Chapter 16: Friday morning, Mischa then Dr K.

Editor’s Note:
The next page is a copy of another page from journal of Mischa Doeple.

So it’s Friday morning. I guess that makes it December 3rd. It’s kind of hard to keep track of the days in here. You remember events that happen but not the day or the date. Like yesterday was the day I met Bec and her fairytale family. Was it only yesterday?

Bec had a bad dream last night. She woke me up with her moaning and whimpering and then suddenly she sat up in her bed with a squeal. I was lying in my bed and watching her. At first, I didn’t know what to do. I was thinking maybe I should call the nurse but then I thought back to when I was little and I’d wake up from a bad dream. Dad used to come in and put his arms around me and sway back and forth until I calmed down. Then I thought about how all of Bec’s family kept hugging each other and how it seemed to make them feel better so then I knew what to do for Bec.

I went over and sat on Bec’s bed and hugged her. It was weird. I don’t think I’ve gone up to someone and hugged them since Dad went away. I put my arms around her and held on tight. Then we lay down in the bed together and I kept on holding onto her. I’m not a dyke and last time a girl got into bed with me, she tried to grope me. I got pissed and yelled at her and that got us both a beating for being dykes. So I was ready to bolt if Bec tried anything but all she did was lie there and shake. She seemed to be calming down so I figured I must be doing something right. But I was still worried that she might try something on me so I was ready to get out of there if she did anything skanky.

I must’ve gone to sleep because next thing I know I was waking up but I was still in Bec’s bed. I found myself looking at a pair of feet standing on the bed. My eyes trailed upwards and I saw that Bec was standing on the bed so she could draw on the wall. She was using a felt-tipped pen but I don’t know how Bec got a hold of it. She was drawing with long sweeping curves. I couldn’t see what she was drawing from my angle so I sat up in the bed and tucked my legs in under me.

It was still pretty early. The night-light in the room was providing more light than the small amount of light coming through the window. That meant the room was pretty dim.

I sat up and looked at the picture Bec was drawing on the wall. It wasn’t finished but it looked like the scariest, most horrible looking face in the world. It was all pulled out of shape by hate and anger and I don’t know what else. It was right in my face where I was, so I backed away off of Bec’s bed and retreated back to mine. Then I sat there and watched as this horrific face emerged from the long sweeps of Bec’s pen. Despite being all the way across the room, it still felt like it was right up in my face.

I don’t think she knew I was there. I’m pretty sure she didn’t notice when I moved away from her. She stood on her bed and drew and I sat on my bed and watched.

After a bit, a nurse looked in through the window of the door. It was the old nurse who smells like licorice. She saw Bec drawing on the wall and came through the door like she was about to yell at Bec. But then after a couple of steps into the room she kind of stopped and her open mouth closed again without her saying anything. Then she turned around and went out of the room again, leaving the door open.

A moment later the old nurse came back, but she brought the nurse-in-charge with her. This morning it was the chink nurse, I think her name is Gin or something like that. Nurse Gin stood there and looked at the picture for a moment and then walked up to Bec. She said Bec’s name a couple of times but Bec either didn’t hear her or flat out ignored her.

Then Nurse Gin came over and sat on the bed next to me. The other nurse had gone away by then.

Nurse Gin sat next to me and watched Bec draw. “How long has she been like this?” she asked me.

I shrugged and I said “I don’t know. I woke up and she was doing that.”

“Did she have nightmares again?” she asked me.

Then I said, “Yeah, a bit. But then she seemed to settle down.”

Nurse Gin looked sideways at me. “Was that when you went over to her bed – to settle her down? I saw you two lying in bed together.”

I slid away from her and saw red. “I’m not a dyke.”

She just smiled a little smile. “Hush, Mischa. Nobody suggested you were. It was a nice thing you did – lying with Bec to help her get through the night. It happens all the time. Nobody thinks anything of it.”

Then she turned away from me and looked over at Bec again. “Besides that, there’s nothing wrong with being lesbian. Something like 10% of women are to one degree or another. A great many more have some sort of sexual encounter with another woman at some stage in their life. It’s a perfectly ordinary thing.”

I stared at her like she’d turned into an alien. I mean she was already a foreigner but she’d said all that so casually like it was nothing.

“I’m not a dyke,” I repeated – just in case she was confused.

She looked at me and gave me a gentle smile. She said, “Okay, sweetie,” then she turned back to look at Bec. “Now what do you think we should do about Bec?”

