Chapter 12: Mischa and the Escape from Narnia (part 2)

Editor’s Note:
The next document is an extract from the journal of Mischa Doeple. Published with permission of the Doeple family.

Thursday, December 2nd continued.

We made our way down the hall of the hospital like it was some tunnel in a big fantasy computer game. We had two girls, me and Bec, dressed like dwarves, plus the centaur and the faun, all of us armed with medieval weapons. I wondered if we would suddenly hear corny music and get a message saying we’d finished a level and that we should get ready to start the next.

Around the corner the hallway was blocked by a wide set of doors. It was the entrance to the Children’s Ward. I knew that because of the big colorful sign over the doorway that said, “Children’s Ward Entrance.”

We all washed our hands using the hand sanitizer and then we went in. I looked around and saw that we were in a main area with lots of little rooms off along each side. A few beds had been wheeled out of their rooms and were pushed against the walls with the kids in the beds sitting up. In between the beds were a bunch of other kids sitting in chairs around the walls. There were some visiting kids and adults there as well. I could tell the difference because the visitors were in normal street clothes but the patients were wearing a variety of different robes over PJs.

Everyone was facing into the middle of the room and staring at us. They weren’t staring in a weird way like when people are thinking, “What the hell is going on?” but in an excited way like when they are thinking, “Here comes something fun.”

I was kind of freaked out. It was like this huge conspiracy where everyone knew what was going on but me.

The shrink strode into the center of the room. The others went with him. I had no choice but to do the same or I’d be left standing by myself.

The shrink looked around the room and a kind of excited hush fell over the room.

Then he started talking in a loud voice and he said, “I am Tumnus, faun of Narnia. My friends and I are trying to escape from the clutches of the evil White Witch, who calls herself the Queen of Narnia. Will you help us?”

There was a cheer from all the kids followed by an excited buzz of chatter.

Then the shrink pointed to the other end of the ward and he said in a loud voice, “Here she comes.” Then he turned to us. “Quickly, scatter and hide yourselves among the others.”

I looked and saw a woman in a long white dress wearing a crown and carrying a wand. I shook my head and looked again. It was a woman in a long white dress, wearing a crown and carrying a wand. Now I was really confused.

The others spread out to the sides of the room so they could mingle with the kids. I’d had enough of the confusion, so I grabbed the shrink’s elbow and walked beside him.

I talked to him in a kind of hissing whisper. “What’s going on? I don’t understand.”

He looked down at me and grinned. “The worst thing for kids in hospitals is boredom. It makes the time they are in here seem to stretch out forever and it’s been shown to slow healing. So we give lessons, tell stories, sing songs, put on plays, whatever we can come up with to entertain them and get them as active as they can manage without straining them too much.”

So I said, “Okay, I get that.” I gestured around the room. “But Narnia?”

He grinned and he said, “Great, isn’t it? One of the nurses was going to run a line-dancing lesson but we threw this together at the last minute. They’ll save the line-dancing for another day.”

So I said, “It’s not like I’m a shrink, or anything, but isn’t this bad for Bec? I mean, isn’t it affirming her delusion or whatever?”

He looked at me and raised his eyebrows. “Somebody’s been spending way too much time with psychologists.” Then he shook his head. “This won’t hurt Bec. Well, not enough to cause problems, anyway. But it will also help her, as well.”

I looked around and I said, “How?”

He winked at me. Then he said, “You’ll see.”

By that time, we were standing next to a bed with a little girl looking up at us. She smiled a big gap-toothed smile at me.

“You can be my vithitor,” she said and gestured for me to stand next to her.

The shrink patted my shoulder and then walked away.

“I don’t get vithitorth during the day ‘coth my parenth haffta work,” said the little girl.

So I said, “Okay.”

“You can be my Uncuw Derry the Dwarf,” she said.

I nodded at her and I said, “Uncle Derry it is.”

By that time, the woman in the white dress had made her way to the middle of the room.

She looked around the room and everyone stopped talking to look at her. She spoke in a loud voice.

“I am the Queen of all Narnia, known to some as the White Witch.”

A few of the kids booed and hissed.

She glared around the room. “Have a care how you speak to me for with a single wave of my wand, I can turn you into stone.”

She held up her wand and smiled an evil smile.

“My guards and I are searching for two young Daughters of Eve who are trying to escape from my dungeons. Has anyone here seen such creatures scurrying around?”

