Chapter 12

The next day, we were all awakened by the alarm. Dawn was eager to go out and was waiting for us by the bedroom door, whining softly. I dressed hurriedly and blew out the candle while the others slowly got their bearings and started the search for clothes. I took Dawn upstairs and got her outside in record time. I put her on her tether in the backyard and she wasn’t as picky as usual in finding a spot to go. While I was out, I flexed my shoulder experimentally and it felt okay. I cleaned up after Dawn’s early morning addition to the backyard and dropped the baggie in the trashcan we’d put out for her messes.

She looked at me curiously. “Oh, no!” I said with a shake of my head. “I got suckered into taking you out without my cane yesterday,” I reminded her. “Today, you can wait.”

I went back inside and got it. The girls were up and dressed and I knew that breakfast was next door even though Patty had run herself ragged yesterday and the day before on getting Christmas dinner perfect.

We all made the trek next door, me grumbling about burning down that fucking fence while they all stepped over it and I walked around it. Tricia was a little tender today, but she was moving okay considering I’d knocked her out twice.

“I hear that you made the dog howl in the middle of the night,” Patty told me with a shake of her head. “Six girls to choose from and it’s the dog that wakes everyone in the middle of the night? Where did we go wrong?”

Everyone laughed and I took it with good grace. “Maybe in the spring, we’ll look into some extra soundproofing,” I suggested, taking a seat. We were stretching the dining room to capacity with eleven of us. Dan had already eaten, so he patted me on the shoulder and let me have his chair. Lilly and Patty were still cooking, so that left just enough room for everyone. Mom was nursing her coffee and keeping us company while everything else was seen to.

“That’s not a bad idea,” Mom said lightly. “If you’re resuming your night time antics and Lilly wants to play her guitar into the night, then I’ll need a little extra in the Master Bedroom.”

“Uh-huh,” I said dryly. “And you hadn’t considered that it would keep things quiet from the other side of the door too?” I asked slyly.

“That’s hardly a possibility that I’d consider,” she said with elaborate dignity.

“Frank will be very disappointed by that,” I told her with equally elaborate disappointment as Patty put a plate in front of me.

Tricia gave me a sour look and swatted my shoulder ... again.

“Ow!” I said sharply and grabbed my shoulder. “Seriously?”

She blanched. “I’m sorry! I keep forgetting about it!” She looked terrified that she’d hurt me.

Collie reached out and tugged at her ear to get her attention. “He deserved that one,” she said when Tricia looked at her. She looked a little less distressed about it, but looked at me again, worriedly.

“It’s fine,” I said. “I tested the range of motion on it this morning and it doesn’t seem to be damaged. It IS still sore though and likely will be for a while yet, so no more hitting me in the shoulders ... or arms ... or chest ... or stomach ... or the leg ... or the head.”

“That’s taking a lot of options off the table,” Gina pointed out. “Where are we supposed to hit you when you’re being a little too witty for your own good?”

“I’m still susceptible to a kick in the ass,” I said after a moment’s thought. “Be warned though, if you break that, I’ll be all out of injury-free zones.”

“We’ll keep it in mind,” Gina said. “Stand up.”

“Not right now, thanks,” I said, wondering where all the hostility was coming from today. Instead of sulking, I turned my attention to my breakfast and ate quickly so I could vacate the seat and let Patty sit down when everyone was served. She was lounging by the door to the kitchen with a cup of coffee when I looked up again. “Did you want to sit down?” I asked her. “I’m almost done.”

She smiled. “Take your time,” she said. “I ate in the first batch. You’re not keeping me from my breakfast.”

I nodded and relaxed a little, slowing down and enjoying my breakfast. We chatted a little about our plans for the day and I explained about the meeting later with the girls about Patrick and about Cheryl.

“So you’re adding another new girl to your life?” Patty asked, surprised.

“Two actually,” I said. “One of them is several months away from joining us though.” I got up and went to my jacket. I’d slipped Cheryl’s letter into the inside pocket this morning and I brought it to her before returning to my seat. She read it and she passed it to Dan before drying her eyes. She came and kissed me on the top of the head. “Everyone’s in agreement,” I told her.

She nodded and patted my shoulder. “You need to get well then,” she said. “You’ll want both hands to hold a new baby.”

I nodded. Dan folded the letter and returned it to me. “That letter is touching,” he said quietly. “She’s right. You’ll make a good father. I’m worried that it’s too soon, but you’ve got plenty of help.”

