Chapter 3

My supply chopper will be here tomorrow. I have arrangements for monthly visits by a member of my former guard troop, who runs his own chopper service. I give him a list of supplies when he comes, then he brings them on his next visit. This is the first time I’ve been without any communications at all.

While he’s here, I hope to use his radio or maybe his cellphone if he has service up here. He does at times and I’ve used it before. I need to call my dish satellite service and have them help me align my dish again. I also have internet service with them and I have hopes that I can help Amanda search the missing persons sites to see if we can find out who she is and where she’s from.

Tomorrow marks four weeks since I found her nearly mauled to death by the bear. She’s fully recovered from her injuries, but she still can’t remember certain things about her recent past. She’s told me a few things about her father, but not a lot. She did tell me a week ago that she has an older brother. I was shocked to learn that, after all this time.

We were talking about her father, then I asked about her mother. She hesitated, then she told me that she was sent to live with her mother at their home in California, when her father died. I asked if she was an only child and suddenly, she looked at me with her eyes wide, and told me about her brother, as if she had just remembered him. She seemed as shocked as I was.

I honestly think she refuses to tell me everything about him, though she tells me she can’t remember.

“What’s your brother’s name?”

“Daniel.”

“Does he have the same last name as you?”

“Yes – and I know what you’re trying to do.”

“Amanda – I care too much about you, to begin playing mind games with you after all you’ve been through. I want to help you any way I can, to remember your past and remember any relatives you may have. I’m not trying to trick you into telling me your last name.”

“I apologize for saying that, Rusty. You have been so understanding, so professional, and so sincere in all you’ve done for me. At times, I feel like you’re holding back, to keep me from knowing your true feelings.”

“Amanda ... I suppose I have, at times stopped short of confessing any personal feelings I may have developed for you.”

“Rusty, I feel the same way ... There has been many nights that I’ve had to bite my tongue to keep from begging you to turn over and hold me. Sometimes, I just want to be held, and yet I realize why you refuse to let me get closer to you, though I’m lying naked in your bed, clinging to your back.”

“Amanda, we’ve talked about this before. We’ve discovered that you’re twenty-three ... and I’m twelve years older. You have yet to learn if you’re married, engaged, or have commitments otherwise.”

“Yes, and I’ve told you many times too, I don’t care about your age. You are so real, so masculine and so handsome ... Damn it, Rusty, there are times that I want you as a man ... as my lover – and I hurt in my heart and my belly, because I can’t make you want me too...”

We were walking to the creek for our daily swim. She refuses to wear my shirts. She’s been naked since the day I cut her blood soaked clothes off her body to clean her up and try to put her back together. I found a pair of my old flip-flops and trimmed them down to fit her feet. She wears them everywhere, except to bed.

Each time I look down at her as we walk, she smiles up at me. Her hair has grown back to cover her head and almost down to her hairline in back. She keeps it pulled straight back, wearing one of my old ball caps. Her hair is a lighter blonde now, than when I cut it off.

There are times, I wish she could, somehow stay. There is no way a young woman with her looks, and that absolutely brilliant smile, doesn’t have someone waiting for any news of her, still clinging to the hope that she’ll be discovered alive.

Just thinking of Kyle flying in with his chopper tomorrow makes me realize that I’m already caught in the middle of a head-first, downward spiral that will take the rest of my life to recover – when she does leave.

I have refused to swim naked with her from the beginning, knowing where that would lead us. I wear my old trunks daily and I’m still not as dark tanned as her. From her hairline to her toes, Amanda has a chocolate tan that makes her even more appealing.

“Rusty?” She was looking up at me, smiling.

I’ve learned not to say, yes, when she speaks my name. She’s tried to trap me too many times by adding some sexual innuendo, then laughing.

“Amanda?”

“Please don’t tell your friend about me when he comes tomorrow.”

“Amanda – we need to at least send word back to the authorities that I’ve found a young woman who is suffering from amnesia. Someone, somewhere is worried about you.”

“Please? If we can get your internet connected, I promise I’ll help you search through all the missing person sites. I would rather know who I am and what I’m going back to, than for the police to run my photos on TV and the papers as if I’m some, Jane Doe – who was lost in the mountains for a month and can’t remember people from her past.”

“On one condition.”

“That is?”

“Once we find out who you are and who may be looking for you, you’ll let me call Kyle to come take you back and face your past.”

“That’s too much for me to think about at this time, Rusty. What if there was an abusive husband or boyfriend, or ... who knows what?”

“Then we’d notify your brother and the police.”

“Can’t we just notify Daniel first and ask him about my past?”

“You’re willing to do that?”

“Yes. I know he’ll tell me the truth, no matter if it hurts or not.”

“Were you that close to your brother?”