She was answered with silence. She gestured at her guards and they scattered around the room, looking under beds and peering into cupboards. She, herself, started going around the room talking to the children where they sat on chairs or lay in their beds.

I looked down at the little girl who had claimed me as her uncle.

I said to the girl, “So what’s your name? If I’m to be your Uncle Derry, I should probably know who you are.”

“Petwa,” said the little girl with another broad smile that showed off her missing front teeth.

Then she said, “I’m Petwa and I’m thixth.”

So I said, “Hi Petra. I’m Mischa. Why are you in here?”

Then she said, “I got burnded.”

She lifted the sheet and showed me that her entire right side was covered by neat white bandages from about the middle of her chest down to below her hip. The sheet stopped me from seeing how much further down her side the bandages went. She lowered the sheet again and giggled.

“I’m not wearing any pajamath, ‘coth of my bandageth, or underpanth, or anything,” she said. “It feelth weird.”

I didn’t know how to react to that so I said, “Nng.”

“Doesn’t it hurt?” I asked. “Your burns, I mean. Don’t they hurt?”

Petra shrugged. “Yeth. It hurth. But they put thtuff in my drip tho it doethn’t hurt too bad.”

She pointed at the stand next to her bed which had a hanging saline drip. The tube from the hanging bag disappeared under the sheet to where her other arm would be.

At that time, the White Witch came over and stood at the end of Petra’s bed.

“So, who are you then?” asked the witch.

“I’m Petwa,” said Petra.

“And who is this?” asked the witch, pointing at me.

“Thith ith my Uncuw Derry,” explained Petra.

The witch looked at me and frowned.

“Your uncle is a dwarf,” she said.

Petra nodded, “I’m a dwarf, too,” said Petra. “I’m vewy thmall.”

“I see,” said the witch. “Have either of you seen those two Daughters of Eve?”

“Nope,” said Petra. “We haven’t theen them anywhere.”

The witch looked at me. “What about you? Uncle Derry, was it? Have you seen the escaping Daughters of Eve?”

So I talked in the deepest, gruffest voice that I could manage. “No your majesty. I’ve just been standing here chatting to my niece Petra and we haven’t seen anybody else.”

“I see,” said the witch. “Very well then. I shall continue my search.”

I could swear I saw her eye twitch at me like she did a really quick wink. But then she turned away and moved on to the next kid.

Petra giggled and then she whispered to me. “We thure twicked her.”

I nodded and whispered back. “You did really well. She didn’t suspect a thing.”

“What do you think will happen now?” I asked Petra.

“We haffta help you ethcape. We can’t let the evil queen fine you.”

She was grinning happily and I got the impression that in her head she was bouncing up and down with excitement even if her body didn’t allow her to do that physically.

Over on the other side of the room I could see Dan the centaur giving a horsey ride to a little boy with a pad over one eye. He was giggling and clapping and having a whale of a time.

I found myself smiling. It was weird. We were only doing silly playacting for the kids but I was really getting into it. I was actually having fun. I never knew playacting with little kids could be so much fun.

A short time later, the witch went back to the center of the room and glared at everybody.

“The two Daughters of Eve seem to be hiding somewhere. Never fear, we will capture them. They will have to leave by that door to escape so I am going to station some guards there while I continue my search.”

She placed her guards in front of the other exit to the main room and stalked away.

Once she was gone, the shrink went back to the middle of the room.

“Thank you, my friends. With your help we have foiled the evil witch’s plans so far. But there is more to do. As you can see, the White Witch has posted guards at the exit to the dungeon. We’re going to need your help if our two fugitives are to escape. Who is willing to help us?”

The kids all cheered and clapped and waved.

“The only way we are going to get them past the guards is if we fight a battle. Who wants to join in a battle against the witch’s guards?”

Again, the kids all cheered and clapped and waved.

An orderly pushed out a wheeled recycling bin and stood it next to the shrink.

“We’re going to need some archers in the rear.” He reached into the recycling bin and pulled out a pump-action nerf-ball thrower.

“And, we’re going to need some soldiers in the front. Anybody who wants to be a soldier, come and get one of these swords.” He reached into the bin again and this time pulled out a foam noodle like kids play with in a swimming pool – except this was a bit shorter and stiffer.

“For the archers, maybe a visitor or an assistant could come and get something they can use.”

