Chapter 3

Eggs and bacon again for breakfast. I’d better keep dancing or I’d get fat. I didn’t get much sleep last night. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed in the last month. I felt Ann was opening up little. Three days ago she hadn’t let me touch her at all. Last night she asked me to hold her for a dance. Damnit, this was unsettling!

I was attracted to Ann, I had to admit that. She was so much like her sister who had been in and out of my mind for the last nineteen years. Of the three women, I felt my daughter was the strongest and had a better grasp on life. Ann was the weakest. Didn’t matter, she was intelligent and took right over the job I had hired her for. She said she was afraid of having a man touch her. She was coming to grips with that fear faster than I expected.

On the way to work this morning, Danica said, “We need another vehicle. I think I’ll buy one. I have enough money for a down payment and I have steady employment. It shouldn’t be a problem. I want to visit my cousin Sherry and get to know her.”

“You can use this car anytime when I’m not using it.”

“That’s just it; you’re running a business and might need it at any moment in time. You can lend it to Mom if Gram has her car at work. I don’t think I want to drive a car this big anyway.”

“Okay, you’ll need one when you go off to school, anyway.”

“Pop, we have to discuss my going on to college. Can we talk about it tonight when there isn’t anyone around in case you get mad at what I want or don’t want to do? I just can’t see my leaving you. This is my home and all my family is here. My Dad, my Grandmother, and my new Aunt, Sherry and her family. Grampa would miss me, I know he would.”

“Okay, but you have to listen to my reasons.”

“And you have to listen to mine,”

Danica didn’t know it, but I had given in to her already. I went over to the Community College office and asked what they had for courses that would prepare a student for running a business with a million and half dollars in sales. I spent almost two hours and came away with their catalog and lots of notes about the different professors. Many of these credits would be accepted in the quest for a bachelor degree if she so desired. If Danica refused to go away, I would try to get her at least go here locally at the community college.

Danica and Ann were quiet on the way home. They set about getting supper. Squash, pork chops and garlic potato were on the menu. There was fresh fruit of strawberries and melon with vanilla ice cream for a light dessert. I offered to help clean up when finished, but wasn’t needed. Danica came in and sat on the couch. I waited.

“Isn’t your mother coming in?”

“Do you want her to be here for this?”

“Of course, we are your parents. Your mother has had the responsibility of you for the last sixteen years. Now that you are living with me, it gives her the chance to share and not have to make all the decisions. Would you get her?”

“I’m here, Dan. I wasn’t sure, but what you wanted full control of Danica.”

“I don’t know what gave you that idea. Ann, what do I know about kids? I definitely need you to guide me. To start with, do you think Danica should have a car?”

“It would help, Dan. Mama needs mine to get to work. That’s for awhile, anyway. She is eventually going to find her own living quarters.”

“I’m sorry she feels that way.”

“It isn’t you, it is Danica and me. She feels that we have to live on our own at some point. She won’t be far away, though. I may feel the same way eventually. Mama has made most of the decisions all my life. She might even find someone to be happy with. She deserves someone.”

“I’ll agree that. Now getting back to buying a vehicle.”

Danica interrupted me, “Pop, I’m buying it. I need that to prove that I can handle it. I’m not going away to school either.”

“The car, let’s settle that first. Are you sure you want to spend your money on a car?”

“Yes I do. I need the freedom one will give me.”

“Will you let your mother use it if she needs it?”

“Of course I will, she is my mother.”

“Are you looking for a new car?”

“No, I know I can’t afford that much.”

“Would you let your grandfather go with you when you look for something?”

“I thought it would be you that would want to go with me.”

“No, Dad would be better at that than I would.”

“Okay, I’ll ask him.”

“I’m going to help some. I’ll pay for the tags and for the insurance.”

“Thanks, Pop. I suppose you want to talk about school now, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do. Danica, do you have any goals? I take it finding your father was one that you’ve reached. Do you have another one or some others?”

“I want to work in the store with you. I have a lot of fun with my co-workers. They all like me and I’m getting to know some of them better all the time.”

“That isn’t a very high goal.”

“I don’t need one higher than that to be happy.”

I looked at Ann, “What do you think, Ann, You haven’t said anything about what you want for our daughter?”

“Dan, I know you want more for Danica, is it really necessary?”

“I think it is and I’ll tell you why. I’ll be forty in a few years. Dad is sixty-two. He has a few more years before retirement. When he retires, the store will come to me. When it comes time for me to retire, who am I going to turn the store over to? Oh, I still have hopes of finding a mate sometime and maybe even having a kid or two, but they won’t be really old enough to reach the age where they can take over.”

