Chapter 38: Tammy Has Issues. Bad Break for Steve

Tammy sat in her living room. The room had grown dark except for the streetlight coming in the windows. Her brain was what she called scrambled. My God, she'd had an unusual day.

Her friend Lynn had guessed very accurately Tammy's concerns about sex with The Circle – that she'd suddenly have to do it all at once with everyone. She'd even heard a term, a sexual term, that seemed to fit – gangbang. If she had sex with everyone in the house she'd be a slut ... but all the women at the house where The Circle lived were so nice and they slept with all the men.

Then there was the sex video that Lynn had shown to her – the video where Marlene had fucked and been fucked beyond belief, and some of it had been bisexual. The women in The Circle had sex together too. Could she do that?

And there was the love and affection that permeated the house and The Circle. Even Tammy felt deeply touched by it. It had crept up on her. At first she had just liked some of the people in the home, particularly the mothers of the babies and toddlers she was a nanny for.

But as each day passed, she found those friendships growing deeper. She watched all the affection, especially the goodbye and hello kisses shared universally. Gradually, some of The Circle and then everyone had started to include Tammy in those moments. Tammy liked the warm feelings it inspired, and she had reached a point where she was sure she loved everyone there to some degree.

If she loved those people, did she have to have sex with them? Lynn had told her that she could create any kind of relationship with anybody in The Circle that she wanted. There was no pressure.

But she was putting pressure on herself. She'd watched the unrestrained sex between many members of The Circle, often in groups where the participants switched back and forth among their partners, often with not only love, but laughter.

God, the night when a group had gone into the city and then come back all naked, having fucked like bunnies in the limousine, had been such a turn on. Her panties had been soaked with her own sexual fluids due to her arousal. That night when she was almost asleep, she envisioned herself in the limousine, fucking the entire ride from the restaurant and club to the house – almost an hour of steady fucking. She'd been so turned on; she'd actually masturbated – something she rarely did.

Lynn had said to pick one person, probably a man, and to focus on him, to allow him to romance her – to draw her into The Circle. Who would she pick? There were thirteen men in The Circle. A few of them were even older than she was: Don, Alex, and maybe Nathan. A few were young enough to be her grown child: Kyle, Derek, and Kurt. The rest were only slightly younger.

Tammy thought about how she was a 'nobody.' Others in The Circle had done amazing things with their lives. Matt and Nathan were heroes for stopping an armed robbery, and capturing the crooks. Renee was a supermodel, and now known internationally. Willow was the noon and evening news anchor, and often did spots on the national news.

Of course, then there were Marlene and Tina, the porn queens. Lynn had said everyone had made at least one porn film when they were playing, and they were actually selling. Maybe she could get Lynn to show her one someday soon.

Bob had talked her through the philosophy surrounding The Circle. 'Consenting adults can do whatever they want about sex, ' was one tenet. If she didn't want to have sex she didn't have to.

But she did. But she didn't. But she did.

Tears ran down her cheeks as she sat. Her late husband, Mark, had been so wonderful. He would have known exactly what she should do. They been so wild when they'd met in college: she'd been a cheerleader, and he'd been the handsome lacrosse and baseball player. After their second date, they started having sex all the time, and it was never enough for either of them – and then it had all stopped one night when he was killed. Now, she realized how conservative that sex had been.

She held her sides and started to keen again. As she had on so many nights, she fell asleep in the chair – again, the tears leaving her only when sleep overtook her mentally fatigued body.

Alex came home in his expensive three-piece suit, rep tie, crisp white shirt, and highly polished black wingtip shoes. He exuded power and competence. Marlene was right behind him, in a woman's pin stripe suit: stovepipe slacks, a white blouse with a large bow at the neck, a sharp matching jacket to the slacks, and dark three inch heels that matched the suit. She walked in a way that let you know she was as 'in charge' and competent as Alex.

The pair kissed around The Circle in the kitchen area, including Tammy. Alex paused by her with his arm around her back; he gave her an affectionate squeeze. "Thank you for taking care of our children today," he whispered to her and then kissed her again. She felt such validation and smiled up at him.

Tammy thanked them. She looked at Marlene. Here was the woman she'd seen in the porn video getting fucked eight ways from Sunday, and now she was a successful investment analyst, and by following her own advice she'd amassed several million dollars in a very short time period. She even made recommendations to Alex about ways to invest some of The Circle's money.

After dinner, Marlene and Alex nodded at each other. They pulled Tammy aside just as she prepared to head home.

Marlene said, "Tammy, come and talk with us for a few moments." She smiled.

Tammy wondered what the two could want with her, but went with them out onto the patio. The trio sat, and Marlene sat directly in front of Tammy, with Alex right beside her.

Marlene took both of Tammy's hands in hers as they were knee to knee. She said, "Tammy, it's time for you to stop grieving. We know you miss Mark very much, but you are still locked in that grief to the point that it's hurting your ability to move on with life."

Alex nodded and said, "Everyone one of us in The Circle loves you, and we grieve to see you so unhappy and unready to move on after four years. Marlene and I decided to say something to you – to offer our love and support. We know Monica talked to you too."

Tears flooded Tammy's eyes, and she bit her lower lip to try to try to stem the flood. She sobbed out, "I miss him every day ... he was so wonderful..."

Marlene knelt in front of Tammy and held her to her shoulder, cradling her with love. "We know, darling. We know."

Alex said softly, "You don't have to forget him; that's not at all what we're saying. You will always remember and love him. We want you to engage with the rest of life without the fears you seem to have; to be able to relate more openly with others."

Tammy nodded but kept sobbing, "I know. I know. It's just so hard. I'm trying."

Alex got to the point, "Would you be willing to go to some counseling? There won't be any cost to you. We want you to be healthy and alive and vital, and not hiding from life – from us."

Tammy nodded again, blotting her eyes with a tissue that Marlene had produced out of thin air.

Alex spoke tenderly, "You may not know it, but Ellen came to us with a boat load of problems from her past. She got counseling from a very competent woman psychologist who helped her get her sea legs under her again – a woman named Dr. Jessica Slarinsky. She has offices near the town center."

Marlene said, "Dr. S as she likes to be called helped Ellen, and we are sure she can help you get past your grief and add balance back in your life. She knows about our Circle, how we live, and everything. We hoped you'd say yes. We made an appointment for you for tomorrow at one o'clock."