Chapter 49: Revelation

February 1981, Milford, Ohio

Sunday was Krista’s first day with Beth and me. I noticed that Stephanie hung out with us far more than usual. I suspected that she was keeping an eye on Krista because everyone knew Krista had been flirting with me the whole year. She had just turned fourteen, which meant that my age restriction rules wouldn’t apply. I found it amusing that the girls were analyzing all the threats. It was almost like the military assessing enemies and preparing contingencies. Krista did flirt a bit, but Beth always brought the conversation back to the work at hand, which I really appreciated.

In the afternoon, while I was working, Bethany came by to pick up Stephanie. They’d pick up Kara and then the Triumvirate would be going for ice cream. I thought they were having far too good of a time conspiring against me, and I realized that Kara was drawing Joyce into the conspiracy as well. Of course, everything was working out to my advantage, really. Things were calm and stable, I was having sex with the most beautiful girl I knew, and my friends were supporting my relationship. It was a good feeling. The only downside at the moment was that I had totally blown things with Stephanie.

On Monday, things went along as usual, though Michelle Bateman made another attempt to entice me. She was really turning me off, much like Connie Abbadelli had when she was aggressive. Both girls were similar in that they thought they were offering me something I didn’t have. While it was true that Michelle was offering things I suspected Kara would never do, Michelle was assuming that we weren’t having sex. And that was actually a positive thing. At lunch, I mentioned that to Kara.

“The reactions are interesting,” Kara observed. “It’s kind of all over the map. Most of the girls are confused, given they know both of our reputations and can’t work out how we’re together because they don’t think either of us will change. I think the consensus is that you see me as a challenge and that for once in your life, you’ll fail to get a cherry you wanted.”

I chuckled, “Little do they know!”

“Sometimes, I just want to get up on a chair here or at church and scream ‘I am having sex with Steve Adams and he gives me mind-blowing orgasms!’” she whispered, giggling and blushing slightly.

“Kara,’ I chuckled, “if you’re going to do that, you may as well use the ‘F’ word!”

“Oh, like ‘Steve Adams and I fuck all the time and he makes me cum really hard multiple times with his big dick in my little pussy!’?” she whispered, blushing bright red.

“Kara!”

“Sorry, I can’t help it! I like teasing you. I also know you would prefer me to be a bit more wild.”

“Kara Blanchard, I have never said any such thing!”

“You don’t have to,” she said gently and went back to eating her lunch.

I wondered if that had been a topic of conversation on Sunday. It didn’t seem to fit Kara’s style to talk openly about sex with other people, but she had been joking around with Joyce, and had even teased about a threesome. I didn’t think that she’d ever go through with something like that, and Joyce didn’t strike me as someone who would do that either; ‘Bad Joyce’ might actually go for it under the right circumstances, though I seriously doubted it.

About halfway through lunch, I noticed that some of the gang had changed seats and that Mary and Josh were sitting next to each other. I doubted there was a happier Sophomore in Milford. It also boded well for his trip to Sweden. I’d have to talk to him about that. He was such a nice guy that I was sure he’d have the same luck I’d had. It would be totally cool if he was in the Göteborg area, where I knew a lot of people.

After dinner that evening, I hung out with Stephanie and quizzed her about the meeting on Sunday afternoon.

“Wouldn’t you like to know!” she laughed.

“Actually, I would. Given both Bethany and Kara are worried about forcing me down a path, don’t you think it makes sense to tell me what’s going on?”

“Maybe!” she giggled.

I sighed, “Kara and Joyce got along really well, Squirt. Now I just have to figure out how to introduce her and Elyse.”

“No, I think you’re OK not doing that, Steve. Elyse hasn’t been part of the drama at all. Kara trusts you with her as well. You got a very favorable report from Bethany on the Sweetheart Dance, and of course, Kara saw how you and Joyce were together. Dinner with Elyse is fine, Steve, so long as you stay within your boundaries.”

“We will. Elyse isn’t going to let it get beyond where it is now, so long as Jen is in the picture. Kara and Joyce even discussed that briefly, and I’ve talked to Kara about it.”

“I know. All of your friends except Melanie think you and Jennifer are over, and that you just haven’t realized it.”

“And what do you think?”

“I think you and Kara are a great couple. The more I talk with her, the more I like her. But do you feel a connection with her like you do with Jennifer or Karin?”

“No. We’re very close and I love her very much, but the connection isn’t very strong. Not like it is with Jennifer or Karin, or even with Bethany,” I said, softening my voice, “And nothing like my connection with you, Stephanie.”

