Chapter 2

Ann and Danica went with me on Monday when I returned to work. I placed both in jobs to learn their duties from the people who did the same work. I left at eleven to drive Anita to the truck stop. She wasn’t in there long when she came out telling me she was starting work the next morning. She would be using Ann’s car to go to work.

I asked, “Do you want to return to the store now or may I take you to lunch?”

“I think lunch if you have time.” We went into a small diner and sat in a booth.

I ordered a salad for myself and Anita had a bowl of seafood chowder. Anita asked, “You must be upset the way we have all crowded in on you? I’m sorry about it, but Ann and I feel our lives aren’t that important, but Danica’s is.”

“Yes, but you two are important as well. Is there something wrong with Ann? She doesn’t seem happy being here as much as you and Danica?”

“Yes, there is something wrong with Ann. It isn’t surprising given what her life has been like. She had a cruel father and was scared of him all the time he was alive. When Cilla got away from home, we both thought Cilla was safe. My husband heard Ann discussing her sister with a friend. Soon Cilla was back with us and back into a worse hellish situation.

“Ann feels she was at fault for Cilla’s being brought back and ultimately dying. To make up for that, she became Danica’s mother with the responsibility of a two-year-old child. You can tell Danica comes first with Ann and she has felt that way for sixteen years.”

“I would think she would feel relieved now that I’m here willing to take over much of the responsibility. I know I’ll have it easy with Danica at her age. I won’t have to deal with a small child.”

“She should feel relieved, but she won’t. Some of it is because Danica has found her father and is ecstatic that she has. But Ann has been Danica’s mother and she feels she has lost her daughter to you. You don’t think of Ann as being a mother because you have made Cilla into a saint in your mind. Ann is now thirty-two years old. You don’t know this, but Ann has never been on a date and she wouldn’t know how to act if she did have a chance to go on one. You’re kind of in a bind yourself if you think about it.”

“How is that?”

“Everyone will think Ann is your wife because she has your name and of course you are claiming your long lost daughter. That part isn’t too bad except for you. You can’t date anyone because then it would appear you were cheating on your wife. When is the last time you went out and were intimate with a woman?”

“About three weeks before you showed up with Danica.”

“You must be getting horny by now.”

“That’s pretty plain. I haven’t thought about sex since your arrival.”

“I’ve thought about it. Haven’t you noticed I use any excuse to give you a hug? I’m only fifty-four and I still look pretty good.”

I grinned, “Come to think about it, I have noticed when you’ve used some excuse for a hug, but as far as I’m concerned you are family. What about Ann?”

“I honestly don’t know. She may just be scared to try something she has never done. I think she would be okay if she found the right person who would go slow with her. If you haven’t noticed she is quite attractive even if you have never hugged her.”

“I’ve noticed alright. It is Ann that doesn’t want to get close to me not the other way around. I do know she is beautiful, but I couldn’t in good conscience insist she hug me.”

“I agree. Did you force Cilla the first time?”

“God no. I was less than a year older than her and I worried about being in the same room with me. Then, before we went to sleep, I really worried what was going to happen to her when I had to go to the post. She had so little money and no friends. Cilla and I slept in bed together and she asked me to kiss her. It seemed like the thing to do when she asked me to make love to her.”

“I’m sure it was. I’m glad she had a few happy days in her life. I wish you could do the same for Ann.”

“I don’t see that happening.”

“No, I don’t suppose. Say, I think you had better take me home. I have to get things ready for work tomorrow. I’m glad we had this talk. You’re going to be a great father for Danica.”

“Yes, I’ll give her every chance I can to give her a good life. I’m going to urge her to decide which college she wants to go to in the fall. She may have to wait for mid-year because it is late to get into one now.”

“Can you afford to do that?”

“Of course I can, and I will.

“You’re sweet.”

The next day Anita went to work at the truck stop. She came home telling us she was in training and next week she would be working evening hours, three until eleven. I asked, “Will you have to work the night shift?”

“No, they said they would leave that to younger workers. It does pay more, but I’m not interested. If I can stay here I’ll pay board and help out a few hours during the day before going to work.”

Mom spoke up, “You’ll never have to pay board.”

“That’s not fair. My family dropped in on you people here and I don’t expect to freeload off you.”

I broke in. “Mom, let me settle this?”

“I guess you are right. It is your house, anyway and you pay me to keep your pigpen of a house clean.”

