She looked at me. God what do I do? Fuck. Do I stare back? No, I have crazy eyes. I have no idea how to do this. Guys are easy, you just show literally any interest and they get the hint, most of the time. When they don’t it becomes more complicated, but whatever. Any guy I’ve ever wanted to be with, I just went for it. Girls were ... different. It’s more complex. The flirtation is friendly, smiling, touching, but can pretty easily be misinterpreted as just normal conversation. Or, if you get yourself a crush on a straight girl; watch out. Anyway, I digress. This girl in front of me is pretty perfect. I can’t think of a time I saw more perfect lips. The mouth has always been what I notice first on anyone’s face. Hers was ... kind. Full lips that made a subtle upturn at the side. When she smiled at the busboy, one side of her mouth lifted just a bit higher than the other. Is that ... it’s a dimple on her cheek. Small but definitely there. I can’t see the color of her eyes but I know that they focused on me and lingered for a moment just seconds ago. I need to know her name. If this moment passes me by without even trying I might actually die. Not really, but you get the point. Those eyes, that mouth, they captured me and took me in and now I am imagining what it would be like to live in the country with a dog and chickens with this brunette that obviously loves animals and is a vegetarian and has 3 brothers and finished college but decided to do non profit work for a local charity while feeding the homeless and solving climate change and “All set?” A pleasant waiter just rudely interrupted my girl crush fantasy and now I’m startled and, god what the hell? Embarrassed. As I reach for my wallet I overturn a sugar dispenser. Of course it makes a loud cracking sound against my laptop that is now lookin’ a lot like Christmas with the tiny grains of sugar dotting the keyboard. The brunette with the smile looked up at me and must have noticed my awkward exchange. Then she did the most amazing thing. She smiled, then winked. Oh my god, that was the most thrilling feeling I’ve ever felt in my life. My heart is pounding and I know I’m blushing so hard my ears are red. What do I do?

The waiter hands me back my card and I start to get up to leave. This has been enough excitement for the day. I can’t see myself actually talking to this girl and making any sense. I need to get to a place that isn’t so crowded so I can bury my head in my hands and retreat into self pity with some chocolate. One day I’ll work up the nerve to really talk to a girl. Today is not that day. I hurry out the cafe door and vow to never return. A solemn promise to myself. I turn into the side alley and walk toward my car.

“Hi, I’m May.” I heard a voice say behind me. I turn to find the brunette standing 2 feet from me.

“Oh, hi.” I say, eyebrows raised in surprise. “I’m Davey.”

“I had a class with you last semester. You killed the curve on the final and I barely squeaked by.” She said smiling. Why the hell is she smiling if she is upset? Maybe she is crazy.

“Well I can’t apologize for that. What class? “ I say, almost bitchy but curious now.

“Pathophysiology. You crushed it. I was always so jealous!”

“Oh! Yeah that was a fun class. Well you’ll be happy to know I dropped out right after that.”

“What the fuck? No way?! Why?! You were the one person in there I knew would go on to be some hotshot epidemiologist or something.” Aw, that’s nice.

“Truth is, it’s not my passion. I enrolled in culinary school and now instead of crushing patho tests I’m crushing garlic.” Did I really just say that?

“You are so weird.” She said with a smile that made be believe that she meant that in a nice way.

I look down and smile shyly. I’m bad at this and I’m not sure where to take the conversation now so I try my best to just save a little face before I do something awkward or embarrassing and have to stay up all night eating cereal and replaying it in my head. “I should get going. Good to see you again.” Nailed it.

“Yeah.” She seemed to want to talk more, but I desperately needed to escape and feel my social anxiety wash over me. “Hey you have a car? Can I get a ride? It’s not far, just over by Wendover and 72nd.”

“Uh ... yeah. Yeah, that’s ... I’m ... that’s on my way. I’ll drop you.” Is she going to rob me? What kind of person just talks to another human being? Geez, this is making me uncomfortable.

We spend the next 10 minutes making small talk about food and school. She just graduated last term and is working for her brother’s startup and they are launching a new app next month that she helped develop. She got her degree in biology, but after pathology she decided maybe she would lean on some different options. I myself was pre-med until the big kick that made me lose my goddamn mind and start living my best life, as the kids say. But that’s a story she’s not ready for. I turn into the lot of a small townhouse complex and she guides me to her unit (hehe c’mon that’s funny). As I pull into the designated spot and expect her to exchange her pleasantries and ‘peace out my whip’ (I know y’all, I got jokes) she turns to me and smiles that cute little crooked smile. Her teeth are perfect, her eyes are blue, she wears makeup, but not too much. I didn’t notice before. Maybe I was too insecure or too shy to really look at her face. She smelled really good, too. Like citrus and flowers, a clean smell. That smile. My heart was crushing into my chest at this point. What did she want?

“Look, I know you probably don’t remember this, but you saved me last year.” I’m sure I looked confused because she continued without prodding. “We were having this party at my sorority ‘ah a sorority girl. Should have known’ and this guy there put something in my drink.”

Ah, suddenly a spark of recognition. “I do remember! God he was such a tool. I’m so glad your friends listened to me and had those frat boys kick him out! I wasn’t even supposed to be there. My friend Gwen was there trying to pick up some girl and I was her wingwo-” oh ... boy. “I was being supportive I guess.” I said with a smile and tried to brush it off.

“I remember you.” She said “You were wearing this green t-shirt and jeans. Your hair was a little messier than today and you were wearing converse sneakers with a heart drawn on one of the toes.” Is she flirting with me?! “And I remember this tattoo peeking out from under the sleeve of the t-shirt.”

“I’ve ... got a few tattoos” I say. I am not suave, nor sexy nor cute at this point and I know she sees how uncomfortable I am. It’s not because I don’t like her! I would give anything to be confident enough to kiss her right now, take her up to her apartment and ... we’ll this isn’t helping my anxiety.

“Do you ... want to come in? I’ve got a recipe for macarons I’ve been dying to try but I have no clue how to even get started” Well, how the fuck did she guess my French cookie weakness?

“I’ll go. But only because I fucking love macarons.” I smile.

We exit the car as it starts to rain. We hurry up the walk to her door and she unlocks it. Immediately I see that her place is small, but not cluttered. There’s wood floors and a white rug near the cream colored couch. A small kitchen with a stand mixer. It’s nice. It smells like her. I’m bout to change that. It’s about to smell like merengue and almond flour and sugar. I fucking love macarons.