Chapter 27: Monday, Mischa

Editor’s Note:
The next page is another extract from the journal of Mischa Doeple, dated Monday, December 6th.

I guess today is Monday.

When I went to bed last night, I didn’t even bother pretending to get into my own bed. I crawled straight in with Bec. She smiled and hugged me to her and then relaxed.

Bec woke me in the middle of the night by shaking me and whispering in my ear. “Come on, wake up, wake up.”

She kept shaking me until I groaned and she put her hand over my mouth.

She whispered, “We have to be quiet. Now’s our chance. We have to get out of here.”

So I thought “Huh?” I didn’t say it though because her hand was over my mouth.

I looked at her and her eyes were open. She was definitely awake.

She moved her hand off my mouth so I whispered, “What’s going on?”

Then she whispered, “Stay quiet, Cindi. If we’re quiet we should be able to escape.”

Then she nudged me so that I rolled out of bed and onto my feet. She followed me and crouched beside the bed so I did that too.

Then I whispered, “I’m not Cindi, I’m Mischa. What’s happening? Are we back in Narnia?”

Bec looked at me and she whispered, “You’re not making sense. Don’t worry. It’s probably the drugs they give you. Don’t worry, if you follow me then I’ll get you out of here.”

She crept up towards the door and flattened herself against the wall beside the door so I followed her and did the same.

She glanced sideways to make sure I was ready and then slowly pulled the door open.

Then I whispered, “Bec, I don’t know what you think is happening but it isn’t real. I’m not this Cindi person and we’re in a hospital. We don’t need to escape.”

She didn’t listen.

She got down low and crept out through the door and along the wall. I followed. The lights in the main area were down low but it wasn’t dark. The night duty nurses were sitting at the Nurses’ Station. They hadn’t noticed us yet. Bec turned the other way and worked her way along the wall. It was the wrong direction if she wanted to get out of the ward but I didn’t tell her that.

Then I had an idea so I whispered, “Bec, not that way. There’s only more rooms that way. Follow me.”

Then I grabbed Bec’s hand and we crept over behind the couches. By crouching down and ducking across the gaps somehow we made it to the other side without being detected. We worked our way along the wall and then I pulled her through the open door of the nearest bathroom.

I carefully closed the door before hitting the light button so the bathroom went from dim to bright in an instant. Bec was dazed by the bright light so I took her over to the basin and splashed cold water in her face.

Then I got her looking at me and I said, “Bec, wake up. You have to wake up.”

And Bec said, “Huh?”

Then she said, “Cindi?”

So I said, “Who is this Cindi person? It’s me, Mischa. I’m your friend.”

Bec was shaking her head from side to side like she was trying to free herself from cobwebs or something. I grabbed a hand towel and wet it with cold water and dabbed it on her face.

Then Bec said, “Mischa?”

She looked around the bathroom and she said, “What are we...” but then she stopped and said, “Never mind.”

So I grabbed a dry hand towel and dried her face off. Then I said, “Come on, it’s late. Let’s go back to bed.”

When we opened the door to the bathroom, one of the nurses was standing nearby. She said, “Is everything okay, girls?”

So I said, “Yeah, we’re fine. We’re just going back to bed.”

So we went back to our room and got back into bed and went back to sleep.

I got woken in the morning by a screaming in my ear. I jumped out of bed and was half way across the room before I finishing waking up.

Bec was sitting up in bed and staring at the nurse who stood in our doorway to check if we were awake.

Suddenly Bec stopped screaming. She blinked and shook her head and said, “Sorry, I thought... , sorry.”

Then she slumped back against the pillow and took a deep breath then she let it out really slowly. The nurse bustled into the room looking flustered. She kept asking if Bec was okay and if I was okay and so on. Another nurse appeared in the doorway, I guess she was checking up on us after all the screaming. The second nurse saw that things were okay, so she went away. The first nurse took a bit longer before I got her to leave.

