Chapter 1

I still found it hard to believe, but I kept telling myself that it was real. In another half hour or so I would know for sure. That's when Tyler and Matt should be arriving to pick me up for the trip. I kept telling myself it must be real. After all, I had my stuff all piled in the front hall, I had what money I thought I'd need, even if not nearly as much as I wished I had, and my parents weren't acting at all like I had gone crazy.

Still, there was that tiny seed of doubt. I had never expected anything like this could actually happen, at least not for many years. No, that's not right. I knew such trips happened all the time. Many of my friends had done something like this, but this was ME. Such things didn't happen to Lauren.

I couldn't sit still and kept moving around from one place to another as nine o'clock got closer and closer. That was when they had said they expected to arrive and that I should be ready. Ready? I'd been ready for weeks, maybe even half my life. Ready, but still not really sure it could be real. As I tried to settle into a living room chair to wait I thought back to when this whole, wonderful, totally unlikely, thing had first been mentioned. In fact, I thought back even further than that.

I'm Lauren Bradley. I'm an only child and have lived here at the eastern edge of Indiana with my parents for all of my life. My dad has worked at the same company since before I was born. I think my mom worked there as a secretary or something before I came along but she quit to be with me until I was in the fifth grade. Since then she has worked part time at a number of places, providing office help when extra was needed. We have a three bedroom house in a subdivision and I have always had my own room. It wasn't until I was well into grade school that I discovered our house was not as large or as new as most of my friends.

Not that we were really poor, but I have come to realize we are not in the upper part of middle class. I don't think it was always like that. When my parents bought this house it was much newer and a really nice starter home. But they were never able to move up, largely, I think, because there was a time before I was born when my mom was pretty sick for some months. She's never told me exactly what was the problem, but I've gotten the idea that it left some really large medical bills that ate up all their savings and brought on some heavy debts.

I guess I've always known we weren't rich but I never felt I was really deprived. I had nice clothes even though as I entered junior high I discovered that a lot of my friends shopped at some of the little places in the malls while most of my stuff came from Sears or J C Penney or K-Mart. There were times - especially after Christmas or birthdays - when the girls I knew talked about the gifts they received that I came to realize a lot of other kids had more expensive things than I did. Still, I generally had what I needed or even a lot of what I wanted - just maybe not the top of the line. In high school I had my own cell phone, for example. However, it wasn't an I-Phone. No, it was a prepaid unit and I was a lot more careful about using it than some of my friends. The last two years of high school I had my own computer, but again it wasn't the top of the line but was satisfactory for everything I needed to do. We had a video game system, but it was bought second hand and was several years old. Likewise with my stereo.

Despite this I never really felt unhappy about my possessions. Sure some of my friends had more. By junior and senior year a number of them had their own cars. Our second car was five years old, but I could drive it unless my mom needed it. When prom came my senior year I was asked and went. The formal I wore was lovely and although it was one we found second hand it looked perfectly new. I'm not sure it had even been worn before.

Sure there were a few times I wanted something that we couldn't afford. The summer after eighth grade there was a summer camp I wanted to attend. It was over in West Virginia and a couple of my friends were going, but the cost was a little too high for us. It hurt some at first but especially after they returned and I got the idea it turned out to be nothing special, I didn't feel too bad about missing it. No, I knew money was, if not really tight, not freely flowing either, but that was never a real problem for me.

I have always been a rather quiet girl. Not really a wallflower or anything, but never the most flamboyant or extroverted. I was always the well behaved one. In grade school this just made me the quiet one. In junior high it started to make me a "second tier" girl. I got along well with most everyone but I didn't fit into the top clique. I was a fairly good student - a high B or low A average. I wasn't the top of my class but I did my work on time and got most of it right. I didn't mind helping others if it was something I understood that they didn't. Academically I was accepted by even the best students but socially I was definitely down a level.

