Chapter 20: Friday Evening, Dr K then Mischa then Tara

Editor’s Note:
The next page is another extract from the patient notes of Dr Koehler dated Friday, December 3rd.

I ran into George Davidson outside the pedi psych unit this evening. He and his daughter, Elizabeth (Liz), were on their way in to visit Bec. We shook hands and exchanged pleasantries. It was nice to meet after speaking to him on the phone a number of times this week. He’s been conducting something of a political campaign on Bec’s behalf and he kept calling me for details about what she needed.

While we were standing there, a young teen came out of the unit and immediately greeted Liz. I found out this was Melissa, another friend of Bec’s. Again it was nice to put a face to the name I had read about so often in Bec’s journal.

I escorted George and Liz through the security door and went to the Nurses’ Station to discuss ((deleted)).

A moment later I was alerted to a disturbance over in the seating area. I hurried over to find Bec being helped up off the floor by George and Liz. She looked dazed.

I asked what had happened and was told that she’d seen Liz and then crumpled to the floor. It wasn’t a faint, more of a shocked reaction. George and Liz guided Bec to sit down and I sat down opposite her. Her face was showing a series of fleeting emotions but I couldn’t read them. Her eyes were unfocused.

Dr K: Bec? What happened?

No response.

Liz: I think she remembered something. She saw me and she remembered.

I nodded my understanding.

Dr K: I was going to read her parts of your email this evening. See if that jogged a few memories loose. Apparently you’ve saved me the trouble.

I reached out and put my hand inside Bec’s.

Dr K: Hello Bec. It’s Dr K. Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand.

I waited but had no response.

I sighed and glanced sideways at Liz.

Dr K: I hate to say this but it looks like your visit is going to be a quiet one. Bec seems to have shut down for a while. I assume she’s processing her new memories.

Liz grinned and shrugged.

Liz: It’s not like that’s never happened before. Normally I’d just prop her up in a corner and keep doing whatever we were doing. Sooner or later, she’ll come around and join in again. Sometimes she doesn’t even notice that she blanked out for a while.

Liz glanced at her father.

Liz: Is it okay if we hang for a while and see if she comes out of it? Usually it doesn’t take very long but I gather this week...

George nodded and relaxed back into the sofa, looking around with undisguised curiosity.

I gestured at Mischa, hovering nervously nearby.

Dr K: Maybe you could introduce yourself to Mischa. She’s Bec’s roommate and the two of them are becoming friends.

Mischa saw me talking about her and edged closer.

Liz: Hey, Mischa. I’m Liz. Come and talk to us.

I left them to it and went back to spend time with some of my other patients, now having more time to do that than I was expecting given that I wasn’t going to be spending time with Bec.

((notes deleted))

About 40 minutes later I sat down with the group again. George was telling Mischa some story about his time at boot camp. Liz had twisted sideways and had her knees draped over Bec’s lap. Bec was running her hands up and down the seam of Liz’s jeans.

I looked at Liz.

Dr K: How’s our patient?

She tilted her head and looked at Bec.

Liz: She’s okay. She’s coming out of it. She’s at that stage where she wants to feel things.

Liz leaned forward and blew gently on Bec’s cheek. Bec’s hands stopped moving and she shifted her head slightly as she became aware of the air blowing across her skin.

Liz: Can you hear me, Bec? Are you in there?

Bec turned her head towards the source of the voice. She reached up and ran her hands gently over the sides of Liz’s face and then around the back to her hair. Then Bec pulled Liz into a hug that looked awkward because of the way their bodies were twisted. Liz allowed herself to be hugged and grinned at me from over Bec’s shoulder.

I looked at my watch. It was already well past the time I usually finish for the day.

Dr K: There’s not much point me waiting around for her to come out of it. I doubt if she’ll be ready to tell me what she remembered this evening. I may as well clock off for the night and catch up with her in the morning.

I glanced over at Mischa.

Dr K: She may want to draw something later this evening. Will you press some paper and pencils into her hands so that she isn’t tempted to draw on the walls again? The nurses have a collection of drawing supplies.

Mischa nodded at me.

Liz looked at me and then at her father.

Liz: Are we supposed to leave now? I don’t know what the visiting times are.

I looked at my watch again.

Dr K: I suppose you could stay for another 30 minutes or so. The nurses will chase you out if you get in the way. If you can, drop back in for a while tomorrow. I know that Bec was wanting to spend time with you.

George rested his hand on his daughter’s shoulder and smiled up at me.

George: We’ll be back. Liz has been itching to spend time with Bec as well, and tomorrow is Saturday so she doesn’t have school.

Editor’s Note:
The next page is another extract from Mischa’s journal dated Friday, December 3rd.

So I met a couple of Bec’s friends this evening, Melissa and Liz and Liz’s father who told me to call him George but I’m more comfortable calling him Mr Davidson. He’s another huge man. What’s with all of the really big men in Bec’s life? Mr Davidson has a fair amount of beer belly which looks gross. If he went on a diet he’d look better. But even with his gross belly, he looks more, I don’t know, more manly than my Uncle. Mr Davidson didn’t creep me out the first time I saw him like Uncle did. Neither did Bec’s dad. They make me nervous because of their size but they don’t creep me out.

