Chapter 17

His next stop was Intrepid Security Solutions. He needed to talk to JJ.

When he arrived, Carol at his side and with an armored Suburban leading the way, the receptionist tried to tell him that JJ wasn’t there. Doug just stared at her, then turned and wheeled past her desk, ignoring her protests.

He pushed open JJ’s office door and barged inside, interrupting a discussion between JJ and a lady he had seen before, an employee.

“Excuse me miss, I hate to interrupt, but I have urgent business with your boss that can’t wait.”

The woman looked confused, her head swiveling back and forth between Doug and JJ, but when Carol hooked her thumb towards the door, the woman scampered out, head down, and Carol followed, closing the door behind her and leaving Doug and JJ alone.

“Why are you here?” she asked softly.

Doug just looked at her for a minute, taking in the bloodshot eyes rimmed with red as if she had been crying. She was wearing the same outfit she had on when she flew out of Salt Lake two days before.

“JJ, why are you doing this? Christine fucked up, told a secret. I get being upset, even angry, but you two are killing each other. She loves you more than life itself and if I hadn’t gone in there and forced her to eat, forced her to shower, she would still be lying in bed crying.”

JJ wouldn’t meet his eyes, her focus was on her hands as they writhed, the fingers curling and twining around each other on her desk.

“She swore. You were never supposed to know.” JJ said, pain in her voice.

“Well, it’s too late now. So you were curious. So what? You love Chris, I know you do, I see it every day in your eyes.”

JJ glared at him, her jaw firming up.

“It was not curiosity, you asshole. I wasn’t some blushing virgin.” her eyes softened and her lower lip began to quiver.

“Did you ask her? Did she tell you?”

Doug nodded reluctantly, not sure if that was a good thing or not, not wanting to hurt her further.

She sighed, laying her head down on her hands.

When she spoke, there was a resigned tone to her voice, as if this was inevitable somehow.

“I was in love with you. Since I could remember, but you never showed any interest in me like that. I used to dream about you, fantasize about you. At the spring fling, you remember, the freshman dance? I slept with Manny Fernandez. I didn’t love him, but I was so ready. I wanted you, but you were chasing other girls and I was just the neighbor. It sucked, hurt really bad. I cried for a week afterward, feeling dirty.”

Doug waited, afraid to speak, afraid to move, knowing that there was more.

“Your sister was so beautiful. After Manny, I experimented. There was this girl, Sylvia Lopez. She showed me that sex can be good, can be wonderful and loving. By the time she moved, I was sure I was a lesbian too. Then Chris came up in the roof that day and we kissed. It was ... it was magic. I fell in love with her, but I never stopped loving you.

“The night we had the goodbye party. You looked so scared, so lonely and it broke my heart. I was afraid that if you left, if you really went into the Army, that I would never see you again. You would get killed and never know that I loved you. I asked Christine, begged her. I wanted one night with you. One night to tell you, to show you. She got so angry. I loved her, I still do, and I couldn’t break her heart, so I swore to her that I would never tell you, and made her swear to never, ever tell you.”

“JJ, I love you. I’ve always loved you, ever since I could remember. But we moved on, we grew up. You love Christine and she loves you. You have a wonderful marriage and you can’t let one mistake ruin eleven years of happiness. I have Lane now, and I love her too. I want to marry her some day, if she will have me.”

JJ looked up, pain and shock giving way to something else, something he couldn’t read. She stared at him, searching his face, his eyes for something.

“I need you to love me, Doug. Like before, like we were before this came out. I want to laugh with you, to sit on your lap, to give you little kisses. I want to come over, and talk and joke. Can we do that? Can we be best friends still?”

“We never stopped, JJ. Nothing I’ve heard today makes me love you any less, and nothing ever will. Will I have the occasional naughty dream about you? Probably, but that is nothing new.”

JJ smiled at him, though she still looked strained and tired.

“Lane was here.”

Doug just rolled his eyes. He should have known.

“Let me guess, she wanted to know everything. She already talked to Chris.”

JJ just nodded, looking embarrassed.

“Should I have not told her? She said she loved you, that she needed to know what was hurting you.”

Doug just shook his head. “It’s okay, JJ. She’s an investigator, it is what she does. She’ll be fine, we will be fine.”

JJ just nodded, her mood lifting a bit.

“Your wife is waiting for you. She wants to apologize, to make it better.” he said softly.

