Chapter 17

We had laid our note in the kitchen cabinet. We all stood around for nearly eight minutes before anyone moved. Xiomara grabbed my hand. I squeezed her fingers. She let me pull her in front of me. I touched her cheek and leaned forward to kiss her softly.

“Awww,” Renée reacted. Xiomara pulled away. She tried to apologize with her quavering smile.

“I never thought I’d be kissing you,” She told me, “Yeah, Zoë once had this big idea that we’d get married.”

“I remember,” I took up her second hand and rubbed my thumbs on the backs of her knuckles. “We were six. I called you a bunch of kissy-girls and ran off to catch frogs and play with Reggie.”

“Yeah,” Xiomara smiled, “I still remember the feeling of those frogs down the back of my dress. But Zoë kept that talk up until we were 10. And then she fell hopelessly in love with Bradley and decided that I’d have to date Bradley’s best friend.”

“Bradley’s gross,” Andrea interjected.

“Worse than gross,” Connie agreed.

“Does anyone want to play a game?” Hannah asked, “Maybe skip rope?”

“I’m going to borrow Xiomara for a bit,” I said. I leaned forward for another kiss. She was warm, sweet, and smiling. I touched her lips with my tongue but she didn’t open her mouth to let me inside. I retreated. I tugged her fingers as I started walking towards the bed.

We didn’t walk fast. I was terrified. I had made a decision and I figured I needed to be strong but I didn’t know what to do. I had all of my sexual experience, except that one kiss years ago, after I had woke up in the box. I wanted to be a leader, someone the girls could expect the best from. I wanted to make Xiomara happy. I hoped I could fake it well enough that she’d be smiling for me afterwards.

Her feet dragged a little. She gripped my hands tighter. Everyone was quiet. Everyone was watching. I led her to our bed, I urged her to sit down. I squatted down in front of her knees and looked into her eyes.

“I hope--” I took a deep breath, “You look so beautiful.”

Xiomara was almost smiling. She had soft brown skin, perfect but for the turned down nervous frown. Her bright eyes shook and her little nose rose with her flared nostrils. Her ears poked out of her naturally wavy hair that fell down to her shoulders. She had dressed quite simply in a warm sweater and a pair of blue jeans. Her breasts the only part of her torso that wasn’t looking dumpy with the big sweater. I leaned in and kissed her again. She smiled for a moment as I pulled back and looked into her eyes. I wanted another kiss.

“Oh my God!” She escaped to the left and hurried up onto her feet, “I’m sorry Dean. I am so sorry! I, uh, I’m not ready. I don’t--”

“Shh!” I said. I was heartbroken and relieved all at once. I climbed up and took her face in my hands. I just had to prove I was the guy she had, she wanted, and she needed. I hoped I knew what I was doing. She let me kiss her again. She stepped back, towards the wall between the beds, when my tongue touched her lips, “I, I love you. You’ve been a friend, a family, forever,” I itched as I smiled, “I’m scared too. C’mon, let’s learn together.”

She flashed looks over my shoulder. I refused to see who was watching, who was close. I could hear the padding of two sets of feet as the girls moved to see. This wasn’t about them. This was for them. This was me and Xiomara.

“I don’t think you mean it,” Xiomara brushed her hair back over her ears. She raised her eyes but mostly looked me in the chest, “Not the way I want to be loved.”

“I,” I was about to assure her I did. I didn’t know. “Do you think I can learn to love you like that?”

“I know you will,” Xiomara hiccuped. “I don’t know if I’ll love you like that.”

I stepped forward and wrapped her tightly in a hug. She kept her arms right between my chest and hers. She kissed my lips lightly.

“I can’t Dean,” She whispered, “Please, not yet.”

I took a deep a breath. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders as we walked back towards the table.

The girls were all on their feet, between the stools and the feet of the bed. I smiled, and leaned my head against Xiomara’s. She looked to me. “Don’t be angry.”

“I’m not angry,” I wasn’t.

“He looks a little frustrated,” Marin gestured to my erection. I had been excited since Xiomara had grabbed my fingers. That letter had lifted a mountain off of my heart. Now, I had the girls.

“I don’t mind teaching you a--”

Renée pulled Connie back into the crowd with both hands. Renée tugged her fellow cheerleader’s hand against her own chest. Her large breasts separated in her thin white t-shirt. The outline of Renée’s bra appeared.

“Not yet,” Renée shook her head, “I--I’m going to wait my turn after you. I’m not ready yet.”

“Sweetheart,” Connie had a disarming smile, “Of course. I’m sorry, I gotta look out for my girl.”

“We all gotta look out for each other,” I agreed. Truth was, if it wasn’t Xiomara, I wasn’t sure who I wanted. I wondered if Zoë’s order really mattered that much. I wondered how much control over it I had.

“Maybe, we hold off for sex today?” Marin suggested to Hannah’s agreeable nodding, “If it’s just about being comfortable. I’ll give you a handy like Pat did.”