I grinned, asking Anita if she thought my house was dirty when I brought her here the first time. “No, everything shined. Upstairs in your bedroom it was spotless and picked up. I heard you say to your mother that she hadn’t been upstairs in the rooms for several months where you put us, so I doubt you kept that dirty of a house.”

“She found you out, didn’t she Mom? Anita, maybe you and Ann can buy the groceries and cook for me if you’d like. That will be enough. Remember here, Dan rules.” Everyone laughed. I always offered to help around the house, but I never had to do anything. I knew people like Anita expected to pay their own way and I would make sure it was infinitesimal. I could return it as Christmas or birthday presents anyway.

Ann, Danica, and I rode to work in my car. Danica always rode in front with me. I opened with a discussion about Danica going to college in the fall. “But Pop, I’ve just found you and I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want to leave my mom or my two grandmothers either. Why do you think I should?”

“Because it would be a good experience for you. You need a social life. I haven’t heard you say you did any dating or have been going out much. Did you go to your senior prom?”

“No, no one asked me. Mom said I didn’t need to go and get pawed and maybe get raped or something. I’ve never had any close friends. The kids that I hung around with didn’t either.”

“Do you have any social skills at all?”

“Who needs them?”

“You do. We’ll begin next week. We’ll go out to dinner at least once a week. Can you dance?”

Wistfully, “No.”

“Okay, your mother and I will sign us all up to learn how at a studio I know. I’ll be your partner. There will be a few old people there who have retired and wanted to learn how and never had the time. It will be fun for all of us. Sometimes they’ll be some kids of your age too. It’ll get you comfortable doing something you’ve never done before.

Danica turned around and faced her Aunt, “Please, can we Mom? I want to learn so badly. I’ve never seen you dance and you can learn too. I’ll bet Pop is a great dancer.”

“We’ll see. I won’t promise I’ll go. Dan and I will discuss it tonight.”

That night Ann waited until Danica had gone upstairs before she brought up the subject of dancing. “Dan, I don’t want to learn to dance. I can’t think of a reason where I would need to know how.”

“I can think of a reason. You’re always going to be Danica’s mother. When she gets married, we’ll be giving her a nice wedding. They’ll be a lot of dancing at that time. If you don’t know how, you will be disappointing our daughter terribly.”

“Oh no, I’ll just tell everyone I’m her aunt and won’t have to.”

“Ann, tell me; have you ever been to a wedding of any kind?”

“A couple in front of a justice of the peace.”

“That’s no wedding, that’s just a marriage. Ann, tell me why you don’t want to learn?”

“Alright, I’ll tell you. I don’t think I can stand to have a man touch me, even you. You notice I have never let you hug me. I like you and I think you are a wonderful person and I know you loved my sister. She told me all about being in love and how much she loved you after she was brought back home. But when you get close to me I have a panic attack. I think it was because I was so afraid of my father. Every time he got close enough to hit me ... he did.”

Tears were running Ann’s face. I involuntarily put my hand out toward her. She abruptly pulled further away. “Ann, I wouldn’t hurt you for anything. I want you to trust me. I can’t see why you won’t be able to go to the dance studio with Danica and me. I think you should come and at least watch. I do think you should put some trust in me and realize that when you feel my arms around you if we are dancing, you will feel safe rather than fearful.”

“And how am I going to do that?”

“By letting me work on your problem a little bit at a time.”

“You want me to hug you, don’t you?” There was accusation in her words and voice.

“No, not tonight. You know even while dancing two people don’t get as close as hugging. The man has one hand in his partner’s and with the other placed on her back at waist level. The lady has one hand in his and the other on the man’s shoulder. The man does the guiding of the partner with the hand on her waist so she can follow his direction. Tonight I think we should just hold hands, that is, if you are willing to try?”

I put my hand out to Ann and indicated she should sit beside me on the couch, afraid that I might pull her to me for a hug. One hand came out tentatively and took mine in hers. We sat there like that. I turned the television on and we watched a sitcom. I noticed when her hand relaxed she repositioned and grasped mine again. The news came on and Ann was tense and nervous.

“We can go to bed anytime. Your mother will be coming in by eleven-thirty. Do you want to wait up for her or go to bed?”

“Are you going to bed?”

“Whenever. I’m curious to see how Anita’s first day went.”