It certainly wasn't just because of any financial reason. No it was more because I was too much of a straight arrow. I'd never go along with some of the things the most popular group wanted to do. There was once when a group of six of the girls I knew wanted to try shoplifting. Just for fun they said. I refused to try that but kept quiet about their plans. Five of the six managed to get away with it. They only took small items, usually less than a couple of dollars. However, the sixth girl got caught with a cheap pair of earrings - three bucks, I believe. Even after she was caught and fined - which her parents paid - she still thought it had been a real lark. I think she may even have done it again to prove she could get away with it.

I was never one to go along with that or any of the other stunts which went on. I was the "good girl." I never took money from my mom's purse or tried to swipe any alcohol from home. If I said I was going to an away game, that's where I went, not out to try and get into some place with a fake ID. I was never interested in trying any kind of drugs, but, honestly, neither were most of my friends.

When I started dating I was almost always home by the time I had said and if not I always called. Unlike some of my friends I never said I was staying over night with one of my girlfriends who would cover for me while I spent the night with my boyfriend.

I'm not saying I didn't want to do something like that, just that it wasn't my nature. I was the good girl. You know the saying: "Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go everywhere!" I started seriously dating when I was a freshman and quickly found I had the same desires as the other girls. Before the year was over, making out had become one of my favorite activities. It was near the end of sophomore year before a boy got my bra off and played with my breasts but once I had experienced it I was ready to repeat the activities. A couple of times I tried oral sex with a guy and found that it didn't bother me even if it didn't "ring my chimes" as I have heard it put. I was fingered a couple of times which felt very nice, but I never had a guy who wanted to go down on me. A long time afterwards I have found what I missed.

I was still an actual virgin, although I came very close to changing that once or twice. My senior year one night after a football game and dance a guy and I stopped in a nice isolated park and soon had the car windows completely steamed up. It wasn't attempted rape, if that's what you are thinking. I wanted it as much as he did and I believe I was the one to actually escalate things. But somehow I couldn't get myself to let go completely. We ended that night with a little oral activity and not a minor amount of frustration.

In spring of my senior year there was one guy who asked me to go on an overnight hike with him. Over two nights, actually. I did really like the guy and I have always loved outdoor activities and I almost said yes. Why didn't I? I'm not real sure. I think it must just have been my nature. I mean I couldn't bring myself to lie to my parents. I knew they wouldn't let me go if they were aware it would be with just a boy. I couldn't bring myself to ask any of my friends to lie for me either. And just maybe I was a little afraid of spending a couple of nights in a sleeping bag with him. For whatever reason, I didn't go.

It was early April and people were talking about what they had planned for after graduation. I don't mean college - everyone had known what they were doing about that some time before. For several years I had set my mind on Ohio State and when I applied last fall and the acceptance came I had to start seriously looking for money. I would be out of state and that raised the cost quite a bit. The school counselors had pushed me to apply to an in-state school but I was determined on OSU if I could find any possible way to manage it.

I had always known I wanted to go to college and for a number of years I had known that my family couldn't afford to send me. However, here's where being below average income actually helped. I filled out all the financial aid forms and applied for scholarships wherever I could and when awards were made I found that I would need to borrow only a small amount. Between several scholarships and a couple of grants, I would only be a thousand or so short and I could get loans for that or maybe even earn a good part of it during the summer.

Which brings me back to activities after graduation. I had started looking for a summer job and had found one. I would be clerking at a local department store and would start the day after Memorial Day. I would be working five and a half days a week even if not eight hours a day. They didn't want to pay me any overtime. Anyway I didn't think I'd have a lot of extra time for other things except maybe something local. I thought I might be able to do some hiking or something or even a little backpacking in a near by state forest or something. I had taken up back packing when I was fourteen and loved it.

Thus when three different friends of mine began to talk about trips out west I became a little envious. If I'm honest a lot envious. I had never been west of Chicago but had dreamed of the Rockies and other western locations. I would love to go spend some time out there. I think each of my friends' parents were sponsoring their trip but I knew there was no way that could happen for me so I tried to hide my jealousy. That didn't mean I refrained from mentioning their trips around the dinner table. I didn't make a big thing of it or anything but I couldn't help talking about it a few times.