Chapter 3

Logan stood by a wall, sipping a glass of white wine and watching Alex greet and speak with a line of visitors. Eventually the crowd dwindled and soon the only ones left were he, Alex and Bruce and his staff.

“Quite a successful opening,” Bruce remarked.

“Yeah,” Logan replied and regarded the empty trays on the catering table. “It looks like the buzzards were here.” He regarded the side wall. “I see some of the landscapes sold.”

“Yes, and quite a few of the smaller, matted prints. We’ll print more and replenish the stock.”

“I told you the landscapes are more commercial,” Logan added.

“I’m not so sure about that. Tell him, Alex.”

“Tell me what?”

“Bruce introduced me to an agent who thinks he can interest a publisher in a coffee-table book of the portraits.”

“A book?” Logan looked up at Bruce.

“I think that would be an excellent venue for those photos,” Bruce replied. “Well, as soon as the caterers are packed up, we’re going to close up shop. Alex, I’ll keep you apprised of how things are moving.” He turned to Logan. “Thanks again, pal. And, thanks for coming.”

“I wouldn’t have missed this for anything.”

Alex approached him. She retrieved her car keys from her bag. “Meet me at my apartment?” she suggested.

“Absolutely. I think tonight calls for a nightcap. Unfortunately I didn’t have the foresight to pick up a bottle of Champagne.”

“Luckily I have some very sippable rose in my fridge.” She gave him a little wave and headed to the back of the gallery.

Logan exited the front door and walked the block to where he had parked. He sat behind the wheel, started his engine and headed toward the apartment buildings. He parked in a visitor’s stall and saw Alex opening the lobby door. Logan sprinted to join her.

She unlocked her apartment and switched on lights. Logan slipped off his jacket and then loosened and removed his tie. “Grab a couple glasses from the cabinet,” she said as she opened her refrigerator.

“Here.” Alex filled the two glasses and they clinked rims.

“To a career in photography,” Logan said and they both sipped. “Nice rose.” He looked in her eyes. “A book!”

“We’ll see if anything comes of that,” Alex replied.

Logan set down his glass. He approached Alex and embraced her. Gently he lifted her glasses from her face and set them on an end table. “I love you,” he said, looking into her blue eyes.

He kissed her forehead and her cheeks, then he kissed her lips. They kissed again, this time tongues touching; and again.

Logan slipped one arm behind her knees and the other around her shoulders and picked her up. “Whoa,” Alex remarked, “wasn’t expecting that.”

He carried her to her sofa and sat, holding her on his lap. Logan ran his hand along her knee and up, under her dress, caressing her legs through the sheer black fabric of her hose. “You have such pretty legs,” he said. “Such cute knees.”

Again they kissed. Logan caressed her cheek with the backs of his fingers, then ran them down her neck and along her shoulder. He traced the straps of her dress and down its bodice. Looking deeply into her eyes he ran the backs of his fingers down between her breasts.

“Logan — stop,” Alex said. “There’s something you need to know about me.”

“I know I love you and I know I want you,” he replied. “I know all I need to know.”

“Then, I hope I’m only confirming something you’ve been suspecting all along ... but I need to be sure you know this...” Alex stood and faced him. “Logan ... I’m a trans woman.” With that she lifted the hem of her dress. He could see the shapes of male genitalia compressed under her briefs and pantyhose.

Logan stared at her for a long moment, his jaw slack. “Holy shit,” he finally said, shaking his head. “Why ... why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“This thing between us happened so fast, Logan ... Then I had to leave for my mom’s surgery. There wasn’t time before it spun out of control.”

“This is the sort of thing you make time for,” he retorted.

“I never denied it,” she protested.

“But you never admitted it, either.”

“I thought you at least suspected, Logan. If you know what to look for, you can tell.”

“Now I should feel like an idiot for not knowing the ten warning signs your girlfriend might be a tranny.”

“That’s not a polite word, Logan.”

“Sorry.”

“Didn’t you see that little bio blurb at the gallery?” she asked.

“I saw it. I didn’t read it. I didn’t think I had to.”

Alex retrieved her phone and manipulated the screen. “I wrote it and I approved it.” She turned the screen to him.

“Alexandra Winter,” the screen read, “is a trans woman. Born Alexander, she transitioned in middle school...” He stared at her. “Alex ... I feel lied to. I never expected to feel that way with you.” Logan stood and headed toward the door. He picked up his jacket and tie. “I have to go,” he said. “I need some time to work this through.”

“Logan — wait,” she called after him. He continued out the door, through the lobby to the parking lot.

