Chapter 8: Reconciliation

July 1980, Milford, Ohio

“We need to talk,” Stephanie said softly. “Please don’t send me away.”

“Fine, Stephanie, talk,” I said distractedly, not really caring about talking to her.

She shut the door behind her and locked it.

“Please don’t be that way! Just talk to me like my Big Brother used to.”

“I’m not sure I want to,” I replied, still frowning in anger at her.

“You’re hurting. I’m hurting. We need to fix this.”

“I’m not sure we can.”

“I know how,” she said almost in a whisper.

Her hands came slowly up the front of her chest. I watched, my eyes frozen wide open as she slowly started to undo the first button. I gasped as her fingers moved to the second button and undid it, showing a hint of a lacy bra underneath.

“Stephanie, stop!” I commanded, holding my hand out at her as if that would stop her. I no longer had the will to fight with her, but whatever it was she was thinking, I couldn’t let her go any further.

“If you won’t talk to me, the only way to fix this is to make love with you,” she answered, her voice cracking.

She looked at me, her hands still on the next button of the blouse, ready to continue.

“Button up your blouse, Squirt,” I sighed. “I’ll talk with you.”

“You called me Squirt!” she said, stopping a sniffle through a smile.

She started to redo the buttons, but stopped, a smile appearing between sniffles, “Maybe I’ll just take this off anyway!”

“No, leave it on. If Jeff sees you, it would all be over.”

Mercifully, she finished buttoning it up.

“We have to fix this,” she begged. “I can’t take it anymore. You’re going to destroy your life and maybe other people’s lives if you keep this up.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“It’s very simple. Talk to Jennifer.”

“Why? It’s pretty clear that we’re through.”

“I don’t understand why you think that. Were you and Birgit done when she moved back to Sweden? That’s twice as far away as Seattle! Were you and Jennifer done when YOU went to Sweden for a year?”

“No Squirt, you know that wasn’t the case for Birgit or Jennifer.”

“Then why is it now? What happened, Big Bro?”

“She didn’t tell me.” I said, feeling my anger starting to well up again. “She didn’t fucking tell me!”

“You know, you should stop using that word. It’s just not you.”

“You use it!”

“I do with you and nobody else. But it’s not you, Steve. In fact, right now, you aren’t you. You’re like some alien that showed up in Steve Adams’ body. I don’t like it at all.”

“So you wanted to come in here and make love with an alien?” I asked with a smirk.

“No, I wanted to knock some sense into you. I thought maybe, just maybe, making love would snap you out of this. You’ve done a lot of fucking this week, but you haven’t made love a single time, I’m sure. Well, maybe to Joyce.”

“No, Joyce told me that she wasn’t going to put up with, and I quote, ‘my bullshit’, any more, and basically told me to get my head on straight before I called her, or don’t bother calling her again.”

“Good for her! I think I’ll change my opinion of her. She’s right, you know. Nobody should put up with your bullshit. I don’t know why Jennifer does. Or I did, for that matter. It’s time for it to stop. And I’m not kidding.”

I looked at her for a moment. Was she telling me what to do?

“Why do you get to decide what I should and shouldn’t do when my entire goal was to get out from under Mom’s thumb?”

“I’m not Mom,” Stephanie said softly. “I don’t decide what you should or shouldn’t do, even if it does seem that way sometimes. You and I have a special connection. I’ve known it since I was seven and it gets stronger every day. What you do or don’t do affects me as well. Who I am, and who I will be in the future, is tied to what you do or don’t do. I can’t explain how it works, it just does.

“That’s why I sometimes push you to do things, or not do things. I do that because I want what’s best for us, not just what’s best for you. Sometimes, what’s best for us won’t be what you want or what you think is best. Don’t ask me how I know either. I can’t explain that any more than I can explain our connection. You can’t explain the connection you have with Jennifer, either.

“Sometimes, I have to go on feelings alone, just like you do. But I know when I’m right, and when I’m right, I push.” Her voice grew softer, “and sometimes I push too hard.”

“Stephanie, the connection between Jennifer and me is gone. The last time we made love it wasn’t there at all.”

“Is that what happened?” Stephanie looked at me as if a light had turned on inside her. “Now I get it! Now I understand why you’re acting the way you are. That explains everything! Now I’m sure that you need to get back together with her. Please, please do what I’m telling you to do.”

“One of the things you told me to do was to fuck as many girls as I could!”

“I never said that! I didn’t say anything even close to that. I said you should make Jennifer your permanent girlfriend and have as much sex on the side as she allows. That’s way different from how you remember it!”

“I’m sure you’re right.”

