Chapter 23

“Sir, you wanted to see me?”

“Yes, Jeeves. My visitors were very helpful. They seemed surprised that I already had possible solutions to consider, but I didn’t tell them my butler suggested them. They looked them over, and decided there was a workable solution in amongst the ideas.

They told me that the best way to get all the cash back was to declare it all as held in trust, with most of the money actually belonging to my wife, and the remainder to my daughter as parental fund for her future education, just like our sons got educational pots to cover their university courses.”

I exclaimed, “Oh, that is very clever, sir. Your advisers know what they are on about, and if my poor suggestions acted as seed corn for them, that is wonderful.”

“I think it was a bit more than ‘seed corn’, Jeeves, but we will let that pass. The question of documentary evidence was discussed and, curious to say, it looks as if such documentation will be forthcoming. I will not tell you who my visitors were, but they are people whose word is reliable.”

“Excellent, sir. I do hope this process proves successful in recovering your funds.”

“As do I, Jeeves. Now tell me, how did your review pan out?”

“I found it extremely helpful, sir. I had to report all my doings in the household, naturally, but my superior was delighted with me. He said I had gone far beyond the call of duty, but was disappointed that he knew nothing about it all until now. We had spoken by telephone at times, but that does not convey how one FEELS about how things went. I managed to get this point across, and the company has promised to take on board the need for face-to-face discussions on a regular basis. This will enable them to sense when a Jeeves is unhappy I his position, or is failing to fit in to a family household. Conversely¸ regular discussions, face-to-face, would prevent a Jeeves from becoming too fixated on a family group, to the detriment of his professional duty.”

“I can see the point you are making, Jeeves. It seems a valid one, from the point of view of your company’s objectives.”

“Incidentally, sir, we met Miss Frobisher there. She was visiting as a prospective employee. It seems she felt that telling them she had worked with me; she would then be viewed in a more considerate light. She was tasked with assisting myself and Miss Catherine today, to see how well she fitted in with other people. She is hopeful that it will lead to a new job for her.”

“How good that must have made you feel, Jeeves! Being instrumental in finding her a new job.”

“Oh, no, sir. I did nothing. She has done everything herself, and seems confident with it. Her time here must have given her that confidence, that will to succeed, which counts for so much in this cut-throat world.”

“Did Catherine see and speak to her as well?”

“Of course, sir. Miss Frobisher kept Miss Catherine comfortable in the waiting room while I was being interviewed – I almost said, ‘interrogated’!”

“I suppose it was nerve-wracking, Jeeves. Like a de-briefing in the army?”

“Exactly so, sir. You have it exactly. Like a debriefing, your superior seeks to draw out details from you that you were hardly aware were present. I found it quite exhausting. I hope I don’t have to go through that again for a long while.”

“Have they said how you will be treated in future?”

“Not exactly, but they said they were considering various means of more face-to-face contacts. How, I don’t know for certain.”

“Well, just roll with the punches, Jeeves. Look on the bright side: it might turn out well for you.”

“I hope for the same outcome for you, sir.”

“Thank you, Jeeves. By the way, Catherine was looking happy over dinner. Her trip to London must have gone down well.”

“Indeed, sir. We viewed a number of historic buildings from the outside, as we did not have the time to visit them; but we walked in a couple of parks as well. Very pleasant, I thought.”

“Perhaps meeting Frobisher also helped?”

“Probably. I was very pleased to see her again, too. I had become quite fond of Miss Frobisher. She was an excellent colleague to work with – quite efficient.”

“Fond, Jeeves?”

“In the nicest possible way, sir. She did not push herself toward me, unlike another young lady.”

“Probably being older and more reserved is why, because my wife tells me you are an attractive man for the ladies.”

“She did, sir? That is surprising, as is her conclusion. I always thought I was not god’s gift to women. Perhaps my change of profession has given me more self-confidence?”

Dawes nodded sagely. “Your poise as a butler gives you a presence, you know; and you are a young man; old enough to have experience, young enough to have the physique to help you. Yes, I am sure Mrs Dawes is accurate in her estimation of you.”

I drew myself up to reply, “Sir, all this talk about me as a ladies’ man, makes me uncomfortable. If there is nothing else, sir, I shall leave you and get the car polished for its next outing.”

“Dismissed then, Jeeves.”

As I went on with my work, I speculated on what he and his cronies had decided to do. It sounded as if they were going to forge documentary evidence for him to claim he was a mere custodian of a relative’s funds, rather than a receiver of stolen money. He would have to admit to one of the accounts being his personal finances, so I expect that would be the account with the least in it.

