Chapter 5

Harry landed roughly, as he always did when travelling by magical means when it wasn't him controlling it. If anyone had been looking closely, they would have noticed that he was seemingly floating a foot above the ground when he fell before rolling over and jumping to his feet and looking around while placing his wand in the sleeve of his robe while pulling one out of his pocket. If wizards were at all logical, then anyone coming to capture Harry Potter would have grown suspicious that Harry had put his wand away and grabbed another while in an unknown situation, but the fact remained that logic was not one of the traits that most wizards were in possession of to any useful degree. Harry, having gone through the James Tiberious Kirk school of acting, looked around while saying things like "Well, (Dramatic Pause), this does not appear to look like Hogwarts." As well as, "Is this part of the task set before me that I must overcome to win for the honor of Hogwarts and Dumbledork." Anyone who wasn't right next to him would have assumed that he said Dumbledore; only the two who were rapidly moving away from him to complete the task that he had given them were in position to hear what he really said.

Finally, a figure approached out of the dark, carrying what looked like a baby, and Harry knew it was time for the finale to begin in the little drama between Harry Potter and the evil and delusional Tom Riddle and his musical DE's. Harry made a show of peering into the dark and asking who was there, and he was rewarded by a stunning spell hitting him in the chest and making him drop the wand in his hand, which was scooped up by Wormtail.

When Harry was revived, it was in time to see Peter starting the ritual that would give his master back a body so that he could continue on his quest to make the whole world pay because his mommy was an ugly bint who couldn't get a man who was not related without using potions, and his daddy was a muggle who abandoned him and his mummy before he was born. Harry tuned out the whole bone yada, yada, flesh of servant stupidity, and looked forward eagerly to the final stage of the ritual. When Wormtail came toward him with the knife and said the whole blood of an enemy, unwillingly given, Harry began his campaign to mess with the traitorous rat and his malformed master.

"Are you saying I am an enemy? I would say at most I am mildly annoyed with Tommy, leaning more toward indifference really."

"Don't be stupid Harry, I know you hate the Dark Lord and anyone in the house of Slytherin; I heard all of the tails of your confrontations with my master and the most noble house from your best friend Ron Weasley. This time however, Ron Weasley will not be here to save you like he did from my master, the troll, the basilisk, and the dementors. After my master rises, the first new recruit he will have will be Ron Weasley, since he is almost as powerful as my lord and only cares about himself and no one else." Peter stepped forward and dragged the dagger along the bottom of Harry's arm till blood covered the knife, then he made his way to the cauldron and dripped the blood in to complete the dark resurrection ritual. If he had looked back, he would have seen a look of complete incredulity on Harry's face as he mulled over Wormtail's belief that it was Ron who always saved the day.

A light came out of the cauldron as the contents turned a greenish yellow, and then magic pulsed in every direction, shattering the gravestone Harry was tied to and cracking the enormous cauldron, revealing the new body of Tom Riddle.

"Robe me Wormtail." Hissed the voice of the newly risen dark lord, but there was something different from what he expected.

Tom Riddle, even before he assumed the persona of the made up pureblood character of Lord Voldemort, was obsessed with elegance and dignity. As a young man, he went to see any plays or theatrics that involved the speech of upper crust aristocrats, spending hours perfecting his mannerisms and speech until they practically scream out to everyone that he was someone of importance and breeding. He played his part so well that the pureblood idiots fell all over themselves to kiss the hem of his robe since he was obviously of higher breeding than the most ancient of them all. The voice that came out of his new body had none of the nobility and class that he had worked so hard to perfect; instead, it was full of uncertainty, cluelessness, and an odd squeak here and there. Riddle turned to stare at Wormtail in annoyance about the fact that he hadn't been robed, and was met with the last thing he ever expected. Before him was his servant passed out, apparently from blood loss and shock at being in the presence of his resurrected master, and Harry Potter still tied to the grave stone grinning like a loon.

Deciding to deal with the insolent boy after he was clothed and had called his followers, Lord Voldemort picked up his wand from where it lay next to Wormtail and conjured a robe to cover his body. After he was satisfied with his preparations, he stopped the bleeding of his servant's stump and then pressed the tip of his wand against his brand on the other arm, forcing his will into the call that would bring all of his servants to where he was. Wormtail sat up screaming and cradling his arm as if it had been burned, while Lord Voldemort looked to the sky in anticipation of his triumphant return to power. He never noticed that the call he had sent out was much more powerful than he had intended.

-Flashback-

Luna handed a wand to Harry that felt familiar in his hand. "Harry, this is a special wand that I had great uncle Ollie make for me as part of my plan to help you. It appears to be the wand of Moldyshorts in every detail, and it will work for him as if it is his actual wand. When Peter is distracted, and before Old Snaky comes out of the stew, you need to perform a wandless switching spell so that the dork lord uses this wand instead of his. When he uses it to summon his junior psychos, you will feel a connection and you need to pour some of your magic down that connection so that his call is more powerful than he intends. This will help to bring all of his boot lickers to the graveyard and we will not have to hunt them down later. Once they have arrived there in the graveyard, old big head will talk about how great he is, how he beat death, and how he will reward those wow were faithful to him and his cause, and how his call is so powerful, that it brought all of his followers to him. While he is busy trying to convince his lemmings that he is more powerful than a little tiny baby or a brooding teenage boy, untie yourself and make sure you are ready to move when he turns his attention back to you. It may take a while for him to get to you because of the ones who arrive in terrible condition because the mark, along with your added magic, forced them through the wards meant to stop them from coming. Just remember Harry, you need to be just as much a showman as snake face, proving to him and everyone watching that you are his equal and are more than able to face him magic to magic. This is as much to put doubt into his mind as it is to convince his followers that they may have picked the wrong narfang to back in the race of rainbow quewpies."

