I actually heard Maddie before I saw her. I was at one of those interminable twenty-something parties. The hour was late. People were dunk. And strange and disturbing things were happening in dark corners. Naturally, none of that involved me.

I was hanging around the fringes because I hadn’t quite made the commitment to take up Holy Orders. Nonetheless, the chances of my solving my chastity problem weren’t looking very good that night.

My abstinence was a matter of OTHER people’s choices, not mine. I had gotten enough pussy to dispel MOST of the rumors that I was gay. But it wasn’t until my twenty-ninth year that I actually bagged one.

Linda was attractive, beautiful actually. But she was almost as socially retarded as I was. She was one of those girls who wanted to pick out the wedding china if you made it to the third date.

It was obvious from the beginning that she was the best I could do. Our personal deficiencies just played into each other. In fact, we meshed very well.

Unfortunately, we meshed so frequently that she was knocked up two months after we met. It seems she didn’t believe in birth control. And I was simple-minded enough not to ask.

Her view was that if she was spreading her legs it was for a meal ticket. Frankly that was fine with me. Marriage at that stage in my life was something you just did. Sort of like joining the boy-scouts when you were eleven.

I already had a successful career. I am in the pen testing business. I break into other people’s computers and tell them how I did it. Companies pay a lot of money for that knowledge. It is probably the only job that a socially dysfunctional nerd like me can excel at.

So Linda and I set up housekeeping in a condo in Germantown, Maryland and pretty soon baby made three. That’s when I discovered to my absolute delight that I really loved the little guy.

Up to that point I was a real nowhere man. I drifted along, grabbing targets of opportunity wherever and whenever I found them. Nothing interested me, at least not enough to care very much. And there was no actual emotional investment in relationships; EVER. That included my marriage.

Bill junior changed that. I knew that I was hooked the instant that I laid eyes on him. I spent a lot of his early months just playing with him. I would do anything to make Billy smile.

Most of what I did was in the virtual world. So I was around the condo more than Linda was. She had a big-person job at NIST, which was right down the road in Gaithersburg. And she was gone from morning until early evening. I didn’t care because I had my little guy and my very well paid, zero knowledge, cybernetic universe.

In fact, Linda was always more of a roommate with benefits, than she was a wife. I don’t know what I expected from that arrangement. But, what I GOT was divorce papers.

It seems that Linda had been given a better offer from a guy she had met at a party in DC. And so, all the time that I was watching the kid they had been fucking.

Honestly, I was relieved. Fact is that, once she birthed Billy, she went back to being a spectacularly self-centered bitch. Neither Billy, nor I, needed her.

So we split the DVD collection, which was pretty-much all that we jointly owned. She took her clothes and disappeared into the wilds of Reston. I wished her the best.

Of course that returned me to my horniness problem, which I had been trying to solve for months. That night, Billy was at my parents. Like me, they loved the little guy. Nonetheless, they both wanted me to couple up. So they were more than happy to take care of him any time I went looking for a replacement.

We would do the IHOP thing in the morning. But tonight was my night to prowl.

The hunting was sparse. So I went upstairs to take a last piss before heading back to my place. That’s when I heard loud sexual noises coming from across the hall.

My ears pricked up, along with something else. Voyeur that I am I had to see this. I slowly eased the door open. I didn’t really need to be delicate. There were four guys in various stages of arousal and undress wandering around the room.

None were wearing pants. Most were still wearing shirts. Except the fifth guy who was between the legs of the woman on the bed.

Her toes were pointed at the ceiling fan, which was slowly turning over their head. She was emitting the loud moans that had brought me there in the first place. Occasionally she came up with an even louder, “Oh Yesss!”

There was a running play-by-play going on among the two guys who were actually watching the action. The one said, “Look at that bitch fuck.” The other told the person fucking her that he should hurry up because it was his turn. To which she added, “That’s it! Fuck me harder baby!”

I sat down in a handy chair to watch. At that point it was self-education as much as it was prurient interest. Of course I knew about gang-bangs. I had just never witnessed one. I was truly interested in the motivations of the participants.

