Chapter 21

We walked in silence the short distance to Alhana’s house, I was a bit preoccupied and Wishes didn’t seem inclined to disturb me although I noticed her casting glances my way from time to time.

I don’t know why but I was feeling on edge this evening. We had spent a lovely day at Eden, great sex afterwards. I should have been feeling on top of the world but instead I was feeling, well I’m not sure what I was feeling but I didn’t feel quite right.

Dinner felt a little bit awkward as well, her brother Agrian was visiting and I’m not sure if it was me he had taken a dislike to or our relationship. When we arrived everything seemed fine, I was introduced to Agrian and although he seemed a little distant he was pleasant enough.

We sat at the table and Alhana brought out a huge liver and onion casserole in a rich gravy. It was delicious but I kept finding the looks that Agrian gave Wishes and I annoying. He didn’t say anything untoward but I could tell that he wasn’t happy, and after a while I was catching glances from Wishes that made me wonder if she was having second thoughts in the light of her twin brother’s disapproval. All through dinner I had the strangest urge to snap at them both, which was most unlike me!

Eventually I excused myself from the table and went to the loo to calm down before I gave the judgemental moron a piece of my mind or said something to hurt my lover. I sat on the toilet for a while just trying to relax and clear my mind.

Feeling a little better I left the loo to return to the dining room, I was in the hallway about to open the dining room door when I overheard Agrian talking.

“She’s lovely ‘Chez, really sweet. And you look like you’ve just won the lottery.”

I heard Wishes laugh.

“Yeah she is, Oh Ag’ I feel so happy it should be illegal.”

I heard him chuckle before he said.

“Well you make sure you look after the girl.”

I had to step further back into the hall and lean against the wall for a moment.

How in hell had I misjudged Wishes’ brother so badly! I was convinced he had taken an instant dislike to me.

“Are you okay love?” I heard Wishes ask from nearby.

I opened my eyes and looked at Wishes’ concerned face. Giving her a wane smile I shrugged my shoulders slightly.

“I’m just feeling a bit weird tonight.” I said, I suddenly felt very tired, I know we had walked quite a distance around Eden today but for some reason my body felt heavy, leaden.

Wishes smiled and gave me a quick kiss.

“Do you usually get like this when you’re due?” She asked me, “Carrie always gets a case of the grumps but I usually just feel a little bit bloated.”

I looked at her blankly for a moment then things fell into place, I remembered days when Maddie would get irritated by the slightest thing I did. We had never actually discussed the reasons behind it, men didn’t talk about “Women’s problems” back then, but I was aware that those days always preceded her monthly visitor.

I hugged Wishes and gave my best effort at a smile.

“I don’t remember honey, but I would guess that’s a yes.”

Reaching into her bag Wishes handed me a thick pastel pink envelope.

“Here better use one of these just in case you start soon.”

Taking the package I gave Wishes a quick kiss.

“Thanks hun, I’ll be right out, okay?”

“Okay babe, see you in a minute.” Wishes said and squeezing my arm she walked back to the living room.

I looked down at the envelope in my hands and the evening kind of made a bit more sense to me now. My more assertive lovemaking, the strange edgy feeling, the irritation at apparently imagined slights and my current lassitude. I was building up to my first period for the new me. Retreating to the bathroom I opened the packet and removed a sanitary towel that looked like it was far smaller than the ones that Maddie used to keep in the bathroom cabinet. It only took a moment for me to fit it into my panties then after washing my hands again I walked back to the living room.

I made the effort to present a cheerful face to Wishes’ family with probably limited results. Thankfully Wishes rescued me after a half an hour when she announced we had to make a move. Saying our goodbyes we left to walk home.

Again the walk was in silence, I was trying to get used to a whole new set of feelings that had suddenly been dumped on me. The strange part was that although this was all very new to me as Graham there was a faint echo in the back of my mind of Linda going through this month after month. Wishes seemed to be content to walk along holding my hand and giving me space to work out what was happening to me.

There was no lovemaking tonight when we went to bed, we cuddled for a time and for some reason I don’t quite understand I found myself crying my eyes out. My love held me tightly to her chest until I fell asleep.

I awoke in the middle of the night needing a pee, going to the bathroom I found a spot of blood on the towel. On Wishes advice I had worn a pair of panties to bed for the first time since we had been together. In the bathroom cabinet I found Wishes’ pads and changed the one that I had worn to bed, I made of a note of the packet so that I could get some more in the morning.

Washing my hands I left the bathroom and crept downstairs. Putting the kettle down I sat with the laptop on the kitchen table and using the internet I found an advice page for teenage girls about menstruation.

Reading the web page about the affects some women can experience during the menstrual cycle seemed to open a floodgate. I was overwhelmed for a moment as Linda’s experiences with her periods from her first bleed at twelve through her teenage years and into adulthood burst upon me.

I think it took me about a half an hour to remember that I had put the kettle on to boil. Reheating the water and making my tea I sat back down at the keyboard. I could sense that as more of “Linda’s” memories had come to me I had lost a little more of my identity as “Graham.” I had very mixed feelings about this, I mean I had packed more love, more living into two weeks as Linda than I had in my last twenty years as Graham. But my sense of self was rooted in the personality that had developed over seventy odd years into the man known as Graham, I had changed so much in the last couple of weeks, and I don’t mean just the physical changes, who would I be in six months time, or in twenty years time. There was not much I could do about it anyway, already when I read some of the things that I had written about Graham’s life some of the details seem like a ghost of a memory.