Chapter 4

They walked around the grounds of the Art Center that evening, following the crowd, looking at the vendor’s stands. He bought Carol a souvenir T-shirt despite her protesting that she didn’t need one. He ignored her, insisting it was a touristy thing to do. Finally, they went down and selected a place on the hillside and spread their blanket. John set down the insulated bag holding the bottle of wine and the cheese they’d picked up on the way over.

“I can see what you meant,” she looked at the unobstructed view down to the stage, “it’d sort of be like a picnic with live music.”

“That was the idea, but like I said, we have seats, if you’d rather sit under the roof.”

“No, do you know how long it’s been since I was on a picnic? I say we stay here.”

She sat down, leaning forward on her drawn up knees. She looked up at him smiling and batted her eyes theatrically.

“Care to join me there, sailor?”

“Gosh ma’am,” he replied in a fake hayseed accent, “is all the wimmin’ in this town this friendly?”

“Only around good looking sailor boys like you, who just got paid. You did just get paid didn’t you?”

“Yes ma’am, only I set it down on a blanket on the ship to count it and some feller yelled “CRAPS!’ and snatched it all up. Durndest thing ever I did see.”

“All your money? Well then, that’s the only snatch you’ll be seeing tonight.” Then she suddenly made a shocked face, realizing what she’d said, and quickly looked around to see if anyone had heard her. “Good God, did I say that? Sorry, I got carried away. I forgot where I was at.”

“That’s all right,” he sat down alongside her, putting his hand on her back reassuringly, “plenty of New York City girls up here, everyone’s used to you guys and your filthy mouths.”

“Good, there’s safety in numbers, I always say. Besides, you’re the one who brought the word into the conversation.”

“Guilty as charged,” he admitted, “I’m just no damned good, a bad influence.”

“I know,” she said happily, “my parents warned me about people like you when I was a kid.”

They waited patiently, watching the crowd as they came in, some heading down to their seats, others staking out a spot on the grass. Below on the stage, they could see the stagehands making their final adjustments to the orchestra’s chairs, testing the sound equipment and lighting. Finally they could see the musicians coming in, taking their seats. There was a last minute rush of people who’d been standing around on the upper edge of the amphitheater going down to find their seats. Then there came the confusion of sound as instruments were tested by individuals and sections. The amphitheater lights dimmed as the concert began.

The selection of music was a mix of popular tunes that ranged from depression-era big band sounds through 1970’s pop; Glen Miller to Billy Joel. As evening faded into dusk, John fished out the bottle of wine and a cork screw from the bag. Opening it, he handed Carol a plastic cup and filled it.

“Oh, I see we’re using the good crystal tonight.”

“Yes, nothing but the best for you, m’lady.”

As they sipped their wine, listening to the music, she moved closer to him and leaned against him. He put his arm around her, he could hear her humming softly to herself along with the song, felt her body swaying slightly almost undetectably with the music. It seemed to him that he’d never wanted to be with another woman as badly as he wanted to be with her now. He wanted to tell her this, but wasn’t sure how or what to say. He didn’t want to do or say anything to ruin the moment.

Darkness descended rapidly, contributing to the mood. At one point he noticed her staring up at the sky. Glancing upwards himself, he asked her quietly.

“Something going on up there?”

“No, just looking at the stars. I haven’t done that in a long time, so long that I can’t remember the last time. You don’t notice them in the city too much, but it’s hard to ignore them here.”

She lowered herself back slowly, lying on her back, one arm behind her head, holding the cup of wine on her stomach. John leaned back on his elbow, looking at her.

“Do you know much about the stars? You know, like their names and the constellations and stuff.”

“No, nothing, I just wonder why I’ve never noticed how beautiful the night sky can be. Look at them all, damn, and I never paid any attention.”

“Well, like you said, there’s not much opportunity to see them in the city.”

“Yeah, but before that I lived in Ohio, didn’t notice it back then either.” She looked over at him, “Maybe it’s the company I’m with.”