It was obvious that the guys wanted to get their rocks off in a real pussy. Most guys my age would fuck a hole in the wall. So the enthusiastic involvement of those five wasn’t a mystery.

Nevertheless, it was not clear what the woman was getting out of it, except a whole lot of sexual stimulation.

Mind you, I am not saying that sexual stimulation is a bad thing. It was just that by headcount alone she must have been going at it for at least two hours. So you would imagine that some of the edge might have been taken off of her arousal.

Nonetheless, she was still fucking her partner like she had never had a cock in her before. Based on all of the fluids that were smeared on her she apparently had no problems with messy either.

The guy currently doing the honors let out a loud grunt and I could see his butt flex for a few seconds and she muttered a satisfied, “Yeeaaah!”

Then he reversed off her. It was almost like he was holding the door for the next fellow. The guy following in line replaced his buddy and smoothly inserted himself.

At that point he and she were off to the races again. It didn’t seem like she even broke stride. She just emitted a lurid groan of satisfaction and went back to slamming her pussy up to meet the new intruder.

That went on for another twenty minutes. The garish moaning and cries of passion were getting so monotonous that I almost dozed off. During that time all of the guys, but one, had pulled on their pants and left. The last one seemed to be waiting for his buddy to finish.

Finally, I heard an, “Arrrrrrghhhh” from him and a “Give it to me baby. Give it ALL to me!!” And the last guy made his own contribution to the girl’s already overflowing receptacle.

He slowly withdrew as she continued to loudly cum. Then he began to dress. He was doing it leisurely, like he was getting ready to go off to work. She was writhing on the bed, finishing herself with her fingers. Both guys left, joshing each other about their performance. It was a truly touching moment.

She was lying quietly on her back now, knees bent outward. She looked totally used. She had that thousand-yard stare that people get when they have come to the end of their physical rope.

I couldn’t honestly say that her pussy was leaking because she had so much cum on various parts of her anatomy that it was hard to tell. Meanwhile her chest was heaving with exertion. I noticed a dandy set of round, full tits puddled out on that chest, big brown nipples still erect.

She finally got back from whatever mystical journey she had been blown to. She said almost casually, “So are you going to fuck me or not?” I said just as nonchalantly, “No, I was just curious.” For a change my mind filtered out my usual response, which was that I wasn’t into catching things.

It was an odd situation. This was clearly a slut on the hoof. She wasn’t drugged, tied up, or even very drunk. How a woman who had just willingly fucked five men to death could look THAT vulnerable was beyond me. But I was actually feeling sorry for her. The main emotion though was curiosity.

She said, “Well if you aren’t interested in fucking me can you at least give me a ride home?” This whole conversation was going on like we had just run into each other at a Starbucks and she was about to order up a taxi. It was eerie.

I said, “I would be happy to, if you take a shower first.” I thought it would be a little tasteless to tell her that I didn’t want my car seats stained.

She rose wearily from the bed. I have seen the exact same faltering gesture from people who had just finished a marathon. She groaned and said with a rueful grin, “I’m going to hate myself in the morning” as she disappeared into the bathroom.

I said, “I’ll bet you will” trying to hold down the sarcasm. It was like we were discussing the weather. I noticed that the naked ass that was disappearing through the doorway was as exquisite as the set of big, beautiful round tits that preceded her.

I wondered why a girl with such a smoking hot body would feel like she needed to pull a train of smarmy policy wonks to get attention. That piqued my interest.

She was in there for a while but she had a lot to scrub off. She appeared back in the bedroom looking fresh and pink, wrapped in a towel and drying her wet hair. Her face was as world class as her body. It was a perfect oval with thick auburn hair framing it, big dark eyes and a wide sensual mouth.

This woman was a once in a lifetime babe. She should have been riding in a fancy litter, with those guys bearing her like a queen, not wantonly fucking them. Now I was truly curious.

I don’t have a degree in psych. And I am not a rescuer. In fact, I don’t give a shit about the human race in general. But this woman’s behavior was way too bizarre. She was a puzzle that I HAD to solve.