I paused, “Danica, do you see where I’m going with this?”

“That’s fine, but I don’t want to leave you, Mom or my grandmothers. I especially don’t want to leave you. I love you. I love how you loved my real mother and how you have helped Mom begin to open up and have fun since we came here. I just can’t leave.”

“I can see how serious you are. Look at this literature I picked up this morning. It is all about the community college here in town. The guidance counselor talked with me for nearly two hours. You can get your education right here. But I would require you to sign a contract with me if you go this route. I think you would have the best of both situations that you insist on.”

I opened my briefcase and laid out the information I had been given. “I took notes of the questions I asked and the answers I was given. You look through these and see you can sign up for as many as you think you can handle. Please don’t decide on too many courses at a time. Remember you have a job at the store. I expect you to work enough hours to buy the gas and take care of the upkeep on your car.

“As far as paying for the courses, that is my responsibility. Also if you fulfill all that is stated in your contract with me, I’ll make your car payment. That will be on a month to month basis.”

“You’re paying an awful lot, Dan. That’s going to expensive.”

“Nowhere near as much, Ann, if Danica went to a university. Tuition, board and room along with some spending money would be five times more than this is. But then you would be getting more out of going to university than here in the community on a social plane. I’ve looked at everything and am willing to work with you on this. The option to go away will remain open in case you change your mind at anytime.

“Dad, my mind is already made up. I’m staying here with you and Mom and my Grams and Grampa.”

“Okay, that part is settled. I’ll generate a contract and you can have an attorney look at it. I would suggest that your mother go with you for that and I’ll leave it for her to go and help pick out your courses at the college. You can do that during the working hours.”

“Dad, are you saying you are going to turn the store over to me someday.”

“Not really saying that for definite, only if I feel you are qualified. I have no doubt you will be. That’s the deal I have with your grandfather. I’m assuming that he will turn the store over to me when it’s time. I think I’m fulfilling the contract I signed with him when I came from college.”

“Dad, why do you want me to go to school? You picked Mary right off the front register for a supervisor. I’m a girl too, you know.”

“I noticed. Gender doesn’t make that much difference to me. But do you think Mary could write an effective advertisement for the paper or think up a special to promote more business? Mary keeps track of the time cards of the help on her shift and is a presence if there is trouble. But when the time comes, you will be in charge of everything that goes on in the office. You would have to track the bottom line on everything that involves the store. I had four years of learning and it took that much time to be comfortable with this part of management.

“Remember you are a woman and I hope will be getting married and have some children. The owner has a certain freedom and can take time off if he/she can still keep track of what goes on in the business. Look at the time I’ve taken off since you came to live with me.”

“All this scares me.”

“That’s what higher education is for. You’ll be taking a load off my shoulders some. I won’t burden with you too much. I keep saying I still have time to find me a mate. Who knows you might have a sister or brother old enough to help you when the transition takes place. You are my first child and of course take precedent.”

“Do I have to give you an answer tonight?”

“No, you have a few weeks of summer left. You will have a car to ride around in and enjoy going places. You spoke about visiting Sherry. That’ll be fun. Enough of that subject tonight. Are we going dancing tomorrow night? Ann?”

Ann spoke immediately, “I am.” Danica said she was too.

We sat around talking about what Danica wanted in a car she was to purchase. I looked up different models and makes of cars on my home PC. She had decided on a Honda Civic if she could find a decent one. I didn’t realize that Danica was computer literate because she didn’t bring one with her. I decided she should have a laptop and that would be a good present for her for her birthday coming up in another month. She would have one to use when she went to school.

Ann asked me more about my sister and her family. “Patty works in a Garden Center that sells fruits and vegetables. There is a bakery in one portion of the building. That’s where Matt works too. He is the head baker. He gets the fresh produce directly from their gardens and orchards to put in the pies he is famous for. Both kids work there part time.

“I know, Sherry told me. I’m anxious to visit so she can take me around. I want to meet some of her friends, too.” Both Ann and Danica went up to bed. Again I was staying up to see Anita.

I was sleeping when she came in but I heard her. We had a short conversation and then she went upstairs. I was getting a drink of water. When I turned around, Ann had come up behind me and I bumped into her, spilling water on her. “Ann, I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

“My fault, I didn’t expect you to turn so quickly. I’ll change into something dry. I came down to tell you something. Can we sit for a minute?”

“Sure, the kitchen table okay?”

“Dan, I was beginning to fear I was losing Danica to you and I wasn’t needed as her mother any longer. I know she is your daughter and she thinks you are so wonderful. I do too for that matter.”