Both Melissa and Liz seemed nice enough. Melissa is tall, way taller than me, and thin but not as thin as me. She looks fit and she moves really gracefully. She told me she does dance so that explains that. Liz is kind of fat, well, not really fat but fatter than Bec. She’s my age but she looks like a woman instead of a little girl with her boobs and her hips and her curving waist. I’m so jealous.

Both Melissa and Liz were really nice to me. That surprised me. I expected them to be bitchy so I would know not to muscle in on their friendship with Bec. I’m not used to all these people being nice to each other for no reason. For most people I know, the only time they’re nice to you is when they want something from you.

I was also jealous of Liz because her father was right there. They did little affectionate things with each other and laughed at each other’s jokes and all of that. I miss my dad.

Melissa came for a little while and she and Bec caught up with each other in between talking to me.

The way Melissa looked at Bec made me think she has a bit of a girl-crush on Bec. I don’t think she’s a full on dyke or anything. She didn’t seem that way. But straight girls get girl-crushes sometimes and I think Melissa is crushing on Bec. She didn’t say anything about how she felt. She just talked about gossip at school and stuff. I don’t think Bec noticed that about Melissa. I did but Bec didn’t.

Then Melissa went and a bit later Liz and her father turned up.

That’s when Bec had another little freak-out. It was so bad that she fell down. Liz and George picked her up and sat her on the sofa and the shrink came hurrying over. Everyone seemed to think Bec had remembered something when she saw Liz and now she was shut down - that’s what Liz called it. Whatever it was, nobody seemed to panic. The shrink went away to do something else and Liz and her father sat there and talked to me with Bec sitting in between them and staring off into space.

By the time Liz and her father had to leave, Bec seemed a lot more aware of what was going on around her though she hadn’t said a word since Liz had first arrived. That didn’t seem to faze Liz though. She chatted to Bec about whatever and seemed satisfied with nods or head shakes for answers. Liz hugged Bec goodbye and promised to come back tomorrow. Bec went over and hugged Mr Davidson and then pulled his head down so she could kiss his cheek. Then they left and it was only the two of us.

I needed to go to the bathroom and I’d been holding on until Bec was more or less aware of what was going on before I did that. I took Bec’s hand and led her over to the Nurses’ Desk.

The Mexican man nurse was in charge so I went up to him and told him that I wanted to go to the bathroom. He’s probably gay. I mean everyone knows that man nurses are all gay. Whatever. I try not to have too much to do with him but sometimes I have to talk to him like for stuff like this.

He looked at Bec and he said, “How do you feel, Bec?”

Bec didn’t say anything but she nodded so I said, “She’s okay.”

Then the spic said, “What’s eight minus three?” and Bec looked at him for a moment and then held up five fingers.

Then he said, “Do you know why you are in the bathroom with Miska?” (he never gets my name right)

Bec looked at me like she was looking through me and could see all of my insides. Then she looked back at the spic and nodded. I never told her. Someone else must’ve done it while I wasn’t around.

Then he said, “What will you do if Miska gets in trouble?”

Bec looked around and pointed at the light over the outside of the door that flashed if someone inside pressed the call button.

The spic nodded and he said, “Yes. Call a nurse with the button. Is good, yes?”

Bec nodded. Then he flipped his hands at us and said, “Go, go, go.” So we went.

Inside I sat on the toilet while Bec wandered over to the sink and looked into the mirror. While I was peeing, I told her not to worry because the mirror was made out of unbreakable stuff so it couldn’t be shattered and used like a weapon to hurt anybody.

After I was done I went over to wash my hands and she moved aside to make room. I asked her if she wanted to go while we were in here and she looked doubtfully at me and then went over to the toilet. She stood there and looked at me until I figured out she was waiting for me to stop watching her so I said, “sorry” and turned my back.

She did her business and washed her hands and we went back out.

One of the nurses told me it was time to write in my journal so I got paper and pens for me and Bec and we sat down at the same table we eat at and started writing.

Bec isn’t writing and she isn’t drawing. She’s just sitting and looking around the room. I tried encouraging her to write something, or maybe draw something but she ignored me and kept looking around.

So that was my day.

Okay so it turns out that wasn’t my whole day. It’s really late, like, the middle of the night and I’m sitting here so I figured I might as well write something.

When I took Bec back to our room she stood in the middle of the room and stared at the wall above her bed. I had to lead her by the hand to get her to come back to our room so she was still holding my hand while she stood and looked at the wall.

Then I remembered about the shrink saying I should try to get her to draw so I thought maybe she was ready, even though she didn’t draw anything when we were sitting at the table during journal writing time. So I went to the nurses and asked for paper and art stuff for Bec. They asked if she wanted pens or paint and I had no clue so I shrugged and they gave me a box with everything. I went back to Bec and put the box on her bed and tried to put the paper in her hand but she was staring at the wall so I gave up on that. Then she reached into the box and started pulling out paints and brushes and a plastic palette thing. In no time at all, Bec was standing on her bed and painting on the wall.

I sat down on my own bed and watched. It was pretty interesting. It was astonishing really. She mixed up paints on the palette and started painting straight away. I couldn’t tell at first what she was painting so it was like watching it all unveiled before my eyes. She was fast, too. Everything she did was quick but it seemed to come out right the first time she did it. I wondered if maybe I should stop her painting on the wall but then I decided it wasn’t my problem.