Chapter 8

But soon I thought was thinking of how Katie would look at Mrs. Penrod’s age.

‘What is she, twenty-five or thirty? That’s not very long.’

Finally

“No! I mean, ... Hannah and I were together last night - doing it...”

“Just let me talk! OK? I met this girl bowling on Saturday. She was nice, we talked, and she’s got these really great...” I cupped my hands in front of my chest, “tits. And then last night Hannah and I are, you know, and I closed my eyes and pictured Katie.”

“Yeah. I mean she tells me she loves me ‘n all, and I do that.”

“The good news is that you feel bad about it. If you didn’t, then you’d be an asshole.”

“See – that’s a good thing.” He clutched my arm and spun around to face me. “But do you love her?”

“Seriously – do you think you could marry her one day?”

“Uh - I hadn’t thought about it. I mean, I do love her - but that’s so far away, and then she’s still got four years of school left and ... we haven’t even told our parents yet. Why is it so important now?“

“Dating and all that stuff that comes with it are like auditions to be the person you’re going to marry someday. Sooner or later most of them will fail for some reason or another. Once you know in here... “ He poked his finger in my chest “that she’s not the one, that you can’t or won’t marry her, anything you do after that is just for yourself – and how fair is that to her?”

“I think you’ve been seeing a preacher’s kid for too long. So, you gonna marry Nancy?“

“Uh ... yeah ... but he is in the business of forgiving people.”

I laughed. “Well, if you guys ever do tie the knot, I’m invited, right?”

“Of course, both of yunz. So when do I get to meet your better half?”

At exactly four-ten I listened at the top of the steps, then slinked into my parents room. Sitting on the floor next to the phone, I dialed my aunt’s number. As soon as I heard Hannah say, “Hello” I responded with, “Ohhh, I missed you.”

“What? You don’t miss me?”

“I’ve been busy. You know – school, practice...”

“You mean you really didn’t...”

The intimacy was broken by Mom yelling, “Joe - supper!”

“Coming!“ I brought the phone back up to my face. “Hey, I gotta go. See you in two days!”

When she saw me, Hannah waved and quickened her pace crossing the street, and until we met by the patch of trees. After an extended kiss caused some stirring down below, I asked “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?”

“In the whole United States – and Canada!”

“Yes, even more than Mandy!”

It was great. I felt great. A warmth I’d rarely known flooded my chest and I felt tears form in my eyes as we walked together.

“Oh, believe me – I appreciate that, but we could get caught so easy!”

Two minutes later we arrived at the Student Union where I held the door to the Student Union open for her. “Wow, such a gentleman.”

I held one more door for her, then exchanged waves as he noticed our entrance. When we approached the table He Matt stood as we approached the table, then and held out his hand. “Hannah, I presume?”

She took his handit, then glanced back at me. “I’m glad he got the name right.”

“So you guys are like twins?”

“Not quite. That gives us lots to talk about, but he’s the shy, quiet one – while I’m a just a little more outgoing.”

“Ah, - so you complete him.”

Matt chuckled and shot a glance my way. “I never thought of it that way. And Joe tells me that you moved back here from Texas?”

“Really? That’s it?Your advice?”

“And he wanted my opinion on some stuff.” then turned back to Matt.

“So Hhowow many girlfriends have you had?”

I squirmed and turned away. Matt muttered, “Well, ... yeah. Only that it happened – not like any details.”

Shaking her head, she said, “I guess I should be thankful for that.” She looked over at me and quippedscrunched her face,. “Sometimes ... I just have to slap him upside the head!”

“See, that’s it! I owe you one now!”

I stumbled off the chair and to my wife feet in evading her retaliatory swing. Having Finally composeding myself, I noticed the clock and asked, “Hey if you want to eat we better get it now.”

Hannah whispered, “They tell me all your secrets.”

“Thanks, now you stay right here until I come back!”

He leaned up against the weall. “Well, I have to say she is positively charming and lovely. Everything you’d want – if it wasn’t for that little jail bait cousin thing.”

