I guess what I am is an emo twink. I have a boyfriend, but I will suck any cock put in front of me. Last weekend at a club I sucked six different guys. This was over the course of nine hours, and I sucked some of them more than once. I'm not sure it was only six. It could have been more. I was totally fucked up.

Tonight we stayed in. Cory is pretty much straight, using me for my mouth and my rear end. I am 5'6" tall, weigh almost nothing, and could never be mistaken as straight.

I've been sucking cock since I was fourteen. In fact, I sucked my first cock the night of my fourteenth birthday. Some sweet present, a mouthful of cum. It was actually Cory's younger brother I sucked. That's how I met Cory, years later.

I've sucked two of my teachers, two of my cousins, eight of my neighbors (I think), numerous guys I hooked up with at parties in school, and the fathers of two of my best friends. Also, friends of my friends and friends of friends of my friends. I have no idea how many cocks I've sucked in total. I've swallowed gallons of cum. I'm a total slut.

I have no aversion to doing 69 with a guy or getting it on with him. I've fucked my share of boy's buttholes. I've had mine fucked a hundred times. Robert fucked it too many times to count, and Cory's catching up. He fucked it tonight, though without much enthusiasm. He came in my mouth, which he does a lot. That's called A2M and stands for ass-to-mouth. Not real hygienic, but I do it all the time. All twinks do.

He gave me an enema, and fucked my ass while I roiled inside. He's done that before, gets off on having me squirm like a mouse until I can't stand it any longer. I don't always make the toilet and that cracks him up. I have to clean up the mess afterward, like I did tonight. He wasn't really into it tonight, though. I think he's tired of me.

Guys have fucked me with dildos, and other things. I've fucked my share of inanimate objects. Ever rode a Rambone? My previous boyfriend Robert suggested to Cory that he might enjoy me riding one, so unbeknownst to me, Cory ordered a huge black Rambone. Seventeen inches long, and two and a half inches thick.

Men do this. Cory showed me videos on xHamster where guys fuck the whole thing with their ass. I didn't believe it, even watching the video. But he showed me three more and I was in shock.

He stuck the Rambone to the wall with the built in suction cup and said fuck it, Matthew. I told him that might kill me. He pointed out that none of the other guys died, and all fucked the dildo for minutes on end, dozens and dozens of times. He made me count the times one guy did it in his video. Sixty seven times, the whole freaking length. It was my only time with Cory I asked not to do something. I did it anyway.

My ass might be the most used hole the United States. I've been doing it since...

Okay, this fourteen business. I started this journal with the intention of posting it online when I'm done, or posting weekly updates or something like that. I write stories and post them on SOL. The problem is you can't talk about anything before the age of fourteen, not even about yourself. It really sucks, but most sites won't even let you do that. It's eighteen and above, or nothing. So everything I've done happened after my fourteenth birthday, whether I like it or not. (I shouldn't complain. SOL lets me post anything about anything, otherwise. They are super cool about that.)

So back to my ass. Not ready to get into the Rambone yet. We'll talk about other things, like how Robert tied me face down on the bed with my hips propped on a thick corduroy bedrest, ass high. He gagged me with a short fat dildo made specially to go in the mouth, and stuck a nine inch dildo up my ass.

Both dildoes were made by Doc Johnson. The one up my ass was a Super Ballsy Cock with a shaft seven inches long. It fill me up completely, bottoming out with a quarter inch of shaft showing. Robert photographed it and showed me. This was before anyone thought of a Rambone.

The gag was a thick black cock-head and an inch of shaft to sink your teeth into. He threaded a tube up my cock to empty my bladder, and kept me on the bed for twenty-four hours and forty minutes. It wasn't a record. He just wanted me immobile for twenty four hours with a cock up my ass. It was the worst twenty four hours of my life.

He fucked me in front of other guys. Cory's never done that. Since we're on the subject of dildos, he used the ass-buster from my twenty-four hour session with a strap-on in front of four guys. All four donned it to fuck me good and hard, and all had a great time. Only Robert fucked me with his cock that night. They all used my mouth though. I swallowed all four of them. Robert unloaded in my ass.

