Chapter 2: Life with Elves

"I'm boooorrrrred."

The high-pitched voice came from somewhere behind me, as I sat working in my basement lab. I should have been alone. I was actually trying to get some work done ... well, work-related emails, at least.

But the voice was obviously that of Leafrider, one of the small elves who had arrived back in February. That made sense, given that those two had shown themselves perfectly capable of getting into my lab any time they wanted. (Well, not the 'clean room' or 'nanopod/surgery' sections, which were designed so we could completely seal them to use them as clean rooms, but I was currently in the general working section of the basement lab.)

I turned around to see her pulling out various labeled Petri dishes containing different biological samples, which hammered home how dangerous bored and/or curious elves could be, since a few sample containers in other racks were actually dangerous.

"Leafrider, please put those down."

"What's in them?"

"Well," I said, leaning forward to get a look at the label, "the ones from that rack have mold cultures we're experimenting with to see if we can grow new types of antibiotics."

She set it down on the counter with just barely enough care to avoid breaking the glass.

"Isn't there anything fun down here?"

"Not that you would think of as fun. Why don't you go play one of the Halo games?"

"Cause they're boring. I beat them all, and no one's good enough to play against me. Except your computer, and I can't ever beat her in the game."

"Well, wasn't Jane going to teach you to draw?"

"She's doing Princess portraits today." The little elf really was sounding like a petulant teenager today, with sarcasm set to full. And 'princess portraits' could mean any of a half dozen things, ranging from literal portraits being done of our handful of actual princesses to a snarky description of someone else or ... well, let your imagination run wild.

"What about playing outside?"

"It's cloudy and dull."

"So, do you have any other ideas I could help you with?" I asked.

"Well, sex would be fun," she said, pulling her small dress up to reveal a general lack of underwear.

"I've already had sex twice today. I don't think I'm ready for more right now."

More accurately, I had come twice, once each during two different encounters. The first had been with Pandora, a four-armed former ghost, Dani, a female clone of Danny Phantom, and Sally, a friendly vampire from Discworld. The second had been with Jack, from the Mass Effect games, and Shego, from the Kim Possible cartoon series. The point is that I wasn't planning on any more sex until that evening, if possible. (My record so far was eight climaxes in one day, but generally speaking, if I had more than four in a day, it affected my ability to perform the next day.)

"I bet I can make you horny and stiff..." she said, smiling coyly, running her fingers up and down her hairless little slit.

I had a strong feeling I would regret asking, but even so, I asked. "And how would you do that?"

"Well, first we go find Giganta. Then she grows big, like she does. Then I climb on your penis, so it fills me all the way up. Then you fuck Giganta, with me still attached, so it would be like I was your penis and you could fuck us both at the same time."

I think I've previously briefly mentioned some of the elves' weird physiology, but the upshot is that she wasn't human and her body could bend and stretch in ways that would kill a human being. Specifically, she could fit over half of my cock in her tiny body without injury.

As for Giganta, I had heard reports that the two little elves would occasionally crawl into her vagina when she was enlarged, basically using their bodies as dildos. I had even heard about one occasion when Shayera had fit herself into Giganta, feet first, up to her tits, then had Giganta walk around the house, hiding Shayera under a short skirt.

"Would that be safe?" I asked.

"Sure, you'd be fine, she'd be fine, we'd all be fine. Even better, we'd all get to orgasm."

"But how would you breathe?"

She was openly masturbating at this point and was bending down a little so she could push an entire hand up her pussy. "Well, you'd have to pull me out for a few seconds every few minutes."

I had to admit that I was stiffening at the thought.

"And this will help you not be bored for a while?"

"Oh, yes, yes, yes!" She appeared to be trying to push a second hand up inside her.

"All right, all right. Alpha, where is Doris ... ummm ... Giganta, at the moment?"

Alpha started to answer, but Leafrider spoke at the same time, and Alpha politely paused to let her finish.

"You called her Doris!" she exclaimed accusingly. "You know she hates being called that."

"And?"

"I'll tell her you called her Doris unless..."

"Unless... ?" I prompted in a warning tone of voice.

"Unless you put your tongue in my vagina and move it around until I orgasm." She and Shayera sometimes had very odd ways of speaking.

I narrowed my eyes and set my lips. "First, you will immediately apologize for trying extortion to force me to have sex with you."

"But ... but you know..." she protested, gesticulating randomly with one of her rather sticky hands.