“Of course I am!” she said smugly.

“But I can’t make Jennifer my permanent girlfriend now.”

“No, you can’t. But you can sure as heck make up with her and work on it. You need to do that. If she leaves and you haven’t made up, it really is over. And you don’t really want that!”

“Are you sure about that? You know Karin thinks we’re meant to be together.”

“Yes, and Erin wants you and so do Debbie V and Bethany. Heck, I think Beth wants you, too.”

“On that last one, she only wants this,” I smirked, pointing to my crotch.

“Oops, OK,” Stephanie giggled.

“But otherwise, you’re right. So do Joyce, Elyse, and probably Kathy Will. Not to mention Donna, but she’s kind of ruled out at this point.”

“I heard what Mom said to you. She did forbid me from playing with Donna or having her over. I was really upset but there wasn’t anything I could do. What were you doing with Donna? Just walking?”

“Hand-in-hand. But what do you think I was doing AFTER THAT with a cute girl who has a crush on me?” I smirked.

“Damn, Steve, a pregnant girl?”

“Yeah, but she started it!” I realized how lame that sounded as soon as I said it. “She did it because she thought I needed someone to comfort and love me.”

“She’s right, you did. But that should have been Jennifer. Or me. Nobody else. You know it and I know it.”

“And the other girls?”

“Dalliances. Playthings. Sex partners. Whatever you want to call them. The only ones that really are in question are Elyse, Bethany, and Karin. The rest don’t matter. Dump them! Now.”

“I’d add Anna, Erin, and Joyce to that list.”

“Maybe, but I don’t think so. I’m telling you now. The bullshit has to stop.”

“Just what Joyce said, which is why she needs to be on the list. She’d make a good ally for you, I think.”

“To replace Jennifer? I don’t think so. Joyce is too uptight. If you tell her about you and me, she’ll freak out. Karin came close to freaking out, didn’t she?”

“Yes, but thankfully she reeled it back in.”

“If you can’t tell a girl about us, you’ll never be able to be with her long-term. Any girl who gets that close to you will find out or figure it out like Melanie and Jennifer did. I think that even Joyce suspects it.”

“So how come Mom can’t see it?”

“Oh, I think she does, but not quite the way you and I see it. Of course, she doesn’t think it’ll be you and me, just that you’ll have a bad influence on me and that it’ll be somebody like Ed Krajick. And it has to stay that way, Big Bro, or she will never leave us alone together ever.”

“Of course. I’m not about to march out and tell her or do anything with you where she could see,” I said. Then with a questioning smile, “Ed Krajick?”

“As for Ed Krajick, that’s my business once you and I fuck each other unconscious and figure out where we go from there. Don’t change the subject! Look, I know you won’t do anything to make Mom suspicious. We have to find a way to fix this with you and Jennifer and figure out how to get you back to normal.”

“We?”

“Yes, you fucking idiot, we!” she giggled. “You certainly can’t do it by yourself.”

“I did just fine in Sweden.”

“Well, except for Annie, I guess you did.”

“True. That was a major mistake.”

“I don’t see how you did anything wrong, though, if what you wrote is true.”

“It’s true.”

“The difference is that Mom is here and that just messes you up. You can’t think straight when she’s anywhere around you or has any contact at all with you. If you listen to me, I can help you with her, Steve. I can help us with her. And when Spring Break is here, your penis will enter my vagina, tearing my hymen and we’ll be exactly what we’re supposed to be.”

“That’s kind of clinical, Steph!”

“OK, how about this — you’ll make love to me, you’ll take my cherry, and we’ll have huge orgasms together. You’ll put your tongue in my pussy and lick me until I scream. I’ll suck you until you cum in my mouth and I’ll swallow every drop. And you know what? We’ll both love the taste more than ice cream sundaes! We’ll do all of that and more, Steve. We WILL be one with each other!”

“God, don’t talk like that, please!” I said hoarsely, my dick stirring at the thoughts flashing in my head.

“I have a plan. Trust me, OK? I know exactly what we should do and when,” her voice turning soft.

“Yes, Stephanie. I trust you on that.”

“I’ll even help you with the where!” she giggled.

I just groaned, hearing her giggle.

“Then trust me about Jennifer,” she went on. “Fix it. If you don’t, something very, very bad will happen.”

“That’s the same thing that Melanie told me,” I said.

“Then you know it’s true. I didn’t tell her anything. I talked to Jennifer, of course, but not to Melanie. But I do have to ask, what did you say to Pete that made him bounce you off his car?”

“I might have told Melanie that I would have sex with her every possible way until she begged me to stop even though she and Pete are engaged.”

