Chapter 1

There I was, sitting in my office, more or less minding my own business. I had my feet propped up on a partially extended desk drawer and a glass of 12-year-old Kentucky bourbon in my hand. It was a hot day, and the air conditioner was running full blast.

I had nothing else so pressing to do since I am a guide and hunter of Big Game. I was between jobs, and didn’t expect one until next season unless something unusual came up.

Suddenly, an apparition appeared in my office opposite my desk. In only moments, it coalesced into a creature charitably described as WEIRD! It was approximately eight feet tall and was very green. Not only that, it had an impressive tail which ended in a hunk of bone that looked like it made an excellent mace. Other than that, it had two legs, two arms, and a head on a neck.

The face reminded me of something out of Jurassic Park or a similar movie. The creature had two eyes, a nose to go with its extended facial structure, and a large mouth with an impressive set of carnivore’s teeth. I guess that the only thing that stopped me from pulling out my .45 automatic and blasting away was the fact that the creature was wearing what looked to me like a space suit.

Dammit, maybe this was a customer, so I had better start acting like the person I normally am. “Good day, Sir. How may I serve you?”

“Good day, Mr. Emil Scaggs. I am here to discuss a business proposition if you are interested.”

“Certainly, Sir. If I may inquire, what is your name?”

“Oh, I beg your pardon, Mr. Emil Scaggs. I am...” there followed a series of musical notes that I could not hope to duplicate. “I know that your vocal apparatus is not configured for pronouncing my name or ever speaking my language, so I think that it would be best if we stick to English. Is that acceptable?”

“Of course it is. I do need a name for you, though, that I can pronounce and that does not offend you. How about Alien Contact, or more familiarly, AC. You may call me Emil, and that will get us started on a comfortable footing.” That was when I realized that his voice was not coming from his mouth, but from a contraption at his chest.

“Excellent, Emil, I can see that we will get along well. Now, let me explain why I am here. I represent an entertainment company that wishes to hire you to do some big game hunting on several planets. We wish to record your hunts so that we may play them back on our version of television.”

“Okay, AC, that sounds like something that I can do, as long as the hunts take place on planets where the conditions are close enough to Earth. That would be my first and main requirement. Is that practical?”

“Yes, it is. In fact, we would prefer that ourselves. That way, our audience can feel more like they are a part of the hunt.”

“Good, then the next question is how many people, and I use that term to include any creature on my side of the hunt, would be going with me?”

“Our plan, at the moment, would be for you to work alone. The creatures that you will be hunting are much too dangerous to allow amateurs to be involved in the production.

“Don’t worry about backup. We would be ready to snatch you away from any trouble that you could not handle, though, naturally, we don’t want that situation to come up very often. That certainly would interfere with our production schedule.

“Furthermore, we will provide you with a device that we call a replicator that can supply you with all of the material needs that you can imagine. In other words, you will not need to carry such items as food and water or camping supplies. All you would need to do would be to request what you wanted from the replicator.”

“Okay, that sounds good so far. Would there be any limit to the types of weapons that I would use?”

“We would prefer that you stick to the weapons that are common to Earth. That would be one of our selling points for the series. In every case, you would be able to preview your quarry to be sure that your normal weapons would be sufficient. If there were a problem, we would try to adapt to that situation.”

“Very well, that sounds reasonable. I do have a question about the animals, though. I am sure you know that there are many animals on Earth that are on what is known as the protected list. No hunting is allowed for them, and there are some individual animals which have developed a popular following that would be death to your series if I shot. In both cases, I would not undertake to kill either type of prey.”

“Excellent, Emil. That falls into our assessment of your character and one of the reasons that we have come to you. When will you be available for our first hunt?”

“That question does not have a quick and easy answer. I am not committed to another employer at the moment, so that is not a problem. However, I must have some time to study the prey and the location where I will hunt. This could be as short as a few days or as long as a month. Oh, I would expect to be paid while I am preparing for the hunt.”

“Again, that is good for us, too. I think that now is a good time to discuss your salary. Our proposal is that we pay you the equivalent of $500 per day in gold for every day that you are in our employ, starting with today. Also, we have medical facilities that would amaze you. We can repair anything short of death. You would be covered by a medical plan that includes that, also starting today. When can you transport to our spaceship so that we can start planning our first hunt?”

“Whoa, AC! I always work under a written contract. How long will it take to have one prepared?”

“Oops, Emil, I am sorry that I forgot. I have a contract right here. It is only one page long, so I assume that you can read and sign it right away.”

I read the contract, and it specified everything just as we had discussed it. I signed three copies, and so did AC. I did not have a secretary since I spent so little time in my office, so all I had to do was to call my answering service and make the usual arrangements with them. That took less than 10 minutes. “Okay, AC, I’m ready to go.”

****

The next thing I knew, I was sitting in an office in a very comfortable chair. AC was sitting behind a desk on a backless bench to make room for his tail. “Emil, the first thing we will need to do is to send you down to the medical facility to have your body scanned by our medical instruments. That will give us a baseline to work from to keep you in good health, and it will also tell us if you need any immediate treatment. Before you leave there, you will be fitted with a universal translator so that you can communicate with anyone you meet.

“When you come back to this office, we will discuss your first assignment. There are three immediate possibilities which you can choose from. Our current plan is for you to visit all three places, but the order is currently up to you. I’ll call for your escort; she has a universal translator, so you can ask her questions as you go. I’ll see you again in about 45 minutes.”

AC had pushed a button, and another of his species walked in. I’ll take their word that this is a female of the species because I cannot see any obvious differences to mark one gender from another. She appeared to be nude, but that made no difference to me: any creature that looks so much like a T Rex does nothing for my sex hormones.

We must have traveled the length of the spaceship because it took about 15 minutes to travel each way. My time in the medical facility was taken up by walking through something that looked like the magnet on a cat scan machine and then spending about 10 minutes getting the universal translator sound bug fitted comfortably to my ear. Suddenly, I could understand what the medical technicians were saying about me, and not all of it was complimentary. I ignored them and let the young lady guide me back to AC’s office.

“Ah, good, Emil. I hope you are not too fatigued by your little trip. Our gravity is adjusted to 105% of that of Earth, which is what we are used to. Hopefully, you will not have much difficulty adjusting to that. Please have a seat; the other members of the production team will be here shortly.