I nodded and looked around the table with a smile. “I’m sure someone will pick me up after the first time I faint changing a diaper,” I said lightly.

“You wish!” Tabby said with a laugh. “If we have to finish changing a baby because you pass out, you can sleep it off where you fall.”

“Thanks,” I said sourly. “I knew I could count on you.”

We all laughed at that and since breakfast was done, I put the letter back in my pocket and went to get Dawn for her morning walk. Gina joined me and so did Tricia.

“Are you really okay?” Tricia asked with some anxiety, touching my shoulder as if afraid she might break it.

I nodded comfortingly. “Yeah, I think so. I was worried about it last night,” I told her honestly. “When you punched me, the whole arm went numb. It only lasted a few minutes though and then this morning, I was able to move it about as well as I could before, so it doesn’t feel like there’s any harm done. Just be a little more careful? I’m still in a lot of pain. Not as much as I was, but enough that a playful slap feels like I got hit by a hammer.”

She nodded and promised she’d keep her hands to herself. “You should have tied me up like Hanna and beat me silly for it,” she said glumly.

Gina looked at us both, scandalized. “What?!!?”

“Hanna’s into bondage,” I explained. “She wears the collar because she submits to me. I thought we talked all about that. The painkillers sometimes fuck with my memories a bit. I sometimes jumble conversations together when I have to take a pill. That’s why I put up with the pain through exams”

She nodded. “You mentioned it a little bit, but you actually BEAT her? Seriously? I think maybe we should talk about it more,” she said ominously.

I nodded and told the story in more detail about Hanna and I meeting and how it had led to us being together. “She’s a strong woman,” I said. “Not just physically, but her personality too. She pushes people because she wants them to be strong enough to push back. Otherwise she’d crush them with force of will. She doesn’t want that. She wants someone who can take her at her worst and still give her their best.”

“That seems kind of selfish when you put it like that,” Gina said. “Like she doesn’t have to have responsibility for what she does.”

I shrugged. “I suppose it can seem like that,” I allowed. “The reality is that she doesn’t particularly want to be in charge in relationships. She HAS to be in control and dominant in her career. She needs to be able to maintain that authority. So she needs someone strong enough to put up with that from her and still be able to pull that control out of her hands at the end of the day just so she can put it down. Hanna’s been looking for someone who can be that strong for her without being abusive for a long time. I can hold control without losing sight of the fact that her submission is a choice. A choice I’m deeply honored she makes every day.”

“So her choice is to let you make choices?” she clarified.

I nodded. “She made me work damn hard to prove I was worth the privilege too,” I smiled, then turned to Tricia. “In answer to your comment, I will not tie you up and do any such thing with you. Bondage and punishment are not interests of yours. If you were interested in that, you’d have found yourself pawing through the collection already.”

She shrugged. “I dunno if I’m interested or not. I’ve never seen it,” she said. “Maybe I’ll go through some of the stuff later on after the meeting.”

“You have a good long conversation with Beck about ‘Bad Matt’ and then decide if you want to go through that collection,” I warned her. “Talk to Hanna too when she’s back. That’s not a step to be taken lightly.”

She nodded and I thought she looked contemplative. God help me, she was considering it. It was Gina that broke the silence though.

“So what do you do? Hit people?” she asked.

“That is a complicated question,” I admitted. “It depends very much on the person. With some people, they enjoy restraint. They love the feel of being tied up, tied down, positioned however the Dominant wants them to be. Other people like impact play, or being hit. There’s a variety of stuff for doing that. Canes, whips, floggers, paddles or bare hands. Other people focus on the submission. They find themselves when they’re in service to others. Not because they’re lesser people, but because they find that their life has more purpose when they devote it to a person. They crave that purpose. They don’t so much go out for the bondage as they do for the person to devote themselves to. Any bondage they do is a symbol of their devotion. It’s really just another fetish. No different than people that love to dress up in costumes or have sex in places they might be caught.”

She nodded. “You know a lot about this stuff, huh?” she asked and I was reminded again that her introduction to the world of sex was to be drugged and used.

“I do. I first fell in love with Lana when I was five. I started looking for answers about what I felt because I was five. I didn’t know anything. So I read. I took in everything I could find and in the last few years, that’s included sex as I started to understand it. The internet made it easy to find writings on everything under the sun.”

“EVERYTHING?” she asked emphatically and I wondered if there was something specific she was looking to ask.