“What made you think that?”

“Dan, think of what you are doing. You’ve practically given up your own life for all of us. There is the job you’ve given Danica. I believe you would have paid for the car outright if she hadn’t offered. I thought you would have wanted to get her enrolled in the college yourself. When you asked me to go with her to see about the course, I knew then you weren’t trying to diminish my role as mother to her. You did a lot of the prep work to smooth the path for me. I’ll probably get the credit for helping her, but I know it is you who let’s me still be of some importance in her life.”

“Ann, I see you and me as Danica’s parents. The thing of it is you have had to do all the heavy lifting until she arrived. What a burden Cilla placed on you. I am much of that burden because I conceived Danica and then you had to stand in for both of us. I declare right now you have done a remarkable job of making Danica what she is, so if you get some credit, take it and know I wish it were more.”

I paused and changed the subject, “Ann, I’m glad we are going dancing tomorrow night. Will you dance with me like we did Tuesday?”

“I’m so looking forward to it. I think I had better go change into something dry. I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight, Dan.”

I walked around the table and she preceded me to the foot of the stairs. I thought she was going to step up, but instead, she turned and came back. I opened my arms and she came into them, hugging me tightly. She held me and then backed away and mounted the stairs. No thoughts about Cilla tonight. I was hoping she wouldn’t be embarrassed if she noticed by how much a wet nightgown revealed. I certainly noticed.

“Pop, I’m going to ride to work with Grampa.”

“Okay, you had better hurry, he leaves in few minutes. He is the one to open the store today”

“He’ll wait, I’ve called him, but I won’t hold him up. I’ll grab something from the machines at work for breakfast.” I shook my head thinking Danica could adapt to most situations.

Ann and I had a leisurely breakfast. She began the conversation. “Dan, are you looking forward to teaching me to dance tonight?”

“Yes, very much.”

“Why?”

I never hesitated to answer, “Because I want to hold you in my arms.”

“Is this wise? You are remembering Cilla and she isn’t here and hasn’t been.”

“Part of her is. Danica is very much like her.”

“What part of Danica is like Cilla?”

“For one thing she is brave. If she doesn’t do as I want her to, she sets up road blocks. She wanted a car and now she is getting a car. She objected to going away to school and I suspect she played on my emotions so I would concur with what she wanted. I expect Danica to come out with the expression she would have faith just to get her way like Cilla used to. You have to admit Cilla was brave in leaving home. I could give you a couple more instances.”

“You had better. I never thought my sister was like that.”

“Picture this. I was driving down the highway when it was almost dark. Cilla had faith someone would pick up a girl and treat her okay. It fell to me. Then she was hungry. It fell to me to feed her. She didn’t have a place to sleep, so I agreed she could join me in my room that had only one bed. We showered and went to bed and to sleep.

“In the morning before we got up, she asked for a kiss because I had been so nice to her. Here she was lonely in a strange city. Well, I was lonely too because I was heading to an unknown Army Base and didn’t know anyone there either. An hour later she declared she was so blessed. I supposed she was protected and I admit I never brought the subject up before things happened. She said she had faith it was okay to continue. I agreed because I had full intention to take care of her when I saw her the next weekend. The Army had other plans. You know the rest.”

“How awful for you.”

“No, I missed Cilla terribly, but I have had a decent life. Cilla didn’t and I’m so sorry about that because it ended so soon for her.”

“Dan, I don’t think she regrets how it ended. I think she did it to save your child, her mother, and her sister. I believe she had faith that she would accomplish what she set out to do. She would say the same thing today if she could know.”

“Ann, can you believe that I feel like I’m the one blessed? I had the love of a wonderful woman for a short time. Then one day a beautiful young woman came into my life. With her came two other wonderful women.”

Ann laughed, “Yes, you certainly are blessed to have the three of us plunge into your life like we did.”

“Laugh, Ann, but the burden you feel you dropped on me isn’t heavy for me at all. Hey, we have to get to work. I also frown on my help if they don’t get there on time either.”

I drove the car thinking about all we had discussed. Ann spoke quietly just before we reached the store, “Dan, in the storage unit we rented, I have a shoe box full of snapshots that I took of the family over the years. There are a lot of pictures of Cilla. Some of them are when she was pregnant with Danica. Not all the pictures are pleasant for me to look at. My father insisted if we got the camera out that we take pictures of him. There was no escaping it. After he and Cilla died, I continued to take pictures. I’m so glad now that I did.”

“I look forward to seeing them. Sometimes I can’t remember what Cilla looked like. We will take some weekend this fall and retrieve them. We also should decide what to do with your belongings when we are there.”