Now that Bec and I were awake we went and had our showers and brushed our teeth and so on.

While Bec was under the shower and I was waiting for my turn, I said, “Who is Cindi?”

Bec said, “Huh?”

So I said, “Who is Cindi? Do you remember last night? You thought I was Cindi and you tried to rescue me.”

Then Bec said, “Oh! I thought it was a dream. It started as a dream.”

She was quiet for a moment and then said, “Cindi is about our age. I’ve never met her. I’ve only ever seen one photo of her. She was nude and stretched out on a bed. I have a feeling she is being held somewhere against her will. I don’t know.”

Then she shrugged and she said, “I also don’t know how old the photo is. She could be 25 years old and happily married by now for all I know.”

So I said, “Why are you dreaming about her then?”

But she didn’t answer. She finished her shower and got out of the way so I could have my turn. She did make a little sigh of pleasure when she got fully dressed in her clean hospital pjs.

Then we had breakfast. It was hot oatmeal mixed with dried fruit – mostly bits of apple and raisins. Plus there was toast and a few kinds of jelly. I ate the cereal but I didn’t eat the toast. Plus there was milk in a little carton. I drank some of that.

After breakfast we had a little extra time and then the shrink showed up. He took Bec away to talk to her so I sat on my bed and looked at the picture Bec had drawn for me. It showed two versions of me, one where I’m skinny as a rail and one where I’m what the doctors describe as a healthy weight. I lifted up my arms and compared them to the skinny picture of me. I couldn’t see any difference so I wandered over to the mirror and stood in front of it.

I ran my hands down over my ribs then in to my stomach and then out to my protruding hip bones and down to the top of my thighs. The shrink said I did this to myself because it was the only thing I had control over in my life. Bec’s picture of me at a healthy weight made me look pretty. I’m glad I didn’t look like that when I was with my uncle and my cousins. I saw what they did with pretty girls. Being a relative wouldn’t have protected me from that. If anything, being in the house would have meant I would be available 24/7.

But now I’m away from all of that. I see the guys that visit Bec: Dan and Mikael and Phil and Dan. I want to look pretty for them. The thought of having them looking at me and seeing a pretty girl doesn’t scare me at all. That’s a weird feeling. I’ve never wanted to look pretty for a boy before.

And my dad will get out of prison sometime next year, maybe. I want to look pretty for him as well. I remember he always used to say I was pretty. I watched in the mirror as I ran my hands over my face, feeling my cheekbones and my jaw and the spaces between. Daddy wouldn’t say I was pretty now, but maybe if I work hard I can look pretty for him by the time he gets out of prison.

I went back to my bed and took down Bec’s picture. I folded it in half so that only the future version of me showed. Then I stuck it back up on the wall again.

I laid backwards on my bed with my head where my feet would normally be so I could lie there and look up at the picture.

A bit later, the physical therapist guy came for me and got me to do my exercises. I could do a few more reps than I could last week so I’ve improved but I’m still pathetically weak. I wanted to do extra but the therapist stopped me. He said it was good that I was enthusiastic but it was better to take things slow and steady.

While I was doing my exercises, Bec came back from talking to the shrink. She saw me doing that so she went and got the skipping rope and worked with that for a while. She did that out in the main room so I didn’t have to watch her boss the rope while I did my pathetic few pushups. I managed six this morning. Six pushups with my knees on the ground. I know how pathetic that sounds but the first time I worked with him, I could barely manage one. He also had little hand weights that he got me to do various moves with. Then I did the balance board. The balance board is the one thing I’ve never had problems with, except it wears out my legs pretty quick. But this time I had to do the moves with the little hand weights while standing on the balance board. That was hard.

After the physical therapist was gone, I lay down on my bed and rested for a bit. Bec came in and she was puffing from skipping rope. She flopped down on her back on her bed and looked up at the ceiling.

She said, “We really should do that before we have our shower.”

