Chapter 30

Friday morning was a carbon copy of most of the week with sun and heat in the forecast. I wished we were going to the beach, but we had a lot to do before that was a possibility. I thought there was a chance we could squeeze in a day on Sunday. Collie was working 2-11 the next two days, but she had Sunday off miraculously.

After breakfast, Lana dropped us off at the hospital and promised she was only a few minutes away when we were done.

I took Tabby’s hand, swore to her that she’d be fine and led her through the hospital to Dr. Spencer’s office on the third floor. I hadn’t brought my sketchpad today. I wanted to focus on the problems and get them out in the open.

I knocked on her door and she answered it promptly and ushered us inside. I noticed the sketch of her hanging prominently in a very nice frame. That made me smile. I liked the thought of her being proud of that drawing and resolved to make her another one soon.

She sat us on the couch and got down to it. “I apologize, Matt,” she said right away.

I blinked, confused. “What? Apologize? What for?”

She took out a piece of paper and put it on the coffee table between us. “You told me how much distress you were in and I missed it.” I recognized the drawing I’d done of the men forcing Miranda toward her balcony.

Tabby reached out and took it, staring at it in horror. “Why would you draw this?” she asked, horrified.

“Matt sees her like that in his dreams,” Dr. Spencer supplied. “I hope you don’t mind me filling in a few blanks for her Matt, but I can’t overstate how much you need to lean on your family to get through this and the more they understand what’s going on, the more they can help.”

“Dr. Spencer ... Victoria,” I corrected myself, using her first name for the first time. “I trust you with my life. You’ve saved it in more ways than one. I trust you with my soul. It’s what I’m here to ask your help with. I trust you with my future. That’s why I brought one of the people that I love most in this world to you for help. If you tell me something is for my own good, I agree to it. I know you would never do anything to harm me. You don’t need to ask permission or forgiveness for trying to help me. Without you, I wouldn’t be here. That gives you all the permission you ever need from me.”

She nodded. “I appreciate that,” she said quietly. “I still feel like I failed you by not recognizing how much distress you were in.”

“Under normal circumstances, I’d make some lewd suggestion of how you could make it up to me that involved X-Ray techs and some field research for a paper I hope you’ll write about me for a journal of sexual development, but ... No, that all sounds like a terrific idea. We’ll go with that.” I gave her a little smile and winked.

She laughed and Tabby joined in.

“I’ll take it under advisement,” she said grudgingly, but there was a trace of a smile there. “First, I think it’s important to address the suicidal thoughts you’ve been having.”

“I hadn’t even realized I’d been feeling like that until she got me to talk about it. It was a complete surprise to me. Last night I thought about it a lot after we went to bed. I have too much to live for to kill myself. I think I’ve latched onto it as a way of easing the pain, getting peace from everything that’s happened and push the problems away. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to harm myself, but I suppose it’s like a fat person looking at a buffet when they’re on a diet, trying to get themselves in shape. They know that it would be an emotional payoff, but the drawbacks afterwards just aren’t worth it, as much as they think it will make them feel good.”

“That makes some sense, Matt. Now why don’t the two of you tell me what happened yesterday and we’ll go from there. I may have to split you up so that we can work with a little bit of privacy.”

“Don’t split us up for my session,” I told her. “Tabby can know anything we talk about here.”

She nodded. “There may be points that you feel different about, but if so, we’ll discuss it.”

“She knows that I murdered her former lover,” I said starkly. “How much more sensitive can our sessions get?”

“I suppose it depends on what X-ray techs I bring along?” she teased me back.

I laughed at the unexpected banter and settled back. “I suppose I deserve that, but the five of us slept in the same bed last night, so they’d have to be some pretty impressive techs.”

We talked a lot throughout the morning. She drew us both out about our issues. I offered to leave while she talked to Tabby privately, but she refused.

“You’re the first person that hasn’t blamed me,” she told me. “I want you to stay.”

After that, things went smoothly for the most part.

