Chapter 15

Rowena shook her head vehemently and almost lost herself again. She was quiet for a moment keeping herself together.

‘It wasn’t a choice to be barren,’ she explained eventually, when she was composed again. ‘My doctor told me there was an incredibly low chance of my ever getting pregnant, a one in a million possibility, nearly infinitesimal. It was supposed I would never be able to have a child of my own. It didn’t seem at all likely. But... ‘

‘You’re going to,’ I said, and Ro turned to face me more.

‘Yes,’ she said.

‘I’m a little confused,’ Mel said slowly. ‘The way you talked about your doctor’s prognosis ... it was as if being unable to have children was bad news to you, and that you wanted them ... so why are you now so upset that the miracle has happened? I would have thought you’d be brimming with joy.’

‘That’s just the thing. It doesn’t seem like I am, but I am, it’s only ... Red.’

‘What about Red?’ I asked Ro, darkly. Adding up the evidence with detective mathematics led to only one possibility, as far as I was concerned--and not one I was happy with.

‘He ... he, um,’ Ro began, her voice trembling. She sniffed loudly and gratefully accepted the scraggly tissue Mel offered her, wiping her eyes and blowing a runny nose. When she settled herself again, she started over.

‘Red is not ready for children,’ she said, as steadily and calmly as she’d ever been. ‘We’d discussed this--my inability to become pregnant, that is--and he said he was happy with it because he wasn’t ready to be a father, probably not ever, if not for a long time. And when he was, we could adopt, was the suggestion. His career and academics are incredibly important to him right now, and I have to say, I know he’ll go far.

‘I wasn’t concerned about pregnancy when we were intimate; I’ve gone without birth control for many years now, with no results. However, I’ve also never been with a partner long-term, and therefore have not had such frequent and prolonged sexual encounters. I was so surprised when I didn’t menstruate, and you could have knocked me over with a feather when I idly took a test and it turned out to be positive.

‘When Red found out about my pregnancy, he was furious and thought I’d lied to him. I love him; I wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t listen to me when I tried to reason with him, and I never asked him to give up his education, career, or future, not for a second.’

‘If he really loved you, he wouldn’t give a second thought,’ I said angrily. ‘He would be overjoyed for you and would work something out. It doesn’t have to be at his cost! You can--’

Mel lay a gentle hand on my arm, quieting me. I murmured an apology sincerely, but still meant every word I’d said.

In a much quieter, more controlled voice, I asked, ‘So what are you going to do now?’

Ro was silent for a moment, and when she spoke, she didn’t look up from the depths of her cocoa cup.

‘I never thought I needed to plan for this circumstance, but I’m calm, and I know what I’ll do. I never once asked Red to give up his education, nor do I ever expect or wish him to, not even a little bit. I have some money saved up, and the school will give me mat leave. I think it’ll all be fine. I’ll be working for seven more months before taking the leave, maybe eight, and there’s plenty of time to scrimp and penny-pinch to make sure it goes well.’ She sighed. ‘I love Red, and I want him to trust and love me back. But I am not going to pass up the chance to hold my own child in my arms. If he feels we are too big a responsibility for him, or that he’s not ready, then so be it. I can manage, and hope eventually he’ll change his mind.’

Mel hugged her.

‘I think you’re making the right choice,’ she said softly. ‘Let’s go in for a bit now. I just need to call Mum and tell her we won’t be home tonight.’

Rowena’s guest bedroom was cosy, situated in a corner of the house I hadn’t seen before.

Mel was curled up in bed facing the window. I crawled in the bed behind her and spooned myself around her body, the boxspring creaking and heaving all the time. For all its noise and rattles, it was incredibly comfortable.

She wasn’t asleep. I pressed my face into her hair.

‘I don’t get it,’ I finally murmured. ‘Red’s not acting at all like himself. He’s ALWAYS been reasonable, collected, calm in the face of chaos, able to see the truth of things and accept them. Why is he now none of those things, and worse than just that?’

I felt, rather than heard, Melody sigh.

‘I don’t know,’ she admitted. ‘I agree with you. He’s completely upside down from his normal personality. Maybe it’s the closeness of everything, the reality. He does love Ro, but he never expected to have a child. This miracle has happened, but it’s too close to home and he balks, completely losing his marbles over it.’

‘That sounds probable,’ I agreed. ‘I just hope he comes to and believes her. Otherwise, Red’ll be passing up a big chance he’ll likely never get again.’

Mel murmured her agreement, and we were almost asleep when the door creaked open as quietly and as softly as possible.

‘Are you awake?’ Ro whispered, to either of us or both of us.

We both murmured ‘yes,’ to some effect, and she crept up to the bed.

‘Can I join you just for this night? For some comfort?’ She pleaded.