-Flashback ends-

The quiet of the graveyard was shattered as one by one; the followers of the Dark Lord Voldemort appeared around him, kneeling before their master. Since Harry was the only one looking at Tommy's face, he was the only one who saw the flicker of surprise on the dark lord's face when his robed servants were joined by the emaciated and clearly insane followers who had moments before been guests of the ministry in the no star resort of Azkaban. The screams of joy and pain of Bellatrix LeStrange at seeing her master before her and feeling the broken bones and torn muscles that she had received when her master's call pulled her from her cell to be by his side broke the stunned dark lord from his surprise and he was soon ordering his followers to help the new arrivals. No one was paying attention to the boy tied to the grave stone, and that was just fine with Harry since it gave him time to arrange things more to his liking for the showdown he would soon have with his snake faced nemesis.

It took a while for everything to calm down, but when it had the next surprise came when Lucious Malfoy finally looked upon the face of his lord and was immediately pushed into a state of rapture. "My Lord, I knew that it was behind the genius that I saw on the muggle picture box. Only someone of your incomparable genius could make the muggles pay you for making them look so foolish while holding yourself to such a lofty place. I am truly awed at the genius of your ability to hide from the wizarding world while you regained your godlike powers and sense of comedic timing." Lucius finished on his knees, kissing the hem of the robe of his beloved master.

Lord Voldemort had no idea what the blond ponce was going on about, but he would not show any weakness in front of his slaves, so he dove into the mind of his moneyman. What he found gave him a raging headache as echoing throughout the mind of Lucious Malfoy was one word over and over, which had the effect of keeping the master Legilimencer from delving any deeper than the surface.

As Lord Voldemort withdrew from his mind, Lucious looked up into his master's eyes, a look of awe and love in his own eyes, and he made a request. "My master, if it pleases you, I would ask for a favor so that I may share your greatness with the world. I would ask if you would permit me, nay, permit all of us who know of your true power and genius, that is, if it is your will of course; may we call you ... Lord Bean?"

Harry burst into uncontrolled giggles at the look of surprise on Moldyshort's face, and the look of utter devotion on the simpering blond poofter's face who was kneeling before him. He couldn't wait to show this memory to his friends, and he felt that it was worth the wrath of Hermione for bonding Dobby to him, since it was Dobby who had gotten Rowan Atkinson's blood for him from the celebrity blood drive. Luna had told him what arm Peter would take the blood from, and Harry had decided that he didn't want the snake faced bastard to have even one drop of his own blood in the mix. Now the resurrected dork lord looked at himself in a hastily conjured mirror and he was not pleased at what he saw there. His new body was shorter than his original, had a bulbous nose, elastic face that showed all of his thoughts and emotions in over dramatized detail, ears that spread from his head as if trying to grant him flight, and the trade mark red eyes of the most feared dark lord ever. The uncontrolled giggles of Harry brought the attention of the dork lord and his junior psychos to the apparently helpless boy who was tied to the grave stone where Wormtail had put him.

Knowing that he had to play the scene out for his followers, Voldemort stalked his way toward Harry. Even if his new body was far from the ideal that he pictured, it was still a body which he would use to strike fear into the hearts of his enemies, and later on, he would create one that would speak to all who saw it of the power and majesty of its owner.

"So, here we have the great Harry Potter, the one some call the chosen one, the boy who lived, the defeater of me." Lord Voldemort paused his diatribe to look back at his followers, the expressive face he now possessed showing them his disdain at any who would believe that a child could defeat the greatest dark lord in history. After he allowed his followers time to laugh nervously, he once again turned to face the boy who had become his nemesis. "Before this night is over, all of Britain, no, all of the world will know of the greatness of Lord Voldemort and the fact that death cannot stop me, let alone a small boy. Why are you smiling like an idiot, did the sight of your parents killer defeating death addle your brain, or is it the terror of facing the greatest dark lord in history without the Weasley boy to protect you that made you lose contact with your sanity?"

Harry couldn't hold in his laughter anymore and his laughter echoed through the graveyard, leading many of the death eaters to agree with their lord about Potter losing his mind. Harry finally got control of his laughter, and began to breathe in long deep breathes trying to keep his laughter in check. When he was sure that he had himself under control, he decided to answer the megalomaniac before him.

"Tommy, Tommy, Tommy; I am not sure why you don't remember what kind of student Ronald Bilius Weasley was when you taught us first year, but I am sure you remember what happened to you when you and I faced off at the end of my first year. I am guessing that Ron bragged to Scabbers about how essential he was to me defeating you in first year, defeating your shade and the basilisk in second year, the dementors in third, and he probably told your death nibblers at Hogwarts that he was behind the strategies that helped get me through the tasks in the Merlin forsaken tournament that your agent entered me in. I really would wish you luck with your conquest of the world with Ronald Weasley as your follower, but I don't see this going much past this evening. My friends have worked hard to convince me that for the good of the wider world, this dance between us needs to end tonight."