“So, then, I have to ask you an important question. Could you have a life partner you didn’t have a strong connection with?” Stephanie said, touching my arm gently.

“Could I? I suppose. But obviously, the connection is important to me. My strong preference would be to marry someone I had the same connection intensity I had with Birgit,” I said, putting my hand on Stephanie’s arm, “or you.”

“Steve, focus, please. I’m not available, certainly not that way, and you know it.”

“I know, Squirt, I’m just sad about us.”

“Well, Big Brother, you should have thought about that before you put your dick someplace it didn’t belong,” she said, brushing my hand as if slapping it.

“I know, Stephanie, I know,” I said, my voice cracking as I suppressed the painful emotions I was feeling.

“So there’s your answer as I see it. You and Jennifer aren’t done. In fact, I think you haven’t really started. You never were exclusive. When you go to Chicago, you should be. You’ll have to break up with Kara. You can do that gently. You’ll be away and not coming home except on occasional holidays. I think she’ll understand. You’ve got a year before Kara graduates to figure things out with Jennifer.

“Now, personally, I think as soon as you two are back together, living together, and going steady, everything will fall into place and by the time you graduate, you’ll be engaged. And I don’t think that’s wishful thinking; I think it’s what will happen. It really is up to you, though. You could stay with Kara, and I think you would probably be quite happy, though you two would probably have some moral and religious issues to work through. But you know my opinion on that one.”

“So, when should I tell Kara, Squirt? Now? End of the Summer? Some other time?”

“I guess that depends on you, Big Brother. From my perspective, the longer you stay exclusive with Kara, the better. Have you noticed how stable and calm things are? In fact, if there hadn’t been the whole incident with Becky, you would pretty much have been drama-free since you started seeing Debbie almost exclusively. And, even with the Becky incident, there hasn’t been your usual drama. Think about that! I know Bethany talked to you about this. It’s good for you and it’s good for the girls. The longer you go, the more likely it is that you’ll eventually keep vows of forsaking all others.”

“You and Bethany are making a lot of sense. And it’s in line with what Joyce told me last year.”

“Fucking something like forty girls is not a recipe for a calm, stable, drama-free life! I’m sure it was fun, but if you want a family, at some point it had to stop. I think you and your girlfriends have moved past the stage where sex is just a fun game. All of you are going to be looking for husbands and wives. That makes things quite different.”

“You’re pretty smart for a girl who’s not quite fourteen!”

“I am, aren’t I!” she said, sticking her tongue out at me.

“Don’t do that unless you’re prepared to use it!” I said with a smile.

“Wow, I haven’t heard you say that in a long time!” Stephanie said with a smile.

“It just felt right, Squirt,” I said.

“I know, Steve, I know,” she said softly.

“So, your advice is to stick with Kara until the end of the Summer, then break it off?”

“If it lasts that long, yes. I’m not saying I know anything, but who knows what will happen? This is your first relationship like this.”

“Very true. Thanks. You know I really appreciate your help. I love you a lot.”

“I know, Big Brother. I love you, too,” she said softly.

I pulled her into a hug and she sighed, resting her head on my chest.

I released her and took her hands and looked deeply into her eyes.

“Someday I hope you’ll be able to forgive me and trust me again.”

“Me too, Big Brother, me too.”

She dropped my hands and went to her room. I watched her walk away and then sat there staring at the door she had just gone through, wondering if our relationship would ever be the same as it had been. After a few minutes, I went to my desk and did my homework, and wrote in my journal and slept soundly.

On Tuesday, after Kara accompanied me to the computer lab and I was driving her home, she asked if we could talk for a bit. I drove downtown and parked, and we went to sit on a bench along the river.

“What’s up, Kara?”

“I’m going to ask you a very serious question, and I hope you won’t be offended.”

“Just ask. I’m pretty much an open book.”

“What’s going on between you and Stephanie?”

Warning bells rang loudly in my head. Warning klaxons blared loudly. Red flashing lights appeared. Kara had noticed the very first time they had met that Stephanie and I had a special relationship. Stephanie and I had even discussed how obvious things were to my friends, but fortunately, not to my mom. Now, it seemed as if Kara might seriously suspect something. That was bad. And dangerous.

“What do you mean, Kara? We have a very close relationship, something you noticed when you were at my house.”

“Yes, but I, uhm, this is difficult. Are you two physically involved, Steve?”