I moved back in the bed by our unspoken consent, and Mel moved back to fit into me, leaving room for Rowena in front of her. The older woman slipped under the covers and put her arms around Mel, cuddling as close as my love’s swollen belly would allow. Mel kissed her forehead, smoothing back black locks, and Ro slept within five minutes.

The two of us knew she hadn’t been seeking sexual intimacy with either or both of us. Neither would we have been willing to give it at this point if she had. Comfort was another matter. If all worked out, Mel would be her sister-in-law, and they were friends, and we’d all been lovers. Some were future ties, some present, some former, yet they still bonded us. We welcomed Rowena into our bed as we would our child plagued by nightmares, and we all slept.

The morning was cold and bright. Rowena bundled up with us and rode in the backseat to the D’Mitri household. She was a little green by the time we stopped, and took a moment to just sit on the front porch before we went in. Red was at the table, surprisingly in his pajamas, eating cold cereal.

When his gaze fell on Ro, he stood and his hackles rose as he prepared to be angry and affronted. Before anything else could happen, I clapped him on the back.

‘Sit down, Red,’ I told him, friendly enough, but with a deal of firmness. He sat, if not reluctantly.

Rowena sat too, across from him, and I sat next to him. Mel went to the sofa and watched our exchange.

‘Put on your working glasses, Red,’ I told him. ‘Become impersonal for a moment. Look, see, and hear with all your education and all you’ve learnt in the forefront. Rowena is going to tell you again about her news, and I want you to tell us if you think she’s lying.’

‘I’m not warmed up,’ he said sourly, in a flat tone, but didn’t move.

‘All right,’ I said. ‘Try one on me for more practise first, then go to Ro. Use all your micro-expression learning.’

Red’s eyes narrowed. ‘Fine.’

I looked straight at him, trying to keep my expression deadpan.

‘Melody’s baby might not be mine,’ I said.

I’d told her this on the way there, that I might have to do such a thing for Red, and she’d actually suggested I use the lie for him.

‘No,’ he said immediately, calm and professional. ‘Notwithstanding your personal lying ticks, there’s no way you or Mel would ever be unfaithful to one another. You’re too deeply devoted and well suited.’

‘Of course, you’re right,’ I said. ‘Now, analyze Ro.’

Red turned to Rowena with an unflinching, professional, impersonal gaze. She swallowed hard and had difficulty meeting his closed-off eyes.

‘I’m pregnant with your child. I never meant for this to happen, and believed it could not. I did not lie to you and never would, and I do not expect for you to forsake your education.’

Red stared at her longer than he had at me. Finally he turned away, murmuring, ‘You’re telling the truth.’

Rowena relaxed somewhat--we all did. At least Red was seeing sense to some degree. For a moment he stood with his back to us, looking out the kitchen window, and then he turned around and faced Ro, the expression on his face open and vulnerable. Red opened his arms and she went to him, burying her face in his shoulder. They disappeared to Red’s room, still clinging to one another, and Mel rose from the sofa, holding her belly.

‘That went quite well,’ she said cheerfully, and sat down in front of Red’s abandoned cereal bowl and began to eat.

Rowena and Red spent some serious time talking and getting intimate in his room. When they re-emerged, we learnt of their plan in bits and pieces over the period of a few days. It was a simple plan, but a good one.

Red wanted his child to know its father, and he wanted to be a big part of their baby’s life, a real father figure. He would finish his education fully, find a job, and then after a short time be fully prepared to provide a house and home for his family. In the meantime, Rowena would work, and even afterwards--she didn’t want to give up her job either, except for the allotted amount of maternity leave. They still weren’t sure what they’d decide for the baby while both were working, but there was plenty of time to figure that out.

A few afternoons afterwards, Mel and I were out in the backyard, stirring a fire and baking potatoes in it, bundled up and nursing steaming mugs of tea.

‘You know what they said about not knowing what to do with the baby when they’re both working?’ Mel began, stirring the fire absently and gazing deep into the hot coals, but obviously not seeing them. Her mind was somewhere else.

‘Yes,’ I said, sipping from my mug.

‘Well, I’ve been thinking,’ Mel said. ‘I was thinking ... I’m going to be at home anyway. Maybe even growing a second child inside me at the time. I was thinking that I could take care of my niece or nephew at the same time I’m taking care of our son.’

I was quiet for a moment. The possibility had indeed occurred to me as well, but I hadn’t brought it up.

‘We’ll have to see what they say,’ I said cautiously, ‘and what’s going on at the time. But otherwise, I like it. I think it’s a great idea. The only thing I’d be concerned about is you overtaxing yourself.’

Mel smiled at me. ‘Oh, piffle. I’ll be fine. They’ll both be little toddling creatures of mass destruction.’

We went back to sitting quietly before the second half of her last sentence sunk into my brain.

‘Hang on, did you say our SON? You went and found out? I thought we weren’t going to! We didn’t want to!’