I was thinking that she might be a hooker. She had on expensive clothes. Maybe they PAID her to do that? She certainly was handling the gang-bang like a pro. It was as if fucking five men for almost two and a half hours was no big deal.

All the way out to the car she was bouncing along next to me prattling about how it looked like a beautiful spring. She was only about five-two. So I was looking down on her from almost a foot over her head. She had not put her bra back on. Her big full breasts swayed tantalizingly as she walked.

She kept cutting me flirty glances. I finally said a bit more gruffly than I had planned, “Give it up. It ain’t gonna happen.”

She looked confused. It was like she didn’t know what I was talking about. She said, “What’s not going to happen?”

I said, “You know.” She clearly didn’t.

I opened the door. She hopped in. She said, “Nice car.”

It WAS nice. Like I said, I live in a condo. I make a lot of money and I don’t have anything to spend it on except the kid. So a lease on a Range Rover is not too extravagant. I drove. She provided the directions. We ended up at an apartment complex in Chevy Chase. She definitely had money.

I said, “What do you do for a living?”

She said nonchalantly, “I’m a lawyer with the FDA.” I thought Holy Shit! I was glad that I DIDN’T blurt out, “So you’re NOT a hooker?” Instead I just stared.

She added, “Would you like to close your mouth and come up?”

I said, “Sure!” I might be socially retarded but I am not stupid.

We entered an almost palatial lobby and rode up to the top floor in an elevator that would have done the Willard downtown proud. I was gazing around her hallway like a yokel who had never seen a luxury building before.

Her place had the “single girl with a lot of money” look that suggested she had more than a career as a GS 14. I wandered around it touching things. She had nice things. Her place had floor to ceiling windows. The view of the emerging dawn was spectacular.

She said, “Do you want a drink?” It was hospitable not sultry.

I said, “I really have to be getting back” and yawned.

She said, “Why don’t you just stay here? Miss Kitty is too sore tonight but I will be ready to go tomorrow bright and early.” I didn’t know how to address that elephant in the room. Hell, it wasn’t an elephant. It was a Wooly Mammoth.

I said, “Maybe some other time. But I have to pick up my son in the morning.”

She said, “I never thought! Are you married?”

I told her the entire gory story. I only omitted the part about my being a candidate for the short bus with women. She seemed fascinated. She was a fantastic listener. The sun was coming up as I talked. It had been a very long day. I finally said, “I have to get Billy in Gaithersburg in two hours.”

She said. “Great, let me change and we can go get him together. Why don’t you take a shower to wake up and we can get some breakfast on the way?” I was beginning to look around me to see if I hadn’t inadvertently fallen into a “Twilight Zone” episode.

I said astonished, “You don’t even know me and you want to come with me to pick up my kid?”

I didn’t add that I was a little weirded out by her attitude. I mean we weren’t exactly buddies. In fact, we weren’t even acquainted. After what I had just witnessed, I might be a little over-familiar with her physiology. But I didn’t actually know her name.

I said, “I don’t even know your name.”

She said, “That’s easy it’s Maddie, short for Matilda.” I thought that her parents must have had an exquisite sense of humor when naming their children.

Then without missing a beat she added, “I love children. We can take him to the DC Zoo. The Pandas are out now.”

I had no response to that proposition. I had the feeling that, in this relationship I was up that proverbial creek without a paddle control-wise. The woman might have some very odd sexual practices but she was a force of nature.

What she said made practical sense though. Given the hour I might as well go directly to the IHOP from her place.

Her lavatory looked like it belonged in the Taj Mahal. In fact, the potty gave new meaning to the term “throne”. I dragged my weary ass into her shower, which was about the size of my whole bathroom. I was soaping myself when the shower door opened and she appeared naked behind me.

She said, “Let me do that” and began to lather up Old Lucifer. Her giant tits with their stiff nipples and her tight little body were pressed against my back as she industriously polished my rod. The traitorous organ immediately stood straight out for her.

I turned to face her. She was laughing merrily. What we were doing did not feel explicitly sexual, even though we were both stark naked. It was more like we were engaged in a pillow fight or some other form of naughty teenage hijinks. She was giggling.

