Chapter 19: Lost In Struggles

"If I can't use my Qi, how, then, can I crack the shell of the Earth's Core?!" Zax shook his head; brushing away the intolerable thought that came into it.

"You won't". Zetsa answered plain and simple. With just two words she dropped the anvil on half the fate her little brother had in her. "Arguing about it is pointless and won't bear any fruits no matter how much you'll try to bash your head for a way to unclog your Qi channels. Believe me, I tried, Zax". She said in a harsh, realistic tone, though her words gave the impression of being honest and apologetic. Could she not decipher the look in her little brother's eyes?

"Then I never will become a Mist User, big sis! If I ... If I ... If that's the truth than everything is meaningless! I'll stay weak, big sis ... I'll never be able to reach you!" There was one other thing which Zax was afraid to say aloud, otherwise the word "miserable" undoubtedly will not suffice to express his standing among all of humanity, maybe among all of New Earth... "If I won't become a Mist User ... there won't be anyone more useless than me in all of Kingdom Earth!" He said to himself, but salient or to the whole world, the words had the same devastating effect on his ten years old mind.

Zax's body rattled. Beads of sweat slid down his face. His stomach felt hot, like something was boiling inside of it, will he puke?

"Zax", Zetsa called for him.

His teeth chattered and his fists clenched. "Ah uh ah uh ah uh ah uh..." Zax endlessly panted. "What is it?! What is it?!" An unimaginable pain pounded in his chest. "I can't breathe, big sis! I can't breathe..." Zax forcefully wailed.

"Little Zi!" Zetsa flinched from her Zax's odd behavior, wondering at first if something was still wrong with him due to his current condition or the Black Core he was talking about, but at the very same moment of shock she straightaway got a hold on herself. She did not have a medical experience, but she watched it on the Screen in various drama series and so could recognize a panic attack if she saw one in real life, and Zax was definitely having a panic attack.

In an instant, before Zax's last word echoed from his mouth Zetsa sprang into the kitchen and back with a glass of water. "Calm down, little Zi, calm down. You are too stressed, everything is fine, just relax, have some water and calm down, little Zi..." She done her best to soothe him, talking softly and calling by his nickname, but till the end, she was not sure if what she was doing was the right treatment. It was the first time Zetsa encountered a person having a panic attack.

"Water, water..." Zax eyes searched in frenzy. He snatched the glass of water from Zetsa's hands and drank only to cough at the first gulp.

"Slowly, little Zi, drink the water in small sips". Zetsa patted his back.

She wished that she could use a technique to help her little brother, however she was warned and forbade by Doctor Nijima not to press her mist energy as a mean of treatment into Zax's body, for it might cause his Qi channels to rupture, and if that will happen, clogged or not, Doctor Nijima assured her that Zax will die. With regard to helping Zax with her soul energy, Zetsa could only dream to be this good.

Couple of minutes later.

Zax held the glass of water between his hands, his gaze engrossed in the last drop of water he was not able to suck from the bottom of the glass. This small exercise that he came by on his own soothed his nerves and mental pressure.

"Don't let your inability to crack the Earth's Core's shell, use Qi or mist energy discouraged, Zax. Don't forget that these three stuff represent only one aspect of a living being. There are two more aspects, of which, even of all three, your true forte is your soul. The venture on the Martial path, to become strong, strongest, you can still do so by training just one aspect, Zax".

Zetsa explanation was on spot and roughly any person on the Martial path knew of what she told Zax and most would even agree. Nevertheless, people on the Martial path did not keep a balance among the three aspects for nothing, and due to a certain two on one fight that Zax participated in the past, a memory resurfaced in his mind and filled him with bitterness. With this vibrant memory playing in his head, Zax was able to figure why it is best to train more than one aspect.