“Believe me – I get that. But do you guys have a future? Is this gonna work long term?”

“I want it - I want her. I’m going to do everything I can.”

“Ohh Kay then.”

We fast walked for several minutes, past the main dormitories and out to School Road. She gave me a quick kiss and said, “Call me sometime” before skipping over to the back entrance to the high school.

“At school - Mrs. Gindlesperger saw us kissing, and then me coming in the door. She told me that we students are not allowed off school grounds.”

“But I want to see you!”

“Yes!“

“No!“

It was a little after three on Friday when I got home from school. Coming through the back door, I caught my parents in the middle of a - well, it sounded more like an argument.

“Chris, the man is seventy-two years old. You are going.” My mother turned to me and said, “and you too Joe.”

I came to a sudden stop between them and the door. “What’s going on?”

Dad gazed at the floor while Mom explained, “Your Grandpap Long is in the hospital and we’re leaving in ten minutes to go see him.”

“How is he? What happened?”

“He fell and took a nasty whack on the head. They’re running tests now.”

“Okay, let me take my books n’stuff to my room and I’ll be back in a minute.”

Dad’s family lived in the far northern part of the county, which we passed through on the way to Mom’s reunion. We made good time on the highway, but that only went as far as the county seat. From there it was another thirty miles on the two-lane, passing through a series of small towns with all their red lights.

The trip was quiet but my stomach was tied in knots. I tapped my foot rapidly on the floor of the car, holding back tears as I struggled to picture anything in my mind other than my grandfather unconscious in a hospital bed, tubes and wires going everywhere.

My chest thumped with every beat of my heart as we pulled into the lot right around five o’clock. Farmer’s Hospital was an old three-floor red brick building who’s architecture looked turn of the century. We hurried inside and took the elevator up to Intensive Care.

Uncle Jerry and Grandma spotted us from the lobby. Barely five feet tall and nearly as wide, her red hair tied up in a bun, she waddled down the hall clad in a flower adorned dress that more resembled a parachute tossed over her. Mom greeted her with, “Oh Martha” and embraced her. Dad bit his lip, shook his brother’s hand, then asked, “How is he?”

My grandmother took a deep breathe, crossed her arms on top of her massive belly, supporting her equally large but severely sagging breasts, then let it out with an audible sign. “It’s looking good so far, but them doctors still ain’t sure what happened. Either he took a stroke that caused him to fall, or the fall gave him a bad concussion.” She closed her eyes and grimaced, fighting back the tears. “Forty-two years, but I’m not ready to give him up yet.”

I stepped between my parents and held out my arms for her. A good half a foot shorter than me, she pressed her face to my chest. “Ah, you’re such a good boy, Joe.”

Dad asked, “Have you talked to Evelyn and Dean?”

He nodded when Jerry replied, “They’re coming in from Akron in the morning.” He pointed back to where they had been when we arrived. “Let’s go sit in the lobby.”

Mom sat beside Grandma and took her hand. “How has he been lately?”

“He’s put on a little weight and hasn’t slept as well recently, but nothing too bad considering his age – and maybe that’s the problem.”

I leaned forward to see Grandma and asked, “What do you mean?”

“You know how hard it is to get him to go to the doctor’s when he’s feeling good? Not enough time, too much money, and they’re just trying to pump him full of pills.”

Dad grunted, “Hmph – stubborn.”

Grandma tilted her head and frowned. “Jerry’s taken over the heavy lifting, but you try getting Cal off that tractor. He’s out there every day, and then he’s always wanting to drive the truck down to the Snyder’s plant himself.” Then she leaned in to see me and wagged her finger. “You better not be eating any Utz chips!”

“You don’t have to worry about me, Grandma.”

Both women turned to look when a man called out, “Mrs. Long?”, but it was my grandmother who rose to talk to the doctor.

“Yeah?”

“Your husband appears to be doing well, but we’d like to run another test, a carotid angiography, in order to know for sure whether he had a stroke.”

“Is it safe?”