“I’ll sit here like this until we hear her arrive.” Ann paused and I could tell she was struggling to say something more. “Dan, would you stand up and place your hands where they are supposed to be when dancing with a partner?”

I arose and showed her. She held it for a minute and then brushed my hand away from her waist. I could feel the panic building in her. “Enough for tonight.”

Ann headed for the stairs. She turned and stopped two steps up. “Dan, I will try to do this. Someday I want Danica to be proud of me. She does know I do have a problem. Thank you for understanding.”

“Good night, Ann. I’m proud of you already.” Ann looked tired in the morning. I’ll bet she didn’t sleep much last night thinking about the lesson I had given her. When we got into the car to go to work, I positioned the rearview mirror where I could glance back at Ann. She smiled when she saw me looking in the glass.

My father gave Ann a desk and a computer. “I’ll show you as I have time.” He asked her to study how we controlled our inventory. “Sarah will give you the books and you can study them for now until I get back to you.”

Danica wanted to be at the front counter working one of the registers and I placed her there with the two other clerks. I charged Mary to teach Danica how to operate the register and how to treat a customer when they came to pay for their merchandise.”

I knew many of my customers by their names and joked with most of them if they weren’t in too much of a hurry. I was also the one who the clerks came to with questions if they had been asked for or about something. We special-ordered items if we didn’t stock it. There were always a million things for me to attend to.

I went by the front register near noon and asked Danica what she wanted for lunch. “Whatever you have, will be good.”

“Go upstairs and ask your mother what she would like. Get me a Greek salad with double Feta cheese and double Jalopenos. You might not like something that, but I’m addicted. Get a grinder or sandwich if you like, and get whatever Ann wants. We have bottled water, coffee and tea from the machines in the break room. The sandwich shop is down the street on the right. Here’s money. We’ll eat as soon as you get back.”

“Gotcha, Pop, I’m on the way.” I watched her run up the stairs.

“That new clerk called you Pop. That’s kind of disrespectful for a new hire.”

“No, Mary, she is allowed because she really is my daughter. She knew she had a father somewhere for years and when she was able she began searching for me. She found me a few weeks ago. Her aunt and grandmother are staying with me at present. Her mother passed away when Danica was a small child and she was raised by her aunt. Her aunt is working for Dad in the office.”

“How come you never mentioned you had a child somewhere?”

“Mary, that’s too personal for me to answer, but be assured she is my daughter. Is she doing alright here on the counter?”

“Yes, definitely! She picked up everything quickly without a problem when I showed her how. She is better than most of the young people you hire.”

“That’s good to know. I think she will be going off to college somewhere this fall. She doesn’t want to because she feels she just found me and doesn’t want to leave me so soon.”

“I’d feel the same way in the same situation. Danica has already mentioned she might have to leave, but wants to stay here working in the store.”

“I’ll listen to her and we’ll decide together.”

“You’re going to be a great father, Dan.” My mother and Anita came in just as Danica returned. There were six of our help eating lunch together in the break room. Dad came in and Mom handed him the lunch she had brought for him. Danica spread our lunch at the far end of the tables. Everyone was curious about the three red-haired women.

I was getting ready to introduce my daughter when the person who did deliveries for us said to Anita, “Hey Red, what are you doing here? You served me at the truck stop when I finished work here last night.”

“Hi Jim, I remember you. You said something about the truck stop finally hiring some good looking help. I took it you were referring to me.”

“I was and I haven’t changed my mind. I donno, but I guess good looking red- haired women come in three’s and all are equally as beautiful.”

I cautioned, “Jim, don’t go too far with your comments. The lady you are speaking to is my mother-in-law and her name is Anita, but I guess you have already met her. This young lady is Danica, my daughter, and this last lady is Ann, my sister-in law. These two have rejoined me after several years. Danica is on the front counter and Ann is working upstairs. You’ll be hearing Danica calling Ann, Mom because after her mother died she has raised my daughter for me.”

“I didn’t know you were married?”

“I’ll just say I was in a place where I couldn’t care for Danica. I really don’t talk about it. There was a lot of sadness at the time, but now we are all together and I feel blessed.”

“I should think so.”

I sat down and opened my salad. It wasn’t long before everyone except my family left. Mom said quietly, “You handled that well. In about ten minutes everyone in the store are going to know who your new help is.”