JJ just nodded again, obviously making a decision. Standing, she circled the desk and slid into his lap, putting her arms around his neck and kissing him on the cheek.

They sat there until his legs, or what was left of them, was pins, and needles, his arm around her and holding her tight.

JJ rode back to the apartments with Doug and Carol, giving Doug a kiss at his door before turning and walking to her own apartment. Doug watched her pause for a moment, head down, and then he sighed when she opened the door and walked through.

He didn’t hear anything from his sister or from JJ that night. Even Lane called and said that she was going to stay at her place tonight, but would be by early for breakfast in the morning.

“Is everything okay, baby,” he asked, his heart in his throat. Despite his assurances to JJ, he was not at all sure that this was something she could deal with, or wanted to deal with.

“Everything is fine, Tiger. I just need a little me time. I have some thinking to do. I promise, everything is okay. I will see you in the morning, bright and early.”

“I love you, Lane Parker.”

“I love you too, Doug Ramos. Sweet dreams, Tiger.”

Doug tossed and turned all night, his brain worrying the problem like a dog with a bone. He was alternately convinced that everything was fine and everything was shit.

He was out of bed before sunrise and working on his third cup of coffee when his tablet beeped to let him know that someone was at the door. The hallway cameras showed Lane patiently waiting and it took him three tries to hit the right spot on the tablet to release the locks.

He met her in the entryway, his eyes searching her for some sign.

Lane came forward and climbed in his laps, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him like she hadn’t seen him in weeks.

“I missed you. After being with you so much, sleeping alone really sucks.” she said, giggling as she kissed him again and again.

Doug felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders, a little sob escaping before he could get himself under control.

“Oh, Tiger! I told you everything was okay!” she said, a sad look on her face. She caressed his face, staring into his eyes.

“I love you. I don’t just go around saying that, you know. I. Love. You.”

Doug hugged her to him, kissing her neck, his arm holding her tight.

“I love you too, baby. With everything that was going on, I was afraid you were overwhelmed, that you were having second thoughts.”

“Second and third and fourth and they were all coming up the same way. I need you in my life. I can’t live without you. Is that clear enough for you?” her voice was so certain, so sure and so full of love that he wanted to cheer.

“Then you won’t say no when I ask this. Will you...”

Lane reached up and gently laid her hand on his mouth, interrupting his sentence.

“Slow down, Tiger. It is too soon for that. Don’t get me wrong, we’re going to get there, but we have a lot of talking to do first, some issues to work out. Be patient, okay Doug?” Her expression was intent, the smile was still there and her eyes were full of love, but he could tell she was serious. She wasn’t ready for that question, not yet.

Doug, Lane’s fingers still on his lips, nodded slowly. He didn’t know whether to weep at her rejection, as gentle as it had been, or to rejoice at the knowledge that she was thinking the same way, that she was seeing a future with them as husband and wife.

“Just trust me on this, Tiger. I want it all, but I want us to be ready, to go into this with our eyes wide open.” she said, releasing him and laying her head back on his chest.

Agent Thomas Monroe phoned at lunch the next day, saying that he was off the record, but wanted to pass along some information.

“Mr. Ramos, we’re getting some chatter that the attack in Utah was retaliatory in nature, which seems to be a bit of an extreme reaction to the information you released. The bodies have been identified, except for the driver, and they are all citizens, all assets who have been linked with more than one agency. PMC types who have all worked overseas. While we cannot definitively link them to a single agency, it allows us to possibly eliminate some possibilities. I want to assure you that the FBI does not use contract help like that, ever.

“I would like to come and speak to you at length. I think you may know something, information that you don’t even realize you know. Something you saw, or overheard.”

“I am okay with that, Agent Monroe, but I prefer that you leave your partner in DC.” Doug said.

“Not a problem. You got along okay with Dunleavy and Moore, right? They were on your surveillance detail. I would like to bring them along, assign them to the Miami office for the duration. They can be your local link to me, and to the investigation.”

Doug agreed and made plans to meet with the three agents at his apartment the following day. He made sure to let Carol know about the expected visitors and then got back to checking his email.

One item there caused both excitement and worry. He had gotten a response from the feelers he had sent out, trying to get more information on the experimental prosthesis project.

“Mr. Ramos,

We have reviewed your records and you would seem to be an ideal candidate for this new process. We are still in negotiations with the FDA on clinical trials and cannot accept applicants or begin screening until we have approval. We expect this process to be concluded in the next thirty days and will contact you with a date for your screening when we move to the next phase.