“We’ll need to run a tube through an artery until it gets into his neck, then inject dye so that we can see the blood vessels in his brain on the x-ray.”

“Excuse me, Dr. Pennington, but I don’t need to know all the how-to’s - I asked you if it was safe.”

“I’m sorry. There’s about a two-percent chance of causing a stroke, perhaps permanent, and maybe a one-percent chance of a seizure.”

She looked at the floor and muttered, “Oh, God.”

The doctor put his hand on her shoulder. “Really, Mrs. Long, that’s not bad. This is a fairly common procedure. If he has already taken a stroke, we need to know so that we can insert a stent to keep it from recurring.”

She took a deep breath, wiped an eye, then nodded and whispered, “Okay.”

After the doctor turned the corner, Jerry glanced at his watch and said, “Yunz want to go get something to eat?”

Grandma replied, “Sounds good, I’ve been cooped up in here all day. How’s about the Cherry Tree Diner?”

Dad looked her over from head to toe and asked, “Mother, don’t you have anything better to wear?”

She took a deep breath then sighed. “I’m fine.”

We all walked quietly down the hall. Once out the door into the parking lot, Jerry said, “See yunz guys over there.”

Barely a word was spoken between the three of us in the less than ten minutes it took to get to the next town up the main road, a stone’s throw from the farm where Dad grew up.

He turned left onto a smaller road, then a couple of hundred yards later took a right into the parking lot of the restaurant. It was a one-story structure with a peaked roof and log veneer surrounded by head high evergreens. Standing by the entrance, we saw Jerry pull in and waited while he accompanied Grandma through the half-empty lot.

Dad said, “You go first” as his brother passed by and then held the door for their mother. As the middle-aged hostess stepped forward to greet us, Jerry held the fingers on his right hand out wide. “Five adults.” She counted out a stack of menus and led us to a table next to the windows in the main dining room.

For the next few minutes we all had our noses buried in the menus – until an attractive young waitress sauntered over and asked, “Are you ready to order?”

Her name tag read, ‘Karen.’ She was sort of tall and slender, long legs with smallish boobs and a bubble butt, topped off with long blonde hair pulled back in a pony tail - and a wide smile.

Uncle Jerry ordered first, then Grandma, and around to our side of the table, leaving me last. I glanced back down at the menu, then told her, “I’ll have the roasted half chicken, uh ... with broccoli and mashed potatoes.”

She looked up from her pad, smiled and said, “Sure thing” then took the three menus from our side when I handed them to her.

As she walked away, Jerry reached over to tap me on the hand. “Nice, huh? I know her dad.”

I looked down and felt myself blushing. Dad said, “She’s probably some kind of cousin.”

Jerry smiled. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

Dad looked over at Grandma and she stared right back. “Yes, my parents were first cousins. Your father has Keiths on his side, and I have Longs. Nothing wrong with that.”

Mom looked down the table at me, and then turned to Grandma. “So Martha, how’s the farm been doing?”

“Good. Snyder’s has been paying well. We planted two hundred acres of potatoes this year and another eighty of corn and hay for the animals. Slaughtered a cow and a couple of pigs for ourselves for over the winter.”

Jerry tapped me again. “Hey Joe, when yunz come over later I’ll let you try some of my homebrew.”

“Yeah, must be cool to grow your own steaks and beer.”

Dad started to say, “I, uh...” when Grandma cut him off. “Christopher, your sister and them won’t be here until tomorrow – so Joe can have his own room tonight.”

“That’s alright, Mother – we’re going to the Days Inn down the road.”

She pursed her lips and squinted at him. “Why? We have room and it’s not like I’m gonna charge you anything.”

“I ... just...”

She slammed her fist on the table, sending silverware clattering. “Why are you so ashamed of us?”

“I don’t...”

“You know your grandfather built that town?”

“What? Thirty houses?”

“Yes! Them’s thirty families his mill provided an opportunity for.”

Dad’s face was getting red as well. “You know I wasn’t looking forward to digging in the dirt and shoveling shit my whole life.”

