Chapter 3: Hopelessness

It was May the same year, just a few months after the treehouse incident, when I would be a part of a discovery that would forever change my life.

I discovered that it wasn't easy to talk with a mile of gauze shoved up your nose. Maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself ... so let's go back a couple of weeks.

I first noticed something was wrong when I woke up in the morning with blood all over my face. Actually it was Aimee who noticed it first.

"Ewww," she said, "How could you not wake up with nosebleed like that?"

"Uhh," I said still mostly asleep, "I dunno."

Looking down at myself, I could see the pillowcase had blood all over it, and I had it smeared on my face and my pajama top. Huckleberry Hound looked like he had been ravaged by Jack the Ripper.

Anyways, I wandered out to the kitchen where mom was busy washing last night's dishes and as she turned to me her eyes got wide.

"Oh my god, are you alright?" she asked as she dropped the dishrag and walked over to me.

Mama took a clean dish rag, wetted it, and then washed my face as I explained to her that I just woke up that way.

"Were you picking your nose?" she asked.

"No," I said, "I don't know why it started bleeding."

"Well, you look okay now, why don't you go clean up and get dressed. And don't throw those bloody pajamas in the hamper, put them in the wash pail by themselves."

I went and got myself cleaned up, took my pajama top and pillowcase and put them in the wash pail where we put all the clothes with hard to clean stains and then went to eat breakfast.

Well the nosebleeds didn't stop, they kept coming, and it seemed they came at night mostly when I was asleep. It didn't make much sense, but mama knew something was wrong and after 3 nights of it, she took me to go see the doctor.

At the doctor's office, Dr. Perry, our family doctor looked in my nose. He said he could see where my nose was dry, and there was no mucus, so he told my mom that he was going to pack my nose with Vaseline gauze. I didn't know exactly what he meant, but when he started pushing all that gauze up my nose I thought I was gonna die. It felt terrible.

Not only did it hurt, because he was pushing so much in and really hard, but I felt like I couldn't breathe any more. Actualy I could, but only through my mouth.

"Just leave the gauze in place for a couple of days," he told my mom. "It will give the tissues a chance to remoisten. That should stop the bleeding which I believe is coming from cracked mucosa.

I had no idea what he was talking about, but had no choice but to go along with it. The worst thing was that he also told mama that I was to take it easy for a couple of days.

I didn't mind not going to school, but when Aimee got home, I couldn't go outside and play either, and I still had to do my homework with her in the kitchen. Add that to the fact that I could barely breath, and I was miserable for the most part.

Well a couple days passed and mom and me and Aimee went back to see Dr. Perry. We went right to the clinic after picking up Aimee from school. I climbed on top of the examination table while mama stood near me as Dr. Perry started pulling the gauze out of my nose.

It was really yucky, all covered in dried blood and snot, and greasy. I was glad it was coming out. As he pulled it out it felt like he was pulling some of the skin with it. It stung a little bit.

Anyway, in just a couple of minutes I could breathe again and it felt great.

"How does that feel Mike?" Dr. Perry asked. "Feel better to get that mess out of your schnozzola?"

I didn't know your nose was called a schnozzola. I figured it was just called your nose. On the other hand I also knew that was probably a medical word. In school we learned that 'tits' were called mammary glands or breasts. Nipples were called teats. And our pee-pees were called penises. I think there were other words we learned, but those are the ones that stuck in my mind ... after all, I was only a young boy at the time and some things are just more interesting than others.

It did feel good to breath again through my nose. I looked over at mama and smiled, and then I said the strangest thing.

"Mama, you look nice with the orange light glowing all around you, Aimee, you're bright blue." That was the last thing I remember saying until I woke up in the hospital later that afternoon.

When I woke up I was so tired I could hardly open my eyes. Kimberly and Denise were there, along with mama and Aimee. Everyone was just sitting either in a chair or on the empty bed aside me.

The first thing I heard when I opened my eyes was Aimee.

"You pee'd your pants," she said with tears in her eyes, "And you had blood coming out of your mouth."

"Hush Aimee," mama said, and then turned to me, "How you feeling honey?"

"Just tired," I said, "Really tired. And my tongue hurts. I feel really sleepy. What happened?"

"The doctors are checking you out," she said, "You don't need to worry about anything now, just close your eyes and rest. We can talk when you wake up later."

"Okay mama," I said, and then I fell back asleep.

The next morning I woke up early. Kimberly was there. I would learn later that she and Denise had each taken a shift sitting with me while I slept. Maybe they weren't all bad after all.

I looked at Denise while she slouched in the chair fast asleep. I was lying in a bed with rails up on both sides.

"Denise," I said, "Hey Denise."

She just slept.

"Hey Denise," I said even louder, but she continued to snore softly.

"DENISE!"

Her eyes flew open and it took her a second to realize where she was, then she looked at me and smiled.

I found this to be strange, as Denise rarely smiled at me, and normally if she did, it was because she was about to tease me or do something that I knew I wouldn't like.

"Hey runt," she said, "How you feeling?"

"I gotta pee," I said, "Help me get the rails down. Where is the bathroom?"

"The nurse was just in here a while ago to take your temperature. She said that you couldn't get out of bed under any circumstances."

"But I gotta go pee, real bad," I said. And then I added, "I don't remember anyone coming in and sticking a thermiter in my mouth."

"It's called a thermometer," she said, "And she didn't stick it in your mouth. She rolled you on your side and stuck it in your butt hole.

"No way," I said, "I would know if that happened."

"Well it did, and I know it for a fact cause I was right here when she did it."

"What, you looked at my butt?"

"Yep, and it's a cute little butt you have there," Denise taunted. "Anyways, if you gotta pee I'm supposed to hand you this metal thing to pee in."

"Gross," I said, but since I had to go really bad, I added, "Give it to me and turn your back."

Denise handed me the urinal, then turned around. I got on my knees in the bed, and pulled my pajamas down. Actually they weren't my pajamas, but that didn't register to me at first. It was hard to pee with your sister in the same room, even if she wasn't looking. Finally I relaxed enough and it started coming out.

I was about halfway done when Denise turned around and said, "Are you done yet?"

"Don't look!" I hollered while trying to cover myself up from her.

"It's no big deal," she said, "I used to help mama change your diapers if you remember."

"Yeah, well that was a long time ago," I said. And then changing the subject quickly I asked her, "Why am I in the hospital?

"You don't remember?" She asked. "Remember telling Aimee she was blue?"

"Oh yeah," I said, "She and mama had this light around them, it was pretty ... I remember that."

"Well mama said that you had a seizure."

And then I saw something I had never seen before, Denise had tears in her eyes. I wondered about them, but about that time mama along with the doctor came into the room.