Zax remembered how helpless he was on the day of the Young Mist Users Conference, when he and Masela were the last two to confront Clergyman. When Masela used her Qi explosively and attacked Clergyman, Zax place in the ring was equivalent to that of a third wheel. Yes, he could see them fight, calculate their movements and even cunningly end the fight, but that was simply because none of them pain him attention. That day he was the same on the ring as a sharp pebble in a playground that a barefooted child might kick or step on, and at worse get a little scratch on his foot.

"You want me to only train my soul?!" Zax shot in anger as if he was criticizing his big sister for even brining the idea up.

"Yes". Zetsa answered apathetically.

It did not come up the way she wanted it to be, yet the manner of which the conversation evolved has led her to sort through the right words she needed to lessen the blow that is the implications of her little brother's condition on his dreams.

"Your soul is extraordinary to a point where I dare say that there is no one with greater potential with the soul in all of New Earth than you are". Zetsa said firmly. "You can like it or not but this is your only option. Imagine, if with a level D soul you are able to perform feat that should be several levels above your capabilities ... Your soul capabilities are a step from the capabilities of a Core Master's soul!"

"One step from a Core Master..." Zax could not refute how seductive were Zetsa's words of persuasion. He reflected on them for a while, and then said decisively. "Who could I beat if my soul could do the same things a Core Master's soul does?"

"That is..." Zetsa sighed inwardly. If the answer to this question was sufficient enough it could have been the key to conclude this conversation on agreeable terms. If only it was... "In a fair fight ... you will lose". Zetsa did not go around the bush and answered.

"To whom?"

"It's difficult to say. If you can perform a soul attack on the same level of skill as a Mist Lord, almost anyone below Intermediate Mist Master, including, can lose to you on contact. Conversely, if a physical attack of even F level Earth's Core Holder will manage to slightly strike you, you will lose. And there is still the possibility of long range attacks. Only Core Breaker and above can perform them ... you won't be able to withstand them, either".

"Can Mist Lords ... Can Core Master use their soul for long range attacks?"

"No".

" ... If I choose the Martial path anyway ... will I have any accomplishments?"

By "accomplishments" Zax meant, and Zetsa knew, a "Name", a "Statues", and "Self Realization" in accordance to his ambitions.

"As a practitioner that rely solely on aspect, there is a high possibility that in the future you will unveil the secret potential of the soul. That will surely affect New Earth, but if it happens, the time that it will take you to achieve it ... hundreds if not thousands of years". Zetsa based her evaluation of time on what she learned from the one she refers to as "Master".

"Regardless of what I choose, I never will become a Mist User in the true sense of the words and if I insist on following the Martial path, I will live my life in the bottom of this path and most likely will die before achieving anything..."

"If the Martial path is your utmost desire, then you will have me by your side for the rest of such life". Zetsa promised, she had nothing else to add.

"I ... I can't, then, big sis, Zetsa. I can't accept that, I won't!" Zax said in disagreement. The pain in his chest reemerged, a second panic attack was coming and it felt impossible to stop. "The boy who never became a Mist User..." Zax struggled but was determined to speak out his mind. "I will never ... ever agree! Big sis ... big sis..."

Zetsa helped him through the second panic attack without saying a single word until it was over. She was not willing to show pity to her little brother. In his eyes she could clearly see the two battles that he engaged with. One was to stay resolute with his dreams. Another was to not lose to the panic attack.

Zax lay on his bed, covering his red eyes with his arm. Two salty streams dirtied his face.

Zetsa, standing on the doorstep, looked at him and then averted her gaze. "Rest. Familiarize yourself with the new power of your soul. When you are ready, say the words. I'll do my best to help you become stronger".

Like that, Zetsa left.

September sixth, year 5786.

Nearly two years have passed since Zax's ten years birthday and a tad longer than a year since he woke up to learn that he could never become a Mist User.

During the past year Zax's life underwent a number of personal upheavals that made him secluded toward society, whether family, friends or strangers. Although things did not escalate in one day, they sure dropped on him one after the other, each one an unending grueling battle, starting with the investigator of the Great Earth's Core Pursuit's committee that arrived on the very same day that Zax awakened.