Chapter 26: Sunday and Monday, Tara

Editor’s Note:
The next page is another extract from the journal of Tara Freeman.

Sunday December 5.

I’m trying to get my homework done for tomorrow so I probably shouldn’t spend too long writing this.

I did end up sleeping in Dan’s bed last night. I didn’t go to the bathroom with him this morning though. I waited until he was finished and went on my own. I was nervous but I did it.

At breakfast we talked about me going back to school tomorrow. I think I can do it. I’m going to try. Dan has to go back to school and Dad will be at work. The idea is to try to get things back to normal.

So I have to get some homework done before I go back.

We all went in to visit Bec this morning. She was alert and talkative for a change. We stayed in her room for a while but then we went down to a play area so Angie could run around. Mischa and Bec and I sat on a teeter-totter and talked girl-talk just like any other group of teens.

That’s when I picked up that Bec was kind-of forcing it. She was faking being okay. For some of the time she was relaxed and genuinely happy but then ten minutes later she would be faking it again. She’s a pretty good actor sometimes. I could hardly pick the difference even once I knew to look for it.

I don’t know what was going on in her head but it seemed like it was important for Bec to make everyone believe she was okay so I didn’t get in her face about it.

When we were walking back, Bec got beside me and a bit behind everyone else. She looked at me sideways and then she quietly said to me, “You lied to me the other day.”

“What? When?”

“You said you got the bruise on your shoulder and the bump on your head when you fell down.”

“That’s right, I did.”

“You said it wasn’t my fault that you got hurt.”

“Yeah.”

“I was carrying you. You were all taped up and I was carrying you and I dropped you. That’s when you got hurt. How was that not my fault?”

“You remembered?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, do you remember when they first burst into the house and I got knocked down. That’s when I hit my head. That wasn’t anything to do with you.”

“Oh.”

“And then later you were rescuing me. You dropped me when you were trying to rescue me. I landed on my shoulder. It hurt but I never blamed you for that. I was dizzy from the knock on the head but I could have walked on my own if they hadn’t taped me up. That was horrible. I felt so helpless. They were going to hurt me and I couldn’t do anything about it. But then suddenly you were there and I knew I was going to be okay.”

“I’m sorry you got hurt.”

“So am I but the bruises are all gone now so it doesn’t matter.”

We got into the elevator then so we had to stop talking or the others would hear.

Later on, when we were leaving, Bec gave me a long hug and she whispered in my ear.

“You still haven’t told anyone, have you? They all still think you were unconscious.”

“No I haven’t told anyone. You’re going to tell them everything so they don’t need to know about me. I was dizzy and confused anyway so I’m not sure I could tell it as well as you.”

“You should tell Dr K. It would help you get over it.”

“I don’t want to tell him. But I’m writing it down in my journal. He’s going to read that sometime and then he will know. That counts, doesn’t it? And you know.”

“I guess that will have to do, for now.”

Then she kissed me and she said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Oh yeah, I forgot to say that Bec told us she had some drawing to do so she didn’t want visitors this afternoon. So I had to contact Bec’s social secretary and make the arrangements. Liz and her friends agreed to a short visit right after lunch. The aunts and Sam had been going to come in later but they agreed to put off their visit until after school tomorrow. Pearl had wanted to come in with Dan and me when we went back later today but she said she understood and that she would tag along another time.

In the car during the drive back home, Dan said, “Well that was interesting.”

“What was interesting, honey?” said Mum.

“Bec really, really wanted us to believe that she was okay,” said Dan.

“I thought something was going on,” said Dad.

“So what does that mean?” said Mum.

“If I were a betting person,” said Nana.

“Which you are,” I chimed in.

“If I were a betting person,” Nana repeated, “I would put my 5 quid on Bec having remembered what happened on Monday.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re right,” I said.

“But she isn’t ready to talk about it yet, so we’ll just have to be patient,” said Dan.

And that was the end of that conversation.

I spent the afternoon in Dan’s room working through the homework assignments that Tracey brought over for me while Dan worked on catching up on the work he missed last week.

I went with Nana to get my shower this evening. We didn’t shower together, we took turns. But we were in the bathroom together. Seeing Nana in the shower meant I got to see her scars from her double mastectomy. Nana’s as tough as nails. She survived breast cancer and so much else. I don’t know how she does it. I would have probably fallen to pieces if I had to go through a fraction of what she’s been through.

And she’s tough on other people too. She doesn’t take nonsense from anybody. But she’s been amazing with me this week. It’s like she knows exactly how I’m feeling and has been giving me time to work through it in my own way. And she’s been keeping me busy. I finally figured out that her hands aren’t as bad as she’s been making out. Because of her hands, and Mum’s hands, I’ve been doing most of the cooking and cleaning and changing Angie and everything. I should be angry but I’m not. They were keeping me busy so I didn’t have time to stew over what happened.

Speaking of Mum’s hands, Nana got me to take the bandages off Mum’s hands so that Nana could check out how well they are healing. Nana says they’re doing well and showed me how to do a lighter dressing around her fingers and across her palm. It means Mum can do more with her hands now. Nana told Mum that if she did too much then she would put the heavy bandages back on. There aren’t many people who can talk to Mum like that but Nana does it all the time.

Nana also watched while I put the cream on Dad’s back. Dad joked about selling tickets and inviting the whole neighborhood in to watch but Nana just said, “Don’t be silly, Peter. Now lie still and let Tara do her job.”

Then Nana sent me back to Dan and as I was leaving I heard Nana say, “Now drop your pants, Peter, and let me finish the job.” It never occurred to me that his scars went down onto his backside as well. I suppose I should have figured it out but I didn’t. Dad never said anything. I guess he wouldn’t. Putting cream on Dad’s backside is probably one thing I should leave to Nana. That would be a step too far for Dad and for me.

Dan is still working at his desk but I’m going to bed in a second. I have to get up early in the morning.

I’m nervous about going to school tomorrow. I worry about what the other kids will say. I’m nervous about being away from home and away from my family. But I’m sick of feeling this way and I want to get over it so I’m going to try.

Monday December 6

The alarm went off way too early this morning. I was so not ready to wake up but Dan pushed me out of bed so I had no choice. I mean he literally pushed me out so that I rolled off the bed and fell to the floor. That was rude.

I used the bathroom at the same time as Dan. It wasn’t because I needed to be with him but because I needed to use the bathroom. And after the last week I learned that he didn’t care if I saw him and I didn’t care if he saw me so we each got on with our business and that was that.