I held her at arm’s length. She looked inquiringly at me and I kissed her. I couldn’t help it. She was so alive and full of joy. Our tongues dueled for a few seconds. Then she pushed herself away, chest heaving. She smacked me on the arm and said, “We don’t have time for this. We have to pick up your child.”

I thought, “She participates in an all-night gang-bang and NOW she is the responsible one?”

I myself dried off with a towel that must have denuded an entire cotton field. She got herself ready in her own room. I thought to myself, “This woman has serious money.” Her contradictions were driving me nuts.

The hot shower and the even hotter stimulation had my blood pumping again. I was waiting in her living room when she reappeared. She was the girl next door, complete with pig-tails. She was a stunning beauty. I couldn’t reconcile the fresh scrubbed look with the gang-bang queen of several hours ago. It was getting Byzantine. I was fascinated.

We went back through the lobby and walked out to the car. She cheerfully grabbed my arm and squeezed it against the side of one disturbingly full, floating boob. It was a possession move, almost like she had adopted me as a boyfriend.

As we walked across the parking lot all I could think about were the five boyfriends she had fucked last night. There was a struggle going on inside my head.

I couldn’t reconcile my feelings. I should have been grossed out by her. But instead I was wrapped in a sense of the comfortable ease that you have with a long-time friend and companion. She was reinforcing that idea with her jaunty familiarity.

I drove to the IHOP in Gaithersburg. It was where I had planned to meet my parents. She wanted to know everything about my kid.

I told her that he was an inquisitive three-year old. I said that his mother had lost interest in him about ten minutes after he was born. And I had done all of his child care. I added that the only thing that Linda did in the eight months before she left was the actual breast-feeding. And that was only because she had the relevant technology.

Billy is a bright little boy. He was overjoyed to see me. I was even happier to see him. He was sitting in his high chair with a big pile of crackers on his tray. My parents were sitting together on one side of the booth in anticipation of my arrival. I slipped in opposite them with Maddie.

They looked confused. I got it. Needless to say, they had never seen me with a woman as attractive as Maddie; at least one who seemed to have the slightest interest in me.

Maddie was acting like we always hung out together on a Saturday. I was wondering if I was witnessing another instance of a slipped cog. My parents just looked at her like she would excuse herself and leave, once she realized that she had sat down in the wrong booth. In the meantime, she was already fooling with Billy.

Billy is normally very shy. I was waiting for him to start to cry. Instead, he looked puzzled and then some little switch toggled in the “mommy” recognition center of his brain. He produced the brightest, ear-to-ear grin and held out his arms to her. He wanted to be picked up and hugged. Maddie picked him up and the two of them smiled and cooed at each other.

The three other people in the booth looked poleaxed. I was flustered, but I had enough cool to say, “Mom and Dad, I want to introduce my friend Maddie.”

She smiled politely at my parents and went back to playing with Billy.

She was absolutely wonderful with children. She had told me that she was like that. But I didn’t believe her. I was thinking, “Okay, I can see that she is smart enough to be a lawyer. I witnessed the slut part, even if she is WAY too beautiful to be used like that. But where did the motherly thing come from?”

Billy looked like he wanted to go home with her. My son was clearly a lot quicker on the uptake than his old man. That was at the ripe old age of three. Of course Billy didn’t have his old man’s long track record of dismal failure to color his perceptions.

My parents obviously wanted to know where this vision of loveliness had come from and what pictures I had to blackmail her into being with me.

After what I had witnessed last night I could have produced a few. But I didn’t get the impression that she was with me for any OTHER reason than the fact that she WANTED to be there. And she loved my child.

I said as diplomatically as I could, “Maddie and I met at a party last night and we were thinking of taking Billy down to the DC Zoo to see the Pandas.”

Maddie added, talking strictly to Billy, “Do you want to see the funny little bears?”

Billy knows what bears are. He lit up like a searchlight. My mother looked at me with skepticism. It was like, “where did you find this wonderful woman and how much are you paying her to be with you?”