“Years ago we were. He’s ten years older and I looked up to him more than he ever knew ... I can’t remember the last time we talked.”

“Is there a reason for that?”

“I’m not sure. I wish I could remember, but I can’t make it all come back.”

“Where does he live?”

“I’m just not sure about anything, anymore ... Rusty, if you and I search the internet and find my photo listed as a missing person, could you go back with me and help me find out all we can about me ... no matter what?”

“You knew when you asked me – that I would never tell you no...

“Then if we do it this way, we can’t let your friend see me. He’ll want to know who I am, won’t he?”

“If he happens to see you I’ll tell him that I met you on a dating site, and you came here before the storm washed the roads out.”

“Have you ever done that?”

“Not in years. I gave up on finding my needle in a haystack.”

“I’ll be your needle in a haystack right here and now, and never go back, if you’ll let me.”

“We can’t let that happen, Amanda. It would always be hanging over us ... besides, I’m too old for you.”

“RUSTY! Will you please stop saying that, and let me decide for myself?”

“That’s just it, Amanda! You’re suffering from amnesia – and until you know for sure who your are, who’s waiting for you and what you left behind, it’s up to me to keep either of us from being hurt – if I possibly can.”

“Will you answer one last question for me, if I promise not to bring this up again?”

“Yes, I’ll always answer your questions the best way I honestly can.”

“Knowing what you do about me so far, could you love me if I were free to love you?”

“With all my heart.“

I wasn’t prepared for her. She whirled and leaped toward me with her arms open. She locked her strong legs around my waist. With her arms around my shoulders she pressed her face against the side of my neck, sobbing as she held onto me. I wrapped my arms around her and she snuggled closer as she cried.

From that moment on, Amanda was a changed person. It was like we were counselors and both of us were trying to solve the mysteries of her past. She smiled – God – did she smile. No matter what we did, no matter what we talked about, she was smiling. It was as if all her worries were suddenly gone. She was never more than arms reach away from me. Even when I went to the bathroom, she was there.

We talked ... and I mean we talked about anything and everything. The more we talked, the more she seemed to relax and let things come back. Little things, but things we had not discovered until now. We still didn’t know a lot about her relationship with her brother, or what made her come to the mountains alone. She wouldn’t even answer when I asked personal questions about him. Once, when I asked about him, her eyes opened wide as if she had remembered something horrible ... then, just as quickly, it passed and she was okay.

We were up earlier than usual the next morning.

“Kyle will probably stay half a day at least. I’ll have to use his cellphone, or his radio to patch through a call to my satellite TV and internet service to get them back online. It will be up to you to stay hidden in my room. If he doesn’t see you, we won’t have to worry about him asking questions about you. Remember, do not flush the commode while he’s here.”

We heard him fly low-level over the house and Amanda panicked as she grabbed me.

“Hold me, Rusty! I’m so scared. Please ... I need you to hold me before you leave me here alone and go down to meet your friend.”

As soon as I put my arms around her, she stretched up to lock her arms around my neck, pulling herself up to kiss me.

I couldn’t hold back any longer – both of us went fucking wild as we kissed.

“OH DAMN, RUSTY!”

“I feel the same way! Now get your naked butt in there and stay hid. I have to meet him down at the clearing.”

I have a two-wheel game-cart that I use to bring my supplies from the clearing back uphill to the house. I grabbed the handgrip and headed out to meet Kyle.

“Hey, Mountain Man. I see you survived the storm that blew through here. I wondered about you, but it never worked out that I had a free day to fly up here and check on you.”

“I survived, but I lost my radio tower, and my satellite dish is out of whack.”

“I’ve been working with some guys in the Guard this past month and they told me about a Satellite-Phone that would get a signal even in these mountains. I bought one and sure enough, it works great. I bought one for you, too. It’s in the boxes with your supplies. You’ll be able to activate it using my phone, and even call about your dish service now.”

“Why were you working with the Guard unit again? You’re not thinking about getting back in, after all this time are you?”

“Shit No! There’s no way you could know this ... but we’ve been scouring the mountains south and east of here for a month. Seems some rich heiress suddenly went missing and the police now suspect foul play.”

“Really?” My first thought was Amanda...

“Yeah ... We have yet to even find her vehicle and there’s been no reported sightings. Last I heard, no activity on any of her debit cards for a month now ... I brought you all the newspapers as usual ... It’s still front-page, so you’ll be able to read all about it.”

“Well, I hope you find her and she’s just been hiding out somewhere.”

“From what I’ve heard, and from what I’ve read in the papers – they have been questioning her brother, though the police say he’s not a suspect. Seems the missing woman was living with another woman ... and from what I’ve gathered, they were a couple. The police have her friend in protective custody, just in case someone tries to kidnap her too.”