The financial authorities will probably want to see the funds placed into accounts in the names of these individuals, instead of in his name. That effectively takes control out of his hands, even if he doesn’t realise it yet. He probably expects his wife to pay all the household costs in future, which she might do.

That is a point. If she is paying the bills, will she be my client instead of Dawes? No, the contract is between the company and him, and the company doesn’t care how they get paid, as long as they are paid; so no change.

I was in my pantry an hour later, polishing the household silver, when there was a tap at the door. Miss Catherine was standing there, looking anxious. She asked me, “Why do you spend so much time polishing the silver?”

“If it is not done regularly, Miss Catherine, the tarnish starts to show, and that does not look good for the household. It is like being served your meal with the food sliding to the edge of the plate. It is not dangerous, but indicative of dropping standards of presentation.

If you have silver utensils, you keep them immaculate, my dear, just as I like to see you looking immaculate.”

She produced a wide smile. “You say such nice things, Jeeves. That is one of the things I like about you.”

I laid down my polishing cloth, and put all my attention on her. “Was there some specific matter you were bringing to my attention, or is this just a social call?”

“A bit of both. Do you have any idea what Daddy is up to? He is acting strangely, and talks privately with Mummy as well. I don’t get a look in.”

I gave the matter some thought before replying. “As best I can gather, Miss Catherine, your father is attempting to re-arrange his finances such that they are more acceptable to the financial authorities.”

Her face darkened. “Damn! I should have known.”

“Beg pardon, miss?”

“Jeeves, you should know by now that I know something of financial matters, and what you just alluded to is the laundering of tainted money.”

She waved her hand to dismiss whatever I might say, and went on, “I know, I know: you don’t know for certain, so you are being careful with your words. However, I have had my suspicions for some time that Daddy got some of his money in at least an underhand way. We moved into this big house a couple of years or so back, and I don’t know where the money came for it. I know we don’t hold a mortgage, so he must have had the wherewithal to buy it. I have never seen him in a job that would pay that sort of money, so I have my suspicions. You must as well, Jeeves.”

I again chose my words carefully. “My suspicions, my views, whatever, are immaterial here, Catherine. I am Mr Dawes’ butler, so I act to the benefit of the household, and advise accordingly. I do not of course do anything which might be construed as illegal in any way. If Mr Dawes chooses to work with other people for a particular end, that has nothing to do with me. A butler is exactly that: a butler.”

Catherine looked at me askance. “Jeeves, that is a cop-out position!”

“My apologies, Miss Catherine. Would you prefer that I reported my suspicions to the police, and have your father – my client – hauled in for questioning and possibly charged with an offence?

Or would you prefer that I gain knowledge of criminal actions, or proposed criminal actions, and did nothing, leaving me as an accessory to crime?

My course of action places me aloof from possible illegal activity, so that I am genuinely unaware of any such proposed activity. It is the proper course for a butler to take.”

Catherine sighed. “Jeeves, you seem to have an answer for everything, where the butler in you avoids collusion or knowledge of crime, actual or intended.”

“Beautifully said, my sweet. I am proud of your reasoning ability. Are you sure you don’t want to take up a career in the law?”

“I give up!”, she concluded. She came forward, kissed me on the mouth, and flounced out as if fed up with me. It was a good performance, I thought, and smiled to myself.

Chef stormed in a moment later. “Jeeves, what have you been up to, causing upset to Miss Catherine?”

“Sorry, chef. We merely agreed to disagree over my actions. She has her opinions, and I, as a butler, have mine dictated by my profession.”

Chef appeared somewhat mollified. “Very well, Jeeves, but try not to upset Miss Catherine too much. She is a lovely child, quite clever, and her opinions are generally sound.”

“I fully agree with you, chef, except that she is not a child. She is a young woman of charm and wit.”

“That is an interesting observation, Jeeves. May I remind you that she is the daughter of the house and you are staff, no matter how highly placed.”

“I consider myself suitably reprimanded, chef. I shall be more circumspect in my remarks.”

“Just in your remarks? Really, Mr Jeeves, I thought I knew you better.”

“Miss Catherine may in the future have something more to say about me, and about her, chef, but not now.”

Her eyebrows rose, but she said nothing, being the excellent woman she was at all times.

A few days later, Catherine came to find me, out of sight and sound of the others in the house.

“Jeeves, I am completely flummoxed. Mummy called me in and told me that I had an educational fund that Daddy had been looking after, and when I become eighteen, I was supposed to get access to it. Daddy apparently has a bank account with my name on it, though the cash is currently somewhere else.

Mummy also said that she had a similar bank account that Daddy had been looking after. It seems she had money transferred to her at the time of her divorce, but Daddy was the custodian up till now. He has apparently changed his mind and is giving us access to the funds once they have been moved into the new accounts.”