I had enough presence of mind to NOT tell her that I had run into her last night while she was pulling a train of guys. Maddie’s paradoxes were driving me out of my mind. I had to find out who she REALLY was. So I said, “We have to go. Thank you for watching him” and began to get out of the booth.

Both parents said, “NO, we want to get to know your new friend better.” Maddie favored them with a serene smile. I thought. “Oh my God she’s going to tell them!”

Maddie said, “Bill and I met at a party last night and we hit it off right away. I was hoping we could spend some time getting to know each other today. He is SO deep and interesting.”

I had two thoughts. The first one was, “There IS a God!” The second was, “And mine has an incredible sense of humor.”

The very LAST word I would use to describe myself is “interesting”. I might go with “deep” since I am just as shy as my little boy. And I am not glib. People sometimes mistake my silence for profundity; instead of what it really is which is tongue-tied.

I tried to give everybody a thoughtful look. I said, as self-effacingly as I could, “Maddie really doesn’t know me very well.” I could have said the same vice-versa for her. She clearly had a screw loose up there somewhere.

My dad said, “So where do you live and what do you do?”

Maddie said, “I graduated from Harvard Law. I have been a lawyer with the FDA for the past six years. I specialize in compliance litigation although I sometimes handle product lawsuits.”

She added matter of fact, “I live in Chevy Chase. But that is because my daddy set me up with a very adequate trust. I couldn’t afford to live where I do on my salary as a government lawyer.”

My dad said with incredulity dripping off of every word, “So how did you meet Bill? He is some kind of stay-at-home geek.” My parents both nodded sympathetically, like they felt sorry for anybody who was as deluded as Maddie must be.

My dad owned a hardware store. He would never understand that a pen-tester was a very well-paid covert professional. A lot of my work was for the alphabet agencies under the Director of National Intelligence. But I also do things for the military and the State Department. And I am on the speed dial of most of the CISOs at the big banks.

Maddie said, “I met him last night. I came with some of the guys from my golf club. They left me there and Bill offered to take me home. He is a true gentleman.” I was incredulous. The guys she had fucked were in a golf club with her??!!

I know enough about guys to understand why they would dump HER. It is a matter of respect for the woman. But I was wondering what was going through Maddie’s mind.

I really didn’t want to sit around and be insulted any longer. I could embarrass myself on my own, without help from my parents. And I had to get away and think about this a bit. So I said, “It’s a long drive down to Rock Creek and Billy will need a nap so we had better get going.”

Maddie scooped Billy up like a veteran mother and we said our good-byes. We walked back to my car with Maddie carrying Billy on her full round hip.

He was babbling away to her about bears. She actually looked like she was listening. She buckled him in his car seat. I thought, “She has done this before, a lot!” And then she slid in next to me.

Her face was blissful. I said, “You weren’t kidding. You really like kids.”

She said, “I LOVE kids. I want dozens of them.”

That looked like an opening. I said, “I never asked. Is there somebody special in your life to have them with?”

She said, “Maybe; YOU” and she favored me with a loving glance.

I had never seen a look like that from a woman before. It was the sort of fond, secret smile that a wife might give a husband when she was suggesting something momentous. It appeared to be genuine affection. That concept rattled around in my skull like a 22 caliber bullet.

I spluttered, “How can you say that? We don’t even know each other.” I refrained from adding, “And why would you think I would have kids with a slut like you?”

I was in a real quandary. If I had met this woman under any other circumstance, I would have already fallen head-over-heels in love with her. She radiated happiness. She was smart, witty, alive, energetic, caring and nurturing to my child. Plus, she was absolutely gorgeous. Even more astonishingly, she seemed to have imprinted on me in some kind of peculiar baby duck fashion.

At this point most women, even the homely ones, are checking their watch. Instead, this girl was talking about having my kids. And even worse, I had never felt more comfortable with another human being in my life. The fact that neither of us had slept for the past 24 hours simply didn’t register on me. It was like we had been married forever and we were out for a Saturday afternoon with our boy.