So I said, “I guess.”

Then we lay there for a bit.

Bec’s mother turned up with Angie. She looked at Bec and she said, “How’s my little chick this morning?”

They sat on the bed next to each other and they hugged each other sideways with Bec’s head on her mother’s shoulder. Angie gave Bec a quick hug and came over and gave me a hug and then bounced up and down in the middle of the room singing some sort of nonsense song.

I sat up to get the hug from Angie and when I looked at Bec with her mother, I must have had something in my expression because Bec’s mother looked across at me and she said, “Like all the good brood hens, I’ve got room under my wing for stray chicks even if they aren’t mine. Come on.”

Then she held out her spare arm for me. I darted across the room and sat next to her and nestled in so that she could put her arm around me as well. It made me feel warm and safe.

Then she laughed and she said, “Now I feel like a proper brood hen with a chick under each wing.”

Then Bec started cheeping like a little bird and I giggled and joined in with the cheeping. Mrs Freeman laughed and clucked like a hen then Angie laughed and bounced up and down and cheeped a few times and then started doing the chicken dance and flapping around like a demented chicken. We watched and laughed for a moment but then Angie dragged us up so we all had to join in dancing and singing the chicken dance. I was laughing so hard I could hardly sing. Even Mrs Freeman was doing it, being as silly as the rest of us.

It was about then when the shrink turned up and took me away for a session. That went okay I guess. He did talk to me about the confrontation with Alice ((name changed)) but he didn’t seem angry or anything. He just wanted to talk about what I did and why I did it and how I reacted afterwards.

Editor’s Note:
The next pages are notes taken by Dr Koehler

Notes of meeting, Nurse Cassandra, Monday 12/6, 8:50am

((notes re other patients deleted))

NC: There was a scuffle between Alice and Bec on Sunday. Here’s your copy of the report.

Dr K: Was anybody hurt?

NC: Apparently not. Apart from Alice’s pride. She’s older and bigger than Bec but Bec had her face down on the floor within about 3 seconds. It sure gave Alice one hell of a surprise. It surprised the weekend nursing staff as well. Bec had been such a quiet little thing for them until that moment.

Dr K: Didn’t they read her file?

NC: What you read and what happens aren’t always the same.

Dr K: Very true.

NC: Mischa was pushed over during the scuffle. She wasn’t hurt but she was distressed. They sedated her and watched her when she woke up later but there didn’t appear to be any long-term effects. I suspect that any negative effects from being pushed might have been evened out by the positive effects of being so effectively revenged a moment later.

Dr K: Hmm.

NC: Bec drew a number of pictures over the weekend but she refused to show them to anyone. She did ask to see you when she finished but when she was told you weren’t around she said it could wait until today.

Dr K: Interesting.

NC: Mischa appears to have made solid progress. She ate most of her food at meal times with no complaints. She’s been more confident and mixed freely with Bec’s friends and family when they visited.

Dr K: It sounds like our plan for her is working.

NC: Yes, doctor. Bec and Mischa appear to have bonded really well. They’re supporting each other and spending most of their time together.

Dr K: Good. I’ll do my rounds now and at around midday we’ll sit together and discuss the individual plans for this week.

NC: Yes, doctor.

Meeting concluded 9:08am

Transcript of Patient Interview, Rebecca Freeman, Monday, 12/6; 9:52am

Dr K: Good morning, Bec. How are you feeling today?

Bec: (shrug) I’ve had better days.

Dr K: I gather you did some drawings over the weekend. May I see them?

Bec: No. They’re for the detective. I’m ready to tell him what I remembered about last Monday.

Dr K: Oh. I have to decide if you’re ready or not. Perhaps if we talk about it now I can make a decision.

Bec: I don’t want to talk about it over and over. I’d be happiest if I only ever have to say it once. You can hear it at the same time as the detective. You get to be in the meeting, don’t you?