“Well, you think that’s all we do? Listen, I am thrilled with what you’ve done with your life. No one was making you stay here - but don’t you ever forget where you learned hard work.”

Dad looked down, shook his head and muttered, “Father.”

Grandma wasn’t done. “I was sixteen when I had you, but I never felt sorry for myself. Your father worked and saved his money for near twenty years before that, waiting for the day. When it came, I was looking forward to helping my husband, making a home and raising a family. I have no regrets.”

Mom put her hand on Dad’s arm, and both he and Grandma looked away from each other and fell silent. A few moments later our waitress Karen return carrying several plates balanced on each arm.

She started with my plate, flashing a smile as she said, “Here’s your chicken.” She handed out a couple more before saying, “ ... and I’ll be right back with the rest.”

Dinner was quiet. Grandma lit a cigarette, Dad and Jerry left tips, Karen smiled again, and I followed Mom and Dad out to our car. Ten minutes later he stepped back out of the motel lobby, waving keys in his hand, as he exclaimed, “Room one-twenty.”

It was early and there wasn’t much to do. Mom and Dad both sat on the bed to watch T.V. I flipped around the clock radio looking for the Pirates game, but apparently they were rained out.

There I was, sitting in the lone chair in the corner, by the window, with a plugged in radio next to my shoulder. I closed my eyes and visualized Hannah, then all the things we had done over the previous weeks, all the while having music playing in my ear.

I felt myself dozing off, so I climbed out of the chair, stripped down to my t-shirt and boxers, and slid under the sheets of my bed. Mom asked, “Going to bed already?”

“Yeah, I was falling asleep in the chair. Might as well be comfortable.”

Dad said, “Goodnight, son” and they both turned their attention back to the television.

Of course, once I got into bed and tried to go to sleep I couldn’t. I laid there, unmoving, as one show ended and the next began, and then again. ‘At least forty minutes.’

I probably had drifted off when I heard Dad talking and realized the TV was off.

“Dammit, Meredith.”

“Shh, keep it down.”

He dropped to a whisper and continued. “You know, from as early as I can remember, I saw my father out in the fields, day in and day out, year after year. The same fucking thing – over and over and over again. And then you die. I wanted to get away from that so bad.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s like God playing some damn trick on me, the bastard.”

“I thought you didn’t believe in God.”

“Not really. Maybe I’m just afraid that if he’s real I’ll be going to Hell. Easier to believe that it’s just boom, turn out the lights - it’s over.”

“Oh Chris ... it’s not ... you’re not...” She let out a deep breath. “Well anyway, what’s this big trick?”

“You know - I go to college, use my brain, and guess what? Five days a week, nine months a year, I go into class and do the same damn shit over and over again. I didn’t get away from anything.”

“It’s not like that, you’ve accomplished a lot, helped all those kids.”

“Yeah? Well yesterday, Judy Harris – smart kid – she puts up her hand and asks ‘Are we ever going to use this for anything?’ I didn’t swear or anything, but I could feel the veins in my neck bulging and all those snot-nosed kids were staring at me.”

“Oh, wow.”

“I’m forty-one years old, and what am I doing now that I wasn’t on the day I got hired? And I’m looking forward to another twenty, even thirty years? I can picture it now – the year 2000, the twenty-first century...”

“That doesn’t start until 2001...”

“What ever - first week of January, two-thousand and one and I’ll be saying, ‘Now children, let’s learn about the quadratic formula... ‘ just like the schedule says.”

“Maybe you can learn computers like Joe.”

“Shit, I grew up with adding machines. Move up to sitting at a typewriter in order to produce a stack of punch cards?”

“You make it sound like being forty is the end of the world. There’s no reason why you can still be learning new things at fifty-five or even sixty.”

“To do what?”

“There’s nothing saying you have to be a teacher your whole life. Find something you love – but don’t worry so much, I’m sure you’ll feel better later.”

He paused, then whispered, “You know what would really make me feel better right now?”

“Did you forget that our son is in the next bed?”

“Maybe you could just...”

“How many times do I have to tell you? That thing ain’t going in my mouth!”