Even more bewildering, Maddie was so beautiful she could easily attract better guys. I am one of those kinds of people who live by the old Groucho Marx line, “I don’t want to be a member of a club that would accept ME as a member.” Yet this woman was going out of her way to be with me. I felt like that damn elephant was now ramming his tusk up my ass.

I wanted to change the subject. I said conversationally, “Where did you get your obvious skill with children?”

She said, “We’re Irish Catholics. I’m the oldest girl of five children. My parents both worked long hours and I had most of the childcare duties growing up. I loved it.”

I added cagily, “Didn’t you miss out on all of the fun in your teenage years?”

I know I’m stupid. I didn’t seriously expect her to admit that she had been trying to catch up on all of the fun that she had missed by doing guys in bulk now.

She said, “Oh no! I really enjoyed nurturing my little brother and sisters, watching them develop and learn. It was a real pleasure experiencing life through their fresh young eyes.” Okay, so she actually WAS Mother Theresa.

I gave up. There was no way I was going to learn anything about her motivations using THAT approach. I tried another tack, “So you play golf? Are you any good at it?” I admit, that might have been a little transparent but I am anything but subtle.

She said, “Oh yes, I am in two different leagues. I played it inter-collegiately when I was at Harvard.” She looked thrilled that I had asked. Things were going so well that I didn’t have the heart to inquire which foursome she had been banging last night.

I had to cut to the chase. I said, “So what brought you to the party? Do you know Ed Jones?”

Ed was last night’s host. I know him because we have literally done time together. That was for some teenage hacking exploits. It was just a few days in County and our record was expunged after a couple of years. Our paths diverged at that point. I commercialized my skills and Ed got into selling weed. Fifteen years later he was still way ahead of me financially, but my profession had more of a long-term up-side.

She said puzzled, “No who’s he?”

I said, “He was the one who threw the party. Who did you come with?”

She said, “I came with Charlie Schneider. He and I work together at the FDA.” I almost said out loud, “Annnnnnd?”

She smacked herself on the forehead and said, “Oh yes! I know who he is now! How do you know him? Charlie told me that he provides most of the marijuana for the Federal Government. Or at least he does for the areas I work in.”

I knew it was an innocent question. But I was seriously on the defensive. I decided that my heavy handed probes about her attitudes toward sex could wait for a more opportune time. We were crossing the Klingle Valley Bridge. I said, in order to change the subject, “Look Billy, There’s the zoo!”

Billy was making excited noises as we pulled off of Connecticut and into the zoo parking lot. Maddie got him out of his car seat and carried him on her hip all the way to the entrance, where we rented a stroller.

She had magnificent round hips, which went along perfectly with her truly superb butt. There wasn’t a male anywhere who hadn’t noticed what was tightly encased in her jeans. The way she was interacting with Billy and me; any stranger looking at us would have just assumed that we were a young married couple out for an afternoon at the zoo. It was an absolutely marvelous day.

She made Billy the happiest little boy in the world. I was not far behind. She had a million cute little observations about the animals. She perfectly balanced her attention to both of us.

Since I love Billy with all of my heart, her care for him was getting all mixed up in my mind. She was so tender and loving with him that it was hard for ME not to fall in love with her. That seemed like a very bad idea, knowing what I knew.

Nonetheless, if there was ever a more ideal partner anywhere, I didn’t know where I would find her. I reasoned to myself, “It doesn’t matter how potentially slutty she is in her spare time. What matters is how she makes us feel when we are together.”

Of course I was also aware that a woman who would so casually and expertly fuck five strange men would no doubt break my heart if I let her in.

I wanted to ask her if her work mate Charlie was one of the guys she had fucked. I wanted to know how the whole gang-bang thing had gotten started. And I REALLY wanted to know what had motivated her to do something like that. She was just BETTER than what I had witnessed.

Unfortunately, none of that was forthcoming. It was like she ended every date by pulling a train of guys; like a peck on the cheek at the door. I didn’t think it was a submissive, or self-concept problem. She was an utterly solid human being, decisive and upbeat. It was like sport sex was one of the many things that she was good at.