Dr K: Not normally, no. But I can be there if you ask for me.

Bec: I’m asking for you.

Dr K: One of your parents will have to be there as well.

Bec: Oh. That isn’t a good idea. Dan would be better.

Dr K: I’m afraid it’s a legal thing. It has to be one of your parents.

Bec: I guess it better be Dad then. He’s going to get upset when he hears my story but if it’s a legal thing for him to be there then... (shrug)

Dr K: I still haven’t decided if you are ready to be interviewed by the police.

Bec: Yes you have. You just want me to jump through some hoops before you say it. I’m not a circus act. I don’t like jumping through hoops.

Comment: I could see the fire in Bec’s eyes. It was that, more than anything else, which convinced me that she was ready.

Bec: So when will we have the meeting.

Dr K: I’ll have to call the detective and your father and set it up. I imagine it will be at some time later today.

Bec: (grinned and spread her arms) I’ll be here all day.

Dr K: I heard that you had a scuffle with Alice yesterday.

Bec: Yes. She shoved Mischa and tried to take my drawing pad away from me.

Dr K: You got angry.

Bec: Yes, I did.

Dr K: You flipped her to the ground.

Bec: Yes, I did.

Dr K: But you didn’t hurt her. You held her down and you could have easily hit her but you didn’t.

Bec: That’s correct.

Dr K: So you were angry but you were in control.

Bec: Yes.

Dr K: That’s good. What made you angry? Was it Alice grabbing for your drawings or Alice pushing Mischa?

Bec: (thinks) I guess it was a bit of both but mostly Alice pushing Mischa.

Dr K: Because Mischa is your friend? Has she become a part of your extended family? Someone you will protect?

Bec: Obviously. I know you put us together deliberately so that would happen. It happened. Mischa has become someone I will protect. Congratulations.

Dr K: Do you resent me for putting the two of you together?

Bec: No. If I was in your shoes I would’ve done the same thing. Mischa’s body language was screaming out for help. Even if we’d been in different rooms I would have gone to Mischa but it would’ve taken longer.

Dr K: I haven’t spoken to Alice yet. I’m going to suggest that she find a way to say sorry to you and Mischa.

Bec: Can she do that tomorrow? I don’t want to deal with her until after I’ve had this meeting.

Dr K: The longer she leaves it the less effective it will be.

Bec: Just so long as she does it when she’s calm.

Dr K: Okay. Are you sure you want to have this meeting today?

Bec: Yes I am.

Dr K: I’ll set it up then.

Bec: Maybe if you photocopy the drawings then you could keep a set for afterwards. But you can’t look at them until you hear the story.

Dr K: Would it be easier if I took you along to my office and let you do the copying?

Bec: That would be better.

Dr K: Let’s go, then.

Session concluded.

Transcript of Patient Interview, Mischa Doeple, Monday 12/6, 10:49am

Dr K: Good morning Mischa. How are you feeling today?

MD: I’m feeling pretty good. I’ve just being doing the chicken dance with Bec and her mother and her little sister. I don’t think I’ve laughed so much in ages.

Dr K: That’s good to hear. How have you been getting on with Bec’s family?

MD: Really good. They’re really nice people. I keep waiting for them to do something more normal but they’re not like that. They’re just nice.

Dr K: It’s interesting that you don’t think being nice is normal.

MD: Well, I’ve never met people like that before.

Dr K: Is that so? Hasn’t there been anybody in your life who was nice to you?

MD: Well, there was Dad of course. But he wasn’t perfect.

Dr K: Are you suggesting that the Freemans are perfect?

MD: They seem to be.

Dr K: You’ve only seen them in here when they’re visiting Bec. Is it possible that you aren’t seeing their flaws because they aren’t relaxing like they would at home?

MD: I guess.

Dr K: (waiting)

MD: Mrs Freeman has her hands in bandages. I think she was in the hospital too when I first met Bec. Had she hurt herself or something?