I looked over and smiled happily. She looked startled but then she grinned wildly and said: “Or a blowy. If the girls can promise to not add color commentating while I do it.”

“The redhead’s doing it. Deeper! Deeper! Her nose is tickling his pubic hair.” Hannah grumbled in her best cheesy boxer announcer’s voice. Marin giggled.

“Actually, I could handle that,” Marin was tickled and growing pinker, “I just couldn’t take someone telling me how to do it or talking about how I look. I don’t want to be some porn star.”

“It’s OK, Marin,” I smiled and shook my head. “I wanted to make a connection with my girl. I wanted to figure out how to be with her, with all of you.”

“I know,” Xiomara wrapped a tight hug around my waist, “Soon. After Zoë makes it here.”

If Zoë makes it. No one said that aloud. Zoë not making it to us meant Pat and Kia couldn’t make it home either. I tried not to go down that rabbit hole. My face was turning as ashen as Andrea and Renée’s.

“I want to do it,” Suzi squeaked, “If you’ll let me.”

She wasn’t asking me for permission. Her light brown eyes flickered from Xiomara, to Renée, and to Marin.

“I think it’s a great idea,” Connie beamed.

“I don’t know--”

“Don’t be silly,” Marin interrupted me, “I think this is a great idea.”

“You do?” Andrea frowned.

“I think Suzi would be a good place to start,” Renée agreed, “First times are going to be a mess and we’re getting two out of the way in one go.”

Suzi burned red, it took a lot more blush to get through her dark cheeks than what little stimuli could set off Renée or Marin. She smiled at me.

“OK, do you want us to make ourselves busy?” Connie asked, “I think we’re all curious but I can corrale everyone into a game of Trade and Betray if we have to.”

“I, uh, ye--”

“It’s alright,” Suzi shook her head as I quieted up, “Just let us get way under the covers before you guys start floating around.”

“We’re not going to climb in bed with you,” Xiomara declared for and to the room.

“No way!” Renée agreed.

“Give me another kiss,” I lifted Xiomara’s chin and made my demand. She beamed and let me tug her tight against me as I kissed the hell out of her. My tongue glided between her lips to find her teeth. She started to open her mouth, teasing the tip of my tongue. She stepped away as soon as Suzi spider-walked her fingertips from Xiomara’s shoulder to mine.

“Hi,” She smiled and reached for my hand. I didn’t move right away, Xiomara laid my hand in Suzi’s.

“Don’t you dare break his heart,” Xiomara said with a tear welling in her eye, “Make her feel special.”

“She is special,” I parroted. I looked down and Suzi was trying her best to smile. I leaned in and kissed her. It was different. Soft, warm, fun, sure. But I wasn’t tingly all throughout my skin like I had been with Xiomara or Kia. I started wondering if I was a terrible kisser. I couldn’t make this fantastic without a fantastic girl.

“Wow,” Suzi said as I pulled back. She looked over her shoulder, “Just give me a moment, please.”

“OK,” I said as I watched her tear back the blankets and sheets. She rushed into bed and pulled them up to her neck. I stepped forward but she shook her head madly. I stepped back. Connie laid her hand on my shoulder.

“She’s not your first choice,” Connie understood, “But I think this is important. We get to see how you are with a friend. So many of us are only going to get to be friends.”

“That doesn’t mean we won’t love each other,” I decided.

“Please always be that hopeful,” She squeezed my butt. I looked back to Suzi, smiling broadly for the playful move by Connie. I was alone. The cheerleader retreated a half step. Suzi burned red as she pulled her t-shirt over her head. She threw it to the floor where her shorts were already waiting. I turned, only after Suzi closed her eyes as she unhooked her bra.

Xiomara had on a thick sweater. We could dress in thin shorts and t-shirts or thick pants and sweaters and no one was complaining about feeling cold or warm. I started chuckled to myself and looked back to Suzi.

“You can come in now,” She said, very clearly enunciating every syllable. I started taking off my jeans.

“Oh!” Suzi closed her eyes again. Hannah whistled. I turned, smiled, and blew her a kiss. I pulled off my shirt. I was down to my boxers. Suzi was peeking. She took a very deep and strong breath, “Can you take those off under the covers?”

“Boo!” Hannah said and I smiled brightly.

“I think it’s a reasonable thing for her to ask,” Renée said reminding me that I was going to Suzi. I nodded and when I pulled the blankets up to let me in, Suzi wrenched the blankets tight against her.

“Wait!” I turned to see Xiomara. She shook her head, “Sorry.”

“Look if you don’t--”

“Go, Suzi’s waiting,” Xiomara seemed to genuinely smile.

“OK,” I said. I climbed under the little bit of the blanket Suzi let me lift. I smiled as I edged in against her. I put my hand on her belly and she turned her head towards me. I kissed her before she said anything.

I was making out with the smartest woman I knew. She was so small and vulnerable and nothing like the image of her in my mind. She had her hands crossed tightly over her breasts. Breasts I’d woken up holding more than once. Breasts I’d washed in the shower.