Chapter 3: Introspection

After eating the roasted fish and drinking their juices, the young Krikitories and little Liz played in the lake's water for a hour or so. Afterwards, Zax informed little Liz that she needs to go to sleep since tomorrow him and Anet are taking her back home.

The next day, Kingdom Earth.

"Did you have fun sweetheart?" Laylen asked little Liz in her hands.

"Yes, mommy. Big sis Shulip made yummy fishies, here". She blew a warm breath on her mother's nose so she could smell the sweetness of the fish's skin that Shulip dipped in a fruit sauce before roasting, but instead, Laylen only smelled the chocolate bar she packed for her daughter before Zax took her to Valgarel.

When they returned to Kingdom Earth Anet headed to her home and before going back to Eden formation.

Zax spent the last day of the weekend with his parents and sister. As it so happened, all the members of the Zel family were present.

The next day he accompanied his mother and little Liz to her kindergarten and from there left to Valgarel.

There were forty four days before the Martial competition. It would not be enough time for him to adapt to the fifth bottleneck, at least he was not conceited and risk it at the expanse of missing the competition.

Actually, Zax did not plan to train or do anything related to training or cultivating. What he wanted to do was go to one of his favorite places where he could be by himself and submerge over the things that bothered him until he will find a solution for them.

...

The issues Zax wanted to figure out were perceived as mundane on the Martial path, but in truth, there was not one cultivator who sooner or later did not sink into deep contemplation over the very same uncertainties, unless from birth and throughout his or her lives they were engulfed by an unyielding, pure Martial mentality.

Sitting crossed legs in a dark cavern, vacant from the tiniest speck of light; Zax steadied his breath and entered his sea of consciousness.

His body materialized naked, as usual, atop the vast land of his Inner Panorama.

'Can the two really not go together?' Sitting in the exact same position as his real body's, Zax asked himself quietly.

The blackness of the sea of consciousness above and all around the Inner Panorama, as if having a reaction to this one wondering sentence, started to fill with still and moving pictures, arrays of tableaus and echoing familiar sounds.

Zax raised his head up, what in other people's eyes appear as a mess, for him was distinct and coherent.

Everything that emerged, anything that sounded, was in one way or another related to the true meaning of his short question.

What Zax actually asked was if a life on the Martial path can also include or integrate with the conventionality of a normal way of life and still not be impeded. What he asked was if a longevity that centered on self Martial desire can be attentive toward social and relational commitments. What he asked was if it is acceptable for him to stay in closed doors for months or more and miss the short time of his loved ones. What he asked was if he could find a way to invest if Anet will want more. What he asked was if Anet will say "enough" then could he still be together with her, till she lived up her life, and then resume his journey on the Martial path. What he asked was if there was not a way to preserve who and what is important to him.

And there were more questions that words could not describe, only feelings.

All of these dawned on Zax couple of months ago, when he felt close to finding the fifth spark of light and realized how long it might take him to adapt to the to the fifth bottleneck.

All of these reflected at him whenever he saw his friends and family that had different paths than his, much, much shorter ones, yet congested with lifetime of numerous deeds, events and accomplishments.

All of these tore Zax inwardly as adolescence traced two lines for him to pick. One was exemplary normal, like that his friends and family crossed. Another was atypical and a tad menacing, like the one every Martial practitioner endeavored.

Whenever he beheld the normal line, Zax saw his parents, pregnant Serah, even little Liz, and behind them all a rather early death for his taste.

Whenever he beheld the atypical line, Zax saw his big sister, his Master, a phantasmagorical figure who looked a bit similar to him and a loneliness of life if Anet will not follow by.

This was a crossroad not just cultivators, but every person encounters. Regular people, not cultivators, usually sooner than later.

Zax, however, was born in one world, grew up in another and lived mixing them both, so knowing how to settle his issues was difficult than for most people.

Nevertheless, Zax did have two roughly the same examples of ones close to him who met the same lines and made their choice.

First was his big sister Zetsa.

Zax learned from her that she first met Grandmaster Kartion on the day of her participation in the Great Earth's Core Pursuit. Grandmaster Kartion sought an apprentice that could convene the potential to follow his teachings.

Detecting young Zetsa among the many other participants, he tempted her with the allure of the first Earth's Core she found, but when she tried getting it, he suddenly appeared before her with the Earth's Core under his hoof.

Grandmaster Kartion wanted to see, will she scream, freeze in place, pass out or will she reveal assertiveness, unyielding spirit, rawness that he can refine.

Sure is, Zetsa attempted to snatch the Earth's Core. And though it can be considered foolish, it was also the conviction that changed her life.

Afterwards, Zetsa had the same transformation that Zax experienced when Kartius accepted him as his apprentice. But unlike Zax, Zetsa almost never maintained closed friendships with anyone outside Grandmaster Kartion's household and the exceptions were not a variable when she made her choice of which line to pick.

Zax could only watch from the side with knowledge of which was his big sister's line, and assess if the way her life proceeds is enough for him, too.

The second example was his girlfriend Anet.

Zax knew Anet. He knows her better today than his childhood best friend Serah. And knows exactly what Anet's take on either of the two lines is.

Anet's life were more integrated with the common way of life than him, even when they were children and she got accepted into the best Martial school in El-Eden while he was rejected from all Martial schools.

As a student in a recognized institute that instigating primary Martial education, despite receiving the insights of the Martial path's threshold, for Anet the feeling of learning in a Martial school, in preparation for a very different, very unique path, was still as if it was part of a whole which comprised every section of society she had been to.

Her outlook was influenced by her Mor, Don, who was a renown cultivators. She lived longer than non cultivators, and yet still had a family – not of her own, but the one she was born to and grew up in – and played a significant role in a system that meant something for everyone.

Anet may seem as someone who picked the atypical line, but in truth, her view was the same as those who picked the normal line, only with a rather extended path.

From ruminating of his big sister and girlfriend, Zax, first and foremost, was aware that much like for the fifth bottleneck of insight, he was not really in a rush to find the answers to these life changing questions.