Another time, he taped the ass-buster to the end if a crutch, the part that goes in your underarm, stuck the tip under the couch, propped it in the air with a plastic egg crate, and filmed me fucking myself doggie on the dildo.

It was humiliating and so arousing. It got me hard as the crutch leg (maybe it was the cocaine) and I laughed while it swung back and forth beneath me, perfectly hard, slapping my thighs and belly. I usually don't get hard-ons when guys are doing things to me. It's too embarrassing and emasculating. It pissed Robert off and he made me beat off and come, fucking the dildo. Then he fucked my mouth and came. I don't like swallowing after I come, and that's why he did it. Cory does it too.

So what else have I done. I've sucked on camera. I mean live sucking, streaming out over the Internet where other guys could watch me sucking. Robert did this free at first, just getting his rocks off, then found he could charge guys to watch his emo twink sucking cock. I did, for about two months, before he got tired of it. I never made him much money anyway.

Everyone saw my face. I was naked sometimes, other times I was clothed, but I always showed my face for the camera--when I wasn't looking right at it. Guys asked Robert questions, and asked him to ask me questions: Did I like it? Could I deep throat him? Did I like swallowing sperm? How much did I swallow a week? How many guys had I sucked? How many guys had I sucked at one time?

I counted four videos on xHamster last week. In two I suck Robert to completion, proudly showing his mouthful of cum before I swallow. The other two end before he comes, with me sucking to the end. In two videos I speak. I sound like a twink.

I hate seeing myself suck. I hate it worse when I lick his cock or kiss the head. I kiss the head a lot in one video, the really long one. Someone suggested I make love to his head, kissing and licking and telling it how much I loved it, could I marry it, could I kiss it in public on our wedding day, would I love and honor and obey it forever, could I bear it's children? Cory has never streamed me sucking his cock.

What else have I done? I fucked myself with my mother's vibrator when I was fourteen. I dressed up in her clothes, including her underwear. I inserted a tampon up my butt and left it there all day in school one day. I beat off later and pulled it out as I came, and it felt great. Later I discovered this is a stupid practice because of toxic shock syndrome, so I don't do it anymore.

I fell asleep in front of my bedroom window naked one night. I got up to go pee, turned the light on, and realized the power was off. I left the switch on and guess who woke up hours later with the light on and the blinds open. My window faced the parking lot, so anyone could see me. I was seventeen and home alone on a Friday night/Saturday morning. Mom's vibrator was up my ass. How many people looked in my window, you think?

Another night I went for a joyride in my mom's car. I drove way out in the country, found a one lane deserted road, climbed out and fucked myself doggie with Mom's vibrator in front of the car with the headlights on. I was completely naked, down to nothing but my ear stud and the rings on my fingers. I came like a racehorse.

I jumped in the car after and pulled my clothes on as I drove. Ten seconds later headlights appeared from the opposite direction, and a cop went by. He looked at me with mild curiosity. I didn't have a shirt on yet, so thank God it was July and uncomfortably warm. I came back the next night and did it again. In total, I did it four times before I decided I was pushing my luck.

I stuck an apple up my ass. This was before I'd seen that done on XHamster, and it freaked me out. It took some effort to get it out of me again, but I pushed it back in and fucked my ass with it and two more apples before I got too sore. I fuck apples all the time now. Cory thinks it's cool.

I did the end of a baseball bat. Until the Rambone, this was the biggest thing ever up my ass. I did a sixteen-ounce beer can, almost as big as the bat, and a lot easier to fuck. It was not easy to fuck, actually. I had to work at it really hard. I fucked myself on the end twenty-two times and called it a record. I was not even close. Sixty seven times on the Rambone is the record. On xHamster, anyway.

I love enemas, when someone's not fucking my enemaed ass, or cleaning me out for a Rambone. I love being alone with the big red bag and long red hose and the perforated white douche nozzle. Not the enema nozzle. They are useless.

