Chapter 21: Love and Healing Without Sex

Tina looked hopeful. Zoey indicated a whole new way of living and loving other people than anything she knew, and that sounded like the ideal remedy for her self-worth and her new life. Tina thought, 'That's exactly what I need; a new life.'

Marlene added to what Zoey had just told her, "Tina, when I found this group it was like discovering heaven on earth. There is more love between the twenty or so of us than in the rest of the state."

The discussion went on, and then about nine o'clock a few people paired off and headed off to bed, often to also make love.

Tina whispered to Jim, "How do they pick partners?"

Jim chuckled, "It's often how the mood strikes someone, or they realize they haven't given adequate love to someone in The Circle for a while."

Tina suddenly worried. "Am I expected to ... you know ... do something?"

Jim shook his head. "No, absolutely not; but I do hope you'll bunk with me. No sex, but maybe some loving if you're up for it. I'm told I'm a good cuddler."

Tina couldn't imagine what that meant because every guy that got near a bed with her wanted to screw her lights out, but she accepted the invitation. She figured that even as she was feeling inadequate about herself, that she could always spread her legs if that was what was expected. She'd fucked many other less-deserving guys on far less of a pretext.

Jim led Tina to his bedroom after they picked up some of her luggage. He showed her the bath, and helped her park her suitcase. He explained that she could leave her things there safely regardless of where she slept. He also explained that Zoey had a dresser in the room, and would be by shortly for her overnight kit and maybe a t-shirt as a nighty.

When they'd finished brushing up, Tina shyly put on a t-shirt as a nightgown while Jim was in the bathroom. Tina's suitcase and piles of other clothing were all over one bed in the room, and this left only one other alternative. Tina sighed and got in on the far side, memorizing the path to the bathroom for when she had to get up in the dark.

Jim came out just as Zoey came in. She announced, "I'll be with Alex tonight." She smiled and kissed Jim goodnight.

As Jim nodded and said a few words to her, Zoey stripped naked, carefully depositing some of her clothes in a hamper, and then collecting some underwear and a small kit containing a hairbrush and toothbrush. She waved and left without putting anything on.

Tina blurted out, "She ... she was naked. She's also beautiful."

Jim volunteered, "That's how most of us sleep."

Tina looked at Jim. He had a t-shirt on, and a pair of boxers with ads for Trojans printed on them. She asked with a smirk, "Is that what you normally wear?"

"No. I sleep nude most of the time, but I want to hug you and not have you all focused on whether I'm about to jump your bones or trying to plug up one of your holes. This is fine."

Tina accepted that answer, but still couldn't believe it would turn out that way.

Jim turned out the light, leaving on a dim night light in the bathroom. He held his arms open for Tina once she was in bed.

Tina wasn't sure what to do, but she slowly lay down in Jim's arms and allowed him to kiss her forehead. He moved around slightly to get comfortable, and then cuddled Tina into his body. She'd been chilly, and his body warmth felt good.

After about ten minutes of almost motionless, Tina said, "Aren't you even going to try to feel my boobs?"

Jim said in a soft tone, "No. I won't violate you like that. You are dealing with a paradigm where you trade sex for favors and cash, and where other guys automatically want to take advantage of you. The others in the house and I want you to know that there's another way."

"What's that?" Tina asked.

"You give away love, and you get it back a hundred fold. You don't have to have sex. You don't have to feel ill-at-ease. You don't have to feel objectified, or worry about who'll cop the next feel of your boobs, or whether you have to put out to earn your dinner. You don't have to abide by someone you think is a creep. None of that exists here."

Tina was silent for a long time. She tried to digest what Jim had just said, but she just couldn't. Eventually, she just relaxed in his arms, feeling his warmth and care. Before she knew it, she jerked awake and looked at the clock. It was seven in the morning. Jim was standing in the bathroom with a towel around his waist as he shaved.

He saw her sitting up in bed. "Sorry to awaken you. I have to be at work in an hour, but you can sleep in if you want. No one will care. Alice works from home so she'll probably be around downstairs when you get hungry and she can help you forage for breakfast."