I frowned at her sudden change of topic, like it wasn’t important or something. Then I frowned at her for asking me what to do.

I said, “I don’t know. Why are you asking me? I’m a patient here. It isn’t my job to fix someone else.”

She said, “I know. But still. If you were in charge, what would you do?”

I snorted. “If my uncle or aunt were in change, Bec would take a belting for making a mess on the wall.”

Nurse Gin nodded calmly. “I don’t know all the details, of course, but weren’t you taken away from your aunt and uncle because they treated you like that?”

I shrugged. “I guess.”

Then she said, “Maybe that should tell you something about what society in general thinks about your uncle and aunt’s approach to dealing with children.”

I thought about what she was saying, then I shrugged again. “I guess.”

Then she said, “So forget about what your uncle and aunt might have done, what would you do about your roommate over there?”

I scowled over at Bec who was still drawing on the wall, apparently oblivious of our conversation.

Then I said, “For one thing, I’d get her to clean the wall. There’s no way I’m going to get any sleep with that thing looming over me.”

She nodded and then she said, “It is pretty scary, isn’t it? I think you’re right. We’ll get Bec to clean the wall, but we won’t do that yet. Dr Koehler will want to see the drawing. Bec’s drawings give him a clue about how to help Bec. They give him an insight into what she’s thinking when she can’t put it into words. And I would say that’s a pretty big clue, wouldn’t you?”

I looked at the ghastly picture and nodded. “I guess so.”

Then she looked at me and she said, “How are you feeling? Would you like to go to the bathroom or have a shower or something?”

I nodded. “A shower would be good.”

She stood up. “Come on then. I’ll get one of the floor nurses to go in and sit with you. It’s time for me to do the handover to the day shift.”

So I went to the bathroom and I pissed into a cup so they could measure it and then I was carefully supervised as I had a shower. The nurse watching me was the black one with the weird glasses. She sat there and told me about her daughter who was a senior in high school and what she was studying and so on. I don’t know why she thought I would care, but I guess it was better having her talking than sitting there and watching me wash myself.

I had some fresh clothes to put on. Another pair of little lycra shorts and another boob top. I gotta say that I’ve gotten used to dressing like this. Putting those extra clothes on yesterday made me feel awkward and itchy. I needed them because it was cold outside the ward and even colder when we went outside the hospital but I couldn’t wait to get them off when we got back to my room.

When I came back from the bathroom, Bec had stopped drawing. She was standing on the floor in the middle of the room and staring at her drawing, with the pen dangling loosely from one hand.

I said, “Hey, you’ve finished. Cool.”

She didn’t react so I kept talking. “It’s about time we went and reported in for breakfast. I’m not used to eating breakfast. It still feels like I’m digesting last night’s dinner.”

It was about then that I figured out she was totally ignoring me.

I flared in anger and I said, “Well fuck you, too, if you want to be like that.” Then I turned and walked out of the room.

I went and sat down at one of the tables. Some of the others were already eating their breakfast but I ignored them.

The younger black nurse came over and smiled at me. I think she was the nurse-in-charge for the morning shift. Her name was Cassandra. I had to read her name badge to find out because I never bothered with their names before. She smiled at me and asked me how I was. I shrugged at her.

Then she asked me where Bec was and I ignored her. So she went off and went into my room.

A bit later she walked out, holding Bec by the hand. Bec followed along like a sheep. She led Bec right up to a chair next to me and told her to sit down. Then she pressed gently on Bec’s shoulders. Bec sat down and stared down at the table top.

Nurse Cassandra smiled at her and said, “You sit right there and one of the nurses will bring your breakfast.”

Then she turned to me and smiled and she said, “Bec’s a little bit spaced out right now. It happens sometimes. Be patient for a while and she’ll come back to life. In the meantime, she’s not going to talk much. You may need to help her to get started with her breakfast.”

I looked down at the table and felt stupid because I’d assumed Bec was deliberately ignoring me. I’d gotten angry and everything and all because of nothing. I’m such a loser, sometimes.

Nurse Cassandra smiled at us again and went off to another table. I never noticed how she was always smiling so much.

A moment later, one of the other nurses came up to our table with two breakfast trays. It was the same nurse who’s been trying to make me eat breakfast all week. She’s kind of older but not old like a grandmother and she’s a bit fat but not obese, if you know what I mean.

I looked at her name tag and it said “Nereida.”