“You never know.” What he didn’t mention was that she’d never know how much he wished it was the company, how much he wanted to believe he could be source of the serenity that seemed to have engulfed her. Silently, he sat up again. He fished into the bag and brought out two plastic containers of cubed cheese, then a box of crackers. Seeing him get the food, Carol sat up.

“Weren’t planning on eating alone, were you?”

“A man can always dream, but as long as you’re up, ‘ he pointed to first one tub then the other, “muenster and gouda. You’ll have to use your fingers, didn’t bring the silverware.”

Sitting on the lawn, sipping wine, nibbling on cheese and crackers in the darkness, John felt an incredible sense of closeness to the woman at his side. The orchestra began playing “Moonlight Serenade”; it was the perfect setting for a seduction. If they weren’t surrounded by other couples on the lawn, John would have been tempted to make love to her then and there. He was bewildered by her ability to make him feel young again by her mere presence.

He remembered the feeling he’d had on the dance floor that night in the city. He had the same feeling now, one of being a teenager again. That night, he’d felt like a kid at the high school dance. Now he felt like he was back at a drive in movie with some sweet young thing at his side, trying to decide whether he should make a move on her, unsure of what that move should be.

“Carol, are you enjoying yourself?” She turned and looked at him before answering.

“Oh, yeah, God yes, how can you ask that? I can’t remember the last time I did anything so ... normal, so clean.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek, “thanks for bringing me.”

On an impulse, he leaned over and kissed her on the lips. It was a brief and simple kiss, but it conveyed an exchange of acceptance between them. It was the beginning of a new phase of their relationship, a sea change that perhaps neither was really ready for.

Finally the orchestra played “Good Night My Love”, softly and sweetly, an apparent signal that the concert was coming to an end. Some of the audience began to leave in order to beat the rush. John and Carol stayed put to the last notes, not moving until the stage lights came on, illuminating the auditorium. Then they repacked the bag with their left overs, Carol folded up the blanket and draped it over her arm. They waited for an opportunity to join in the parade leaving the amphitheater and then followed the crowd to the parking lot.

The lot was a bit of a madhouse, everyone trying to get out a once was causing a small traffic jam by the exits. John and Carol walked to the car, put away the remnants of their picnic and leaned against the trunk, holding hands, waiting for the congestion to clear out.

“So,” he asked cautiously, “what did you think, was it worth the trip?”

“It’s beautiful up here, I’m glad we came. Even wandering around the motel in a bathing suit was nice, once I got used to the idea.”

Once again he couldn’t understand why a woman who worked in a strip club would be uncomfortable in a bathing suit, and a one piece suit at that. He figured there had to be a reason, but decided to leave well enough alone.

“I was thinking, tomorrow maybe we could take a ride up into the mountains, the Adirondacks are just up the road. Lake Placid is about an hour and a half ride, two at tops. I figure on an early start, two hours up, two hours back, that leaves plenty of time to look around. Unless you’d rather stay around here.”

“What’s it like up there? The only thing I know about Lake Placid is the Olympics were there.”

“The word that comes to my mind is sublime. I may be prejudiced; I used to go skiing up there on occasion.”

“Whatever you think we should do is all right with me. I’m the guest, along for the ride.”

“Well, I’d hoped you came along for more than just a ride.”

“You know what I meant,” she mumbled softly.

She was looking down at her feet. In the shadowy light he couldn’t see her expression, then she turned her head slightly looking up at him. She had the same shy stifled tight lipped smile he’d seen in the restaurant the first night they’d gone out together. He felt her hand squeeze his tightly. That was answer enough.

Once the parking lot cleared, they got in the car and left. The short ride back to the motel was slightly uneasy. Both knew what was going to happen, but for some reason neither knew how to act, they were like a couple of virgins on their wedding night. When he glanced over at Carol, she was staring at the dashboard apprehensively. He didn’t know what to say, he just kept driving.

