Chapter 3: A Backward Glance

"What do you mean you're going to quit your job?" Andrea snapped. "How will you support us? You can't afford to quit."

"Andrea, I genuinely dislike my job. I'm going back to Hunter and do some feature writing. I'll still have a job," he said, wearying of her constant money talk.

"Does it pay as well as College Publications?"

"No ... not quite, but it's enough. At least I won't hate getting up in the morning and going to work," he said, wishing he could end this conversation.

"How much is enough? Can we still afford my car? Will I be able to get some new furniture?"

Now Cam was becoming more than irritated. "Is that all that's important to you? Your car? Some chairs or a sofa? There's got to be more important things to you than that," he snapped. Andrea's car was off the road until she could afford the license and insurance, not to mention operating costs.

"You promised me you'd help me with my car and you agreed we needed some new furniture. Are you going back on that now?" she said, winding herself up into a now-familiar aggressive posture."

"I said we would look at the car when the finances are back in order. You're forgetting I'm still paying down your credit card debt."

"You can't resist bringing that up, can you," she snarled. "I make one mistake and you beat me over the head with it continually."

"I'm not bringing it up continually, and it wasn't just one mistake. There were three cards I had to consolidate to pay them off. It still takes a big chunk of our income."

"So explain why you quit a good paying job to go back to the magazine company. You're giving up trying to get ahead."

"No, I'm not. I'm going to be a features writer and in time I should be able to make at least as much as I did editing text books while enjoying it much more."

He was getting angrier, he realized. His fiancée was getting on his nerves and for more than the first time he wondered if marrying her was a good idea. If this was the kind of attitude she had toward him, it could be a big mistake.

"Andrea, my life is not all about money or acquisitions. I want job satisfaction and a future I can look forward to. I thought we discussed this some time ago. You knew then I wasn't going to be a rich man. I love you. I asked you to be my wife because we could share our vision of the future. Have you changed your mind?"

She didn't look at him, she couldn't. She had changed her mind, but with the financial mess she was in, she needed him. He was pulling her out of a deep hole and she should be grateful, but that wasn't what was uppermost in her mind. No, he was a very nice guy and better than average in bed. But he wasn't as ambitious as she would have liked. She wanted a comfortable lifestyle with all the trappings of the upper middle-class. She wanted to quit her job sometime soon and live a life of leisure. She wanted a better life than this.

Could Cameron Stuart provide that? She wondered. Perhaps Ralph Dailey could. He'd come onto her at work more than once. She'd held him off, but noticed that Ralph was very aggressive in both his job and his personal wants. And Ralph made it clear he wanted Andrea Delahey, engaged or not. Was he a better choice? Again, she wondered. Ralph called himself an advertising executive. He said he was on his way up in Pitcairn and Associates. He might be a winner. After all, didn't most executives make six figure salaries?

"So when's the big day, Cam?" Larry Robertson was Cam's best friend at Hunter. Even when he moved to College Publications, they stayed in touch.

"I don't know. I'm not even sure there's going to be a big day," Cam said wearily.

"Come on, give. What's happened to the perfect match?" he said aggressively.

"I think it might be a mistake. Andrea appears to be very money oriented, even after the disaster with her credit standing. She wants everything now and when I mentioned that I was coming back to Hunter, she was upset because it wasn't for more money than College Publishing. I'm afraid she's always going to be a financial disaster if she doesn't see the light. Living within our means is a foreign concept to her."

"I thought you took over the finances when you got engaged. That was when you agreed to consolidate her debt and help her pay it down. What happened?"

"She resents my even mentioning her problem with her credit. It's like it didn't happen ... or that I just made it go away. It hasn't gone away and it won't for a few months yet. But according to her, I should be helping her get her car back on the road and buying new furniture. That is not going to happen until we are out of debt and even then, I'll be very wary of any substantial purchases."

"Okay, I get that. What do you think she is thinking? I mean, you sat down and explained all this to her, so what's going on?"

"Good question, Larry. Right now I feel like I'm some kind of low-rent sugar daddy who'll finance her every whim. I'm beginning to think I've made a mistake in asking her to marry. I must have been desperate at the time."

"I can recall you talking about how you were over thirty and couldn't find anyone to share your life with. What did I tell you then?"

"I know, I know, you don't have to remind me. You told me to be selective and make sure I was with the right woman, no matter what my age was."

"And what did you do two weeks later?" he said with a cockeyed grin.

"Yeah ... I asked Andrea to marry me. I was getting desperate and the sex was regular and good, so I went for it. Now, I'm wondering just how smart I was compared to your advice."

"It's not too late, Cam. You can call it off and walk away. It's not like you've got any financial ties to her. You're the one paying off her credit cards, not Andrea. You told me the apartment was on a month-to-month basis. That makes it a cheap divorce, so to speak."

"You make it sound so cold-blooded. I'm supposed to be in love with the woman," Cam complained.

"Supposed to be?" Larry probed with a raised eyebrow.

"Okay, okay, I know how that sounds. Lately I've been asking myself that question too. Am I anxious to marry Andrea, or am I just anxious?"

"I think you already know the answer to that," Larry said.

Cam put off dealing with his concern about his future with Andrea. He really didn't want to destroy the relationship if he could get her to understand that marriage was a partnership and each partner had to contribute to its success. If he couldn't pull it off, it would be the second failed attempt to find a life partner ... a wife. A two-time loser wouldn't be an ideal mate for a woman, he felt. As a result, he simply avoided the issue.

But Andrea didn't let him avoid it. It was a Wednesday evening and Cam had phoned the apartment and left a message for Andrea that be had to work late to meet a deadline and wouldn't be home until late ... sometime after ten. He would eat dinner at a local diner and told her not to wait up for him if she was tired. When she got home, she listened to the message and phoned Cam's direct line.