I nodded. “I don’t claim to be an expert, but there’s information or erotica out there for just about any flavor of sex that you can imagine. Was there something you were interested in or just curious about how deep a resource it can be?”

She shrugged uncomfortably and blushed. “I dunno,” she said quietly. “Maybe both. I don’t know what I like.”

I nodded and stopped, taking her into my arms and hugging her. Tricia rubbed her arm and looked on sympathetically. “Neither did I,” she told Gina. “I guess I still don’t. It sounds like there’s a lot to choose from out there.”

I drew her in too and hugged them both. “There’s no need for either of you to choose anything specific,” I told them. “Last night was just as good for me as anything I’ve done that involved ropes and paddles. We’ll find what’s right for each of you. We’ll do it together. You don’t need to figure it out and present me with a full plan. We experiment, talk about what you like and what you don’t and find something that works for you.”

“You like bondage though, right?” Gina asked. “All your old girls wear collars.”

“And that was their choice. Lana responds to authority. She’s one of those people that devotes themselves to a lucky person. Beck likes punishment. She likes it more than is probably healthy, but that’s Beck. She leaves it in my hands to keep her safe when she wants to jump into the deep end of the pool. Hanna needs the release of power. Collie is like Lana, she needs an anchor-point in her life to keep her grounded. Tabby feels like her collar is a validation of her value as a person. She takes pride in being valued that way. Each of them chose to be collared and make that part of their life. Emma didn’t, so she doesn’t wear a collar. If it’s for you, we’ll get you one. If it’s not your thing, I’ll never suggest one.”

She nodded. “What if I never ... I mean, I don’t know if I even like...” she trailed off, her mood suddenly anxious.

“What if you’re never comfortable having sex?” I supplied and she nodded, agitated all of a sudden now that it was out on the table for us to talk about. “If you’re never ready for us to make love to you, then that’s your choice. We’ll still love you and still welcome you into our lives. I know you’re scared to be touched.” I took her hand in mine and held it to my chest. “I’ll still keep you in here, no matter what.”

She remembered our conversation about being afraid of being hurt and she knew what I meant by that. She nodded and I felt some of the anxiety wash out of her. “Thank you,” she said quietly.

“You’re very welcome,” I told her. “There are enough of us that no one has to be everything to everyone. If you love us and want to be with us, then that’s enough. If you’re only comfortable with sex with girls, then that’s what’s right for you. If you don’t want me around for that, we’ll make it work.”

“No! That’s not it at all!” she said, dismayed that I’d think that. “I just don’t know if I’m ready yet. I want to be with you, but I’m so scared that it’s gonna hurt or that I’ll always feel like I did after that weekend.”

“Sweetie!” I said and hugged her again. “No one’s gonna push you into it. If you have to wait, you and I wait. I just brought up sex with the rest of the girls because I thought that might be a little less worrisome for you. If you want it to be me, then I’ll be there for you even if we wait a long time to get there.”

“You really mean it?” she asked and that was the core of her distress this morning. She was worried I wouldn’t wait for her.

I locked my pinkie finger around hers, gripping her new ring tightly and lifted it up so we were both looking at our clasped fingers. “Swear,” I told her. “Are you gonna be okay with me loving the other girls?” I asked. “I’d kind of made a place for you to be next to have me to yourself. I’m not pressuring you. I just want to know if you’re okay with me welcoming the others home.”

She looked relieved and nodded. “You’re not mad?” she asked.

I chuckled and shook my head. “Of course not,” I told her and took her free hand to start walking again. Dawn had been tugging at her leash insistently and was anxious to get moving again. “I was actually thinking I was gonna need to call my doctors and ask for a cardiac needle full of adrenaline once a week to keep up with everyone.” I smirked at her to let her know I was kidding. “Seriously, you don’t ever do anything you’re not comfortable with,” I told her. “No one’s gonna force you or rush you or kick you out for not being ready to do something. Lana had kind of wondered if you’d been saving yourself for your wedding night and if that’s the case, then that’s what you’re saving yourself for.”

I secretly felt like the situation would resolve itself before too long. Either her anxiety would fade or she’d drift away from us. I’d be sad to see her go, but she seemed to be really bothered last night and this morning. If her recovery needed to take a different direction, I’d want her to be happy rather than keep her close. I hoped that we could have both, but if it came down to a choice, I’d bleed for what was best for her in the end.

She squeezed my hand though and we walked on in a comfortable silence for a while. I could tell that she was still feeling anxious about it and when we let Dawn in for breakfast, she and I took a few minutes to talk about it while Tricia went next door to let everyone know we were back.