“No Kara, we aren’t. Did you think there was something going on?”

“I don’t know. It’s just you two are way closer than any brother and sister I’ve ever seen, and she is really, really protective of you, like a girlfriend would be, actually, more like a wife would be. And there’s a vibe between you.”

“All of that is true, but we are not physically involved.”

Which was completely true. And Stephanie had taken it off the table, so it wasn’t going to happen in the future, either.

“Maybe I asked the wrong question. Do you want to be?” she said, looking at me while tilting her head slightly. “I think she does, Steve. It’s obvious.”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“This is a dangerous subject with all kinds of bad ramifications for everyone involved.”

“You didn’t answer my question, Steve. Do you want to have sex with your sister?”

“Yes,” I said, barely loud enough for Kara to hear.

Kara was silent for a bit. She chewed her bottom lip, clearly trying to come to grips with the revelation.

“Your closest friends know about this, don’t they?”

“Some. Melanie and Jennifer were the ones who clued me in on the fact that Stephanie wanted to be physically involved. That was almost two years ago. Bethany knows, and so does Karin. And now, you.”

“But you haven’t acted on it? At all?”

“Other than hugs and the odd kiss on the cheek, no.”

“But you thought about it? And your friends know you thought about it?”

“Yes. The answer to both questions is ‘yes’.”

“But nothing came of those thoughts? Did you talk to Stephanie at all about it?”

“We’ve talked about it, quite a bit, in fact. But nothing has come of it, and it looks as if nothing will. I’ll tell you the whole truth, with nothing held back.”

I paused to gather my thoughts, and to think that my next words could ruin whatever relationship I had with Kara.

“When Jennifer and Melanie told me, I was totally freaked out, but eventually I came to some kind of peace about it. I convinced Stephanie to wait until she was fourteen, which is next month, and we had planned to be together during Spring Break. I used serious weasel words with you to make sure that doing that didn’t violate what I had promised.”

“I noticed you were very careful in your selection of words. But I wasn’t sure why. Now I know. But you sound like it’s not going to happen now.”

“That’s right. Because of Becky. In effect, I cheated on Stephanie, too.”

“Now I understand why Stephanie hit you! Now it makes total sense. Now I understand why she’s so involved in your life and your rehabilitation, if you will. She called it off, didn’t she?”

“Yes. She once told me that if I was ever with Becky again, then I wouldn’t be able to be with her.”

“And you confessed to her first, too,” Kara said softly.

“I did. Now you know why. And you know why she slapped me so hard. And why she’s so upset with me.”

“Steve, think very carefully now. Did you have sex with Becky so that this would happen? So that you would not commit incest?”

Holy shit! Was that it? Was that the missing link? It would certainly explain why I had so easily fallen into Becky’s clutches. Was I subconsciously reacting to something that society said was very, very wrong, that had upset Karin, and I knew that Kara couldn’t accept? Was that really it? I turned this over in my mind and realized that Kara might be right. But I certainly couldn’t tell Doctor Mercer about the actual cause without violating Stephanie’s trust and bringing down all kinds of wrath on both of us.

“You might be right,” I said slowly and carefully. “You might just be right. It would have been subconscious because I certainly didn’t think about it.”

“You didn’t think at all, except perhaps with your penis. But something inside you made you susceptible to Becky. I suspect it was guilt, Steve. And that changes the whole character of what happened. I think the four of us need to talk about this.”

“You mean Bethany, Stephanie, you, and me?” I asked.

“Yes, I do.”

“What about us?”

“Nothing has changed. You’re still my boyfriend. But we need to talk this through, and figure out what we can do to help you. Drop me at my house, then after dinner, maybe the four of us can get together.”

“OK. Thanks for understanding. I was afraid you’d dump me if you ever found out about my feelings,” I said, feeling somewhat relieved.

“Feelings are one thing. Actions are a very different thing. Feelings I can manage. Actions, well, let’s not worry about that at the moment.”

“I love you, Kara.”

“And I love you too, Steve. Let’s go.”

I drove Kara home, then headed home myself. I called Bethany and asked if she was free after dinner and she was. I went to Stephanie’s room and told her we’d be getting together after dinner. I deflected her questions about why, and then called Kara to confirm. Stephanie went to ask permission, which she received from Dad.”

After we ate, Stephanie and I left home, picked up Bethany, and then Kara. I headed to the apartment, which was probably the only place we could have this conversation in peace. Stephanie had never been there before, and was happy to finally see it.