I just stared at her. I knew that, even as chaotic and fun-loving as the elves were, they had accepted me as the ruler in this place and had placed themselves under my authority. Alpha had convinced me that if I ever let that authority slip, we could entirely lose control of them, meaning that even if it was meant playfully, I had to maintain a firm hand against things like extortion.

"Leafrider!"

She pulled her other hand out of her vagina, went down to one knee, bowed her head and said, "My Lord, I apologize and humbly beg forgiveness for my words. I remain loyal to you and live under your mercy."

"All right. Now, second, I would love to ... uh ... put my tongue in your vagina. I may not always have the time to do so, but I love to give orgasms to my women."

Please note my phrasing. Everything I said was true, but I left out the fact that having sex with the elves was still often disturbing.

Leafrider hopped up from her kneeling position and dashed forward. In a literal blink-of-an-eye, her little dress was completely off and she was laying down at the edge of the counter, her legs spread wide.

I smiled and bent down to her small, hairless body. Actually, I should probably provide a better physical description, shouldn't I?

Imagine a Barbie doll. Now shrink the hips and slightly increase the waist size to remove all obvious curvature, and reduce the breasts until they are smaller than A-cups, with just enough shape to indicate that there is something feminine between the ribs and skin. Now increase the doll's size to two-and-a-half feet while keeping a very slim frame. Their bodies are so narrow that I can form a two-handed ring with my thumbs and middle fingers touching and can completely pass each of their bodies lengthwise through that ring without ever having my fingers separate.

They each have long, often unruly hair flowing from their heads, but are otherwise completely hairless, which includes the lack of eyebrows (though they do have eyelashes). They often draw in fake eyebrows, though the results normally look more like Vulcan eyebrows than human ones. Their faces are narrow, but include normal-looking eyes, a small nose and mouth, with a pointy chin underneath. Their ears have long points on the top and usually keep close to their skulls, but they are able to wiggle their ears a bit to make them flap out.

They love using makeup, and can sometimes look rather garish, almost a cross between Barbie doll makeup and overt whore makeup -- maybe a comparison to Bratz dolls would be more appropriate.

Their nipples are tiny little nubs, with only a very faint discoloration to indicate the possible existence of aureole. A close examination of their vaginas reveals no inner labia or clitoris; the urethra is actually just slightly inside their vaginal canals.

What we've been able to examine of their inner anatomy indicates a biology that might have evolved parallel to humans or simply have broken off from ours one or two geologic ages ago. Definitely not human, but looks enough like humans to avoid upsetting human observers.

Moving back to the elf on hand, I ignored how her legs were twisting themselves up and behind her head with no help from her arms and instead focused on the inch-long pink gash before me. I knew from experience that the tiny little slit could easily stretch until it was four or five inches in diameter, despite how impossible that sounded. And yes, that means that their hips could separate and expand enough to accommodate such a stretched vagina. It's like their bodies were made mostly of rubber. Again, it could very disturbing to watch, even though it seemed to cause no pain.

I felt the tissue stretch as I slowly wormed my tongue inside. Normally when I eat someone out, I spend a lot of time focusing on the clitoris, but as I mentioned above, their anatomy apparently lacked them. While they could receive sexual stimulation from their tiny, flat breasts and, to a lesser extent, their skin in general, nearly all of their sexual stimulation came from the inner lining of their vaginas.

Oh, and one other really weird thing: Their vaginal juices had a garlic aftertaste. No freaking clue why, but they did.

I spent eight minutes wriggling and thrusting my tongue in and out of her little pussy, and probably gave her ten orgasms in that time.

While she would probably be happy to let me continue to eat her for the rest of the day, I pulled back after the aforesaid eight minutes. She quickly sat up and made a grab for my tongue, presumably trying to pull it back inside of her.

"That's enough for now. Alpha, is Giganta busy?"

In deference to my guest, Alpha answered out loud. "She is currently arguing with Patricia and Rhonda about the associations between comic books and ancient myths."

"Huh, I almost hate to interrupt it. Please send her a message that if she is interested, Leafrider and I would like to ask for her help in an experiment. If so, would she please meet us in my bedroom in fifteen minutes"

"Certainly."

"Thank you."

Giganta arrived at my room only a couple minutes after we did, but as she was closing the door, there was a small blur and Shayera Alustrial was standing on my bed.

"Leafrider!"

Leafrider jumped a little and let out an "eep"-like sound.