Arriving at the motel, John parked the car and they got out without saying a word. There was an unsettling tension as they walked to the room. When he slid the key-card into the slot he looked at Carol, her face was expressionless. He’d hoped there would be some clue as to how she felt, a hint of whether anything was going to happen or not. He began to think her remark about “that’s the only snatch you’re going to see tonight” was more fact than joke.

Entering the room, he set down the bag of leftovers, still not sure how to proceed. It seemed ridiculous to him, they were two middle aged adults, both experienced in these matters and he was acting like it was his first time. However, because of her past, he didn’t want her to think he was taking advantage of her and he didn’t want to be added to the list of nameless male bodies that had done so.

Carol went over and stood in front of the dresser, facing the mirror. Reaching behind her she undid the clasp on the bow that held her hair back in its familiar ponytail. She raked her fingers back through it, shaking her head to fluff it out and then allowed it to fall naturally to her shoulders.

John came up behind her, moved her hair back from one side and kissed her below the ear, then at the base of her neck. She inhaled sharply, making a slight sucking sound. When she exhaled it was almost a sob. She turned to face him slowly, one hand raised feeling behind her the way one does when moving in total darkness.

Facing him, she had a strange look on her face, almost one of curiosity. She reached up with both hands, placing them at the sides of his face, her wrists touching each other. Rising on her toes she kissed him lightly on the lips, and then lowered herself. She stared into his face as if trying to read something there. Then she slid both arms around his neck and pulled him down to kiss him again, this time it was a hard, lusty, desire filled kiss. She pressed herself tightly against him while their tongues caressed each other passionately.

When the kiss ended, she stepped back and glanced over her shoulder at the beds. Carefully, she walked slowly backwards towards them, her elbows at her sides, hands out, palms turned upwards. Her head tipped to one side, her lips slightly parted, she gestured invitingly with her fingers for him to follow. They kissed once more at the edge of one of the beds, then she sat down and took his hands. Lying back, she pulled him down over her.

Their love making was not what he’d expected. He’d thought that, given her background, she might have become jaded or desensitized to it all. The opposite seemed to be true. She responded to his every move, every kiss, every touch, warmly and sensuously. There seemed to be no false passion in her sobbing moans or in her return embraces. His intimate probing touches brought an honest, somewhat demure reaction. Even the brief, awkward interruption when he went to his overnight bag to get a pack of condoms didn’t break the mood. During actual intercourse, she seemed to be close to tears, clinging to him tightly.

When they had finished, he could think of no words to say. He was afraid to speak, afraid of soiling what had seemed to be a pristine act. He kissed her with all the passion of their earlier kisses, hoping it would be enough, hoping she would understand. It was all he could think of to do.

She was also silent, he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. Then she shifted over slightly, pulling his arm around her, cuddling close against him. That’s the way they fell asleep.

When he woke up, they were still huddled together. Her head was on his shoulder and one arm stretched across his chest. One of her legs was entwined with his. He looked over at the window, the closed drapes well slightly illuminated; he figured it was dawn, but not full daylight. He moved his hand over and lightly stroked her cheek, then began smoothing out her hair, carefully so as to not wake her up. Then he spoke softly, more to himself than to the sleeping form alongside him.

“I love you lady. I’m not sure why, but God help me, I do.”

He looked up at the ceiling, trying to understand the whole thing. His reverie was suddenly broken by her voice.

“I heard that.” She slowly raised herself up on one elbow. “I heard what you said.”

Then looking down at him, she leaned over and kissed him. They made love for the second time. This time was different, there was no uncertainty, no self-consciousness, their natural instincts took over. It was a more intense, more emotional experience than their earlier encounter. It left them both exhausted and satisfied.

Afterwards, they slept for a few more hours. When they woke up this time, fully awake and rested, they both felt different. They no longer appeared to be a couple, they were a couple. No longer worried about appearing naked in front of each other, they went about their morning ablutions in complete comfort, readying themselves for the day.

