Chapter 23

Haley’s turn:

We’re back home and I’m sitting in Bill’s recliner, smelling HIS cologne and ... What have I done? I pledged myself to Bill, for better or worse, et cetera. And I have had sex with his daughter. Had. SEX. With somebody who WASN’T Bill.

I need to think.

Can’t. Got Deena with me. Deena, who is my best friend. Okay, that’s not bad. Stepdaughter. Kind of odd, but not bad.

And lover.

Bad.

What the hell happened to me?

Never in my life have I had the least bit of interest in another female. Truth be known, I never had that interest in a male, either. Until Bill. Bill was my constant companion for YEARS, since I was twelve. Wasn’t until I turned fourteen that I couldn’t stand it any more and I more or less jumped him. Seduced Bill. Since then, my constant mate. When Mom figured it out, her reaction was ‘Better Bill than one of those turds you go to school with.’

I agreed. You just KNOW that Bill agreed. We started LIVING together. Not officially. Not visibly, at least to anybody outside MY family.

So we got married just as soon as we could, at least from our knowledge.

With marriage, Bill’s daughter became my step-daughter, cause of much mirth between her and me. Then she moved in with us. Said that living with US was better than living at home.

Close? Of course we’re close. We’d been kind of pushed together by Bill since I was twelve and she was ten, and we just sort of grew together. Close. He portrayed me as this unfortunate kid who really wanted somebody to get her out of her house and do things, so when Deena was there for her weekend with Daddy, I was there so I could experience a bit of life outside ‘Redneck Paradise’, my own living situation.

Yes, we were close. When I married her dad, she said that a lot of mysteries became clear in her mind.

When she moved in with me and MY Bill, she was happy. I understood that. I thought that living with Bill was the greatest thing in the world, even if I WASN’T sleeping with him.

You have to understand – Bill is all the sexuality I have ever known. First time I discovered that playing with my little button would result in orgasm, I fantasized about ... Bill. Naturally I ended up in his bed.

If Bill had been a predator...

Bill’s not a predator. He tells me that I’m the greatest gift he’s received in his life. I believe him.

And now I’ve cheated.

And I can’t get away and think about it on my own.

“What’s wrong, Haley?” Deena asked.

“Deena ... It was WRONG.”

“Haley ... It just happened ... You still love Dad, right?”

I think I felt tears forming as I thought about it. “Never be another man, Deena...”

“I’m not a man, Haley. We’re best friends. You’re like a sister to me. You didn’t betray Dad.”

“I cheated.”

“‘S not cheating, Haley. Don’t tell yourself that. You love Dad. Me ‘n’ you ... just a step above masturbation. I LIKE masturbation. You used to...”

“But it was always about your dad...”

“Y’know, there was a time when I would’ve said ‘ewwwwww!’. But this is you and me, and I understand, more than you think.”

“What’d’ya mean?”

“I mean, Dad’s attractive. You know how little girls always want somebody like their daddy? Well, MY daddy’s setting a very high bar for somebody whose head is screwed on straight. Good looking. Smart. A genuinely nice and caring guy. Hard to find one of those, right?”

I nodded, tears in my eyes.

“I love my daddy,” Deena said. “Happiest thing in my life is that YOU love my daddy and you’re my sister, so I don’t have to worry about him finding some predatory bitch who’ll abuse him. I think that YOU will take care of him as good as I could hope.”

“I will, Deena,” I said, stifling a sob. “But then I went and cheated...”

“Haley, it was me and YOU. Just a tiny bit past snuggling together in a cold room...”

“You made me COME.”

She actually giggled. “I did. And you made ME come. So what? What’s the difference if you’d been in YOUR room and I’d been in mine?”

“I wasn’t thinking about Bill when I came. First time I EVER came without thinking about Bill.”

“First?”

“Well,” I admitted, “there were a few times when I first discovered my clitty...”

“Okay. This is another one of those...”

“If you want to define it like that. I cheated, Deena...”

“Careful, my sister. That makes me be dishonorable to my very best friend and to my dad. I wasn’t intending either of those...”

“What WAS it, then?”

“Me and you. Having fun. Let me ask you something...”

“Go ahead.”

“Dad gets home tomorrow ... What are you gonna want to do?”

“Deena...”

“See?!? It’s not like you’re gonna be thinking, ‘oh, I have to endure this ... I really wanna be with Deena’, right?”