I looked down at Petra. “So, what do you want to do?”

“I want to be an archer. I can’t be a tholdier coth I can’t get out of bed.”

So I said, “I’ll go and get something for you.”

“Thankth.”

I nodded and joined the throng around the shrink and the orderly. They were surrounded by a bunch of excited little kids plus a few closer to my age who were trying to play it a bit cool but were still eager to be involved.

When I got to the front, I looked at the shrink. “Have you got something that’s good for one hand? Petra’s other hand has the drip in it and she can’t move it much.”

The shrink looked over at Petra and nodded at me. Then he reached in and pulled out something like a pistol except it fired foam bolts about three inches long.

“It takes two hands to reload,” said the shrink, “but she’ll be able to do that with her restricted hand. Here’s some extra ammunition. Maybe you could trot around and regather some of it once we get started.”

Then the shrink handed me a second pistol. “Here’s one for you as well. I know you’re a bit old for this stuff but you should join in anyway. It’s good for the kids to see older people joining in.” He winked at me, like he knew I would secretly enjoy it.

I shrugged and took the pistols in one hand and the handful of foam bolts in the other. I shook my head at the shrink like I couldn’t believe all of this was going on but then I went back to Petra and gave her one of the pistols and some of the ammo.

Petra’s eyes went wide with excitement when she saw the stuff I was giving her and she said, “Cool. Thith ith tho much fun.”

Once everyone had some sort of weapon to use, the shrink got everyone’s attention again. That took a bit of effort because there was an excited noise around the room and a few impromptu sword fights had broken out.

Eventually the shrink had enough people being quiet and watching so he could get things started.

He gestured at the line of guards. “We’re going to attack in two waves. First the archers under the command of Derry the Dwarf.” He pointed at me and I froze because everyone turned to look at me.

“Then a line of soldiers will go forward led by our other dwarf, Merry.” He pointed at Bec who glared back at him and then gave one quick, determined nod and waved her ax menacingly.

Now the guards, who seemed to have been completely deaf while everyone did their planning, took several steps forward and stood in a line. They gripped their foam weapons and looked fierce.

The shrink gestured at me and made some weird hand signal. I looked at him and tried to figure out what he wanted. He repeated the hand signal and I got that he wanted me to start the attack.

I felt really stupid because I didn’t know what to do. I held my pistol over my head and waved it. I yelled out, “Archers!”

Suddenly everyone was looking at me. I gulped and waved my pistol again.

“Archers! Get ready. Set! Go!”

I swung my pistol down like it was the starting flag for a race. Instantly there was chaos. Foam balls and darts and bolts flew everywhere. Maybe half of them went towards the guards. The rest went nearly everywhere else. The guards staggered around and clutched at where they’d been hit as they acted out being hurt by the foam missiles.

It took a moment of me staring at the chaos before I remembered to fire my pistol.

Along with everyone else, Petra had fired. Her bolt had gone straight toward the line of guards but it had dipped down and landed about two feet in front of them.

Petra pouted. Then she said, “I mithd.”

I waved my pistol around above my head and yelled out, “Keep firing.”

Then I spoke more quietly to Petra. “That’s okay. You got close. Try again. This time, try aiming above his head.”

She held the pistol in her other hand while she pulled back the firing mechanism and loaded another bolt. Then she aimed high and fired.

This time her bolt sailed up and looped gracefully down to plunk right onto the foot of one of the guards.

Petra exclaimed “Yeth!” and waved the pistol around in celebration.

So I said, “That was awesome. You did great. Try again.”

I reloaded and fired my pistol again. My shot sailed off into the gap between two of the guards and plunked into the wall behind them.

At that moment, Bec waved her big ax. All the kids huddled around her screamed, “Charge!”

They raced forward in a ragged line with Bec in the middle – all of them yelling like maniacs. A couple of kids in wheelchairs zoomed ahead. I saw the shrink reach out and snag Bec, pulling her out of the charge so that the little kids could do all of the work.

I looked around, wondering if I should tell the archers to stop firing before they started hitting our side. All of the kids in the beds were still shooting wildly, not caring too much if one of the foot soldiers got in the way. Since the foam balls bounced harmlessly off their backs, I decided not to bother. They were having too much fun. It would be a shame to stop it.

I started laughing at what was going on, then I turned to Petra and said, “Keep shooting.”