Nurse Nereida slid a breakfast tray in front of me and took the cover off. “There you are, Mischa. Doesn’t that look nice?”

I glanced down at the plate and glared at her. They deliberately give me way more food than I could possibly eat.

Nurse Nereida had put the second tray in front of Bec and removed the cover. I took a second look because they’d given her more than they gave me.

Bec was rubbing her fingertips along the top of the table and now she moved her fingertips to the tray which had that rough surface to stop plates and things from sliding.

Then I remembered what the black nurse said – I mean Nurse Cassandra. She said I might need to help Bec get started so I reached over and took the silverware from Bec’s tray. I unrolled the paper napkin that was wrapped around the silverware and put the knife and fork into Bec’s hands. Bec’s hands closed around the silverware when I put them there so I figured that was good.

Then I flipped out the paper napkin. I was about to spread it out on Bec’s lap when I stopped because I had a better idea. I carefully tucked one corner into the neckline of her hospital pajamas and spread the rest out over her chest. Bec sat there and let me do all that without taking any notice of me.

So I said, “There you go, Bec. Now you can eat.”

Bec looked down at the plate for a moment and then she started moving her hands around to cut a piece of quiche and put it on her fork.

So I said, “I hope you like quiche. They’ve given you a huge slice. I don’t know why they think anybody would want to eat quiche in the morning. Quiche is so gross.”

Then Nurse Nereida said, “Don’t exaggerate, Mischa. How about you try some of yours.”

I scowled at her then looked down at my place. The quiche sat there looking gigantic and obscene with bits of stuff scattered through it. And there was a bagel and there was a bowl with slices of melon and there was a tub of yogurt and there was a carton of juice. So much food!

I stabbed the quiche with my fork and cut off a tiny sliver from one end. I stuck it into my mouth, chewed and then grimaced as I swallowed.

“Happy?” I said to the nurse. She grinned and looked pointedly back at my plate.

I speared a slice of melon and cut a section off it and I ate that.

Breakfast went on like that. Bec powered along silently beside me while I at a little bit at a time. Bec seemed to be taking more notice of what she was doing. At one point, she looked around and saw me and gave me a smile. Then she looked down at her plate and seemed surprised to see that it was half empty. Then she looked around the room to where the others were sitting at their tables and eating. There was a bit of conversation and clinking of silverware on plates so it wasn’t quiet.

In the end, I ate about half of what they gave me and Bec ate everything which was amazing. I mean, it’s not like she’s fat or anything. I never knew any girl before who could eat like that and not be fat.

After breakfast was over, Nurse Nereida suggested that Bec might like to have a shower and freshen up. Bec got some fresh hospital pyjamas and went off to have her shower. I was going to kick back in my room but that drawing was still looming over me so I went back out into the common area and sprawled out on the sofa for a while.

One of the doctors came in to see me. Not the shrink but one of the medical doctors who’s been in charge of me. He wasn’t wearing a name tag and I don’t remember his name. He has a weird kink in his left eyebrow so I think of him as Doctor Eyebrows.

Doctor Eyebrows took me into the medical exam room and sat me there while he poked and prodded all over me. He asked me all the usual questions about if anything hurts and whatever. He didn’t make me undress more than I am but what I was wearing made it easy for him. He did ask if he could examine my chest before he touched me there. Since I don’t actually have any tits I shrugged and nodded. He slid his hand under my top and carefully pressed around the area where my tits will eventually grow. I hope they will eventually grow, anyway. He had me step on the scales and did the calliper tests in different places.

Doctor Eyebrows mumbled to himself as he looked through my chart and then he wrote some extra stuff on it. Then he came back to me and sat down in front of me.

Then he said, “I have some good news for you.”

So I said, “What?”

Then he said, “Both your liver and kidney are now functioning properly and have been doing so for long enough that I think we can stop the aggressive monitoring regime.”

So I said, “Huh?”

Then he said, “That means we can stop the daily blood and urine tests and we can stop measuring volumes of fluids in and urine out.”

I blinked a couple of times while I thought about that.

Then I said, “So I don’t have to piss into a cup anymore?”

And he said, “We’re going to scale back to one urine test per week for now, but apart from that, no.”

So I said, “Hngh.”

Then he said, “Your weight is still below what I would consider healthy but you are making progress on that front. You’re starting to rebuild muscle mass and your skin tone is much healthier. All in all, I would say that you are coming along quite nicely.”

I nodded and looked down at my knobbly knees.