Chapter 10: The First Fork in the Road

Lawton had chosen to attend Texas Tech, and I was convinced I was going with him. I'd even signed the documents and had them in an envelope to mail back. We'd talked about how we would get into the same coed dorm in order to be close to each other, the classes we'd take. I was undecided on a major, though I leaned toward Literature after my extensive recording of my life in my journal. I didn't have to choose for another year or two. Lawton was going into Chemistry, a subject he'd enjoyed greatly in high school.

The day I set to confirm my place at Texas Tech, another envelope arrived, and it impacted my world in many ways. The single page document inside started with the word 'Congratulations' and ended with a signature from a name I knew. Pascal Rajamanan was a world-famous editor of various literary journals. I'd seen his name during the many nights I'd spent reading some of those journals, and the letter's body spelled out why he was writing to me.

Mom had sent off a few 'special assignment' sort of applications. College education in unique environments, opportunities that most people never got to see, if they knew about them at all. I found that out later. The program offered by Rajamanan was based in Amsterdam and featured two years of pre-major education, effectively an Associate's level of work. But it was specialized, the professors were active in the subject, held impromptu lectures for milling crowds, encouraged students to explore their literary boundaries, and the location was the far-away, magical place called Amsterdam.

I knew nothing about The Netherlands, but it was a name that immediately got me excited. I let the fantasy of attending play out for a few minutes, feeling really happy, before the crashing reality of accepting the offer hit me like a stone.

I sat quietly a long time in my room, nauseous. I felt so torn. At first, I easily decided to go to Texas Tech and be with my love. But the tug of the unknown caught me. It was a unique opportunity.

When Mom came home, I told her what I faced.

She had no easy answers. Mom became a much better counselor to me after my high school years, and the advice she gave me then was excellent. "Lot to consider, Sweetie. You've got a great boyfriend who you love and who loves you ... you never know when or if that might come again." She'd recently begun dating again, and I think she was surprised to find how easily she was able to explore relationships again. I assumed she had sex, at least some times, but I never asked her, and she never brought it up.

"On the other hand ... The Bitterwood Curriculum is one of the best in the world. You can get into the best universities in the world with that pedigree, you know that." I guess I did. "It isn't going to be easy, but Sweetie, if you finish that you'll have proved a lot to yourself. It isn't that hard to attract partners, you know that ... not always the right ones, but at least you have options." I knew I did. "You won't get another opportunity like Bitterwood, not likely, but lovers ... with patience you'll find them."

It sorta sealed it for me though I didn't acknowledge it for a few days.

I didn't tell Lawton about Bitterwood, and when he asked me if I'd sent off the documents to Tech, I lied and said I thought I had. It hurt a bit to lie to Lawton, but I was stuck in the pull of two really good options, and it burned me inside to know I'd not chosen Lawton.

Telling him took a swig of vodka that Mom kept in the kitchen. The second swig didn't hurt my courage.

I felt I needed something first, though. I'd been there several times when a relationship cut off quickly, and I hated that feeling, that lack of 'one last time' before you lose the right to touch that person. I fucked him in my bedroom while Mom was out on a date. He came in my pussy and was on his way to another before I wanted to give him a very special treat that I'd never given anyone. Somehow, the logic consisting of 'if I'm going to break his heart, at least I should give him anal first' seems rather silly looking back.

But I meant well, and I was buzzed on the liquor. I'd never had anal sex, and only rarely had Lawton played with my ass at all. I never particularly asked for it because I was just that satisfied by everything else we did.

I pulled him out of my pussy from where I rode him and stroked him slowly while I looked him the eye. "Sweetie ... do you want something special? Somewhere I've never had you before?"

Lawton wasn't stupid, and he wasn't opposed either. His smile spread wide as I used my juices to lube up my asshole. I moved forward a bit more, tilted my hips forward at a longer angle. His penis nestled first against my labia then I slid him back to rest against my tight backdoor.

I slowly sank, my anus not yielding at first. I rose, wet my fingers, and covered the head of Lawton's cock. Back down, he slipped inside, and I sucked in my breath as Lawton's penis became the first to sodomize me.

It wasn't wholly pleasant, I admit. There were some movements that caused me to tense up, to clench him uncomfortably. I felt like I was about to take a huge shit on him, which I desperately hoped I wouldn't do. I'd already peed on one boy, I think this would have been immeasurably worse.