Dr K: (no response)

MD: Angie has her arm in a cast. I guess she broke it or something.

Dr K: So, are you admitting that maybe the Freemans do have some flaws?

MD: I guess.

Dr K: Does that make them any less nice?

MD: No.

Dr K: Can you think of anybody apart from the Freemans and your dad who have been nice to you?

MD: All of Bec’s friends and her cousin and even her aunts, they’ve all been nice to me.

Dr K: Good. Who else?

MD: I guess there were a couple of people back at school who weren’t horrible.

Dr K: What about in the group home or when you were in foster care?

MD: (thinking). I guess by then I was pretty miserable. You would probably say I was sick. I was so caught up in my own problems that I don’t think I noticed if they were nice or not.

Dr K: That’s a good observation. So anyway, you have listed quite a few people who have been nice to you. Is it possible that being nice is the normal way to behave and that it’s your uncle and his family who weren’t acting normally?

MD: I guess.

She thinks for a moment.

MD: In all the children’s books and films and whatever, there’s always the good guys and the bad guys. The good guys are always really good and the bad guys are really evil. It isn’t like that in the real world is it?

Dr K: What do you think it’s like?

MD: I don’t know. Maybe it’s like there’s a line and everybody is spread out on the line with people like the Freemans at one end and people like my uncle and all of them at the other end but maybe most people are in the middle somewhere.

Dr K: Another good observation.

MD: But how am I supposed to know? I mean when I meet someone, how am I supposed to know where they are on the line?

Dr K: That’s a challenge for everyone, isn’t it? People don’t wear useful little labels on their shirts that tell you what sort of person they are. So how do you think you could find out?

MD: I guess all you can do is watch them and see what they do.

Dr K: Yes, exactly.

MD: But sometimes people are pretending.

Dr K: That does complicate things. Can you give me an example of what you mean?

MD: My aunt. When I first met her, she was really nice. She talked to the welfare people and helped me get my things together and did everything so that I would come and live with them. Then she turned out to be nearly as bad as the rest of them.

Dr K: Hm. Can you think of someone who made a bad first impression who later on turned out to be better than you thought?

MD: When I first met Bec she thought she was in Narnia. I thought she was nuts.

Dr K: Okay. So what does your experience with your aunt and with Bec tell you?

MD: I guess maybe I shouldn’t trust first impressions.

Dr K: Hmm. Alice hasn’t made a good first impression with you, has she?

MD: Alice is scary. She’s always screaming and yelling and pushing people around.

Dr K: Is it possible that you’ve only noticed her when she’s been behaving like that?

MD: I guess.

Dr K: You had an incident with her on Sunday. Would you describe for me what happened?

MD: She saw Bec drawing and wanted to see. I stood in front of Bec and told Alice to leave us alone.

Dr K: You tried to stop Alice? What was going through your head when you did that?

MD: I was nervous. She’s scary. She’s so much bigger than me. But I wanted to protect my friend. It was pretty stupid. I knew if she hit me I would get hurt and there wasn’t anything I could do to stop that. But I did it anyway.

Dr K: That was brave of you. Have you ever stood up to someone like that before? To protect someone else I mean.

MD: (thinks) No. (thinks) I don’t think so.

Dr K: What happened after you stood up to Alice?

MD: She didn’t hit me but she did push me out of the way. I fell to the floor.

Dr K: Were you hurt?

MD: No.

Dr K: How did you feel about being pushed out of the way by Alice?

MD: I guess I felt pretty useless. Maybe if I’d been bigger and stronger I might have been able to do something. But look at me. (holds up her arms). A seafood platter at a restaurant has more mussels on it than I have.

Dr K: (laughs) That’s a good joke. It’s wonderful that you can laugh about your situation.

MD: Yeah, well. I was totally useless and I know it.

Dr K: Is it possible that you delayed Alice long enough that Bec could get ready to react?