Chapter 30: Tuesday Morning, Mischa

Editor’s Note:
The next page is another extract from the journal of Mischa Doeple, dated Tuesday, December 7th.

I crawled straight into bed with Bec again last night. Bec didn’t notice, she was sleeping deeply. I don’t think she was even dreaming. I guess that was the drugs. The nurses came in to check on her a few times during the night. They didn’t say anything about me being in the same bed. I guess it’s become normal.

When I woke up in the morning, Bec was already awake. She was lying flat on her back and staring up at the ceiling. I said, “Good morning,” and groaned as I rolled out of bed. Bec didn’t say anything.

I said, “Come on, I need to get to the bathroom,” but she didn’t seem to notice me.

I sighed as I figured out it was going to be one of those mornings. I tugged on Bec’s arm until she rolled over and climbed out of bed. Then she stood there and swayed while she stared off into space.

I said, “Come on,” and hooked my arm through hers. Then I steered her out of the room and we went over to the Nurses’ Station.

I grabbed all of our stuff and said to the nurse, “Bec and I are going to have our showers now.”

The nurse, it was Nurse Nereida, she said, “Hold on. Bec, who is the president?”

Bec just stood there and stared off into space.

I said “fuck” under my breath. And then I said, “Come on, Bec, I need you. Tell her.” I shook Bec back and forth but she let me shake her and then stood there.

Nurse Nereida said, “Give me two seconds and I’ll come and sit with you.”

So I said “fuck” under my breath, again. Then I said, “But I’m better. I’m not going to do anything. Ask the shrink.”

So she said, “He isn’t in yet. I have to type this last sentence and I’ll be with you.”

So I said, “Can you hurry? I’m about to burst. If you take too long I’m going to wet myself.”

I turned Bec around and led her over to the bathroom. When I got to the door I saw the nurse coming towards us so I opened the door and pushed Bec inside, leaving the door open behind me for the nurse. I let go of Bec and bolted for the toilet. I dropped my pants and sat even before the nurse came in and closed the door behind her. I guess I’ve lost all sense of privacy. I hadn’t cared if the door was open. I hadn’t cared who was outside and might see me. I just dropped my pants and sat.

That’s what being in the hospital for so long has done to me. It’s taken away my sense of privacy. I have no modesty anymore. I figure I could walk around the hospital naked as a jay-bird and it wouldn’t worry me. I didn’t used to be like that.

Bec was standing there and staring off into space and the nurse made herself comfortable on the little shower stool while I peed. I finished and washed my hands but Bec was still standing there.

I groaned and took her over to the toilet. I pulled her pants down and pressed her shoulders down so that she would sit. Then I said, “Now go ahead and pee.”

She sat there and stared at nothing. I groaned in frustration. So I said, “Come on Bec, you have to need to pee. You’ve been in bed for more than 12 hours. Pee. PEE!”

I know that yelling at her was never going to work but I did it anyway.

The nurse stood up and went to the basin. She turned the faucet on so that it was just trickling. Then she said, “Put your hand flat on her lower abdomen, then press gently. A bit lower. That’s it. Now press gently. Keep pressing. Now press a bit harder.”

Bec shifted like she was uncomfortable and then started to pee. It was like magic.

The nurse turned the faucet off and went back to sit on her stool. When she finished, I watched for a few seconds, waiting for her to wipe herself. She didn’t move. I muttered “fuck” under my breath but then I decided not to bother wiping her because she was about to go under the shower. While she was still sitting I pulled the rest of her clothes off and dropped them in a pile. Then I stripped off my own clothes and dropped them on top of hers. I turned the shower on and checked the temperature and then guided Bec off the toilet and under the shower.

Bec stood under the shower and swayed. She seemed to be feeling the water hitting her skin but wasn’t trying to wash herself. I sighed loudly and got a squirt of soap on my hand from the soap dispenser. I started washing her back.

I looked over at the nurse who was sitting there looking bored. I said, “Shouldn’t you be doing this? You’re the nurse.”

She looked at me and she said, “But you’re doing such a great job. The good thing about you washing her is that I get to stay dry.”

