Chapter 4

With all the nonsense of the past few days over, it will be nice to get back to my regular routine. I normally don’t do a whole lot, just try to keep busy and distracted. I read quite a bit online, that probably fills most of my time. I download TV shows and movies, but most of those are for Ted and his family. I do play WoW still, with the same friends I have played with since 2006, so almost 12 years. I am a little burned out on WoW, so typically I only show up for raids or scheduled content. I don’t cook much, simply because I am lazy. When I do cook, it is usually very tasty. Even with my living room full of exercise equipment, I find it difficult to get motivated to workout. Besides my monthly errands to the grocery store, that is the extent of my existence.

I did go outside the next day and play with my new powers. I pulled air down from the upper atmosphere and cleared out all the smoke. It also dropped the temperature by at least ten degrees, which isn’t a bad thing this time of year. I cleared the few leaves and twigs off my deck with wind. Out of boredom I cleared the entire quarter mile driveway as well. One thing I noticed while screwing around, is the hand motions aren’t really necessary, I was able to direct air with just intent. I found using my hands was much easier to visualize though. I quickly got bored and went back inside.

There just isn’t very much usefulness with this ... power. Sure I could stop or alter weather patterns. I could even probably make it rain if there is enough moisture in the air. I just don’t see myself driving around stopping tornadoes and hurricanes. I was able to give myself an oxygen high by pushing the nitrogen and carbon dioxide away from my body. I started getting a headache after too much, and quit. I just wasn’t impressed. Maybe I lack the imagination needed to really make this power useful. More likely I got this power as a cosmic joke.

Lets face it. I am not on the top of any lists that would convey a likely power. I am average, and in some cases below average. I am poor in finances and motivation. A couple years ago I was actively waiting to die and relieve myself of the torment of life. Now I know I can’t commit suicide, and I am not going to die anytime soon of natural causes. I have given up on life and it’s possibilities. I only see pain, boredom, and torture in my future. I have been given a useless power. Useless because I can’t afford to drive around and stop tornadoes and hurricanes. Useless because I don’t have the imagination or intelligence to use it to its fullest extent possible.

I guess it is just icing on the cake. Just another thing to use and demean myself with. Great! One more thing to add to the list.

At the top of my form I was twenty three years old. At the top of my from I had extreme difficulty on runs faster then seven minute miles. For any runners out there, you know how pathetic that is. We ran in the Army. On any given week we ran a minimum of 30 miles, and the most I ever ran in a week was 80 miles. While running I always sounded like I had asthma. People that didn’t know me would give me cautious looks wondering when I was going to pass out and die. I just didn’t have the lung capacity to breathe like a normal runner. I didn’t give up or fall out, which gave my mediocre performance more credence. Some would try to coach me telling me to find a rhythm, and not breathe constantly. It never worked, and that was when I was twenty three.

Now I am ready to fall over and die walking a few hundred feet on a slight incline.

Sure, if I trained everyday I could probably get close to my previous level. What would be the benefit though? That is a ton of work. Not to mention the problems with my toes and knees, how painful it would be. I don’t mean muscle soreness and pain, that is a given. I mean my 2 two shot knees would scream at me all night after a single run. I mean my ingrown toe nails cutting into my flesh and getting infected. Assuming I wouldn’t have a heart attack and die anyway, the pain would be excruciating. To what benefit?

So skipping running for now, lets look at working out. There is only so much you can do without a partner. There is only so far you can get without a spotter. All the exercises you can do on your own will only make what you have a little stronger. When I say little, I mean minuscule, barely measurable. You don’t start really gaining strength until you cant do the movement anymore, and your partner helps you do three more. Those last three repetitions are more then one hundred times more valuable for your strength training then the previous twenty reps you did on your own. If you just want to tighten the muscles you have and increase your stamina, you don’t need a partner ... but I am fat. I need the strength training to increase my size. I need the size to burn the fat.

Let me explain it like this. When you go running, do aerobics, yoga, or any other cardio activity ... You stop burning calories about thirty minutes after you stop the activity. When you strength train, or weight train, any anaerobic activity at sufficient intensity you don’t stop burning calories for over four hours afterwards. Cardio is stamina training, meaning the muscles you are using aren’t getting stronger, they are getting more efficient in their use. The amount of calories you burn is very predictable because of this. So to burn off the calories of eating that piece of chocolate sin cake is very easy to determine with cardio. With strength training, your muscles are getting torn down and rebuilt. When they are rebuilt they get larger. Muscle soreness is the result, and can be very painful depending on the intensity of the workout. The bigger they are the more calories they use to recover. The more intense the workout the more calories used to recover. The reason you burn calories for so long after strength training is because it takes time to rebuild your muscles. The amount of calories burnt is exponentially more for the same amount of time and intensity spent exercising strength versus cardio.

So to reach an equilibrium with my current fat versus calories burnt, I need to at least reach my previous size and strength. This is impossible without a spotter.

You could of course reduce your calorie intake, but that is just starving yourself. Without the guidance of a nutritionist that path is actually more dangerous then being fat. I am a firm believer that my body is smarter then I am when it comes to what it needs. When I have a craving for something specific, I know there is something in that food my body is short of. I also know from the Army that usually when you are hungry, you need to drink more water. Obviously cravings for cookies, cake, and candy doesn’t apply, I am talking about normal food. Have you ever wondered why women have such strange cravings when they are pregnant? Besides the irregular hormones, I believe it is the bodies way of telling us what we need.

The most important thing in your body is your brain. Your brain regulates tens of thousands of chemicals throughout your body. This effects everything from how well your food digests to how well you sleep at night. It even determines how good of an orgasm you have, or if you have one at all. Of course the body feeds the brain, and the brain accounts for the use of more then twenty percent of the energy the body produces. If your body is out of shape or sickly, it effects the brain. I know this first hand. While I am sure some of the symptoms I recognize can be tied to age, I am also sure that all of them can’t. When I was in the Army I could briefly see a nine digit number and two weeks later I could tell you that number. Today I have trouble remembering my zip code, and I have had the same one since 2014. I have always had difficulty remembering names, but numbers were my thing. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but to me it is compounding.

I have been poor all my life. Well maybe not poor, but on an extreme budget. The only exception to this was when I worked in Detroit at my only real job. When I worked there I put all my extra money into my house. This saved me from being homeless for over a year, but at the same time the real estate bubble popped, and I lost over half the value of my house. Even in the Army, after getting out of training schools, the first thing I was given was a $500 credit with AAFES so I could buy all the gear I needed for my first unit. That credit didn’t cover it all over the years. I probably spent more then $5k on Army gear before I got out after 7 years. When Bekca and I filed bankruptcy we had over $60k in credit card debt alone, and most of that was from the Army. Sure I made between $15k and $30k a year in the Army, but living cost money, especially off post.

Now don’t cry me a river. My standard of living was always well above the international average. It was also well below the national average. I don’t think I ever went without food and was hungry, at least not often. I don’t remember ever being near freezing except when I lived in Ted’s RV. Technically I was homeless when I lived in Ted’s RV, but it was the best possible homeless someone can get. I had electricity via extension cords, and Ted let me use his bathroom when I needed it.

As lucky as I have had it on the bottom, I have always been on the bottom. I wouldn’t say I am jealous of people with money, more like I am disgusted with how wasteful they are. When I can, I buy quality, because I know buying crap always cost more.

Take my advice, don’t piss off poor people. They don’t have much to lose, and with a few simple movements can ruin the rest of your life. Sure your money might save you from the worst of it, but you will still have scars. Nothing changed for that poor person, they are still poor. In fact their life might be better in prison than on the street.