“I’ll want to see you both again next week,” she said. “Matt, I have you booked in for two hours on Monday afternoon. I’ll stretch that appointment to three hours and see you both again at that time. If you’re both agreeable, I’d like to see you individually later in the week too. I think one session together and one privately and we should be able to cover more ground. I’ll schedule you both in for separate appointments on Thursday. Matt, I’ll see you in the morning for two hours starting at 9 and Tabitha, I’ll talk to you at 1 and we’ll see what comes up. If we decide that the two of you together is more productive, we’ll go back to that, but for now, I want to see you individually at least once a week. I also gave your mother a second prescription, but asked her not to tell you about it. It’s for an anti-anxiety medication called Ativan. It’s a fast acting pill. You slip it under your tongue and it dissolves quickly for fast absorption. If something is going on that has you upset, take one. It should ease your immediate anxiety. Charlotte knows to split them up and give them to each of you. The sleeping pills are for both of you too. Tabitha, I’ll need your insurance information before you leave here. I’ll be able to bill your school insurance directly.”

Tabby filled out some paperwork and then we were ready to leave.

She was showing us out when I asked her what her favorite animal was.

“Animal?” she repeated. “I don’t know ... Off-hand, I’d say tigers are a beautiful cat. Going to try your hand at the animal kingdom?” she asked.

“I figured I’d spoil you a little since you’ve moved your schedule around for me a few times now,” I told her. “Besides, I have the ability. Why not use it?”

She nodded and we left to go outside where we could call Lana to pick us up. After this week’s encounter with Dr. Collins, everyone was a little extra vigilant about him.

“Feel any better?” I asked Tabby while we rode the elevator down to the lobby.

“I dunno. Maybe? A little? How about you?”

“Not really. I trust her, so I know she’ll get me back to solid ground. Last night I really did lay down and decide that no matter how often the thought comes to me, I wasn’t going to act on it. You and the other girls are too precious to me. I couldn’t leave you.” I shrugged and texted Lana that we were ready.

“You’re a strange young man,” she said softly.

“I know. In some ways I don’t feel real to myself. In others, I feel perfectly normal. I feel like you haven’t had a lot of people care for you. I have. To me that’s normal, but for you, it’s weird. You’ll get used to it. It might take some time, but we’ll get you to the point that it feels right instead of strange.”

“You sure about that?” she asked, dubiously.

I nodded. “I am. I will personally do everything in my power to help you recover from this. Your nightmare has been going on for years between the abuse and being blamed for it. It stops now. We’re going with you to get your things and when we do, we’ll be with you for any questions you might have to answer.”

“I thought you were going to be committed to welcoming Collie home today,” she said with a smirk.

I shook my head. “Plenty of time for that later,” I said. “I’m worried about you right now. I want to be there when you go to get your things in case we need fast answers. I’m at least still good for that.”

She frowned. “You’re good for a lot more than that,” she told me sternly. “You’re right. My mother still blames me for what happened with my uncle. She doesn’t say so most of the time, but sometimes around the holidays, she’ll have a little too much to drink and she’ll bring it up. I think she blames me for her and Dad breaking up too, like what was happening with Uncle Wally was happening with Dad too. It wasn’t. I don’t know why he left, but we never heard from him again.”

“Your mom’s a real peach,” I said dryly. “You were eleven. What idiot thinks it’s an eleven year old’s fault when a grown man crawls into her bed? I’m young enough to remember vividly being eleven and I knew next to nothing about sex, let alone how to go about GETTING any. Hell, at that age, I was still more interested in sports than girls. I kind of want to lay eyes on the woman that can look at herself in the mirror and blame her daughter for the breakup of her marriage. You have any brothers or sisters?”

“I have a brother. He’s okay. We still talk. He’s a couple of years older than me, but he works down in Quincy so I don’t get to see him much.”

“Should we invite him around or does he need to be eased into the idea of our home life?” I asked, concerned. “If he’s good to you, I want him to be part of your life if we can manage it.”

“Well ... He’d be okay with it, but he’s got his own lifestyle. I’m not sure how cool that would be,” she said delicately.