“No, but when I think that, then I’m basically saying that what you and I did...”

“What you and I did was just a bit of exploration. I admit, my tensions got relieved in a way I never experienced, but YOU are the first time that I ever came from another person. All my life I figured that’d be some guy...” She kind of turned her head. She can do ‘shy’ quite well. “It was YOU. And you know what, Haley?”

“What?”

“I’m really glad it was you. Not some guy all horny and not having a clue as to what he was doing besides getting his rocks off.”

“Deena!” I gasped. “What do YOU know about a guy getting his rocks off?”

“Same thing YOU know. I listen at school.”

“It was good,” I admitted. “You’re Number Two behind your dad...”

“That used to be another of those ‘ewwww!’ thoughts, Haley, but I see you and Dad, and NOW I understand. I used to not be nearly as jealous, though...”

“Jealous?”

“Yeah, SISTER,” she said, emphasizing ‘sister’. “I get jealous. I know what it feels like to, you know, reach an orgasm, and NOW I know what it feels like when somebody else helps you reach an orgasm, but YOU have Dad providing you with ... I bet you’ve lost count...”

I could say nothing. It’s the truth. Who keeps count, anyway?

She squealed. “You HAVE!!!”

“Deena, me ‘n’ your dad ... Best ever...”

“See?!? I want that. My finger didn’t do it. Last night ... It was good, Haley. YOU were good. I’m a bad person for enjoying US? I still love you like my sister...”

“Or whatever...”

“Yeah,” she said. “It’s kinda changed. I promise I won’t get nutso over it ... Just the one time...”

“Will it be just the one time?”

She fixed me in her blue-eyed gaze. “You’re the one who gets to say that. It’s not like I forced you the first time, and I’m not going to force you again. Or do something gross, like try to blackmail you...”

“How would you blackmail me?”

Giggle. “Have the whole thing on video...”

“Deena!!!” I squeaked.

“I don’t. I won’t blackmail you, Haley. You ‘n’ Dad, it’s a good thing. I would never jeopardize that.”

“I jeopardized that. One moment of weakness...”

“Oh shit, Haley. We PLAYED.”

“Sex between two people...”

“Fun. You had fun. I had fun. We still love the same people just as hard as we did at first...”

“I don’t FEEL the same...”

“Yeah, and you probably love Dad even HARDER...”

“I so much do, Deena. Four billion men on this planet, HE is it.”

“Eight billion people on this planet, TWO of them have made love with Haley,” she said.

“See?!? That’s IT!” I returned. “Made love. NOT sex. Making love...”

“I do love you, Haley...”

There it was. She said it. And how am I supposed to handle that? I’m just a plain ol’ brown-haired girl from south Louisiana and this is NOT something they teach us how to deal with.

“LOVE?!?”

“You’re my sister. You’re my best friend. You’re my step-mom. What other person on this planet do I love more?”

“Your dad? Your mom?”

“They didn’t have a choice. One day I showed up and they were kind of forced into dealing with me. You – you’re voluntary. You could hate me. Despise me. Treat me like an obstacle in your life. Instead, you’ve always accepted me, even when I used to be a spoilt ass.”

“Your dad used to tell me that you had issues because of the divorce and that you were a bright child that would soon arrive at a positive solution to the problem I presented by showing up.”

She laughed. “Sounds just like Dad. He’s right, though. I stopped being a spoilt ass and found a best friend...”

“So where do we go from here, Deena?” I really wanted to know.

“We make grilled cheese sandwiches and soup for dinner, complain about how it’s not as good as Dad’s...”

“You love your dad,” I said.

“You can’t begin to understand, Haley. I can’t help but being a bit jealous. You got him in a way I won’t get. He’s my dad. When I get hugs from him, I know how he loves me. When I see him hug you, I know he loves you. But it’s different...”

“We both love him. Deena,” I stated, “I don’t want to mess up this family...”

“I don’t, either. Going back to Mom? Haley, if Dad died – heaven forbid – I’d want US to live together in THIS house ... Don’t you see? Me ‘n’ you...”

“And if you got married?”

“First, I’m fourteen. I’m not gonna even come close to a guy who’ll compare with the standard YOU set by snagging Dad. Second ... Why? Women live together...”

“We could get cats, I suppose...”

She smiled. “At least you’re finally joking about it.”

“One day we could be ‘those two old women with all those cats...”