’re a good man and you worry about doing bad things. I love you for exactly that reason.” Giggle. “Well, that’s ONE reason. Hurry home. Your other wife is touching me inappropriately.”

“AM NOT!” I heard Haley squeal. “It’s entirely appropriate...”

And heaven help me, I got harder.

They had dinner ready when I got home, simple bit of beef, some vegetables, some small potatoes boiled with herbs and butter. I know that between them they can come up with more elaborate fare, or they can simply say ‘restaurant’. This is nice, though.

To an outside observer, it looks like a completely normal scene, a man with two young girls seated at a table enjoying a meal.

“So what did Dave say?”

“At first he was weirded out because you’re my daughter...”

Giggle. “I am. Sort of...”

“You explained,” Haley stated.

“Of course.”

“That’s a piece of data,” she said. I sort of told Carlita...”

“So Carlita knows.”

“And she won’t tell a soul, baby,” Haley told me softly. “She understands.”