Chapter 3: Under the doorstep

When Monday morning came, I was more than a little nervous about starting a new school. I went down to breakfast wearing my new uniform: grey knee-length short trousers, white shirt, gold and navy striped school tie, navy jumper with a patch sewn on with the school crest, and a school cap. Caity was already there wearing the same uniform (skirt instead of shorts) and told me that Mrs O’Keef had tried to teach her how to tie her tie. It looked alright, so I guessed that Mrs O’Keef had done most of the work. My nerves had killed my appetite, so I just forced down a small bowl of cereal before we all loaded into the car.

Our new school was a grey-brick building with separate entrances for boys and girls. We didn’t take either, instead going with Grandpa through the main door and into the school office. We were taken into the headmaster’s office where he had a conversation with Grandpa about various boring things. The only bit I really listened to was about our bodyguards. He didn’t seem pleased about them being with us, even though they were going to act as teaching assistants in our classrooms rather than just sitting around watching us. I found out later that his grumpiness had been bought off by a significant donation to the school from Grandpa. I thought it was overkill having our bodyguards with us inside the school, but it wasn’t up to me.

After a little while, there was a knock on the door, and the head told the visitors to come in. They were a boy of my age and a girl of Caity’s. “Ah, good. Children, these are your guides. Peter is in your class Finnley, and Beth is in yours Caity. They’ll show you where to go and look after you.”

I winced slightly about needing to be ‘looked after’, which Peter saw and caused him to smirk. We said goodbye to Grandpa, Caity giving him a hug, me just a little wave. And off we went into our new domain, Dan following a few steps behind Peter and me. I quickly discovered that Peter was both nice and very funny. When I was introduced to our teacher, she told me that Pete had volunteered to be my guide, and she’d agreed against her better judgement. He was, in her words, the class joker. My desk was next to his and I spent the rest of the day (weeks, months and years) being entertained by him. He was actually really smart and always had the answer to questions, but often added a funny comment to go with it. He was mischievous rather than naughty, and everyone seemed to like him.

Unfortunately, our teacher took a real dislike to me. It was probably my fault. During our Maths hour that morning we were doing large number additions. She was leading a class example on the blackboard, calculating 589+877, and asked us what was the first thing to do. I put up my hand to answer. Big mistake! When she chose me, I said: “You add together the one’s column, so nine plus seven, which is sixteen. Put the six in the one’s column, and carry the one under the doorstep.”

Maths was not a subject I liked, but I had at least enough brains to do basic sums. Miss Cooper, our teacher, decided that she was going to have fun by ridiculing the new kid. She made a whole song and dance of picking up ‘the one’ from the blackboard (represented by the chalk in her hand) and carrying it over to the door (she actually did it) and putting it under the step (there wasn’t a step so she slipped the chalk under the door itself).

The class was in fits of laughter, and I felt my face go bright red from embarrassment. ‘Under the doorstep’ was just the easy way that my school in Yorkshire had taught us to remember carrying tens over to the next column. Miss Cooper asked the class if anyone knew what I meant and lots of hands went up. That made me angry. They all knew exactly what I meant, probably because they’d been taught the same way.

I stood up suddenly from my chair before she could pick someone, catching her by surprise. I had never had an abundance of self-esteem, so part of me was internally screaming ‘Finn, what the fucking hell are you doing?!’ But I couldn’t just sit there belittled when, for once, I’d given the right answer. Perhaps it was the northerner in me coming out to be gobby.

“You carry the one, writing it under the line in the ten’s column, and I think you and everyone else knew exactly what I meant. I also think it’s really unprofessional of you to make fun of me on my first day. You’re a bully, and everyone that laughed at your joke is a bully too.”

There was a stunned silence in the classroom. It took Miss Cooper a few seconds, then she hissed, “Get. Out.” So off I went! And where I went, Dan followed.

Once the door closed behind us, Dan gave me a firm but not too painful smack on the back of the head, and said, “Couldn’t keep your mouth shut, could you! Couldn’t wait till there was a quiet moment and then protest privately.”

“Would have been too late by then”, I told him. “Everyone was laughing at me.”

He sighed and shook his head.

I just muttered, “So much for this school.”

Dan replied: “We’re not done yet. When you’re in trouble and need a bloody good defence, kick the enemy in the balls. Come on.” He led me off back to the main office where he demanded to see the headmaster “this instant!”. That’s when I discovered that Dan when angry is not someone to mess with! Either he was genuinely angry or an excellent actor.

In the head’s office, he went off on a rant. “What sort of shambolic establishment are you running here?! That woman you put in charge of Finn has just ridiculed and demeaned him in front of his peers! Is she even a qualified teacher?! Does she have any idea how damaging to a child’s self-esteem a stunt like that can be?! I’ve a good mind to call his grandfather back here right now, and if I do you can be damn sure that there will be formal complaints to the governors and the education authority by the end of the day! And if that doesn’t work he has the means to hit you with a lawsuit over your school’s contravention of Article 3 of the European Convention on Human Rights regarding degrading treatment! Finn gave a perfectly correct answer to a Maths question, and she used him as a target for mockery! I cannot believe you put an incompetent person like that in a position of responsibility! Thankfully Finn stood up for himself as if he hadn’t, I most certainly would have done and that wouldn’t have been pretty! Now what are you going to do about her?! I will not stand for any teacher acting as she did and getting away with it. She can apologise in front of the class, or you can fire her, or you can take your chances with the education authority when they haul both of you in front of disciplinary boards! What’s it going to be?!”

Blimey!

Well, the headmaster waved a white flag pretty quickly and escorted us back to the classroom. Our entry caused a stir, which only grew when the head told me to sit and Miss Cooper to step outside. Oh to be a fly on the wall!

“That was brilliant”, Peter whispered to me loudly. “I’ve never seen old Coop so stunned!”

I whispered back, “Just wait, it’s about to get better!”

True enough, old Miss Cooper re-entered the classroom wearing a face like a smacked arse. “Finnley, I apologise for my joke earlier.” It wasn’t quite hissed like before, but it was close. “I’m sure I speak for the whole class by saying we didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

That was all I got. She went straight back to the Maths lesson. Except that definitely wasn’t the end of it, for two reasons. First, Miss Cooper hated me from that day on and had to visibility work to contain her loathing. Second, I had an instant reputation among my peers. Somehow, miraculously, I was a hero. They seemed to have conveniently forgotten that most of them had laughed at me and that I’d called them bullies.