They had a breakfast of bagels and cream cheese with coffee at a popular local bagel shop, then got in the car and headed north on the interstate. Gradually the scenery began to change, from the foothills around Saratoga they drove deeper towards the high peaks region. The views grew more and more impressive. When they finally left the interstate they were in the heart of the Adirondacks. The road had more ups and downs that the interstate., some of the downhills were brake warming runs, John had been up here enough to know to not to ride the brakes to avoid overheating them.

At last they reached the final long uphill climb that meant they were close to their destination. From there the road wound its way past the surrounding mountainous terrain. The ski jumps came into view, rising above the trees in the distance. Carol’s reaction was about what one would expect from somebody who’d never seen them before.

“What am I looking at?”

“The ski jumps, from the Olympics.”

“I didn’t realize they were that high.”

“Oh, they’re high; you’ll get a better look in a couple of minutes.”

They drove by them, then John turned off the road into a parking lot.

“Time to stretch our legs,” he announced.

When they got out he purchased tickets for the elevator to the top then they walked up the hill. At the base of one jump, they rode up. Looking down the ramp to the landing zone was an intimidating site.

“Holy crap,” she said, “do people really ski down this thing?”

“Yes they do, all the time.”

“Now you said you’ve come up here skiing, you’ve never...” she gestured towards the hill.

Oh, hell no, what’re you crazy?” He laughed then added, “I guess the question is do you think I’m that crazy? Good God, this isn’t something you do on a whim, I’m not suicidal.”

“Remember, I’m still getting to know you. Not suicidal; that’s good to know. Meanwhile, I do love this view.”

“You ain’t seen nothin’ yet, my dear.”

Returning to the car he drove on, approaching the village. Entering the edge of town, he veered off and continued driving, heading to Whiteface Mountain.

“A clear sunny day like this,” he explained, “ the view will be spectacular. I want to go there first, you can never tell when some clouds will move in.”

They drove on past the entrance to the ski area, a few small motels and drive up hamburger stands, finally at an intersection, he turned and headed towards a rustic looking toll house. He paid his admission, listened patiently while the admissions clerk gave the weather report from the top and advised him to use second gear and rely on engine braking on the way down to save his brakes.

They continued on their way. The road twisted and turned, snaking it way up to the summit. It leveled and widened at the top into a narrow parking lot. At one end stood an impressive stone building. Carol looked over at it.

“What is that?”

“They call it the Norman Castle; it hides a turnaround for cars, and the second floor has a gift shop and offices for the employees. The good part is farther up.” He reached into the backseat and grabbed a windbreaker jacket and the sweatshirt he’d insisted she bring.

“Here, we’ll need these. Even on a day like this the wind cools things off up here.”

“I see what you mean,” she said, pulling on the sweatshirt outside the car. “You say there’s more?”

“Yep, this isn’t the peak. There’s a footpath up, but it’s kind of rugged. I think you might like the elevator better.”

“There’s an elevator?”

“Yeah, it leads to a weather station on the summit.”

They walked down a tunnel, waited for the elevator, then rode up. Stepping out of the weather station, they stopped to take it all in.

“You weren’t kidding, this really is breathtaking.” She turned to him, “Do you know what everything is down there?”

“No, Lake Placid is over there and Upper and Lower Saranac are here, and that’s about it. Anything beyond that would be pure guesswork.”

“Do you come up here often?”

“Not really, I wouldn’t want to do it too often, it might get boring. Once every four or five years is good, it keeps it special. I remember one time though, it’d rained the night before and it was still pretty cloudy the next morning. I drove over hoping that it would clear by the time I got here. It hadn’t, but they told me down below it was starting to clear up top and the fog wasn’t bad enough to close the road, so if I wanted to gamble on it clearing, I could go ahead. I did, it was kind of creepy driving up in the fog, but when I got here, the sun was burning it off. The clouds were below me and the sky up here was bright and sunny. All these higher peaks were rising up out of the mist. They looked like islands rising up out of a wispy white ocean. Man, it really was something.”

“Sounds beautiful, I’m trying to picture it.”