“You did NOT do that!” she said, horrified.

“Yes, I did. Pete took offense.”

“You’re lucky you can breathe, let alone walk. What happened to your rule?”

“I broke it with Sofia and Mary, so I decided that if it couldn’t be an inviolable rule, I should drop it. Joyce told me that was a mistake.”

“She’s right again. I really do have to talk to her. That rule goes back in place right now.”

“Why? I broke it. It doesn’t really matter anymore.”

“Do you think it matters to Pete?”

“Yes.”

“There’s your reason. That’s why it matters. You knew that all along. It was Pete and Melanie that created that rule in your mind! You have to apologize to Pete. And to Melanie. And you have to fix things with Jennifer. If you don’t, everything falls apart. Let me show you why you have to fix it.”

“Show me?”

“Stand up, Big Brother.”

I stood up, and she came to me. She leaned forward and kissed my cheek softly. It was like being hit with 220 volts of electricity. My brain short-circuited, and I forgot to breathe. My knees got weak, and I collapsed back into the chair in front of my computer.

“That’s why, Big Brother. If you don’t fix it, you’ll never experience that again. Never.”

She turned and walked out of the room. I just sat there slack-jawed, stared at the doorway.

About ten minutes later, my head had finally cleared enough that I could get out of the chair without risk of falling over. I went to the door of Stephanie’s room.

“Squirt, you’re right. I need to fix it. I’ll fix it. Then you and I need to talk more. I need you to help me figure out what to do so that when the time comes, we can feel that.”

“Of course I’ll help you! But I have to warn you, that was nothing compared to how it will be when I’m naked in your bed under you and we’re moving together.”

“I won’t survive,” I sighed.

“I told you that a long time ago! I wasn’t kidding when I said we’d fuck each other unconscious.”

“No, I guess you weren’t. How did you know?”

“Every time you touch me, even just a hug, I feel that. I’ve felt it since I was seven.”

“Then why could I only feel it now?”

“I don’t know. You knew it was there, but for some reason, you couldn’t feel it. Maybe you had to completely accept it first. Maybe only today did you finally completely accept what we are together.”

“You might be right. And maybe that explains why I didn’t feel the connection with Jennifer. I had written off the relationship. But if that’s the case, how did I feel it when we first made love?”

“I can’t explain that. I can’t explain for sure why you never felt it before with me.”

“Maybe it has to do with what Jennifer and I discussed her being a surrogate for you.”

“I don’t know. But one thing is for sure, once you and I make love, you’ll find out just how deep the connection with Jennifer really is. It’s like you wrote in your journal about your future somehow being tied to you and me being together.”

“It still makes no sense, Squirt, but I really do believe that. Whatever there is between us is key to who you are and who I am and who we will be in the future. You’re right about that.”

“I know, Big Brother,” she said softly. “Are you still scared? Scared about us?”

“No, I’m not. I’m completely at peace with our relationship.”

“Good. That’s what I wanted to hear,” her face beaming.

“I’m going to call Jennifer.”

“She’s waiting by the phone.”

“God damn it, Stephanie!”

“Go call her,” she giggled.

I went back to my room and picked up the phone and dialed Jennifer’s number. She answered on the first ring.

“Hi, Steve,” she said softly, without even hearing my voice.

“What is it with you and Stephanie, Jennifer? How do you two do that?”

“We’ll never tell!” she giggled.

“I’m sorry. I’ve treated you very badly. Please forgive me.”

“I forgive you. I should have told you about Seattle back in March. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

“I forgive you too.”

“Now what?” Jennifer asked.

“I need to apologize to Pete and Melanie, too.”

“Yes, and sooner rather than later,” she answered. “Did you really tell Pete to his face that you would screw Melanie until she couldn’t take it anymore and that you didn’t care about him?”

“I might have. And he might have bounced me off his car after I said that.”

“Then you really need to fix that. Pete trusted you implicitly and you might have broken that trust now.”

“I hope I haven’t, because it will be tough to get it again.”

“I hear from Stephanie that you’re grounded.”

“Until tomorrow morning.”

“I’ll be there at 8:00am to pick you up. Plan to spend all day with me. And all night. And all day Saturday. And Saturday night. Well, you get the picture!” she giggled.

“I’m going to have to talk to my dad about that. I’ll do it so long as he’ll allow it. I have to be careful for the next year, but then I’ll be free.”

“I know. It’s really important.”

“I know, Jen. I need to see Pete and Melanie at some point very soon. I’ll call them tonight.”

“We can see them tomorrow. Find out a time. We can accommodate their schedule.”

“I’d like to talk to them alone, if you don’t mind.”