As Jim finished, he tossed the towel on a hook, and clamored into the shower.

Tina got a mischievous idea. She tossed her undies and t-shirt aside, and slid into the shower behind Jim, wrapping her arms around him.

He turned at the pleasant invasion. "Hi."

"Hi Jim. I needed a shower too. Will you wash my back?"

Jim smiled, "I'd be delighted."

Tina settled in to be pawed and rubbed all over. She even felt some sexual heat that she hoped would soon be sated.

Jim moved Tina under the shower spray, and then she felt a soapy washcloth move over her shoulders, across her back, and down over her buttocks. One of Jim's hands held her steady just under her breasts; she knew he could feel then jostling against his fingers.

As he finished, he turned her towards him, leaned down, and kissed her. He whispered in a sexy voice to her, "You are almost irresistible, and I feel very affectionate about you. I look forward to seeing you tonight." He kissed her again, and vanished from the shower.

Tina was astounded for several reasons. First, she'd thrown herself at the handsome man, and he'd responded in a way but resisted her charms. Second, he'd told her he liked her, and it was obvious that he liked her a lot because he had a pretty good hard-on. Third, he'd kissed her, and it wasn't some random kiss; it was hot, and obviously something he wanted and that she'd also wanted. She liked him, the words, and the kiss a great deal.

Jim was gone by the time, Tina got out of the shower. She dried off, found a blow dryer for her hair where Jim had thoughtfully left it for her in plain sight on the washstand, and then dressed and went downstairs.

Alex was just putting his cereal dish in the sink. He came over to her, "Sorry, I have to leave, but I know you're in good hands. There's a lot to do here." He leaned in and kissed her solidly yet tenderly. Tina felt herself swoon. She then remembered that he'd spent the night with Zoey, but that fact didn't seem to enter into the equation about his kissing her.

Brad appeared with Monica. There were both dressed for office work outside the house. Monica kissed Tina goodbye and disappeared to the garage. Brad got a bowl of cereal, and they chatted while he gulped down his breakfast.

Brad stood and processed his dishes, putting them in the dishwasher and policing his eating area.

He turned to Tina, "When you see my wife, tell her I already went to work, would you?"

Tina stuttered, "Y ... yo ... you ... your ... wife?"

"Yeah, Sandy, the sexy blond cheerleader type that'll appear in about thirty minutes. She'll look a little ... used. Thanks."

Brad gave Tina a huge hug and a couple of nice kisses, and then he vanished.

Several others in The Circle came and went, and each of them – man or woman – gave Tina a hug and kiss goodbye. No one tried to cop a feel of her silicon boobs or grab her cute ass; that surprised Tina. Moreover, the kisses were genuine and made her feel really special about herself and The Circle.

Sandy eventually appeared. She was walking gingerly and seemed a little ragged in terms of morning consciousness. Brad had been right; she did look 'used.'

Tina asked tentatively, "You're Sandy, right?"

Sandy smiled as she poured some coffee into a mug. "Yes. That's me."

"Your husband asked me to let you know he left about a half-hour ago."

"Oh, thank you. That means I have to walk home; it's not far. Of course, my crotch is kind of achy, but I'll manage the short distance."

Tina chuckled, "He said you'd look a little 'used, ' and you do."

Sandy rolled her eyes, "Every time I sleep with Bob, or Jim for that matter, I get so worked up over being with him that we stay up half the night making love. I also get a little overly enthusiastic too, with him, and so I wear myself out and even make myself sore. He's the energizer bunny. You must know what that's like?"

"I do," Tina said, thinking of how her vagina, ass, and mouth felt after an all-day session doing porn videos. She gathered her thoughts together, "You said you love Bob, but Brad is your husband?"

Sandy smiled, "I love both of them, and Jim, Matt, Alex, Don, Nathan, Derek, not to mention all the women, and yes, I'm physical and sexual with all of them. Now, I'm sorry to break away, but I have to run. I have an appointment with my caterer to get organized for a luncheon party tomorrow for two-hundred people." Sandy vanished out the door.