Then I said, “Is looking after a kid as much work as this?”

The nurse gave a soft little laugh and she said, “Little kids tend to wriggle more. Your kid over there might be bigger but at least she’s staying still.”

Then she said, “Try putting some soap in her hands and getting her started.”

I lifted Bec’s hands up and squirted soap into them. Then I held her wrists and guided her hands onto the top of her chest and started moving them around. After a second I could feel Bec taking control so I let go and she kept washing down her chest, over her little boobs and down onto her stomach. I finished her back and then got some shampoo and started doing her hair. I had to stretch to reach but I couldn’t sit her down because the nurse was sitting on the shower stool. While I was doing that, Bec washed down between her legs and then lifted one leg at a time to wash those. I got her hair rinsed out and then I said, “You’re done.”

Then I put more soap on her hands and presented my back to her and I said, “Now it’s my turn.”

I had to shift my back to and fro beneath her hands before she got the idea of washing my back but she did it. Washing someone else and having them wash me is a bit of a new experience. Kids didn’t wash each other in the group home I was in. We might have sometimes had to share showers but we mostly left each other alone. The nurses gave me bed baths while I was stuck in the bed with tubes everywhere. That was different again. I guess I wish that Bec wasn’t so shy about sharing showers, I could get to like having someone wash my back like that.

I steered Bec out from under the shower so I would have more room to finish myself. The nurse came over with a towel and started drying Bec. That left me free to dry myself. I could see Bec swaying as the nurse towelled her dry. I think she was liking the feelings of the towel against her skin. I don’t know though because her eyes were closed and she had no expression on her face.

I got the worst of the water out of my hair and wrapped my head in a dry towel and got dressed in a fresh outfit. The nurse did the same for Bec. Then I remembered we hadn’t brushed our teeth so I put some paste on Bec’s brush and got her started. She took over and kept brushing on her own. I guess it’s muscle memory or something. I stood next to her and brushed my teeth at the same time. In the meantime, the nurse opened the door and dumped all the dirty clothes and wet towels in the laundry hamper outside.

Once we were done, I said, “Thanks” to the nurse and took Bec back to our room.

I relaxed for a bit and looked at the picture of me above my bed.

Then it was breakfast time and I took Bec out and sat her at our table. We had pancakes with scrambled egg on top. The scrambled egg had bits of shredded ham and some pieces of green stuff mixed in. The green stuff might have been parsley or spinach or something like that but I’m not sure. I put a knife and fork in Bec’s hands and she started eating. She did everything slowly and carefully like it took all of her concentration to focus on a bit of pancake and get it on her fork and bring that to her mouth and chew it and then swallow. She seemed to be getting more aware of what was going on around her but it was happening slowly.

Suddenly Alice plopped her tray down at our table and sat down. She said, “Hi,” and then she started eating.

I watched her suspiciously for a moment but all she did was sit there and eat so I started eating too. The scrambled eggs were better today. I ate all of my pancakes and eggs. There was also a carton of juice.

Alice looked at her carton and snorted and she said, “Apple. I hate apple juice. What have you got?”

I looked and I said, “I have apple too.”

Then she looked at Bec and said, “What about you?”

Bec ignored her and kept eating.

Alice said, “Hello?” and waved her hand in front of Bec’s face. Bec ignored her and kept eating.

Then Alice looked at me and she said, “What’s wrong with your friend?”

So I said, “Bec gets like that sometimes. She goes on automatic and doesn’t notice anything around her.”

Then Alice reached out and grabbed Bec’s juice box which was orange juice.

Then she looked at Bec and said, “Hey, can we swap? Tell me if you don’t want to swap.”

Bec stopped chewing and stared at Alice but she didn’t say anything so Alice shrugged and said, “Obviously she’s happy to swap.” She put the apple down in front of Bec and started opening the orange for herself.

I scowled at Alice and opened the apple for Bec. I stuck the straw into the little hole and put it into Bec’s hand. Then I opened mine and had a drink.

Then Alice said, “So what makes her go like that?”