“I meant what I said,” I told her. “If you’re not ready for that leap, no one’s gonna force you. By the same token, you don’t have to spend the night if you’re uncomfortable.”

“It’s not that,” she said. “I’m just so scared! I know you won’t hurt me...”

I nodded and finished for her. “But knowing it in your head and feeling it in your heart are two different things. Of all the people you know, I may be more aware of that distinction than anyone. Trust takes time. We’ll get there.”

“Are you sure?” she asked and I could feel her own uncertainty.

I nodded and smiled at her. “It took me a long time, but I got to a point where I could trust Lana and Beck again. After all the heartache, there were times I didn’t think we’d ever get here, but here we are. I’m still afraid, but I relax a little more every day. It helps a lot that I have support. I know that if that hurt returns, I’m not alone this time.”

She nodded and bit her lip. She was struggling with this and I wasn’t sure I had an answer for her. “Would you like me to arrange for you to talk to a counselor about all this?” I asked gently.

She thought about it and shook her head. “I’ll manage. I’m not as crazy as I sound. I just ... last night was the first time I’ve seen anyone have sex since that weekend. It was a little bit much.”

I nodded. “You take your time and we’ll talk about it again. For now we all need to get ready to talk to Cheryl. You up for that?”

She nodded and was glad of the distraction, perking up right away. “Sure. She’s gonna be thrilled to have all the help with the baby.”

I grinned. “I’m looking forward to it too.”

“You are?” she asked, a little surprised.

“Sure. As she grows up, we’re gonna get to be kids all over again with her. Every time she gets excited about discovering something new, we’re gonna be excited with her. It’s gonna be amazing, like rediscovering what it’s like to satisfy the wonder in the world.”

“You’re really going to be a great dad,” she said with a sappy smile and came to kiss me.

We were interrupted by the rest of the girls arriving and we were quickly ready to go.

We took two cars and showed up a few minutes before we were supposed to. We walked up and rang the bell, all of us nervous now that we were in the moment. Mrs. Anders answered the door and seemed surprised that there were so many of us.

“Cheryl said you were stopping by, but she didn’t tell me how many would be joining us,” she explained her moment of surprise. “Come in, come in.”

We thanked her and took off our coats and shoes before filing into the living room. Cheryl and her father were both there and she got up to hug us all. We all settled in as best we could. I took a chair and a couple of the girls sat with Cheryl on the couch while the rest of them sat on the floor or stood around the room.

Her father looked around at us and shrugged. “Well, Matt,” he said curiously, “Cheryl told us you had something on your mind you wanted to talk to us about. This is your show. What can we do for you today?”

I nodded. “Cheryl and I have talked quite a bit over the last few weeks,” I said to start. “You know that some of the girls from that weekend have started coming forward to testify about what they went through. Cheryl felt really guilty about not being one of them, but I agree with her decision and her reason. Deciding to keep her baby is a brave choice and she’s already proven that she’s going to be a spectacular mother. Not coming forward so that she could protect her baby from being connected to those events is exactly what she needed to do.”

They nodded in agreement and I smiled, gathering my thoughts for a moment. “I’ve decided to help her with that. She wrote me a very heart-felt letter as part of her Christmas gift to me. It’s really beautiful and humbling, the things she put into it. She expressed a deep wish that she could have known me sooner, that she’d come to me that weekend instead of to that party and that her baby could have been our baby instead, that we could have created her together with love and happiness.”

They both looked a little upset at that. They knew what had happened and how much misery it had caused her. “We would have wished her first time to be like that too,” her mother said, taking Cheryl’s hand in both of hers.

I nodded. “When I read her letter, it melted my heart. It did the same to everyone else that read it. I called Christmas Eve as soon as I finished it and told Cheryl that when the baby comes and they ask who the father is, to tell them it’s me.”

Her parents looked surprised by that. “But why?” her father asked. “Not that I object, but won’t that hurt you? Being a father at your age might make it hard for you with friends or girls. I know that both those things are important at your age.”

I shrugged. “At the beginning of the year, a rumor was created that I’d gotten Tricia pregnant and forced her to have an abortion this summer. I don’t have a lot of friends outside the girls that were hurt that same weekend. Girls aren’t really a problem either. There’s so many of us here today because each of the girls in this room has given her love to me, and I give it back to them. We don’t have a conventional relationship, but I can guarantee that there’s no shortage of hands to help when the baby starts to cry.”