Nothing unusual happened during the day, except Dad had grabbed Danica and they went looking for a vehicle. She told Ann and me all about the one they had chosen on the way home. “I told Gramp how much I had to put down for a car, saying you were going to help me pay for the rest by being part of the contract I’m going to sign when I go to school.”

“What did he say about that?”

“He snorted, telling me that you were too damned cheap and you shouldn’t be taking money from me. Gramp called the bank and arranged to pay for the whole car. The car is a two year-old Subaru Impreza. It has all wheel drive which means I won’t have to worry about the weather going to school. I’m going to pick it up tomorrow. I have to have insurance before they put tags on it.”

“Have you got the details? I’ll call and have insurance applied when we reach home. So Dad thinks I’m cheap, huh?”

“I don’t really think he thinks you are. I think he just wanted me think he wasn’t.”

“A lot of thinking there, but I think you are right.”

“Pop, I am going to sign your contract even though the car is paid for and I’m going to live up to every bit of it.”

“I believe you.”

I did put insurance on the car. We ate fairly fast that evening and got ready to go to the dance studio. Ann had on a little more makeup than usual. She wore a cotton dress, tight and clung to her curves more than what she wore to work.

“Pop, do you prefer long hair or short hair on a woman?”

“Whoa, where did that come from?”

“I’m going to have my hair cut early Saturday morning. I’m going to go visit Sherry just as soon as I’m finished. Sherry wears hers cut short and I want to know if you would approve?”

“Sweetheart, I would approve if you felt it necessary to have it all cut off. Back when I was going to school most of the girls had theirs cut short. Over time girls and women haven’t bothered. Some of them should, just to keep the strands from falling into their face. I should think they would get sick of brushing it back, but I suppose they do it without thinking. Do what wish and now go ask if your grandmother is ready?”

Danica ran around the house, bringing my mother back with her. Mom, looked at Ann, “My, Ann you look nice tonight. Dan’s going to have to look out or some guy will snatch you up and he’ll die a lonely old man.”

“Mom, cut it out.”

“Oh a little sensitive because you’re nearing forty and no one loves you?”

“I’ll love him. He’s a wonderful father.”

“Danica, Honey, I know he is. I’m just picking on him.”

“Mom, you just try and get a dance with me tonight.” I laughed and Mom did too.

There weren’t very many students at the class. Etta had us go over the waltz steps for the first half hour and then all were to exchange partners for the next half hour to get used to dancing with more than someone they were familiar with. Ann immediately looked scared. I whispered as an older gentleman headed for her. “You can do it, Cilla, you’re brave.”

I asked a real old lady who apologized for not doing well. I knew her as a customer of the store and she lived in an assisted living home alone. “You’re doing fine. I was hoping it would be you who would have the first dance with me.”

“Dan, you’re sweet. I’ve seen the young girl with the red hair with you. Is she related?”

“Yes, Bertha, she is my daughter. The woman who also has red hair is my sister-in-law and has mothered her since she was two. Her own mother died while I was overseas.”

“That’s so sad.”

“Yes, but we are together now and she is a joy to have around. My sister-in-law is the nicest person and I love her in many ways. One for taking over and being a mother to Danica and also because she is the nicest person in her own right. She works at the office in the store. She will always be with me, hope.”

The song was completed and I had to ask another woman. I had been watching to see how Ann was making out. This time a younger man picked her for a partner. He was talking to Ann a mile a minute. I guessed he was trying to impress her. She looked pretty tense and stiff and not comfortable.

I sent Ann a mental message to stick with it. Finally the man stopped speaking and steered Ann until the dance ended. The lady, who was my partner, laughed when she thanked me. “That was like me dancing alone. I don’t blame you if I had a girl and someone was trying to steal her.”

“I’m sorry I was such a klutz. I promise some time I will dance with you again and give you my full attention.”

We chanced partners before it was the women’s turn to do the asking. Again we would be changing partners, and then the last half hour we could dance with who we came with. I had danced once with Danica and once she had asked me to dance. I immediately asked Ann. She was sputtering, “Did you see that second partner I had to dance with? He wasn’t nice at all. He wanted to hug me too tight and kept telling me how beautiful I was. His hand kept drifting down my back.”

“Yeah, I was watching, I thought I might have to rescue you.”

“No, that would have embarrassed me. I was going to embarrass him if he didn’t behave. But he took me at my word, so we finished the dance.”

“What did you say to him?”

“I told him, I was going to slap him and walk away leaving him right on the floor. He was glad when the music stopped, I know that.”