He drove out to the street and turned in the direction of his condo. Stopped at a red light he pounded the steering wheel. “God! Fucking! Damn it!” he exclaimed. “Why do I have such fucking bad luck with women?”

Logan sat at a corner table in the cafeteria, staring at the entrance. He looked at his watch. Fifteen minutes. Twenty. Then he spotted her come in and pick up a tray. He approached her as she went through the line. “Alex ... You’ve been avoiding me all morning.”

“That’s because I don’t want to see you,” she replied icily.

“I have some things to say to you.” Alex carried her tray to the cashier and paid for her lunch. She sat at a vacant table and Logan sat across from her.

“I said, leave me alone. I have nothing to say to you.”

“Then just listen ... Alex — I’m very sorry I bolted from you on Friday night. I’m ashamed of my behavior...”

“Logan — I do not feel comfortable discussing this in such a public place.”

“ ... this doesn’t change how I feel about you,” Logan continued.

“Logan — I said, not here.”

“Hear me out ... I did a lot of soul-searching over the weekend and...”

Alex pressed her finger against his lips. “Logan. Not. Here.”

“How about we go out to dinner after work? I know a place with private booths. They have curtains you can draw...”

She drew in a breath and released it as a sigh. “Logan — I have a mulligatawny stew cooking in my slow-cooker at home. The recipe makes enough for two, though I usually freeze the left over. Come to my apartment at six and we’ll have dinner and a discussion ... for whatever good that will do.”

“Six.” He nodded, stood and headed for the elevator. He rode the car to fourteen and sat, his elbow planted on his desk and his forehead in his palm.

His colleague Tom stepped in and sat at his desk. “Say — I saw Alex in the cafeteria having lunch alone. Did you two have a falling out?”

“It’s none of your fucking business, Tom.”

Logan sat in his car in a visitor’s stall near Alex’s apartment. He regarded the clock on the dashboard — it read 5:35. He watched as the time crept toward six. These are the longest twenty-five minutes of my life, he thought.

Finally the clock read 6:00. With his stomach in knots he sprinted to the lobby door and pressed the button for Alex’s apartment. “Yes?”

“It’s me,” he replied. Logan stood, waiting for the door to unlock.

He pressed the button again. “What?”

“Aren’t you going to buzz me in?” he asked.

“I’m thinking...”

Logan paced outside the lobby door. A middle-aged woman approached and pressed another tenant’s button. After speaking through the intercom, the lobby door buzzed open for her.

Logan dashed inside behind her and up the stairs to 2B. He rapped on the door. “Alex,” he called.

The door swung open. Alex stood in the doorway, barefoot and wearing running shorts and a tank top, glaring at him. “How did you get in?”

“I followed another visitor in. May I come in?” he asked and she stepped aside. Logan closed the door behind him. “Alex...”

“Can the discussion wait until after dinner?” she asked. “I don’t do well in these circumstances on an empty stomach.”

“I have something to get off my chest or else I won’t be able to eat dinner.”

She nodded toward her kitchen. “I have some rice cooking. You have until it’s done to say your peace.”

“Okay ... First ... None of this changes how I feel for you. I love you, Alex, and I want you. I’m really ashamed of how I behaved. I should have stayed, but I panicked. It was the shock, the surprise ... I found myself out of my comfort zone and I didn’t know how to react. I pride myself on having a big, strong pair; but they failed me on Friday. I took the coward’s way out. For that I’m ashamed of myself and so, so sorry.”

Alex nodded. “Go on.”

“The more I thought about my behavior and how I must’ve hurt you; how I must’ve ruined your special day of the exhibit opening — it made me sick to my stomach.”

“Don’t beat yourself up too badly, Logan. It isn’t the first time something like this happened to me. The first few times, I was hurt. By now I’ve learned to take it in stride.”

“I’m also sorry I accused you of lying to me.”

“Actually, that one was fair, Logan. A lie of omission is still a lie. This is something I should have brought out in the open earlier. I admit I handled that part of it badly, and I am sorry.”

“Apology accepted,” he replied. “Second, I want you to know I understand this is my problem — not yours.”

She shook her head. “It’s our problem, Logan.”

“Call it what you want. The resolution is for one of us to change. It’s a helluva lot easier for me to change my thought process than for you to change your body. Our problem, my problem, no matter. The solution falls on me, and I am committed to solving this.”

Alex approached him and looked in his eyes. “Do you really mean that?”

“With all my heart. I think I got four hours sleep the entire weekend. This absolutely consumed me.” He opened his arms and embraced her.