“Yes, and if I want to date someone, I can without Anita worrying people will think I was cheating.”

Anita came back with, “How long did it take you to come up with this explanation about us?”

I laughed, “Just about all of last night. If anyone asks why Ann has the same name as mine, I’ll just say Ann is my sister-in-law and let them draw their own conclusions. Is that okay with you, Ann?”

“It’s okay. I lost some sleep myself over what I considered a perplexing problem. You’re free to date anyone now. I’m worried about Mom though, I think that Jim has his eye on her.”

“Don’t worry about me. Jim does seem nice, though.”

I answered this, “He is. He has been working here for more than a dozen years. I think he has been widowed for seven or eight of those.”

We went back to work. At 4:30 I told Danica to ride home with Dad. She objected, “I want to stay here with you.”

“But your hours end at 4:30. Ann’s hours do too. This week I work until 8:00. Next week, I can leave at 5:00. This way the store is staffed with someone from management all day.”

“Well, then you need to promote someone you can trust to become a manager for the last three hours of the day and on Saturday. You and Gramp have built a great company and you both work six days a week and 12 hour days every other week. How much money do you have to have in the bank?”

Danica stood there staring at me. Talk about being surprised at my daughter, and her comments. “Is there anything else you want to criticize me about?”

“Pop, don’t be mad at me, but Gram was complaining about Grampa coming home so tired he can hardly eat supper some nights. You were going to take me some place and teach me to dance. When is that going to happen? Seems like you were going to take me and Mom out to dine because you wanted us to expand our social life. By the way, when was the last time you took some pretty lady out to eat or to bed for that matter?”

I had no answer and I didn’t want to argue. “Danica, go upstairs and tell Ann it is time to go home with Dad. I’ll think about what you have said. I’ll be home about eight thirty.”

“When are you going to eat supper?”

“When I get home. I have some frozen hamburgers in the freezer. Search for them, I might eat a couple. Go catch Dad before he leaves without you.”

“Pop, don’t be mad at me. I guess I don’t know how to act around a man or even around a father. I hope you aren’t sorry I found you. I will tone down my criticism.” Danica now looked uncertain. “Please, would you hug me? I do want you to love me.”

“Of course, Sweetheart. You have to remember I’ve never had a daughter up until a few weeks ago. We will find a balance between the guy who has never had a daughter and a girl who has never had a father.”

“Are we okay?”

“We’re fine.” I didn’t get more than the basic minimum of work done this evening. Danica gave me too much to think about. Having a family sure presented a new bunch of situations for me to act on. My thoughts swung to Dad. Was he getting tired? He had always been the one to push me and I suppose later to push himself to keep ahead of me.

I drove the Caddie into the garage and went into the kitchen. The table was set for three. Ann said as she was taking off her apron. “I hope you like spaghetti and meat balls or I can get you a frozen burger if you would prefer.”

“Spaghetti is good. I’m not used to hot food when I work nights. I see my life is going to improve. That is if I don’t drive my daughter and her mother away.”

“Pop, there is no chance of that.”

“Dan, Danica told me of your conversations. I’m sure she meant well. I told her we couldn’t just arrive here and change the way you’ve been living and working.”

“Danica did make some good observations and I’m thinking about everything she said.” I paused, “God, you got garlic bread to go with this, too. I’m so blessed.”

“Dan how long have you been saying that?”

“Ann, what did I say?”

“You said... “I’m so blessed.”

I went quiet, trying to remember. “Cilla said that often and she would say she had faith, too.” I glanced up seeing tears trickling from both of their eyes. Danica came stood behind me where I was sitting and put her arms around me.

Ann said, “When there was even a small glimmer of happiness for Cilla that is something she would say. You may not have been with her long, but I know you loved her very much.” Surprisingly Ann came and rested her hand on my shoulder and gave me a little squeeze. The moment passed and we resumed eating.

When Danica and Ann started picking up the table, I said, “I’m going around and see Dad and Mom. I won’t be long. Thank you both for the wonderful supper. It had a hamburger beat all to hell.”

I walked around to my parent’s door and Mom let me in. “Your dad is asleep on the couch. Is this important?”

“Yeah, I think so. God I’m full. Spaghetti and homemade meatballs, garlic bread and strawberry shortcake fills a man up.”

“Dan, Dad came home and said your two girls didn’t say a word all the way home. Did you upset them in any way?”