Tina poured herself a second cup of coffee and wandered outside onto the pool deck. She was standing there when Alice waddled out and joined her.

Before Tina could speak, Alice said, "I can hardly wait to have junior take up residence outside my body. I couldn't get comfortable last night, and the baby kept kicking both me and Nathan when I was spooned up against him."

Behind the pair, Nathan said, "And I loved it. I'm so excited about the baby coming – babies, actually. Willow will be back today from visiting her uncle. She's due a week or two before Alice."

Alice insisted, "But I'm bigger and readier than she is." She almost sobbed, "I want the baby out NOW."

Nathan came and hugged Alice. Tina heard his words of love for her, and saw how tenderly he coddled her and her growing baby bump. He led Alice over to a chair, and helped her sit. He ran inside and came back a moment later with her cereal and orange juice. He also dropped a megavitamin in her hand and made sure she swallowed the horse pill.

Tina observed to him, "You act just like her husband."

"I am. Of course, I'm a husband to a dozen other women too, but this one and Willow and Sheila are the pregnant ones, and they deserve extra care and love at this time in their lives."

"That's so sweet."

Alice commented, "It'll be sweeter when the little bastard is sleeping in a crib instead of running a marathon in my gut."

As Alice ate, Tina asked, "I leaned this morning that Sandy and Brad are married ... yet they participate so ... openly ... in sex with others."

Alice looked at her, and waited for the question only that seemed to be it. She said, "Yes, that's right. We're all open about our relationships. There are occasionally one or two outside The Circle, and that's OK too. We aren't jealous, only supportive."

"But don't you get want the exclusive attention of one man?"

"I get that, today from Nathan, tomorrow maybe from Jim, then Bob, then Derek, then Kyle, and so on. I know they each love me, and I love them. If I get mad at one of them, I have someone else who'll love me and turn me around."

"And Sandy doesn't get bent out of shape that her husband has fucked somebody else?"

"No. Don and Michelle, who you haven't met, are also married. I guess you should also be told that there are a couple of incestuous relationships here too."

Tina's eyes got large. "Who?"

"Well, Don and Michelle occasionally enjoy a special closeness with their daughter Monica. Jim and Tracy, and Matt and Ellie are brother and sister. We recently learned that Derek and Lolly are first cousins. So, there's a lot of that going around."

"And it doesn't bother anybody?"

"No. The guiding principle is that consenting adults can do whatever they want about sex." That said, we all wrap a huge dose of love in our relationships, even when it appears to be a one-night stand, and I was probably the worst offender on that score until a year or two ago when I met the rest of this crew." She gestured around the house to indicate the rest of The Circle.

Tina said, "You mean you like variety?"

"Exactly. I love that I may sleep and make love with the same man for a night or a week, and then change, and in-between I may enjoy a dalliance with some of the other men. I'm a nymphomaniac by most standards. I love sex, and more is better."

"A size queen?"

"No, that doesn't matter so long as a man knows how to turn me on and bring me off, preferably a dozen times in one session. Every man in this circle can do that. Hey, how about you? You're a pro at making love."

Tina frowned, "No, I'm maybe a pro at fucking on camera, although a bunch of my films rated me as an amateur this or that."

"How'd you start in the business?"

"Graduated from high school at age sixteen – I'd skipped grades earlier in grade school as we moved around. My mother kicked me out of the house and told me I was on my own. I got a job as a waitress, and a month into it some guy asks me if I want to make a pile of money. Bingo, I was fucking in front of a camera when I wasn't waiting tables, and then I learned to dance in front of an audience and became a stripper. One thing led to another, and then I was turning tricks once in a while. Of course, I wasn't getting to keep much of the money I made doing that shit. My self-esteem sank lower and lower. I met Deke about a year ago and he was nice and a little more supportive. He didn't make me put out for money either, but he sure liked me in some of his films ... and that's when I met you."