“Gay?” I asked directly. She nodded sheepishly. “Invite him around. If he has a boyfriend, invite him too. I’ll talk to everyone else, but I’ve had a couple of gay classmates. Some people make a big deal out of it, but I don’t have a problem with it. I even got hit on by one of them last year. I told him I was only interested in girls like that and he was totally respectful about it. I still talk to him. It’s just that I’m not cool with sucking cock from a personal standpoint. I still felt a little flattered that he thought I was boyfriend material.”

“Most guys would have called him something rotten and spread rumors about him,” she said, surprised.

“I get picked on for being smart. I’m not about to throw someone else under the bus for something they don’t have any choice in,” I pointed out. “But point taken. Your brother is golden in my books if he treats you okay. I don’t care if he sleeps with every guy in the world so long as he’s good to you.”

“EVERY guy in the world?” she asked me playfully.

I shrugged. “I’m not into guys. It’s not my thing. If one of you sincerely needed to see two guys together to complete your lives, I’d consider it. Hell, who am I kidding? For you girls, I’d do it. I can’t imagine I’d enjoy it, but I’d do anything for my girls. If that means bringing in another guy to give one of you the show of a lifetime, I would. I just sincerely hope that I don’t ever get asked to.”

“You really are strange,” she said with a shake of her head.

I shrugged again. “I know, but you girls are way more important to me than holding on to my comfort zone.”

Lana showed up a few minutes later and we piled into her car to go to lunch. We were going to a place nearby and when we got there, everyone was waiting for us.

There were hugs all around and then we sat and had our lunch, chatting back and forth. Toward the end of the meal, the topic of the afternoon came up and I suggested that we might all want to be there for Tabby since things were likely to be less than cordial.

“We’ve got this covered,” Lana said firmly. “You and Collie go home. Someone needs to be there in case the furniture shows up early or we get caught up with packing.”

I looked around the table and nodded with a smile. I wasn’t going to win this argument and persisting would hurt Collie. “Alright, but call us if something goes wrong.”

“There’s six of us. What could go wrong?” Beck asked brightly. I didn’t like the sound of that challenge, but again, I nodded.

When we split up, I took Collie’s hand and we walked back to her car, watching the rest of them drive away in a three car convoy of Patty’s car, Lana’s and Mom’s. “We can follow them, if you want,” she offered meekly.

I shook my head. “No, you deserve my attention. I’m just overly worried.” I smiled at her and told her to take us home.

“About Tabby?” she asked delicately while we pulled out of the parking lot.

“About both of you,” I replied. “Some of the things that you’ve reacted to have made me worried about how much stress you’ve been under. You were under a lot more financial trouble than you let on, weren’t you?”

“Yeah,” she admitted. “I was gonna have to work a lot through the school year to pay for it. You were right about that. Being able to live here where I can get some peace and quiet is going to be huge too. I can do some work at the library, but you gave me a lot of help to make it easier on me.”

I nodded and told her that I’d suspected as much. We drove the rest of the way home and parked at the curb to let the other cars have access to the driveway with Tabby’s things.

We went downstairs to our room and I took her hand, drawing her to me. She was taller than me, but so were all the girls right now. That would change over the next few years, but right now, she had to bend her head down to kiss me.

I ran my hands over her back, kissing her deeply, letting passion grow at its own pace. I’d been aching for relief for days, but with events outpacing me, this was the first time I’d felt even remotely like doing anything about it.

She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me tighter against her, moaning softly into my mouth as my hands explored her back. I pulled her shirt out of her jeans and slid my hands inside, making her moan again, more insistently this time. I moaned along with her this time, my hands gliding over her smooth skin, making me lose myself in how delicate she felt in my arms.

Her own hands were just as busy, pulling my shirt up so she could touch me. We broke the kiss briefly, letting us pull our tops off each other before coming together again, our lips crushing against each other. The slow build I was hoping for had rapidly gotten out of control and neither of us were going to stop it.