I chuckled and then froze, hoping they didn’t hear me. ‘Scratch that off the bucket list.’

“Fine! Just roll over and go to sleep - like you always do.”

I was in the car, driving down the highway – except I was in the passenger seat and Hannah was driving. It looked like Pittsburgh, with steep hills towering over the broad river below, and bridges going every which way. We were laughing about something, having a good old time, when Hannah didn’t make the turn. Unaware, she plowed straight ahead, through the barrier. The car flew into the air and then nosed down towards the river. Just like that, in an instant, certain death came flying at me, right into my face. Three ... two...

I forced my eyes open. My heart was pounding out of my chest.

‘I don’t want to die.’

I took several slow, deep breaths. I looked around the darkness of the motel room, barely able to make out features. Realizing the pressure in my bladder, I swung my feet off the bed and carefully made my way to the bathroom. I flicked on the light, but my stinging eyes made me turn it right back off – but long enough to locate the toilet. Once I was finally empty I made my way back to bed.

‘What the hell was that about?’

My mind wandered to the pastor at Kathy’s funeral who said those were his favorite times to give a sermon, as everyone was thinking about their own mortality.

“Joe, wake up!” I felt a hand grasp my shoulder as I forced my eyes open. Mom continued, “C’mon, get up and get dressed - we’re going over to your grandparent’s for breakfast.”

I opened my eyes only to squint to keep out the light. My head was still spinning as I muttered, “Yeah, okay.” I wiped the crust out of my eyes and managed to swing my feet off the bed and onto the floor.

It was a little after seven when I again stumbled into the bathroom. I’d slept but I wasn’t sure how much rest I got. I started the shower on hot but kept gradually making it colder until I was fully alert. Scrubbing under my balls, I thought of Hannah, then froze with my package in my hand as the dream came back to me.

After drying off I threw on my boxers and went back into the room to ask Mom, “Where’s my clothes?”

“In that bag over there, honey” she said, pointing to the chair.

The driveway led up a hundred or so yards up a hill, where the trees peeled back to reveal the two-story house on the right and the barn on the left. Dad parked and I shivered a little as I skipped up the wooden steps leading to the porch that stretched the length of the house. As soon as I was through the door I could smell bacon.

Uncle Jerry looked back from the stove when I entered, my parents right behind. “Hey Chris – I took Mom down to the hospital. They’d already moved him to a private room last night, so we can see him as soon as we get over there.”

“So the old man’s not kicking off yet?”

Mom whined, “Chris!”

“Oh, I’ll behave.”

Jerry glared, then turned back to the stove. “I’ve got a lot of bacon here. Yunz want any scrapple too?”

I raised my hand and called out, “I’d like some” as my parents sat at the round wooden table without saying a word.

“Get it out of the fridge and cut me off a few slices.”

A few minutes later our plates were full of scrambled eggs, home fries, bacon - and scrapple for me and Uncle Jerry. As I shoveled in the last bite, he tapped me on the arm and said, “Come on out to the barn with me.”

Mom reminded me, “Honey, don’t forget to rinse off your plate and put it in the sink.”

My dishes cleaned, I skipped out the front door and down the steps. About fifty yards to the right, I spotted a gathering of cows where a fog hung over the pond in the still brisk morning air. I caught up with my uncle near the barn and asked, “You need some help?”

The chickens clucked as he pulled the door partway open. “I want to talk.”

“What about?”

His spun around and looked me directly in the eye. “For one - how long has your dad had that stick up his ass?”

I sighed and pushed the hair back off my forehead. “Other than what he always does, he seems ... frustrated. I’m not sure, but he seems a little out of it and tends to snap at people. No patience.”

“Well, it’s really starting to piss me off.”

“Mom had to literally drag him up here yesterday.”

“I know Dad and him were hardly on the best of terms, but that’s his father laying in the hospital, for Christ’s sakes.”

“I think it scared him. Last night, they thought I was asleep, but I heard him going on to Mom about how he’s in a rut and then you just up and die.”