I fill two full quarts of hot, soapy water in the bag. I fill myself in the classic, doggie position, and then on my stomach while the enema does it's work. I rarely last more than five minutes. I don't always make that, and then it's dashing like crazy for the toilet, bent over with cramps, butt cheeks clamped together and whining in alarm as water leaks out my butt. I clean afterward and give myself another, and more if necessary, until the spurting water runs clean. I don't like being given enemas by anyone else.

Robert used to spank me. I had to throw that in before I forgot. He did it in front of company, did it to get his rocks off, did it to punish me, did it so I'd know who's boss. I always know who's boss.

He spanked me bare bottomed, over his knee, used a paddle sometimes. Other times he used his hand or a hairbrush. He let other guys spank me over their knees, made me kneel in a corner afterward with my hands on my head and my tail a bright red.

He spanked me with a belt, laid over a stack of pillows. He spanked me with a leather strap while I cried--oh yeah, I cry when I'm spanked really hard or humiliatingly. Once he spanked me in front of people we didn't know at a party. He did it on a dare.

He got a terrific hard-on spanking me. Sometimes I did too. Spankings often led to getting my ass fucked really hard. Sometimes it didn't. Sometimes a spanking was just a spanking. He spanked me and sent me to bed.

I sometimes spank my balls. I get naked and doggie and pat myself gently with a wooden spoon. Then I'll bet on the number of commercials between scenes or between shows. However many I miss it by is how many times I whack my testicles with the spoon. I don't always do it hard. Sometimes I catch it just right and writhe in agony. Sometimes I smack them really hard and develop a slow, debilitating ache that steals my breath away. Sometimes I can't move for dozens of minutes.

I saw an article about a guy who paddles his balls with a flapper wheel. He built it himself and put the plans online. I never had the necessary ambition to download the instructions and build it. I'm too lazy for that. Or too stoned. A good reason to spank me.

Robert is a medical technician (a male nurse) and has experience putting tubes up people's urethra's, male and female alike. He could have used a lubricant but didn't. He could have used an anesthetic, and didn't. He gets his rocks off torturing me, even now. And that was torture. I thought I would die. I writhed equal to having my backside seared with a leather strap. Nothing ever hurt like that. I guess that's not true. Catching one of my testicles just right hurts more.

Testicular punishment. I've done this myself, and had it done to me. I get naked and doggie like spanking my balls, but instead, torture them with strangulation. I cinch a cord around my scrotum and dangle weights from the cord until I can't stand it any longer. This hurts in a whole different way. You add more weight until you can no longer lift the weight off the floor without tearing your balls off. I've lifted twelve lbs by myself, and seventeen lbs with Robert. Let's say, Robert coaxed me into lifting seventeen lbs. I couldn't do it on my own.

Been ball-spanked with a leather strap? He did that to me, on my back with my legs spread wide, feet planted on the bed, knees raised. I held my penis flat to my belly, my testicles nested peacefully in my sack, waiting. He leaned over and brought the strap down on my scrotum with a good slap. I doubled up and writhed in agony, gasping. I couldn't breathe and saw nothing but stars. He didn't even hit me hard, just let his hand fall with the strap.

He asked if I was ruptured. I said I didn't know. Ten minutes later he did it to me again, harder this time. It's crazy what you get used to when you do it enough.

He likes playing pong. When I'm doggie and they just hang there, waiting to be bounced. It doesn't hurt as much as being strapped, but it hurts. He let other guys do me like this too, both doggie, and on my back. I hated it. I hated him.

Other things I've done. Drove down that back road I mentioned earlier sitting on a dildo. Not the ass-buster--that one can't be sat on. At that time anyway. Besides, I wasn't with Robert then. I did it naked with a really good hard on the first time. After that, I mostly didn't get hard.

At home I would sneak out back at night, take off my clothes and smoke a joint and play with myself on the deck. I never got caught, which is amazing. They moved us into the condo And I did the same thing on the front balcony, and didn't get caught again. That happened when I took advantage of an empty condo and did it on the rear balcony. That was super embarrassing, caught naked on my parent's balcony by a neighbor.

The rear balcony ran almost the width of the condo. It had two entrances, the wide balcony doors leading out of Mom's bedroom, and the smaller sliding door from the hallway. Its the one I used, never Mom's. I was too paranoid.