"Are you planning to try out MY idea without me?"

"I ... I ... I looked for you everywhere, but couldn't find you, so I thought I'd just go ahead and..."

"Everywhere? If you had looked for me everywhere, you would have found me!"

And the chase began. It was very entertaining to watch them run around the room, darting under the bed, behind the dresser, jumping halfway up the wall and so on, but I had seen it a dozen times before. Don't think for a moment that two-and-a-half feet is too tall for such a chase sequence, not when they could run full speed while bent in half or squeeze through tiny holes in less than a second.

"What's going on?" asked Giganta (aka Doris Zeul) as she carefully walked over to me.

"Well, Leafrider was bored and came to me with an idea she wanted to try. Though now I'm thinking that maybe it was Shayera's idea..."

Shayera Alustrial suddenly appeared between us, staring up at me angrily. With the manner of a grammar nazi correcting a split infinitive, she barked out a correction: "Shayera Alustrial!" Then she was gone into my closet, where Leafrider had disappeared during the brief pause. She always insisted that her full name be used every time, though I often failed to do so in private.

"Sorry ... Shayera Alustrial's idea, and maybe Leafrider was trying to cut her out of the fun."

"What idea?"

"They want you to grow as big as you can, then I put one of them on my cock and use her to fuck you, as though I had an extra giant penis."

Doris seemed to consider this for a moment, then shivered. "I'm game."

"So long as we're careful, so am I, but it looks like we might have to wait until the two of them resolve this."

At that point, Leafrider came flying out of the closet, arcing through the air to hit the side of my bed, bounced off and hit the floor. Shayera Alustrial exited the closet a little slower than normal because she was wielding a two-foot-long plastic shoehorn as if it was an oversize sword from a Final Fantasy game. The chase continued.

If I seem a little casual about this, it's because they fought each other like this anywhere from twice a month to half a dozen times in a single week. It didn't seem to affect their close friendship, and they definitely held back from using enough force to actually hurt each other. There were a few different ways their fights could end -- one of them surrenders, one gets knocked out, they tire each other out, or they get distracted by something shiny -- but only one that would end this in a reasonable amount of time. (Well, two ways, but Tiffany wasn't here to reign them in.)

"All right, that's enough," I said in my best 'Lord of the Castle' voice. "Shayera Alustrial, put your weapon back in my closet, and both of you stand before me."

They each kept a watchful eye on the other, but stopped fighting and chasing. At a speed far, far less than her maximum, Shayera Alustrial walked back to my closet, keeping a eye on Leafrider the entire time. She 'put away' my shoehorn by throwing it blindly into the closet, then rejoined Leafrider in front of me.

"Thank you. Now, Leafrider, who came up with the idea involving Giganta first?"

"Well, I came up with it first, even if Shayera Alustrial technically said it out loud first."

"You liar!" protested Shayera Alustrial. "I thought it with my superior brain a long time before you!"

"Did not! I even thought of it before we came here, though back then it involved Ur-grappa."

"The Hill Giant girl? Ewww. She's all parslaggn. And much too young!"

"Well, we'd have to clean her up first, but I bet once you do that and clear away the blood mites, she'd be acceptable. And besides, she was 48 when we left, and that's plenty old for sex games."

"Oh yeah? You think 48 is old enough for Hill Giants? You think her parents would agree with you? And besides, whose cock were you planning to use?"

"We didn't really have one available, which you know, which is why I never talked with you about it."

"I think you're just full of shit. With no male cock of an appropriate size, all you could actually plan was crawling inside Ur-grappa's giant pussy hole, and we already have fun doing that with the Great Giganta, who has probably never suffered the bite of even a single blood mite."

"I am not full of shit! I am full of candy and sugar and flowers and honey and chocolate! And I want to be full of tongue and cock too!"

"Okay, I think you are metaphorically full of shit."

"Oh, in that case you might be right, especially since too much candy and sugar and flowers and honey and chocolate gives me the squirts after an hour or two."

"That's not what metaphorical means, you ignorant piss-drinker!"

"Ladies!" I interrupted, still trying to sound official and judicial. "Back to the topic at hand, I judge that it is not possible in this world to determine when an idea is created. We can only judge by when an idea is spoken out loud or written down or expressed in some fashion. In this instance, it sounds as though Shayera Alustrial was first, and regardless of who was first, it also sounds like Leafrider meant to exclude her from the event itself."